Wednesday, May 28, 2008


It is difficult to know exactly how much friends mean to us unless there is a situation when those friends aren't around anymore, or we see very little of them. As I get older, I have come to realize that friends have so much value and add so much to people's lives. The reason I know this is because, unlike 15 years ago, my friends are essentially non-existent. Sure, I have a few people whom I talk to from time to time, but not the type of friends that I simply "can't live without" talking to on a daily/weekly basis. You know, the kind of friend that you have to call no matter what hour of the night to tell them a brilliant idea you just had. Or the type of friend that you call and simply weep, them knowing what is wrong without you even saying a word. The type of friend who you can shop with and not kill one another. The kind of friend you can pick up when they are down just as quickly as they can pick you up. I miss having the kind of friend who just stops by for the heck of it, without calling first. I miss having a friend who can listen to the angst of motherhood without judging you, seeing you as a horrible mother. I miss the friend who relishes in MY children's achievements right along with me and vice versa. I often wonder: how can I go through the rest of my life without a friend like that? I am missing out on so much. At the same time, where I am in my life right now, I'm not sure I would be the kind of friend someone else needs. (if that makes ANY sense) I'm not sure I can commit to offering all of that. Probably why I am friendless, I'm thinking.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Graduation Day

As I was eating my morning cereal, (too lazy to "fix" anything), I was thinking back to my graduation day so long ago. When I graduated high school I was fifth in my class ranking. That meant I not only got an academic letterman's jacket, but I also got to have all of those colorful chords that a person gets to sport over his/her graduation gown. Our gowns were white while the men's were maroon. Not really smart if you think about it - it would have been better for the men to wear white so that the prints of beautiful dresses didn't show through the white material for the ladies. Anyway... I do use the term "men" loosely - they were boys, actually.
So as I ventured back into the memories gallery I tried to remember how I was feeling on my high school graduation day. I had mixed emotions. I was thrilled that my biological father and his parents were in attendance. I was also somewhat loaded with guilt and frustration because I wanted to be with my friends at the same time as spending as much time with my father as possible while he was here (he lives in Florida - long way away). It all worked out, thankfully, but it was on my mind nonetheless.
I was not dating anyone specifically at the time of my graduation. This was a bit of an oddity for me. Let's put it this way - I was between boyfriends. What this meant was that I had more time to spend with my three best friends who were boys in my class. We did a lot of hanging out together toward the end of the school year and the beginning of summer before we all headed our own ways. Today, we barely speak. My how time changes things. You see, I only had two real "girlfriends" in high school. Sure, I got along with most people, but I only had two close friends who were girls. I simply couldn't stand the drama. I didn't care who was sleeping with whom, or who got in trouble for doing such and such. Or who was mad at whom for some stupid comment that was made. It was all so trivial to me, I didn't care. So, I surrounded myself with boys who didn't care how I dressed, didn't blink if I didn't wear makeup one day, and didn't care if I farted while bending over at my locker. They accepted me for who I was, not what someone wanted me to be. And that, my friends, is the lesson of the day: be who you are and surround yourself with the people who love you for just that.
It was good to look back at my own graduation day. I re-learned something as well.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Summer, Summer, Summertime...(will smith song)

Only three more days of school left. Can you say "yee-haw"??!! I am ready for homework to be over, agendas to not be signed, and to relax a little. Of course, no pay for the summer, but...
My plans include lying by the pool, drinking cool soft drinks, and lying by the pool. I might intertwine some scrapbooking in there somewhere, but my plans are wide open. The latter half of the summer will be without the girls for the most part, but I'm sure they'll end up calling me and wanting me to pick them up early or something similar. There will be nothing to do at their dad's house.
Tomorrow I have been hand-picked to provide fruit salad for the special education senior breakfast. Coupled with the fact that I have been asked for money for senior gifts from the department and for baby shower "go together" money for a gift. I do NOT have enough money to throw around at the drop of a hat. If I were making full time teacher pay, perhaps I could do that. Newsflash: I'm NOT making teacher pay. Anyway...
I am off to attend my middle daughter, Cammi's, softball game. It has rained here quite a bit, so it ought to be a muddy one. *** Oh, both she and Sydney (Clovis) received medals for having all A's and B's this year at school. I'm smiling! They get their brains from me, obviously.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Flu Bug

**Please don't let me get this shit!**

Spent the night in the emergency room with The Husband. Got home around 3:30?? and finally crashed. He was blacking out and being totally weird (hallucinating sort of) when I took him in before midnight. He wasn't vomiting then, but as soon as we get to the hospital he ralphed violently. And often. He was sweating, pale, shaking - it was bad. So, pumped him with a bag of fluids, gave him some intestinal relaxing medication, and sent us home later with two prescriptions. By the time I drove home, I was ready to hallucinate from needing sleep.
If I get this shit, all hell will break loose. I mean, seriously. The world doesn't stop when Momma gets sick - it just keeps on spinnin'. And that, my friends, will be out of control.
So my "other daughter" started a blog for cathartic reasons that I assured her were grand. It is called 100 Miles a Minute. Fitting for her personality. Check it out. It's a newborn blog.
In other news...
Weather here sucks dirty goat balls. The pool is open and we can't swim in it because IT WON'T STOP RAINING!!!!! My middle daughter is supposed to have a softball game tonight - if it isn't cancelled, they'll be swimming in brick dust to first base. That'll be nice to launder, won't it?
I feel so badly for leaving my co-workers in a pinch today. They will be short-staffed and will be "roughing it" without me. We were already going to be one teacher short today. OOOPS! Mother Nature calls. When one vomits, one must stay home. When Husband blacks out, one must stay home with him. When one sleeps for only two hours, one must get more sleep during the day(during work hours). And so it goes.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Blue waters

Finally! The pool is blue and undergoing its cleaning phase. The chemicals are hard at work, the filter is swirling the water, and the heater will be turned on after it storms tomorrow. It's gonna be a doozie when we can get in there and create havoc! Just a couple more days until full fledged swimming!!!!!

The kids were so terribly disappointed on Sunday evening when returning from their respective "other parents" houses that the older two got on old clothes and jumped in the brown/green fuzzy, cold water. Pictures are blurry, but worth it.

Friday, May 02, 2008


Several people (adults and teens) that I have come in contact with over the past week have told me very similar stories. It has made me ponder a few things... These stories are basically this: these individuals have had an overwhelming sense of anxiety and despair for no apparent reason. For instance, one person said they felt like they were on the edge of a very big anxiety attack, that they just felt like crying for some unknown reason. Another stated that he had "had a shitty week" but couldn't really give concrete examples of experiences and/or situations to make him feel so. Yet another person stated she almost called me to come over because she knew she should not be alone with the way she was feeling. She was very depressed and in a bad place in her heart.
These are only a few instances out of many I could speak of. So, what gives? The weather is trying to become better, things are blooming (finally), and the days are filled with more hours of sunlight than winter. Is is the way the economy, country, and society members are? Are we in serious emotional trouble as a whole?
I have been told I have been in a mood over the past few weeks by observers. I really haven't felt that way on the inside, but I am apparently acting foul on the outside. Am I included in this turn of personalities? Sure, financially I am feeling overwhelmed, but that is nothing new. I am ready for school to be over, but I am also worried what the next school year might bring or not bring. Are these concerns coming out in my personality towards those at home? If so, how do I cure that? How does anyone?
As I sit at my computer today, off work for my pool opening (I have to wait on the workers to make sure they do what they are supposed to and to pay them...), I am burdened with thoughts. Deep thoughts. Sometimes life doesn't make sense.