Monday, August 31, 2009

Against the wind

We have been battling an entire household of sickness. Beyond that, the school where I teach is battling sickness as well. Tomorrow I must take off work to take both my daughter and myself to the doctor. She and I continue to have fevers. I guess that tells me we won't get over whatever we have without antibiotics. It has been over a week for me and just at a week for her.
Stay away swine flu! We don't want any part of that! You know it's bad when the principal of our school went around Friday handing out Germex hand gel for every classroom. . .

Monday, August 24, 2009

What a girl wants

I want to weigh 150 lbs. or less. My ideal weight would be 140-145. I'm not sure I'll get there, but I'm damn trying. Last night when I weighed myself, the scales dipped below 160. Now, that might be misleading because weight can fluctuate throughout the day. I could have caught myself at a good time. (You are supposed to weigh yourself the same time every day.)
So, back to the race. . .

Thursday, August 13, 2009

In the pit of my stomach

I have been fine the entire summer thinking about the start of school; how I had one year of teaching yearbook class under my belt...yadda, yadda, yadda. Yesterday while working in my room, a wave of panic came over me. I don't feel prepared. I don't feel very confident in the start of another yearbook class.
In the first few weeks, there is not much to focus on during the actual class time we have for yearbook. Sure, a few people can be working on something, but not the entire class, therefore it leaves room for a few things. Boredom, acting out, idle hands and idle minds. I don't like the thought of that. I just don't. So, I bust my own chops about 'what are you going to do'? And I don't like the answers I come up with. They make me nervous. So, I am still riding this wave of insecurity and panic today. I didn't sleep well last night because of it.
I guess I'll just go with the flow.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Back at it

Well, I'm up and raring to go. Not. I am awake, including all the times I awakened during the middle of the night and looked at the clock, calculating just how little sleep I was going to get. I'll crash about 4:30pm today. The thought hit me this morning while I was putting on my perfume of just how difficult times are to come. The winter is on its way with the beginning of school. First there's football season; then comes minimal amounts of daylight. I am NOT looking forward to those mornings when I must get up, shower, get dressed, and go out to start the car so it can warm up and thaw the layer of frozen goodness off the windshield. Can't you feel the cold air already???
Today is chalked full of meetings. I hope my eyelids cooperate - I'll take two toothpicks just in case.

Saturday, August 08, 2009


There are only a few more days of summer left before school resumes. Tonight will entail a dart "tournament" get together with friends. It will sort of be the close to the summer as we know it. I start back to school on Tuesday with the students starting on Thursday of next week. Yesterday I worked orientation for seventh graders for a few hours. I was seriously exhausted afterward. It'll be a looooooong week next week for me, I can tell.
Mom has her sixty days clean and sober on Monday. I am so proud of her. She'll get a new, different colored chip on Monday. She is proud of herself as well. I'm ready for her to come home. It seems like she's been gone a long time. (metaphorically she has)
I have been reading voraciously. I'm trying to cram things in before school starts. It's not working. I haven't read all the books from my summer class that were purchased by the school yet. I'm hurrying, though...

Sunday, August 02, 2009

weekend visit

Mom got to come home on an overnight pass yesterday. She and dad stopped by today so we could visit with her a little while. She looks good; she says she has lost some weight. She weighs in at 104 pounds right now. She looks good, though, not a sickly 104. I went through a short conversation about how I seriously could not remember EVER weighing under 125 pounds in my lifetime. And I meant it. At my smallest (in memory) I was never small. I was a cheerleader, basketball player (some of high school), and active, yet my weight was not miniscule. I lied on my driver's license for years, stating I weighed 120. That was a total lie.
So hearing of my mother's low weight kind of threw me for a loop. Here I am struggling like I am the addict trying to overcome my demons with not being able to lose weight. Seems odd.
Dad will take mom back tonight. I'm afraid she has confided in me that she is ready to go back. That in itself is a scary statement. I understand what she means - the safety of the place, her new-found friends, her meetings and support - but that doesn't make it any less painful for me to hear (that she wants to go back).