Skype

Last night I got to use Skype for the first time. I know, what an old fogey that I've never used skype. But, alas, now I have. I used it to talk for over an hour to Princess, my kids' old babysitter who now lives in L.A. It was great! It's like really being with someone, not just instant messaging back and forth, or communicating by email. It's like you are sitting right there in the living room with the person.
I got to meet her girlfriend, Erica. She's a cutie. And we got to catch up on all that's been going on. I can't wait to do it again, soon. I missed my Princess! And it was great to see her and have her see the kids (and Maddie).

The Pencil Dive

I was reminded of something very funny the other day:
my youngest daughter used to do this hysterical jump off the diving board when she was younger; she'd hold her arms up in the air, pointed in a V to the sky and would make herself do the "pencil dive". She thought she resembled a pencil, I guess with her arms at a point and her feet together. She would jump straight in, feet first, not arms first, which is how a "dive" should be. I laughed thinking about it. She does an actual dive now.

Grads

Yesterday we attended one of our best friend's daughter's graduation party. This is the second one I've gone to so far. Yesterday it really hit me that this time next year, my eldest will be walking across that long stage receiving her diploma. Even moreso, she'll really be "graduating" in December and will just participate in the actual graduation ceremony then in June. She'll have already had one semester of college under her belt by the time she gets her actual paper diploma. That, to me, is just amazing. I was a bit choked up yesterday just thinking about it. And I was the mom who swore she'd never cry at her kids' graduations. Yeah, that was me. But now, my tune has changed. I am more sentimental about it all. It makes me wonder if I've done right raising her; how my mistakes have impacted her; how my guidance has helped her, if any. It feels weird. It feels unreal. And I have a whole year to dwell on it. Great.

Another Year Gone By

It's the close of another school year. Today marked the end of my third year here at JCMS. Both Mrs. Lane and I got to supersoak the kids today, as we have for the three years I've been here. It's a bittersweet moment. Next year Mrs. Lane will not be my neighbor any longer. She is moving rooms. I feel like I'm losing my best friend. We've become very close, and I hate to see her move into another hallway away from me. We're not even within shouting distance!
This year, I've felt like I accomplished something by meeting almost every single one of my standards. That's difficult to do in just 180 days of school. Continuity was a big thing this year; I felt disconnected at times due to snow days in early 2011. Overall, though, I felt it was a successful year. Our ISTEP scores might not show it, but I know in my heart I did my best, and that's all anyone can ask for. Tomorrow I will finish in my room and leave until August. That's a good feeling!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

Today is the greatest spectacle in racing here in grand old Indiana. The Indy 500 race is today. We will be watching it on TV along with several of our friends. We are also having a fish fry to add to the festivities. I see a little cornhole and frisbee in our future as well. I hope my migraine holds off. Yesterday I had an attack that did a number on me. I was driving, had to pull over, almost passed out/puked, and barely made it home. I've never had that happen before. It was quite scary, actually. I'm better today, but feel a bit of the residual effects. I'm getting ready to go take some Advil as we speak, then I'm going to church. Enjoy your long weekend, everyone!

Living Proof

I got four free tickets to the Indy 500 qualifying today. We got to see a driver get bumped with one minute to go in qualifying. It was great! We also got to witness a GREAT band -- Living Proof. They are a band out of Indy, and they play everything from Michael Jackson to Maroon 5 to Rick James. They were simply amazing. I could have stood there dancing to their music for hours! They were good enough that I want to go see them again in Indy sometime soon. I wish my girls were with me so that they could have danced to their music, too. They would have loved it! I had a great time at the track today. I'm excited to watch the race next weekend. It ought to be a good one. "The greatest spectacle in racing..."

PTSD

We just finished a novel, Soldier's Heart, about the Civil War. What I love best about doing this novel is that I get to discuss post traumatic stress disorder, fight/flight response, and relaxation techniques with my students. Today was that day! The last period of the day today, I had this one student who blew me away. After we turned the lights back on and I let them readjust to the light, RR said to me, "Wowwwww! That was awesome, dude! Tell me other ways to relax? Do you know any? It was like my legs were part of the floor. I was sooo relaxed! Thank you so much!" He just went on and on. He wanted a "copy" of everything I said during the relaxation time, etc. I was amused and flattered. I had no script; I just did it. I love it when one of those moments happens. Makes my year.

Johnnie

We picked up Johnnie today. He got through his surgery on the 12th wonderfully. He's jumping and running just fine. We asked if we could give him a bath, and the ladies at the shelter said not for ten days. Wrong! I had that look of amazement on my face and then the lady changed her mind and stated that if we covered up his incision with a plastic bag or something and didn't let it get wet, that we could bathe him. So that's exactly what we did. And he smells and feels 100% better. He's pottied outside so far! Very happy with that, I am. Here are just a few pics of him:
Also, here are a couple of pics of Mak at the prom last Saturday:

lessons learned

Over the past few years I've learned so many things about myself. Some of them are good, some are eye-opening. I've joined a new church, made a new address for myself, taught at a middle school for three years, and watched my girls grow up so quickly. Many of the things I've learned about myself aren't really for public discussion; they are really way too personal. However, I can tell you that I've done much praying, some soul-searching, and talked with many trustworthy people. Where I have arrived is much better than where I started. That much I CAN tell you. Now, I mean this on a personal level -- emotionally, spiritually, etc. I have grown immensely. That is a good thing. I needed to. I've matured over these past few years. I've forgiven, been forgiven, and have made amends with some people that were overdue. I'm glad I've made some strides in my life. For that, I'm thankful.

Five

Five more days and we get our little baby boy! I am excited and scared all at the same time. It will be a major adjustment, I'm sure. I hope all goes well...

Dang it.

I just had this long post about the 8th grade dance, prom, and mother's day. It was wiped away. Dang it. I don't want to type it all over again. I've done it twice now. So, just know that my weekend will be chaotic with chaperoning, prom for two girls, and mother's day. Happy Mother's Day to my mom who is on vacation with my Dad. We'll just have to celebrate when she returns. Love you, mom! Give your mom a hug this weekend and tell her how much you love her.

hmmmm

I hate it when it seems like some people have fallen off the face of the Earth. Makes me sad.

Death

I went to the funeral home tonight for a family friend's visitation. It was surreal. It was also like a reunion of sorts. I saw people I haven't seen in such a long time. Tomorrow I hope to have more time to visit with a childhood friend of mine who now lives in Tennessee. I miss reliving all of those childhood experiences we had. Too bad we have to come together because of tragedy. I don't like going to funerals, but I feel it is appropriate for this family. I know each and every one of them. I'm sorry for their loss.
He was a great man.

Two, One, Two

I lived in a two dog family for several years. Then, I moved back to a one dog family. Now, I am thinking of becoming, once again, a two dog family.
You see, I made a promise. Now I have to live up to it. That means we are getting another dog. We have been looking on Petfinder.com to try and land a cute, cuddly, even-tempered dog to love and nurture. I am quite a bit scared, though. This dog must get along with Maddie, our other dog. First, I understand she will be very, very upset. She probably will not like the other dog. I get it. I wouldn't want to share everyone's affection, either. It happens, though. So, she must deal with it. The whole situation makes me nervous, however. I want the two dogs to get along and not nip at one another, or rough one another. I probably won't get what I want there. I want them to be buddies. But how can I know that will happen until I have already adopted the second dog and brought him home? Ugh.
So, tomorrrow I will make the trek to a humane society that has a dog we've been eyeing. And we will meet him. And we will cuddle him. And we will do the "paw test". (This is when we try and grab his paw to see if he throws a fit. If the dog lets us hold and rub his paw, then he's good. -- Yes, this test is unofficial, but I did see and hear it on Puppies 101 the other day; something very similar was explained, so I'm right, right? Sure.) We will more than likely fall in love with this creature, and I won't be able to resist putting a down payment on him. (He's not available to go home with a family until May 14 due to neutering.) Wish me luck. Johnnie might be ours.

Sometimes It's Good

Sometimes it is good to apologize. It makes you feel better about yourself, and you feel less burdened. Being forgiven is just icing on the cake.

Easter

Happy Easter, everyone! It's been a nice lazy day for me. I just got out of the shower, got dressed, put green bean casserole in the oven, and am waiting to go to Westport to my momma's house for dinner. I'm starving!! Being in my pj's all day has made me hungry. haha
Hope your day is blessed!

Priorities

It is so difficult sometimes to keep one's mouth shut in regards to other people's priorities. Why should it matter to me, really? Oh, but it does.
It pains me to sit back and watch other people sail through life with their priorities messed up. What should come first in people's lives? I know what should come first in mine. Sometimes I lose sight of that, but I try to focus the best I can. Why can't other people get it? Why do others often prioritize according to selfish wants? Why is it then so painful for bystanders? I don't have all the answers. But I know someone who does. Do you? I often have to go to Him for "consultation". Answers aren't readily given often times, but all in good time they will come. I have to believe that is true. This weekend has very special meaning for some people. I hope you are one of them.

Out and About

I am in one of those moods. You know, one of those moods when I desperately miss traveling. I miss going to the city. I wish I was on Broadway.

Out of Touch

I am so out of touch with what is going on in the world around me. I'm in my own little nutshell. And in this nutshell my world revolves around my kids and school (work). I feel like I'm in a fog sometimes; I can't see past the nose on my face. I don't really watch the news. I listen to XM radio, so I don't really get news there, either. I don't subscribe to a newspaper. So really, the only news I get is what I catch on Channel One News at school some days. That's it. And the local "gossip", or news, as the community seems to call it. I am disconnected. Disengaged. Uninformed. I need to get with it and watch CNN sometime or something. Instead of folding that last load of laundry, maybe I should sit down a minute and take notice of the world around me. I can tell you when the next track meet is, but I can't tell you what is happening on the west coast of the United States. That, my friends, is neglect. I've got to get a handle on it.

Adele

I went out on a limb and bought a CD. I hardly ever do this! I can't remember the last CD I purchased. But, I kept hearing great things about it. And I had heard one of Adele's songs many times over while getting ready in the mornings and kind of liked it for some quirky reason. So, I bought the Adele 21 CD at Target on Saturday. I just popped it in to my CD player in my car this morning on the way to school. At first, I ran through the first minute or so of each song. I thought to myself, "Oh, I wonder if I'm really going to like this or not." Then, after listening to it in detail, I do like it. There are many songs with piano parts, which I love. So, it was a good purchase. I think I'm really going to like it a lot. If you haven't heard Adele's songs, head on over to her website or itunes and check it out.

Once Again

I simply cannot believe I am sick with a sinus infection AGAIN! I swear it feels like everytime I turn around I get sick with one of these. It impedes my running regimen, and I do not appreciate it.

Off to a great start!

Tonight was Cammi's first high school track meet. It was in Austin, IN and was a triangular meet. Scottsburg, Austin, and Jennings County all competed against one another. Cammi threw shotput and discus. She came in first in shot! She threw three pretty nice throws. Her farthest, the second throw, was 32' 11 and 3/4". That was the winner! After her second throw, I told her, "If you throw 33', I'll buy you a puppy." She just couldn't quite do it. Her next throw was 31' some odd inches. So, we've got a great foundation to build on for the year. Her throwing coach said that if she keeps up in the 32-34 range, she would most definitely make it in sectionals. We're so excited. Also, Lucy (a senior who went to state last year in shotput) told Cammi: "Look at it this way; when I was a freshman, I was throwing 27-29'." That makes us so hopeful! If she could improve that many feet like Lucy did by the time Cam is a senior -- lookout! So proud of you, Cam! Keep it up!

It's so hard to stand back and watch things happen to your kids

I find it difficult to stand back and watch things happen to my kids. This runs the gamut from heartache to sickness to being overinvolved. I watch, and sometimes comment or counsel, but it is so very hard. As a mother I want to protect my kids. At the same time, I know that without life experiences, they will not learn. Better for them to learn while they are under my wing than when they aren't, true? That's how I have to look at it. It doesn't make it any easier, by any means, but it makes it manageable.
Sometimes I want so badly to just do everything for my girls. I want to do it so that they can be spared. That, I've learned, does them no good. So, I've learned the hard way to pull back. I've learned to let them take the driver's seat and go through the curves, hills, and dirt roads. I've wept, smiled, and hypervenilated many times. I've been on the learning curve the same time as they have, I suppose. As I've said before, parenting comes with no manual. That's why it's so difficult.
I've learned to pray, pray, and pray some more. That's what gets me through.

I think she could see herself there

Our last college visit this week was today at I.U. Southeast in New Albany, Indiana. When we got there, the clouds were swirling together and it was getting dark. By the time we were in our first information session in admissions, the sky had turned a dark gray with lightning and thunder abound. Then the rain started pounding against the windows, sounding like a tornado could well be on its way. It looked like our campus tour might not happen. Then, after the admissions counselor was finished speaking, the rain stopped, the clouds lifted, and it turned sunny again. We were going to be able to go on the tour after all. We toured the academic buildings, the library, and then went to the lodges. They are like small apartments, compared to a normal dorm. We were impressed with the lodges. I think Makaili liked the fact that she could have her own room with a door, having communal space in the living room and kitchen of the dwelling. I think it was just the right mixture of a school -- small, homey, and connected to IU. I'm just hoping that the winter semester she starts at IUPUC will not be difficult to transfer to IUS in the coming fall. IUS said she would just have to stay in contact with the admissions office to make sure she's taking classes that will be necessary to her IUS degree. Wow. It is so much to take in! I can remember doing all of this for myself as an adult, but it is a lot to digest for a seventeen year old. It's a lot to put on a teenager's shoulders. I'm hopeful, though. I'm excited for this next chapter in her life. I hope she is, too. We may have another IU degree in the family! So happy about that!

Round Two

Round two is now over. We visited Hanover College today. Mak liked it better according to size. Tomorrow, off to IU Southeast. I told her if she liked certain things about IU and certain things about Hanover, then IUS would probably be the perfect mix.

Comments

So we survived the first round. The IU visit went well. We got all of the info about applications, housing, and a tour of the campus. My daughter Mak's comments were: "Umm...it's kinda big!" And my middle daughter Cammi's comments were: "I could definitely see myself here!" One out of two isn't bad! Tomorrow, onto Hanover. I have this sinking feeling that Mak will LOVE it. It is a small campus. We'll see.

Embarking on a Journey

Tomorrow we will be embarking on a journey that could potentially influence the rest of our lives here in my household. We are beginning our college visits for my eldest daughter, Mak. Tomorrow we tour IU Bloomington, the place where I went to college. I wonder if it will impact Mak like it did me when I first set foot on the campus. I just felt alive and at home. I'll be anxious to see what effect it has on her, if any. I am excited to be going to Btown. I love it there. It has an electricity that energizes me. I'm ready to feel that and experience that with my daughter. I'll be proud to have her attend the college I attended if that's what she chooses to eventually do. If not, that is her choice, and I'll accept whatever college she thinks will fit her best. Tuesday we will visit Hanover College near Madison. We've been on the campus for a basketball tourney before, but never toured campus in its entirety. And then on Wednesday we will venture down south to IU Southeast in New Albany, Indiana. I have attended there for a summer class, so I'm a little bit familiar with it. I am looking forward to the new chapter in our lives. Sure, it's scary, but it is a good thing, too. My baby is growing up and becoming an adult. It feels weird, but it's nothing I can't handle. Btown, here we come! :)

Fab Five

When I was becoming an adult and getting ready to graduate high school, there became this baskteball phenomenon known as the "Fab Five". These five players played basketball for the University of Michigan. They were trendsetters, outlandish ball players, and created enough hype for a million dollar merchandise business. After a couple of years, the team fell apart due to many circumstances. The team, however, was featured in an ESPN movie last night titled "Fab Five". We watched it and were enthralled in reliving the story. My middle daughter, who plays basketball, loved it. She is watching it again tonight with some friends of ours who didn't get to watch the movie in its entirety. I loved reminiscing about those years. The NCAA tournament was IT back then, even moreso than it is today, in my opinion. Damon Bailey was playing for IU, Duke had an incredible team, and so did University of North Carolina. Wow. The good old days. I can remember when Chris Webber (of Michigan's Fab Five) called that last second time out when Michigan didn't have any, creating a technical foul that cost Michigan the final game. It was devastating. That team was so much fun to watch. They had it all.
If you haven't had a chance to watch the ESPN movie about the team, I recommend it. Great insight into the minds of legends.

Thirteen

Thirteen years ago today I was in the throws of intense labor with my youngest daughter, Syd. We didn't have a name picked out, and it was tough going after she was born, trying to figure out the perfect name for her to be labled with the rest of her life. Mallory was one of our top choices, but it didn't come through. It was a day later when we finally named her Sydney. She, of course, wishes we had named her Mallory, but doesn't every kid wish they had a different name? That's funny how they do that.
I also remember it snowed the day she was born. I don't mean drizzle; I mean accumulation. I was baffled. She was also born on my college midterm day. It was my last semester. I missed my classics lit. course. Two weeks later, I was on campus (with the little one and my mom for help) in order to take the midterm I missed. I ended up with a "C" in the class. Didn't turn out to well for me. Ah, the days. My memories aren't crystal clear, but I can remember that class. I hated it. I didn't mind missing it for the birthing of my child, I can tell you that!
So, thirteen years ago today I can vividly remember where I was and what I was doing, can you?
Happy Birthday, Syd. Love you!

From couch to 5K

I have been working on this running thing for two years approx. It's really getting to me. I have exercise induced asthma. That basically means that if I overexert myself, I can't breathe. How fun is that, right? I know. So, given that, I have a hard time running for very long distances. I want so badly to run a 5K - it's on my bucket list. But I simply cannot even run a mile straight. Simply not able to do it. Now, those two years I spoke of were years of off and on running spurts. I took some time off due to sickness, basketball schedules, etc. So I can't say that it has been two consecutive years. It still aggravates me to no end that I feel like I'm not making much progress. I keep telling myself that it'll get better as it gets warm and I can run outside daily. Yeah, that's what I keep saying.
Will my goal ever get met??? I'm tired of not accomplishing it. Real tired.

Busy Week

After being off yesterday for a funeral and then returning today, I have a busy week ahead of me. Tonight is the boys sectional at Seymour. We have dance practice all week. I have two days of ISTEP testing for my students, and track practices to boot. Busy, busy.

What?!

My youngest daughter has been diagnosed with shingles. This is the girl who has already had chickenpox twice in her life! And I don't mean a few spots here and there. I mean full blown chickenpox. So now we are dealing with the very painful shingles. It's not been fun.

Grammys

It frustrates me to no end that the majority of the performers on the Grammys don't sing worth a hoot live. I told the girls if it was me and I had paid money to see any number of them in concert, I'd be one ticked of girl.
Why it bothers measley old me?? Don't know. But it does. Seems like anyone can be a rockstar with the right technology and editing. Maybe I should sign up!

Early Spring

I love spring, when the flowers are budding and the grass is poking its head through the ground in a lovely shade of green. It makes me feel alive. However, those months leading up to spring are painful. They are difficult to get through. They seem to drag on forever, the ground either covered in white or the ugly brown slush that the mixture of sand, salt, and ice make.
The groundhog predicted for us today an early spring. I sure hope so. These dreaded cold months are wearing on me.

Love it!

My girls found this song about IU and it is awesome. It is sort of like a retort to the "Black and Yellow" song that is the craze now. I like this one much better! You have to go to YouTube and search for "This is Indiana". It'll pop up a video. Watch it and you'll be singing the lyrics all day long, I guarantee it!

Keeping Quiet

I find it hard to not say what's on my mind. I mean, it almost kills me to A) not say what I want to people, and B) not wear my heart on my sleeve at all times. I'm just that kind of emotional girl. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think I'm one of those women who crawl at people's feet with every little needy nuance of life. Rather, I am a sensitive, emotion-driven woman who feels the need to be open and honest with others. I guess that's a good way to put it. Nevertheless, this kind of gets me into a bit of trouble at times. Take right now, for instance. There are sooooo many things that I want to say to several different people, but I know in my mind that I simply cannot do it. I cannot say the things I feel the need to say. It'll stir up trouble. Big trouble. And I don't think those cans of worms need to be opened. I guess as they say, some things are better left unsaid. I just find it very difficult to put into practice. Some things I want to say may offer someone else some comfort, whereas other things I want to say to someone may hurt them terribly. I'll be the bigger person and not act on what I want to say. I'll keep it to myself. Sure, I'll suffer somewhat, but it's what I have to do I suppose. I must keep my emotions checked at the door. I wonder how others do it?

Could've

I could have mentioned the name of the wine: Poet's Leap.

Reisling

A couple of months ago we took a road trip to Ohio and went to Jungle Jim's. It is a very large grocery store that has all sorts of exotic foods and foods from around the world. Another lovely thing about Jungle Jim's is the large alcohol section. There are wines from every vineyard imaginable. While there, I was able to find a wine that is normally not available to me. It is a reisling that I love. Since the sticker price was $25 a bottle, I got only one on my limited budget. I saved the wine for as long as I could. I opened it last night. I savored every single glass I drank. It was beautiful. The wine is a bit drier than that of a Chateau St. Michelle or a Fetzer or a Kendall Jackson. It is not too dry, though, because I don't like them very dry. The hint of fruit is satisfying. I was pleased to have found it in Ohio. Too bad the liquor stores around here don't carry it. That would please me even more! I guess I'll just have to see it as an indulgence - something that I can look forward to every once and a while. (Unless I want to stop by Bonefish Grill with my girlfriends and indulge there.) Now, that doesn't sound half bad, either! :)

Things come back around eventually

I never thought it would happen, but it has. The proverbial "boat shoes" have come back into style. Yes, you heard it here. My daughters are on the bandwagon. I'm not sure I've come all the way around to the idea, but they are slowly sucking me in. Sperry's are the name brand of the shoes they are hot over. Now, my oldest daughter likes the leather ones. A true vintage look. I, however, like the plaid ones more. (go figure. I'm a nut for plaid and paisley...) Look them up. See if you could handle a pair. They are for men and women!

Sleepy time

I was glad to sleep in this morning. When I woke up before five with sleepy eyes, I looked outside my bedroom window. I saw what I thought to be streetlights reflecting off the wet asphalt of the street. Then, not too near in the future, I got a phone call telling me school was out. NO SCHOOL once again. I turned over, and I went back to sleep. I woke up a little before nine. It was nice to sleep in. I must've needed it.

Welcome to the Jungle

Going back to the South Decatur gym has me reeling with memories of all the time I spent there growing up. In the nineties, the song that played nonstop there was "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N Roses. When I say nonstop, that's exactly what I mean! We had shirts that were adorned by it, posters, megaphones, and more. It was crazy. So, tonight, I'll be taking a road trip with my daughters to go see JC play SD. I think JC will kick butt, but that's okay. It'll be an opportunity for the girls and I to see many of our old friends. We will also be eating at the local pizza place, a hole in the wall with excellent breadstics, again bringing me back to my youth when my friends and I would order them while working at the local Dairy Queen. We'd order both marinara and cheese sauce, then dip the breadstick in one directly followed by the other. It was such a tasty combination. That was our life! That and strombolis. Yum! Bring back the memories, SD. Bring 'em back.

Touchy

I've been so sentimental and touchy lately. Everything that is said, done, implied, or not done affects me greatly. I don't know what it is or why this is happening. I have seriously been in this deep dark depression about returning to work. I have to work three hours today (hours of my choice) and then return to work full time tomorrow with my students being present. I'm simply not ready for it. I'm not ready to hear my alarm go off at 5:45am, me wanting to hit snooze several times. I'm not ready to jump right into the shower once my feet hit the floor. I'm not ready to then wake up my eldest so that she can shower, then wake up my middle daughter, then my youngest. I'm not ready to hear the potential bickering of a morning while everyone is trying to get ready and stay out of other people's way. I'm not ready to finally make it to school, already tired. Then, I'm forced to run ragged once the bell rings at 3:02pm sometimes making three or four trips to the middle or high school for practices and/or games. I'm simply not ready to return to the hustle and bustle of my daily existence.
To some, this may sound horrible. That I should have known this was going to be my life when I made the decision to have three children. No, because when that happened, I genuinely thought there would be a father involved in the process, too. Wishful thinking that was, huh! Let's just say it hasn't turned out the way I expected.
I wanna get in my bed, cover up with a warm, cozy blanket, and sip my diet mountain dew from my bedside table while watching the Food Network. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Not a Blizzard

Why is it that after every Christmas the house looks like a tornado went through it? Man, that's hard to live with...

A very merry Christmas

The holidays are drawing to a close as far as Christmas goes. Sure, there's the new year to contend with, but the fever of Christmas is dwindling down. My girls have had a good Christmas. They received money, a new bicycle, a new cellphone, DJ Hero 2, and more. We had fun playing dirty bingo at Grandma's house and look forward to our last Christmas tomorrow at Mom and Dad's. Tonight our little circle of adult girlfriends are getting together to do a Colts gift exchange, watch the game, and eat some hearty snacks. I'm sure there will be a friendly game of euchre as well. (Some cheat better than others...)
We have basketball tournaments coming up, a trip to Clarksville, and a new year celebration. It'll be a busy week, but one that I'm sure to enjoy. Make those new year resolutions everyone! The time has arrived!

Santa Claus is coming to town

If you've been good, Santa is coming tonight. Get excited!
As of this very minute, I have not wrapped a single gift for anyone yet. I know! Total slacker. Truthfully, the girls are always right here beside me, so I don't have the opportunity to wrap their gifts without them seeing me carry them in, or waltzing in on me in the act. Guess there are a few hours left to get them finished.

Mom, the girls, and I are all going to church service at 5 tonight. I'm glad I talked her into it. I hope they sing all kinds of good Christmas songs in the service. It's not the traditional church service. It is really good, though. I'm looking forward to it. Keeps me focused on Him.

This year our Christmas visits to relatives is kind of spread out, so we haven't really been rushed like it has seemed so in the past. That's kind of nice. Makes it less stressful.

To all of you out there, have a blessed Christmas!

Wicked

Last Sunday the girls and I got to go on a wonderful "field trip" with the JCMS choir. We had the chance to go see the Broadway musical, Wicked in Indianapolis at the Murat Theater. It was kind of crazy driving through downtown Indy over by Mass Ave. I haven't been there in years. Yeah, I've been in Indy, but not on that edge of town. The musical was great. I, naturally, cried when Elphie sang "Defying Gravity" and flew on stage. She belts out this tune and it goes right through me. Theater gives me electric vibes that nothing else can besides a good set of music. I'm glad the girls had a chance to see the wonderful show.
Today was our last school day and now our Christmas break begins. I'm so ready for it. I need a break from middle schoolers. And it is supposed to be a white Christmas!! (Do not confuse my enthusiasm with love of winter and snow. This is only one day that I like to have snow on the ground! Not an entire season.)

Mom and Dad

We went to see my mom and dad last night in Westport. We laughed a lot and had a good time. I miss seeing them, actually. My schedule is such that it doesn't allow me much time to do anything out of our routine. So, it was a good change of pace. I'm looking forward to spending some time with them during the holidays. On a downer note, I did not get to see my Princess when she was home. The snow did not allow us time together and I am so upset by that. I miss her like crazy. She is like one of my own, so not getting to see her hurt. I guess that's just a sign that I need to make a trip out to see her in L.A.!
The girls and I had a blast last night watching the show Sing Off on TV last night while we screamed of joy when it started snowing heavily. That show is just plain awesome. I like watching the show then laughing when the girls replicate what the groups are singing. They can belt out the tunes, my girls. Pretty soon they'll be beginning to leave my house to start lives of their own. I treasure some of these times now, because they won't last forever.
Since we have another snow day today, I wonder what I will bake just for the heck of it. . .

The Christmas Baby

She was due on Christmas Day, but complications brought her two weeks early. My oldest daughter turns seventeen years old today. She's one year away from adulthood. That is so hard to believe for me. Happy Birthday, Sis! I love you.

Dear Sir

Dear P. Manning,
What is going on with you? You're game is seriously suffering due to unforseen circumstances. What has changed in your life that you are now playing like every other rinkydink quarterback in the NFL? Are we going all Favre on the place? What's up with you? I still love the Colts, but jeez! Get it together! We aren't even going to make the playoffs!
Love,
Nina Shoultz

Over $6,000 worth

among other things

I have a lot going on. Period. I know - who doesn't, right? But, this is my blog, so I'm allowed to complain or explain.
Since the car accident, I have been without a vehicle. However, out of the kindess of her heart, my co-worker is letting me borrow hers. But, just how long am I expected to do that? You'd think since this accident was another girl's fault, the rental car thing should be expedited soon. Nope. No one but me is in a hurry to do anything about it. No big deal to anyone else but me.
I go to get the police report today after school and I get to the bulletproof window to ask the attendant for the report. She questions me very curtly, "Who are you? Who is this for? When was the accident?" So, I gave the necessary information. She then begins to write me a receipt for the five dollar fee she is about to charge me for the report (see also "ripoff"). When I get ready to hand her a ten, she says, "Oh, ma'am, we don't give change here. You'll have to go get change and then come back." Oh, okay. So I have to make a trip to the nearest gas station to get change for a ten. Naturally, I must buy something to get change (see also "ripoff"). I do so. I get a five and three ones back and head back for the sherrif's office. Back into the front door I go to the bulletproof glass window. Obviously the not so nice woman recognizes me. She waits (impatiently) for me to hand her the five dollar bill. I do so. She then reaches over behind a sherrif leaning his butt on the counter and pulls out my report. She halfheartedly smiles and slyly says, "Oh, looks like he bent it!" with a chuckle. I, at that point, was not amused to say the least. I took my report and waltzed back to my car (oops, not MY car, of course). I was not happy to have spent the twenty minutes I did on the whole excursion. Now, after reviewing the report, it doesn't even have the telephone number of her insurance on there. Just a name. Perfect. Just perfect. More run-around work for someone to do. I say, not ME. That's what I'm paying insurance for. So, take that, someone.
Just think, by this time next year, I ought to have a rental car.
In other news...my real dad is in the hospital. And, nothing new, I can't be there in Florida to be with him. He is not doing too well according to my half sister. I wouldn't want to see him this way, she told me. He has been in dire pain for four days, lying in the hospital waiting. The doctors had to check his heart because they didn't think it was strong enough to make it through the gallbladder surgery he needed to have. Today they did an angioplasty and found that the many stints they have in his heart are all open, so he is good to go on the surgery. He will have it tomorrow. My stepmom said that he is sleeping from the angioplasty surgery at the moment. He won't have much time to rest from that until he has to go right into another surgery tomorrow. It sucks being so far away and not being able to get there to be with him and my brother and sister. I feel helpless. Just another one of those things that I have to deal with being the biological daughter who lives so far away, uninvolved. I hate it. So, I went to church tonight to make sure I keep my focus. One of my very good friends there listened while I spilled the beans about all that is going on. She hugged me and told me what I needed to hear. I love her for that. Thank goodness I have supportive church friends.

Well, wait a minute.

Maybe I don't want it to be totaled. I've read some things that indicate I might hope it isn't totaled. Oh, this is more than I feel I can handle right now. Trust me.

Talk about your opportunities...

Well, last night will be engrained in my memory for a long time. It was an opportunity to give everything to God. That's the only way I can look at it.
While we were at Aunt Cindy's at around 6:30pm, Whitey decided he wanted to go home. He was sleepy. So, I told him the girls and I would stay at my aunt's and Krea would drop us off at home later. Meanwhile, there were about four cars behind ours in the driveway. So, Whitey had to wait for them to move (they were leaving), then he could get our car out. He waited. He pulled out of the driveway, was putting the car in drive, and out of nowhere this car came flying up the road and slammed into our car. She was driving with no headlights, and did not even put on the brakes. She claimed she didn't see Whitey. She hit the passenger side rear tire and quarterpanel, spun Whitey around, and put him in the ditch facing the road. He took out Aunt Cindy's mailbox and landed two feet away from a telephone pole. We had folding chairs in the back of the Acadia and an opened case of water that I grab from for work each morning. Those items were heaved up in the back window, which didn't break, suprisingly. Had we girls decided to have gone with him, we would have been hurt. Thank God we didn't. What keeps replaying in my mind is the thunderous "Boom!" we all heard when the crash happened. We could hear it in the house amongst the noise all the people were making. It was so loud. I also won't forget the instant panic that I felt when the people who went to the front door shouted it was Whitey in my car. That made for some intantaneous tears. So, my car had to be towed, the frame might be bent, and the passenger back end is mangled. It cut the tire in two, also. As the wrecker service workers were pulling the Acadia up on the flatbed, the wheels wouldn't even turn right. So, I'm hoping that it'll just be totaled so I can get my lease over with now. What sucks is that I don't know what car I'm going to drive. I can drive Mak's, but that means I'll have to taxi her to and from work while trying to take and pick up Cam and Syd from practices and games. Don't know how that's gonna work! I'm trying to just trust that God will take care of it all. That's all I can do. I'm so very thankful it wasn't worse. It surely could have been. Someone could have been seriously hurt.

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

I had the opportunity to go to NYC and see the Macy's Day Parade firsthand. The parade was awesome despite the rainy day. Too see those floats, celebrities, and huge balloons tethered to many walking people was fantastic. It's a sight I'll never forget. Then, after the parade, I had some hot chocolate in a favorite deli/store on Broadway that sells all kinds of croissants, pastries, salads, and sandwiches. Being in that city is exhilarating. It is alive with a pulse so palpable that it's electrifying. I wish I could be there to witness that with my girls just one time all together. It would be a memory to last them a lifetime. If only...

Recipes

This week will be filled with new recipes I am going to try. Some of them include: Pumpkin Bundt Cake and Estelle's Dressing. I've got all the ingredients for my recipes, but I don't have a couple of staples yet for the big feast: I don't have the dinner rolls or Cammi's famous brownie mix. I must go to Sam's Club and get both of those on Saturday. I know, it'll be a mess. Crazy shoppers will be out of the woodwork, but they'll at least be fun to watch. I love people watching. My fellow lunchmates and I were speaking of just that today. They suggested we all go to Nashville, TN on a roadtrip to hang out and people watch. I say I'm in! Sounds like a good time. I could use a mini vacation anyway. Who couldn't? Right?

BOO!!!

I have the chills, body aches, and a sore throat. I'm not happy about it at all.

Teenage Queen

It is so difficult to raise a teenage daughter these days. I have three. There's image issues, friendship issues, responsibility issues, overdramatization issues, and much, much more. Of course, anyone with teenage daughters knows this. I'm not telling anyone anything they didn't already know. But sometimes, just sometimes, it gets to a mom. Enter, me.
I have a full time job with one of my girls just making sure to remind her to get her homework, her coat, her shoes, her dance shoes, her practice uniform, brush her teeth, put on deo, and take a shower. (not in that order) This wears me out! Seriously. Then, to top it off, she acts like I should never prompt her to do anything. Like she wouldn't "forget" if I didn't remind her. Ugh.
And this, too, shall pass as they say. Boy, it sure doesn't feel like it sometimes.
I guess I just need to remind myself that they'll all be out of the house soon enough and then I'll be complaining that it's too quiet or something. Right? Right. Consider me reminded.

What it means

"We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties." Oswald Chambers

Amen to that.

Toothfairy blues

I had to go to the dentist this morning. I HATE the dentist, needless to say. I went because back in the beginning of the summer, when I went for my checkup and cleaning, the dentist told me that a filling of mine had a slight crack in it, and that I would probably want to get it fixed relatively soon as to avoid a painful, emergency situation appointment if and when it decided to split completely. So, they said they had time in their schedule right then, did I want to get it done and overwith? Of course, because of the fact that I knew I'd put it off as long as possible if I didn't stay and get it done, I said yes. Boy, do I wish I hadn't have said that. Since then, my tooth has HURT. And I mean hurt. But, being the chicken that I am, I didn't call them back. I let it go until now.
I have a good friend who is a dental hygenist. I finally broke down and told her when she was over about a week ago. She told me that on Monday, this was Saturday, she would call and get me an appointment. I just needed to pick up my x-rays from my current dentist (she works for different dentist than the one I saw in June), and bring them with me to the appt. So, I broke down, telling her just how much of a dentist wimp I am. She assured me I'd be taken care of. Well, I went today. I knew it was going to be bad because she looked at my x-ray this weekend. I was pre-warned. I have to have a root canal and a crown put on the tooth. HOLY CRAP!! Given my dental track record of not getting numb and being so very afraid, the dentist I went to today is giving me some heavy duty drugs to put me in a favorable position to get treatment. The night before and the day of my root canal (next Friday the 12th), I am to take this medicine to "calm me". It better do the trick. I mean, it's so bad my mom has to take me to the appointment. I won't be able to drive. So, there it is. My hellish nightmare of a dental situation. Don't you only wish you were in my shoes?? right.

novel

In my 8th grade classes, we are reading the novel Tuck Everlasting. One of the subjects of the book is immortality. I've thought about it and decided that I would not want to live forever. When I asked the students this, I was surprised to learn that many of them said the same. I figured most of them would say they wanted to live forever, but that wasn't the case.
Perhaps they realize what bad shape this world is in. Perhaps they know and understand that society is only getting worse as time passes. Maybe I don't give them enough credit in their thinking.
One of my colleagues who teaches next door to me just had a baby about eight or nine weeks ago. I have often thought to myself how I'm pretty sure I would NOT be able to bring a baby into this fallen world we live in at the present. Not only because of my age, but because I don't believe this is a world to raise an infant in well into adulthood. Call me a cynic. Call me Debbie Downer. I'm just being realistic. I know, our parents probably said the very same thing, but I'm convinced. Today's world is where many thought it never would be. I know how tough it is to raise three teenagers right now, let alone a nine week old. Ah, alas, who doesn't love that newborn baby smell and touch? I do. But there would never be a baby on my radar if my baby factory wasn't shut down. Not to worry. It is shut down. Thank you, God.
So, would you want to live forever if given the chance? Why or why not?

Just Wright

The girls and I were watching a movie last night titled Just Wright. In the opening of the movie, about the first four minutes, the camera panned all over New York City. It was gorgeous! It showed views from the Hudson River, Brooklyn Bridge, and the choice condominiums. The couple in the movie went to a jazz club which reminded me of a jazz club I had been to in NYC. I enjoyed the movie. A little cliche at times, but worth the redbox rental.

Bake it and they will come...

I'm feeling that I'm in a baking mood. I want to try new recipes today. Maybe it's the fall break fever. Pumpkin recipes sound grand. Right now, in the oven, are some pumpkin pie muffins. They smell scrumptious. It fills the house with aromas of freshly toasted nuts and brown sugar. I hope they turn out well. I have started a grocery list to make Nick Hill's White Chili also. It's a great crockpot recipe that I love. It has a spicy kick to it that is unmatched. I'll make that later today. I also have in my arsenal a pumpkin crunch recipe that I will be attempting probably later on tonight. Hungry? Come on over and celebrate the month of October with me! It is filled with my birthday, fall break, and beautiful leaves covering the ground. The crisp air fills my lungs and makes me feel alive. I love October!
Speaking of October happenings, I didn't get a chance to post yesterday. Yesterday was National Day of Writing. In honor, send your significant other a love letter or two. Do something nice like that. Or write down your innermost thoughts in a journal or on a blog. You'll feel better after you do! Trust me. Been there, done that.
Take care and happy fall!

A year older

So Wednesday was my thirty-seventh birthday. I'm at the age where I do not want to have birthdays anymore. I don't really like the fact that I'm getting older. I want to avoid "olderness". I'm not sure why this is. Sure, I don't like wrinkles; I don't like my face looking aged. I don't like the flab that jiggles in places I didn't think it could. But it's more than that. It's a nostalgic notion that I want to still live vicariously, and having birthdays makes me think my vicarious living might be limited. Hmph. Crazy rollings of my mind. . .
My best friend surprised me on my birthday by coming down to see me. That was nice. And I was taken to the Mexican restaurant that I like. Good.
Now another year of focus. Sometimes my eyes get crossed.

Ah, the smell of home...

Last Saturday night I got surprised by my cousin, Krea. She had an extra (free) ticket to the IU football game and asked me if I wanted to go. I agreed wholeheartedly with a very enthusiastic, "Yes!" Who could pass up a trip to good ol' B-Town? Not me! As I drive up Third Street onto the edge of campus, I get butterflies in my stomach. They are a good kind of butterflies. They are the kind that tell you you are in a heartfelt place. They are the kind that tell you you love where you are. That, my friend, is surely the case between me and IU. Of course those of you who know me might be questioning this rant. "Oh, if you loved it so much, why did you have to move home after just one semester? Why didn't you stay the whole four years in the dorms or on campus?" I hear you. I hear you. Legitimate questions. My reply is sure, I came home after one semester, but I went back as soon as my heart told me I couldn't stay away. I may have commuted to the campus for three years later on down the road, but I loved every minute of it, and I loved being in Bloomington. The feel of the city and the campus makes my blood run swiftly. It has its own pulse, its own beat. And I like it. I could be a lifelong student for sure. I love sitting in the classes soaking up all the information I can about the subjects I love. I want to interact with other learners. I want to bounce my ideas off other intelligent people. I miss that setting.
So, back to my original thoughts...I loved going to B-town, sitting in a sea of cream and crimson rooting on my Hoosiers. I was proud to be one of them even if only for a little while again. IU, I miss you terribly.

Beth Moore study

I am doing a study at church. A Beth Moore study. This is my second Moore study, and I love them! This one is When Godly people do UnGodly Things. It has opened my eyes to many things, above all the fact that we must protect ourselves at all times from the enemy. He works in mysterious ways and we are always under attack. There are times when I definitely FEEL under attack, and other times when I'm not so aware of the enemy at work.

Everything's pointing to the end in sight

There is an end in sight! This weekend will be the culmination of a romance set up by me. Yes, a marriage ceremony is taking place this Saturday between two people whom I set up last summer. Best of all, this marriage is between my cousin and Goddaughter, Krea, and her boyfriend, Nick. And the kicker?? I am the matron of honor. What that means is that I have been preparing for this wedding for an intense seven weeks or so. You see, the couple moved their wedding date up because of Nick's sick mother. Unfortunately, she did not make it to the wedding date, so the even will be bittersweet. It also means that I must give a toast at the wedding reception. I have just worked on it for about twenty minutes now. It was harder than I thought it would be. There is so much I want to say, but I don't want to be longwinded or too sentimental. I must admit, I did have a little mushy part there in the middle. I can't cut it out, though. Just can't. I only pray that I can speak well, harboring my intense emotions. I want the audience to feel my love for the couple, but hopefully not see me break into a tearful mess. I want to be able to keep it together long enough to make the toast. I'm hoping I make it through the ceremony rather unscathed, but I highly doubt it. I'm an emotional wreck already. I've been tearing up every time I really sit and think about the wedding. Krea is my baby. She's more like my firstborn than a cousin or goddaughter. I hope I make her proud.

the Biggest Loser

At work we are having a healthy lifestyle challenge. Staff can enter one of two categories, or both. They are percentage of weight loss and exercise minutes logged. I am entering the exercise minutes lost, since I know I won't be able to lose much more weight. I'm at a size now where I really can't lose any more. I'm peaked. Last week I weighed 140! I'd love to dip down in those 130's, but I'm not really looking for that to happen. So, instead, I'm going to count my exercise minutes and hope to win the prize! I'm thinking this week and next might hurt me a little because of the things going on like getting ready for the wedding. This weekend I have to help Krea finish things up since she'll be gone most of the weekend to Michigan for her mother in law's funeral. Then next week and next weekend are spoken for all around. Rehearsal Friday night and the wedding Saturday. Whew! I'm busy, busy, busy. When will I find time to log some exercise minutes?? Gotta do it, though. Got to.

Sad

Some things are so sad. My cousin is getting married in a week and a half. The groom's mother just passed away last night. Some people are asking me if they will postpone the wedding. (The couple moved the wedding up from next summer to this Sept. in hopes that the mother of the groom would make it to the wedding. You see, just about six weeks ago doctors told her she had three to six months to live.) She didn't make it. I don't think they should postpone the wedding now. That's just my opinion. Should they? It's just all so very sad. Makes me think about my own mortality. Odd thoughts running through my mind right now. Very odd.
Just pray for her, the groom, the upcoming wedding. Please.

Zumba

So there's this latest craze around here in the fitness world - it's called Zumba dancing. Now I'm sure there are those of you out there saying, "Wow. Where's she been? This is old news!" Okay, maybe you're right, however, I'm new to the circuit. Cammi and I went to a Zumba class here at our local Anytime Fitness. It was rather hot in the room we danced in. I was sweating enough to need a towel to dab my face off. So, it was a great workout. We had fun trying to keep up with the steps and laughed several times at ourselves. We were entertained. And we worked out pretty hard. So, it was a success. Try Zumba in your area soon - you'll enjoy it.

Intervention

I watched an episode of A&E's Intervention today out of the blue. I must admit I got teary-eyed when the family did their speeches for the man's intervention. It really hit home for me. I can remember all of those emotions just a little over a year ago with my mom's own recovery process. It's a long road to travel, but well worth every moment. My mom's sobriety means the world to me. I'm thankful to have her back.

Back to school, back to school...

It's that time. Again. Time to break out the sharpened pencils, fold back the pages of the textbooks you've been given, and scribble on that pad of paper with the wire on the spine. Unfortunately, I have been laxed. I have not worked in my room one minute yet. And school starts next Tuesday for me. I won't have two full days to work in my room, either, though we technically have two teacher work days before students arrive. I will have mere hours. Precious hours. A few hours to get a mound of decorating, organizing, and planning completed. I'm feeling the crunch. Despite that feeling, I'm dragging my feet. The procrastinator in me is fighting hard. She's bearing down and pushing until I feel sick to my stomach. I need to just do it and get it over with. But when? My planning organizer looks like a lead bomb went off inside it, writing all over every square inch of it. Something is going on each day. No down time to just take a few hours and go do what I need to do.
Today I registered my two high schoolers. Yes, now we have two. Cam is a freshman, and Mak is a junior. Hard to believe she has just two years left and then will leave the nest. Wow! It's now hitting her, too. She commented on that the other day. Of course she says she wants to go to college far, far away. We'll see. Doubt it.
Fees just keep increasing as the years go by. Book rental alone for the three girls is well over $300. Wow! That's not including lunch accounts to build up, P.E. uniforms, or school supplies. Book rental only! I'm gonna be overdrawn!
Well, I'm cooking a pork loin on the grill, so duty calls. . .

Myrtle Beach, SC

Beach Baby

I'm in Westport packing up my mom and dad's truck to be beach bound at 3am! We are excited and looking forward to some sun and surf. Pictures will be forthcoming...Say a little prayer for our safe travel.

Busy Week

I have a jam-packed week ahead. My dad is coming from Florida. Syd has dance camp. I have to work Monday. I must organize and pack, keeping the laundry caught up all week so that there are clothes to pack. I have to wait on a Comcast guy to come to the house one day. I am supposed to get Syd a pedicure one day (Friday). I must take things to mom and dad's house to put in the truck. I might be taking my friend to the airport on Tues. I need to purchase snacks and take alongs for the trip at Wal-Mart sometime this week and organize all those. Pack a cooler. Pack the car. AGGGHHHH!

outage

Our internet has been out for almost two weeks. YIKES! I'm at a friend's house using her internet as we speak. You never know how much you use the internet until it's gone. Amazing!
Less than two weeks and we're off on our excursion! I can't wait!!

Running

Today I ran my two miles. This thing called running is so inconsistent for me. Some days I can run two miles; some days I can't. Today was a good day and I ran the entire two miles.
One reason I simply can't run the distances I want to is because I have exercise-induced asthma. I've had it since elementary school. When I first began playing organized, school basketball I began wheezing whenever I'd run up and down the court. My dad used to say, "Oh, you're just not in shape!" No, it was more than that. You see, this wheezing and tightness of the throat and chest continued on and on through the seasons, through the years. When I was in high school and had to "run" the mile for P.E., I could not do it. I'd walk most of the time and then collapse at the end with my face beet red, eyes bulging, and heaving to breath. I was put on medication in sixth grade, I believe, and it helped minimally. I continued to play sports and cheer up through my eleventh grade year of school. Now, as an adult, I have only been truly exercising on a regular basis for a year. I have increased from walking one mile to running two. I, personally, don't feel that is the progress I should have at this point. But, I'm going with it the best I can. I get very frustrated, often cry toward the end of my running, and get upset with my lack of ability and/or progress. But, I am sticking with it. I run three times a week. Like I said, some days are fine, but others are a very difficult struggle reducing me to walking and running in intervals. What I want to be able to do is run (not walk any) a 5k. Wow, some of you say. Wow, how minute is that! For this asthmatic, I see it as an accomplishable goal. Sure, I'd love to "go big" and run a half-marathon. If only! But I will try to take baby steps and go for the 5k. I just wish I'd make faster progress than what I am. I guess I have to listen to my body first and foremost. Remember, at one point in my life (and when I was much younger, nonetheless)I could only walk a mile. Now I can run two. Slow progress, but it's progress, I guess.

Side note: proud of my ex mother-in-law for taking the first step! It's no small feat!

Sometimes people disappoint me.

Longest Day of the Year

Today is the longest day of the year. No, I don't mean there are more than twenty-four hours in this particular day, I just mean that there is the most amount of sunlight in the day on June 21. Today, fifteen years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl. She was my second daughter, born when my first daughter was only eighteen months old. I can remember my oldest daughter coming in and leaning over my hospital bed anxiously awaiting the arrival of her sibling. She was excited, but didn't understand why her momma had to be in that hospital, not at home with her. It's funny how at the time, the pain can be excruciating, but soon after all those pains are forgotten when you can hold your sweet newborn baby in your arms. It is as though time stand still if only for a moment. Now, that black, curly-haired baby is growing up, only a few years away from being an adult. I can only hope I'm raising her right, teaching her things that I'm supposed to, guiding her in the right directions. I wish my laid-back, caring, honest, compassionate Cammi a happy fifteenth birthday today. May the years ahead of her treat her well.

A Father

There are certain biological functions that can make a person a father. That is true. But what makes a true father is something more complicated. A father is one who nurtures, one who molds and shapes, one who is there along the way of tough life issues for a person. That, and so much more, is what makes a father a true father. To fathers all around the world today, Happy Father's Day. Pat yourselves on the back for a job well done.

Catching up

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. I cleaned out our closet (one of them); that was an experience. I had three forty gallon trashbags full of clothes that I donated to people. Thank goodness, those people could wear them ALL! They were grateful, too, which was nice.
Every Monday I have been running Cam to her basketball games in the Southport and Indy area. She plays two games per night, usually back to back. Two out of the three times we've gone, we didn't get home until almost midnight! Then, the next morning, she and I have to get up to get her to an 8am practice. Wow! Yes, no wonder I slept most of the day yesterday. I was playing catch up on my sleep. You see, her basketball practices are every Tues, Wed, Thurs, from 8-10am. EVERY WEEK! Then, on top of that, Sydney has dance practice two times a week for three or four hours at a time. My schedule is full.
I still have to clean out my scrapbooking closet (that'll be boatloads of fun). It will be a day-long project. I'm sure, though, I'll find things I didn't even remember having. Maybe it'll be like Christmas all over again. Maybe.
There is much more on the agenda for the summer. It is already going by so fast. I'm almost in mourning that it is slipping away from me.
Makes me think of my neighbor's mom telling me at my book study at church Monday morning about her small home for sale in Florida. She wanted to know if I was interested. Interested?! Me?! Of course I'm "interested". But one would have to have money to purchase that home, wouldn't he? That sort of takes me out of the running, now doesn't it? Man. Do you know how tempting just the words are "Florida home for sale"? It is 8min. from one beach and 13 from another. It is also only an hour away from the gorgeous waters of Clearwater Beach. Been there. Like it. Want to be near it. Alas, it won't happen. Nice to dream about, though. And yes, I do dream about being in a warm climate with sand and surf. Often.

They are growing up so fast!
These photos were taken on Memorial Day a couple of weeks ago. I just love them!

Please Pray

My good friend Hope's son, Ethan, was taken to Riley Intensive Care Unit yesterday with his sugar in the 500's. He is struggling, according to her, and will have a lifelong battle ahead of him. Please pray for him and his family. He's one sick boy! Diabetes is a scary thing for an adult, not to mention a kid. Love you, Hope and Ethan!

Quite painless

Going "shopping" and trying items of clothing on is quite painless in comparison to how it used to be. Used to, I'd cry like a baby by the time I had gone in and out of the dressing room a couple of times with nothing fitting like it should. Now, things fit and it is a game to see how low the size can be to please me. Sure, there is sooo much more room for improvement, but I've come a long way to be the weight I am today. It hasn't been easy. In fact, just Saturday I was whining and complaining to one of my close friends that I get to the point of exhaustion over the whole watching what I eat, exercising bit. It is just as tough mentally as it is physically. The mind is a tricky thing. So, over the holiday weekend, I was not on track. I had an asthma attack while running on Saturday, to which I responded with being angry and crying over. I ate horrible foods and consumed some beverages, which I had not done in quite some time. Then, the moment I let my mind wrap around what I had done, I felt insanely guilty. Horrible that I allowed myself three days of nonstop nasty eating. Why would I have wanted to do that to myself when I had just triumphed over the weight thing in getting a swimsuit that fit, in a nice size, not jumbo??? Why??? So today I must get back up on the eating wagon. I must get back on track. I don't want to blow this deal, you know? Oh, and we're having a pitch in at lunch at school. What'll I do there? Hopefully they'll have some veggies or something. Lord knows I can't even eat the dessert I'm taking. UGH! See what I mean? It's a vicious cycle of wanting, but can't have it. Not fun. But it beats the alternative of being fat. I have to keep telling myself that.

Book

I'm reading a book called The Wednesday Letters. I have had this book for a while, but put it on the back burner. I've been reading it this week. The book is a good one, making me think and reflect on many things. The premise of the book is this: a husband, beginning with his wedding night, writes his wife a letter every Wednesday. This letter may be as long as a novella, but as short as a couple of sentences. This goes on for almost forty years. When the two wedded people die, their children find all of these letters and begin to read them. Secrets come out, things are learned, and emotions run wild while the letters are read. What strikes me is how intimate of an act of love the letter writing is. To be committed to writing a weekly letter to your husband or wife is of great magnitude. How wonderful would it be to receive a letter each week, even when times are rough? It would be such a gift. And some kind of legacy to pass on to your children. For others to see inside your soul that way would be enlightening.
I have been so slack in writing lately. I am not keeping a journal. I have not seriously written since last summer. I need to get back into it. Perhaps this book was meant to open my eyes to the power of writing again. Where's my pen and paper?

Princess

My "daughter" at IU has graduated! Cam, Syd, and I went to Princess's graduation party today in Milllhousen. Princess's hair looked great and she seemed really excited about starting her life in Phoenix with D. I'm so happy for her. She'll be working with homeless children there. I think it will be good for her. She'll do great. I'm gonna miss her, knowing that she isn't just a few miles away. It's not like we were together all the time, but I knew if she needed me desperately, I could get to her in an hour. Not now! She's going to be on the other side of the country.

I'm wrestling with some demons today. Praying that they pass quickly. I don't like being in this place, feeling this way. I shouldn't, I feel. These demons rear their ugly heads every once and a while, and I don't like it. Guess it just makes me human. That's how I'll have to look at it.

Saw my brother, mom, and dad today. Came home after the grad party and hung out with friends down the street. Then, on a whim, decided to go to LasChalupas here in town. Big Family Night Out with everyone. I love doing that. It's so much fun. And, I learned that my best friend Michelle will be attempting to quit smoking starting tomorrow! Hooray! I will be rooting her on. I want her to kick that habit so badly. Between her mother and me, I hope we can help her through it. I hate to see anyone be a smoker.

I can't wait for my Thirty-One products to come in so I can show them off and hopefully get Hope some business. Excited!! I love a good monogrammed anything. So personal, you know? haha

Seven more days left of school. I am so ready for it to be over. I'm ready for sun and poolside relaxation. Looking forward to it. I'm a bit anxious about the hectic basketball and dance team schedules I'm facing with the girls, but sun and waves WILL be on the agenda. We'll get it accomplished somehow.
Goodnight all.

MS

Today I will embark on the Columbus, Indiana MS Walk with my friend who has MS, Hope. Last year we did the mile course. This year, I told her, we are doing the three mile course. See, last year, when I was thirty pounds heavier, Hope literally ran circles around me on the walk. This year, I hope to run most of that three miles. I've bettered myself in so many ways that I am looking forward to doing this with her. She inspires me. I don't know how anyone with MS can do these walks/runs. It amazes me. But they do. Congrats, Hope. You do more than I can give you credit for.

No Frills

Tomorrow I am attending my first Kentucky Derby. I am going with my best friend. Now, she has this plan. We are strapping chairs on our backs, taking a tarp, two rain ponchos, a double layer of clothing in case it's cold in the morning and warms up in the afternoon, a cooler (no alcohol allowed), lunchmeat for sandwiches, and then she suggests I bring another change of clothes for the car ride home. Am I packing to go to Florida? or Kentucky? Sheesh. I'm not sure I can handle all this.
Pray for maybe not too much rain?!

Bucket List

I've received a few leads on some items to mark off my bucket list, pending my accomplishments of the said events.
1. Attend Kentucky Derby -- May 1.
2. Gallop/run on a horse -- anytime -invitation has been extended to me.
3. Have a savings account with money actually in it - if I have twenty dollars to bet on the day I cross off item #1 on here, perhaps I could win big and open an account. *Not counting on this one coming to fruition! It's always nice to dream big, though.

My schedule is so hectic - if only you could see my desk calendar at school - looks like a battlefield for colored pen markings. Sometimes I seriously don't know how I do it all. Mothering three girls is frazzling at times. Cam's big dance is coming up in a little over a week and a half. Her musical is this week/weekend. She has two track meets, basketball practice, etc. Mak is starting work. Syd has a fitting for her dance uniforms. I have computer Mobi training at work. I have to work a track meet this week. I have a faculty meeting. Going to the Derby Saturday. Syd has an overnight event at church Friday night. Ugh! Busy, busy, busy.
Oh, as a side note...broke up my fourth fight at school on Thursday. This one was bloody! Gross.

Sickly

I am home from work today with a sick child. I haven't had to stay home with a sick child for a couple of years now. Nonetheless, she is very sick. Good thing I didn't wait until today to take her to the doctor. She would have been horribly worse off than she was even just last night. She has a high temp, sore throat, and cough. I have had to keep a cold rag on her head all night long. She's sleeping now, but she can't be comfortable! She's on fire!
So, I took a personal day and stayed home.
I hope the medicine begins working today so that she starts to feel just a little bit better. I wish they would've given her a shot. Why don't doctors believe in that anymore? They are so reluctant to give antibiotic shots. Why??? What in the world would it hurt when someone needs some more immediate relief than three days of oral antibiotics? Sheesh. Anyway...

To Save a Family

This week at church was the second week in a six-week long study entitled To Save a Family. Last week's sermon sparked much discussion at my house. It was powerful. This week's topic within the study was How to Fight. Yes, sounds odd, no? Nonetheless, that was the course of study. We were even challenged to pick a fight today. (not a fist fight, obviously - just a verbal "discussion") I haven't had the energy to do so, and it is about bedtime. Seems as though I will wait until tomorrow to hit that one head-on. I'm not in the mood to pick a fight just yet.
I'm thankful for the discussion we have had the past week because of the sermon. Heated? Yes. Worth it? Yes. The definition of insanity, I've heard said, is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. I've fallen into that category on more than one occasion. A lot more than one, if I want to be honest. I have pondered that thought over the past week in depth. In examining myself, I have learned a great deal. That, to me, is growth. And it is what I need to continue to do. I challenge you to examine yourself, too. Are you "insane" sometimes? I think we all are at one time or another. Check yourself. Then change something and see if the results are different. I'm trying to do just that.

in the middle

I love my middle name. I don't really know why, other than most girls don't have my middle name --- Rae. I should have named one of my daughters that or had their middle name as Rae, too. I wish I would have. One of my dearest friends from elementary and jr. high is finally having a girl on her child number four. She is having her middle name as "Rae" because she also has that middle name like me. That's cool.
Today I got up, vacuumed the house and told the girls, Let's go to Sam's Club. We need some frozen items and I just wanna get out. So, as I speak, everyone is showering and getting ready. We'll pack up and go to Sam's Club, spend more money than wanted, and come home to put groceries away. I think I'll rent the movie Everybody's Fine tonight and make it popcorn and movie night here. Sounds entertaining, right?

Inching closer

My daughter, Cam, is throwing shotput again this year in track. She's a beast! Last year her best was around 31 feet. Yesterday they had a mock meet and she threw 34 feet! Major gain! I'm so excited. Can't wait to see how that pans out in regards to the other throwers from other schools.

"I'm shakin' like a dog sh**tin' a peach seed."

Madness

So March Madness has come to an end. The ballgames are over, the hype is gone. Butler had a great season, but couldn't quite pull it off there in the end. That last minute shot was very close, though.
Easter weekend was great despite the fact that I don't feel like myself healthwise. I am seeing the doctor today. I'm sure it is sinus issues once again. You don't know how tired of that I get. I don't even want to go to the doctor, but I don't know what else to try. I can't even make it up for work in the mornings without wanting to cry from exhaustion.
Last night I had an unwelcomed surprise - -I was walking out to my vehicle and saw something shining on my tire. I examined it closer and it was a huge screw stuck all the way in my back tire. This morning I must take it to Miller Tire and have them get it out and patch the tire. I hear tell that it will probably cost me thirty bucks. Great. I don't want to drive to Columbus without getting it fixed first, so off I go to the tire shop bright and early. Just like getting up for work - no sleeping in.

Vacay Night

My best friend is on vacation this week. (the one who just moved into her new apt.) She has talked me into going with her to Indy tonight to the final four concert series featuring Stone Temple Pilots on the White River State Park Lawn. It is a free concert, so everyone and their brother will be there. Hope I don't get trampled...If that doesn't pan out, then we are going to the Slippery Noodle. Wish me luck!!!

Anne

My classes began reading about Anne Frank yesterday from our literature book. Oddly enough, a phrase caught my attention. We were reading along and the book was talking about how Jews were treated and how they were discriminated against -- how their lives changed once a decree was set forth forbidding them to do many things. In this explanation, there was a phrase about Jews only being allowed to shop in stores that bore the "placard" 'Jewish shop'. Placard. I used to use this word often when I was talking about placing a placard in the dash of someones car to remind him/her to stop somewhere on his/her way home or to pick up something, etc. For example, one placard that used to be used bore the word "CVS". Man, how some things just take us back to a certain place and time. Crazy! Out of nowhere. Insane.
So, those who have memory problems, place your placards in the dashes of your cars to remind yourselves of your errands you need to run. It works!

Commercial

Over and over again a Southwest Airlines commercial has been playing - you might have seen it - "Bags Fly Free". It is the one where the men who are baggage handlers raise their shirts to have the phrase painted on their bellies. Seen it? Thought so. Okay, so here's my reason for mentioning it. It has flooded my thoughts with flying, going somewhere. I have not flown in a very long time. I almost feel like I'm having withdrawl symptoms because of it. I miss New York City terribly. I wouldn't even mind going by myself! That's how much I miss it. I'm not even talking about the "touristy" places. I don't care if I go there. I want to be in the city, taking in the life, making my way through the boroughs and quaint places. I want to dine at certain places, rest in others. I want to sit by the Bethesda Fountain and have the sunshine on my face. I want to buy a hotdog from a street vendor.
I know. It sounds like a lot of "I wants". That is never a good thing, you are saying to me. I understand this. It doesn't negate the feelings I have, though. At this point, my flight I want to take doesn't HAVE to be NYC. I could fly relatively anywhere and be satisfied. I feel like it will never again happen for me. And I don't like that feeling. Sure, you can pin selfishness on me. Go ahead. I never claimed to be completely unselfish. You can bet your bottom I am, in many ways, unselfish because of my three children, though. So you can put that in your pipe and smoke it, as my dad would say. Ponder on that a minute. If a mother has children, she sacrifices if she is a mother at all. So this request might not be so selfish after all, I'm thinking.
Oh, this is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo, falling on deaf ears. I know that. It just feels a tiny bit better to get the feelings down on "paper" so to speak. Until the day comes that I'm magically wisked away to another place, I'll simply wait here in angst. That could be forever.

Haven't done it

Boy, my big plans for spring break. Big plans. Reading. Who thought I was actually going to get some reading done? I was hoping I would. I feel cheated. I've only been on spring break for one day, I hear you saying. But, that is a day that has gone and passed by without warning. I am regretfully counting down the days I have left. It's so stupid of me, really. Nonetheless, I am continually doing just that.
Yesterday I spent the day helping my best friend clean an apartment she is moving into due to her husband divorcing her. It was rather sudden. Sure, they had had problems, but she never would have thought he would do what he did to her. Now, at age 37 she must become independent again. The apartment is cute, and will do her just fine. I hope all of her "stuff" will fit in it. She has a lot to disperse! I found it empowering to help her onto the next phase of her life without her husband. She has her good times and rough times, but she'll make it in the end. I will be there for her whenever she needs me. So I look at yesterday as a day of service, so to speak. Volunteerism.
Today, I am taking the girls to Columbus so they can hunt for various things. Bathing suit for one, underwear for another, and perhaps at least one pair of shorts for one. I tell you, they are growing faster than I can breathe! Syd has birthday money, Cam has "Nana money" for a bathing suit, and Mak has babysitting money. They can't wait to spend it. Burnin' a hole in their pockets! I have an Applebee's gift certificate (Crapplebee's), so I think I'll take them out to lunch there. Then, it's back to N.V. for some basketball practice. The wicked never rest!
Maybe while Cam practices I can read at least a chapter or two in my book. Perhaps.

In other news... get to go to Pacer game Wednesday night for free (sitting five rows off the floor). I'm thinking some "downtown Indy food" sounds magnificent. Nice addition to the break.

Spring Break

This week is our spring break at school. I am so looking forward to some sleeping in, reading, and taking the week slowly. I need some time off.
Thinking that there are only nine more weeks left of school is wonderful. I am looking forward to the summer. This summer I won't be taking any writing class, so my summer months will be relatively free. Yippee! Cammi will be playing basketball on a travel team, and Sydney will have some dance practices, but my calendar is clear. Thank goodness for that!
Sydney did make the middle school dance team. I'm so proud of her. She is excited about being on the team. I can't wait to see her perform. Track season is abound for Cam as well as the musical. She is Mrs. Potts in Beauty and the Beast. She even has a solo this year!
My mom is doing wonderfully. She has nine months clean and sober now. Fantastic! She is making her first sober trek to Bristol to the NASCAR race with my dad and uncle. She was a bit nervous to be around all the drinking (since alcohol is a drug), but she was excited, too.
We have March Madness in full swing here at the homestead. Games have been good. Until next time...

Anne Frank

Time to begin our Anne Frank study for the year. Man, this gets me every time -- that kids aren't aware of the Holocaust and what happened then. I guess it's my calling to inform them of the inhumane treatment of others...