Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Quite painless

Going "shopping" and trying items of clothing on is quite painless in comparison to how it used to be. Used to, I'd cry like a baby by the time I had gone in and out of the dressing room a couple of times with nothing fitting like it should. Now, things fit and it is a game to see how low the size can be to please me. Sure, there is sooo much more room for improvement, but I've come a long way to be the weight I am today. It hasn't been easy. In fact, just Saturday I was whining and complaining to one of my close friends that I get to the point of exhaustion over the whole watching what I eat, exercising bit. It is just as tough mentally as it is physically. The mind is a tricky thing. So, over the holiday weekend, I was not on track. I had an asthma attack while running on Saturday, to which I responded with being angry and crying over. I ate horrible foods and consumed some beverages, which I had not done in quite some time. Then, the moment I let my mind wrap around what I had done, I felt insanely guilty. Horrible that I allowed myself three days of nonstop nasty eating. Why would I have wanted to do that to myself when I had just triumphed over the weight thing in getting a swimsuit that fit, in a nice size, not jumbo??? Why??? So today I must get back up on the eating wagon. I must get back on track. I don't want to blow this deal, you know? Oh, and we're having a pitch in at lunch at school. What'll I do there? Hopefully they'll have some veggies or something. Lord knows I can't even eat the dessert I'm taking. UGH! See what I mean? It's a vicious cycle of wanting, but can't have it. Not fun. But it beats the alternative of being fat. I have to keep telling myself that.

No comments: