Saturday, December 26, 2009


Christmas is over and it seems as though we can't even walk around the house because of all of the gifts that were received. And we all thought this year's Christmas would be "slimmer" in the gift area. NOT. The girls made out like bandits in the gifts department.
The girls have had a blast playing with their new Wii games. The living room TV has been taken over. They have played Mario Kart, Wii Fit Plus, Fan Favorites, and more. We had a fun time watching Cammi try and do graceful yoga on there last night around 11pm. She definitely needs balance help.
We've also watched a few movies over the past few days. My Sister's Keeper was a tear-jerker! I read the book, of course, so I knew what to expect, but it still got me. Four Christmases was pretty funny.
I am thankful I got to go to church with all of my girls and my mom, too. Krea and Nick were there as well. We took up an entire row. The music was amazing! Such a lovely service. I'm glad we were all there to experience it together.
Christmas this year was great. Now, I'm gearing up for New Year's Eve and 2010.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

All I want for Christmas is her two front teeth...

and a couple pieces more. Cammi, my middle daughter, chipped several of her teeth last night during a basketball game. A girl elbowed her straight in the teeth and they must have bounced off one another because she has pieces chipped off from about four teeth. Three in front and one on the side. Now, they aren't broken off like halfway up or anything, but the damage is enough. Took her to the dentist today and the estimate is over 300 dollars. Merry Christmas to us, no? I'm thankful it isn't worse. It could have been. It was kind of gross, though. She was spitting and picking out shards of her teeth and you could see them both on her fingertip and on her shorts where she'd wipe her hand. She got right back out there and kept on playing, though. She's a machine! The dentist said he couldn't work on them while they are so sensitive and sore; he has to wait a week or so to do anything. So, she must have "shark teeth" as she puts it - rough on the edges.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Sweet 16

Today, at 2:11p.m. my oldest daughter will turn 16. She was delivered by C-section two weeks before my due date of Christmas Day. I was twenty years old when I delivered her. And I thought I knew quite a bit. I was quickly proven wrong.
Makaili was put in an oxygen "tent" made of hard plastic after her birth. This device was circular and had an opening for her neck to go under so that her entire head was under this oxygen producing dome. She swallowed much amniotic fluid in the delivery, so she had to have this oxygen to try and clear out her lungs, avoiding pneumonia. So instead of me getting to recover a bit in my own bed and having the pleasure of holding her while comfortable, I had to get up and into a wheelchair directly after surgery so that I could be wheeled down to the nursery to see her. Painful!! She was beautiful, though, like something right out of a movie. She had a full head of black hair that was shiny enough to show my reflection. She was pink and gorgeous, not a cone head or one bruise from a hard delivery since she was born via C-section. I was devastated that I could not pick her up right away. She had to stay in her tent.
Sixteen years later she is driving a car, having periods, liking boys, and struggling in Algebra II. I can't shield her from the world like I did when she was little. She must learn things on her own now. Sometimes the world can be a cruel place and it is difficult to learn that. I can only teach her to persevere and hit it head-on with gusto. My baby is only two years away from "adulthood". That is scary.
Happy Birthday, Sis. I love you.

Saturday, December 05, 2009


I want to fly South for the winter. I want to be like birds and be able to take off whenever I feel the cold air moving in. It pains me to be in the cold weather, literally! It dampens my mood and makes me want to remain indoors in the warm air. I do NOT like warming up the car to go anywhere, and I do NOT like to wear a coat! Sure, they make some very cute coats nowadays, but I don't like the bulkiness of that extra layer. I do find now that I have lost weight I get colder easier. (I know, it only makes sense, duh...)
Since December has arrived and we have had frost, I'm ready to pack up and be a snowbird heading to Florida or even better, Mexico! I could learn Spanish rather quickly, I'm sure! Hey, I could even teach English there, couldn't I? Great plan.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009


I finally got my prayers answered Sunday. I was able to see how I was wrong in my thinking that I posted about previous to this one. God spoke to me and showed me how I should be thinking rather than how I was thinking. All makes more sense now.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Wonder When?

I wonder when it all becomes "me, me, me" for ME? To others' advantage, though, I don't make it all about ME. Given that, others get to walk all over me. I'm quite tired of it, frankly.
Perhaps I will start being a shitty mother. Will that get me some help? Will that make others WANT to help me? Seems as though if you are a deadbeat dad or mom, someone with some sense steps in and makes the grand effort that gets your kids out of the slums. Perhaps that is what I need to strive for?
I'm praying, Lord, I'm praying. But the thoughts still invade my head. I can't get past it. Trying, but can't. I need help. I don't want to be like some other moms and dads and just let my kids be another statistic. But, that's the hard way, isn't it? The easy way is to just sit back and let someone else take over.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Demonstrative Adjectives

Not that anyone who dislikes grammar would remember from the good old school days, there are things called demonstrative pronouns that I find rather easy to grasp. One feature of the demostratives is that they can act as adjectives OR as pronouns, depending on how they are used in a sentence. I was teaching this lesson today to my middle schoolers. One caution that I tried to convey was the use of the not-uncommon "this here" and "them there". (We do live in a rural area...) Most of my students snickered. I thought they would, naturally. They snickered because they here it or say it all the time. I simply tried to reiterate that we don't need to approach our grammar lessons like we speak. Many people, I told them again, do not speak in standard English. We often hear things that may sound right, but aren't grammatically correct.
Though I don't think they got it for the long haul, we'll see on our graded homework if they at least got it for the forty-two minutes I have them. I'm crossing my fingers!

Monday, November 09, 2009

Weigh In

So, I have been trying to weigh myself at the same time daily. What I come up with is this: I am weighing in around 145-147 lbs. now. I am so thrilled! I have been working very hard at it.
I'm quite concerned about the holidays coming up, though. I don't want to cheat myself, but I don't want to compile Thanksgiving AND Christmas and put on some pounds that I've worked so hard to get off. Portion control, I know, but I'm so easily tempted. I love food!
I'll just continue to work out and add more time onto my workout if needed. That's how I'll have to look at it, I guess.
Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

3 things

Three things I'm grateful for:
1. My independence.
2. My freedom from scrutiny.
3. God's grace.

What the heck, let's list a few more:
4. My daughters.
5. My mom's sobriety.
6. Food on the table.
7. A roof over our heads.
8. My job.
9. The beautiful fall scenery.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Pumpkin Muffins

I have this recipe for pumpkin muffins that I made a couple of months ago. My oldest daughter normally doesn't really like baked pumpkin items, except for pumpkin pie, so I didn't think she'd like these muffins. Boy, was I wrong! She has begged me to make them several times. Today I did. I just took one batch out of the oven and put the last one in. The house smells of delicious baking aromas. I love that smell.
It reminds me of my grandma.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Fall break has officially begun! Hair colored, Cam's sports physical, some cleaning, laundry, and perhaps baking something. I'm sure to accomplish something, no?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

In Honor of the 36 years...

36 things I've learned:
1. Sometimes it's okay to have a piece of cake.
2. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Don't skip it.
3. As Mrs. Lane says, "They're ALL God's children."
4. Never let good friends go.
5. Recipes from The Food Network usually turn out delicious. Try one!
6. It feels good to lose weight if you need to.
7. Writing is cathartic.
8. With God, all things are possible.
9. Patience often feels difficult to come by.
10. When in doubt, pray.
11. Don't ever look back.
12. Mistakes are made so that we can learn from them, not for punishment.
13. There is happiness in the simplicities of life.
14. A hug is worth millions!
15. Live for today - not for yesterday and not for tomorrow.
16. Don't sweat the small stuff.
17. Reading is a journey.
18. Students' immaturity goes a long way.
19. It's too bad parenting doesn't come with a manual.
20. I love Target!
21. I do not like Wal-Mart.
22. Reese Cups are slices of heaven.
23. Walking and jogging are great stress relievers and are a necessary part of life.
24. Nikes are the best running shoes for me.
25. It's good to sweat sometimes.
26. Friends are a necessity for sanity.
27. The word "courage" is a loaded word.
28. Networking with other writers is awesome, and the relationships formed can last a lifetime.
29. I still want to publish a book.
30. Music is a big part of my life. It can move me.
31. I love my mom being clean and sober!
32. Never give up!
33. Our children will always be our children, even as adults.
34. The beach is calling me!
35. Smiling takes less muscle than frowning.
36. Life is good.

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, I didn't really believe I'd see thirty, but now I am a whoppping 36 years old today. I think later I'll post 36 things I've learned in my lifetime or some quirky thing like that. . .

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

The Hunger Games

I am currently reading a young adult novel titled The Hunger Games. This is a novel packed full of suspense and anticipation. It reads more like an adult novel than a young adult one. There is already another novel in the series in hardback which I will be ordering from my language arts class's book club. We are trying, as a whole, to read 100 books so that Peyton Manning will donate a million books to needy children. This is a competition through Scholastic Book Clubs that faces Eli and Peyton Manning off in a healthy, worthwhile competition where classes across the nation pick one side or another having needy kids be the ultimate winners. What more could you ask for? Books are an invaluable part of my life, and it is my hope that more young adults pick up the reading habit. It's a good habit to have!
Tonight I go to my Survivor Book Club meeting at the middle school where I am off to discuss a recent book I have read along with middle schoolers who have also read the book. Then, I will make a booktalk presentation to the group in hopes that some will choose to read what I have read again so we can discuss the themes, characters, and more next month. Won't you join in and catch the reading bug, too?
What good books have YOU read lately? I'm always looking to add to my list...

Thursday, September 24, 2009


I'm very upset about something...
During the summer when I was taking an intense writing course, I wrote all the time AND it was good stuff. Amazing stuff. Since school started, I have not written much, and when I do, it isn't at all good. I can't seem to find my center - the place where the meat and potatoes writing comes from in me. I'm beginining to wonder what happened. Why can't I seem to get to the spot where my most emotional, raw writing comes from? I almost feel cheated somehow. It's like something has come and taken my muse away. And I want it back. I need it back. It's my lifeline.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Chicago and such

This year as my daughter's sixth grade overnight trip, the students are going to Chicago. It is an annual tradition where she attends school. Tomorrow the students begin selling candles to try and raise money toward their "expensive" trip.
My mom and dad are enjoying a vacation in sunny Myrtle Beach right now. Mom texted us today saying she was sitting listening to the ocean and that it was quite quiet and peaceful. Wish I was there!
Today we had torrential downpours here. Just a lazy day watching football and doing laundry for us. Tomorrow begins another work week.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Labor Day

Over this long weekend, I have spent much time with friends. It was a good weekend. One of the highlights of the weekend was seeing old friends that we haven't seen in months and brunch with a group of tight-knit friends this morning.
Our brunch was awesome! Everyone pitched in and brought a dish. Some of the items included the following: sausage biscuits and gravy, fresh fruit, cinammon rolls, blueberry muffins, eggs, pancakes, bacon, and hashbrown casserole. Since I am watching what I eat, I really had to curb the temptation to go all out, eating whatever I wanted. I didn't. I had small portions of most of the items. I did not eat cinammon rolls, pancakes, an entire biscuit, etc. I tried to stay with the better parts of the brunch food items. Believe me, it wasn't easy!
Last evening I made a huge pot of chili and had a big group of friends over. We played a game called "Left, right, center" most of the night. It is a really easy, fun game that gets people excited. You can't help but get a bit perturbed at giving away your chips to your neighbor! It was good to see our friends from Columbus that we haven't seen in months. We all had a great time. I was tired today.
Well, with today off we have a short work week ahead. I have survivor book club at school Tuesday night, but am looking forward to only working four days! Happy Labor Day to all.

Thursday, September 03, 2009


My mom is now home for good. She got back Friday night. My family went to see her on Sunday evening, and I have talked with her on the phone every day since she arrived home. I have seen her all but two days. Sunday night we had a taco dinner at mom's with my dad cooking the meal. I know!! How crazy is that?! We watched the last game of the little league world series and ate tacos. Mine was chicken taco salad; no red meat, of course. It was tasty. It felt good knowing that I didn't cave to greasy food that would leave me feeling bogged down and sick to my stomach.
Cam and I went to the doctor on Tuesday. We both have sinus infections. The doctor couldn't believe I waited twelve days before going to an appointment. Couldn't help it. Couldn't miss work. So, the antibiotics have had time to kick in and I feel much better.
Last night I went to a meeting with mom at my church. It is called Celebrate Recovery. At one point, we both were crying, naturally. It was good to get to spend time with her in that capacity. A bit of healing time. I think we'll go back again. It is really powerful when music can move you. An associate pastor at my church is just simply gifted with music talents. He has been offered some really amazing record deals, but he has declined them because it wasn't what was right for his life at the time, he said. ( I did the website's biographies for the staff of the church - inside information.) That man can move me to tears. I love to just sit and listen to him and the other members play. It can be transforming.
Off to get dinner completed!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Against the wind

We have been battling an entire household of sickness. Beyond that, the school where I teach is battling sickness as well. Tomorrow I must take off work to take both my daughter and myself to the doctor. She and I continue to have fevers. I guess that tells me we won't get over whatever we have without antibiotics. It has been over a week for me and just at a week for her.
Stay away swine flu! We don't want any part of that! You know it's bad when the principal of our school went around Friday handing out Germex hand gel for every classroom. . .

Monday, August 24, 2009

What a girl wants

I want to weigh 150 lbs. or less. My ideal weight would be 140-145. I'm not sure I'll get there, but I'm damn trying. Last night when I weighed myself, the scales dipped below 160. Now, that might be misleading because weight can fluctuate throughout the day. I could have caught myself at a good time. (You are supposed to weigh yourself the same time every day.)
So, back to the race. . .

Thursday, August 13, 2009

In the pit of my stomach

I have been fine the entire summer thinking about the start of school; how I had one year of teaching yearbook class under my belt...yadda, yadda, yadda. Yesterday while working in my room, a wave of panic came over me. I don't feel prepared. I don't feel very confident in the start of another yearbook class.
In the first few weeks, there is not much to focus on during the actual class time we have for yearbook. Sure, a few people can be working on something, but not the entire class, therefore it leaves room for a few things. Boredom, acting out, idle hands and idle minds. I don't like the thought of that. I just don't. So, I bust my own chops about 'what are you going to do'? And I don't like the answers I come up with. They make me nervous. So, I am still riding this wave of insecurity and panic today. I didn't sleep well last night because of it.
I guess I'll just go with the flow.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Back at it

Well, I'm up and raring to go. Not. I am awake, including all the times I awakened during the middle of the night and looked at the clock, calculating just how little sleep I was going to get. I'll crash about 4:30pm today. The thought hit me this morning while I was putting on my perfume of just how difficult times are to come. The winter is on its way with the beginning of school. First there's football season; then comes minimal amounts of daylight. I am NOT looking forward to those mornings when I must get up, shower, get dressed, and go out to start the car so it can warm up and thaw the layer of frozen goodness off the windshield. Can't you feel the cold air already???
Today is chalked full of meetings. I hope my eyelids cooperate - I'll take two toothpicks just in case.

Saturday, August 08, 2009


There are only a few more days of summer left before school resumes. Tonight will entail a dart "tournament" get together with friends. It will sort of be the close to the summer as we know it. I start back to school on Tuesday with the students starting on Thursday of next week. Yesterday I worked orientation for seventh graders for a few hours. I was seriously exhausted afterward. It'll be a looooooong week next week for me, I can tell.
Mom has her sixty days clean and sober on Monday. I am so proud of her. She'll get a new, different colored chip on Monday. She is proud of herself as well. I'm ready for her to come home. It seems like she's been gone a long time. (metaphorically she has)
I have been reading voraciously. I'm trying to cram things in before school starts. It's not working. I haven't read all the books from my summer class that were purchased by the school yet. I'm hurrying, though...

Sunday, August 02, 2009

weekend visit

Mom got to come home on an overnight pass yesterday. She and dad stopped by today so we could visit with her a little while. She looks good; she says she has lost some weight. She weighs in at 104 pounds right now. She looks good, though, not a sickly 104. I went through a short conversation about how I seriously could not remember EVER weighing under 125 pounds in my lifetime. And I meant it. At my smallest (in memory) I was never small. I was a cheerleader, basketball player (some of high school), and active, yet my weight was not miniscule. I lied on my driver's license for years, stating I weighed 120. That was a total lie.
So hearing of my mother's low weight kind of threw me for a loop. Here I am struggling like I am the addict trying to overcome my demons with not being able to lose weight. Seems odd.
Dad will take mom back tonight. I'm afraid she has confided in me that she is ready to go back. That in itself is a scary statement. I understand what she means - the safety of the place, her new-found friends, her meetings and support - but that doesn't make it any less painful for me to hear (that she wants to go back).

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Yesterday and the day before, my mind was a jumbled mess. It's like I have been walking around in a fog, unable to truly see well. I can put some feelers out there, but they don't help; I still feel disoriented.
To what do I owe this wonderful feeling? I began to wonder if it is a migraine coming on. I really don't think it is. Am I getting sick? I don't know. I do know that I don't like feeling this way.
Even my emotions are on overload. Well, maybe not so much on overload; maybe it is more of a numb feeling. I've felt like I wanted to be secluded, alone. I haven't really wanted to interact with people much. This, unfortunately, does not work in my life - I am constantly surrounded by others. Perhaps I need a vacation from life. Perhaps I need to get away if even for a day in solitude. How, where, and when that could happen does not show up on the radar. Not possible. So, in the present time, I'll just have to cope.
It doesn't help that I miss my mom.
I talk to her on the phone often, and she is doing very well. With her being clean and a real person again, I miss her. I want to spend time with the mom I once knew who has returned. But she is not finished with her treatment until August 27. She is also homesick, which tugs at my heartstrings.
Oh, so many emotions, so little time to sort them out. . .

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Letter from Mom

I got a letter in the mail from my mom today. It was two pages of lined notebook paper front and back. It was good to read her writing, as if she was talking to me or sitting next to me perhaps drinking a cup of coffee.
(I sent her a card a week or so ago, but this is the first letter I have received from her since she's been in treatment. The girls and I have gone to see her once, whereas my dad has gone to see her several times.)
There were several interesting aspects to the letter. First, mom wrote in the letter about her excitement. I haven't seen her have excitement for anything in a very long time. She even said that on Sunday when dad came up to see her, it was as if it were their first date. That melted my heart. Secondly, there was a poem of sorts she included in there that was given to her in the program speaking of motivation called "Even Though" by Ralph Marston. This little poem was striking. I can just see her reading it and being her own cheerleader. Another thing in the letter that struck me was that she spoke of a meeting she attended where the participants had to write a condensed version of their recovery and make it so people would want to read it. Mom and the other attendees made book jackets and titles for the "books" and even had to go to the front of the room as if on Oprah or some talk show where they had to answer questions about their books as if they were bestsellers. My mom loved this, she said. The counselor even praised her repeatedly on her job well done. He told her that her book was "so deep", then proceeded to spin her around to the entire audience and tell them how he just wanted to scoop her up and for everyone to take a good look at her. She felt on top of the world! I can only imagine how she felt validated - for her writing to matter to someone. I have had that feeling a few times and there is no high like that high a person can feel if they love the written word like I do. Lastly, mom copied her goodbye letter to pain pills for me to read. As I have had time to process it and re-read it more than once, I am moved by it. It's not that it is loaded with impressive vocabulary or painted with heavy descriptive words; it is that it's raw and expressive. It brings me to tears. I'm ready to have my old mom back - the one who wrote this letter to me that I received in the mail today.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Failure to post

I had this big post yesterday that would not post, so the info was lost because I did not save a draft before trying the post.
What it said was that I am changing my eating lifestyle and my physical fitness lifestyle. Today is the first day I have not gone on a thirty minute jog/walk for over a week. My legs feel like jell-o and my head is swimming. Sinus pressure. Feel terrible. I'm sure it is from stress. Can't seem to get away from it! *So many things I want to say, but don't want to risk giving someone pleasurable reading material.

What happened to getting groceries being a luxury? What happened to several payments being behind on things? What happened to desperately needing money? You see, my dear readers, there seems to be some talking out of both sides of one's mouth going on here. And franly, people don't like that. My prayers include people who talk out of both sides of their mouths; they include people who trespass against me; and they include my own anger and the anger of others; they also include liars, fakers, cheaters.
Those prayers aren't easy ones to pray, but necessary.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Last evening my dad treated us to a little road trip. He knew it was on my bucket list to see a live horse race. (I particularly want to go to the KY Derby one day, but a live horse race will suffice for now.) Since there were only three days left of thoroughbred horse racing at Indiana Downs, we decided to go last night. It was a great evening for outdoor activities. We had a good time despite not winning with the small bets we put down. Dad, Whitey, and I were betting for the girls since they aren't 18 yet. I'm telling you, it is NOT a science. Odds change with the drop of a hat, jockeys get hot and cold quickly, and the horses have minds of their own despite their running records. They definitely live in the moment, taking in all that is around them. Sights, sounds, movements, touch - they sense it all and will run accordingly. That is why betting is pretty much a roadspan of luck. Sometimes you run on the straight and narrow and find your way to the payoff in the end, and sometimes you can see the end, but can't get to the prize. Betting on a horse is dabbling in fate.
Some of the names of the horses were grand - Snicklebritches(winner), Watchmeshakeit (winner), My Sassy Girl, Sugar Cube a Holic, and Chaffed Lips. I think I want to get a horse just to name it something catchy and corny. (Maybe then the grass wouldn't need mowed either!) Syd said she'd name hers Grease Lightning, Rockin' Robin, Racin' Ruby, or Speed Racer. Guess where she got most of these names??? Movies.
Cammi would name hers(if it was female) Dirty Girl; if it was male, she'd name it Chimichanga. Catchy!
Maybe mine would be Weightaminute, Pristine Princess, Jabberwocky, or Romeo's Rose. I could do this all day.
*Sydney's late comment came in as follows: "Wouldn't it be sad if someone named theirs 'Glue'?"

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Do Run Run

I love the library. I am a closet librarian, I believe. When people give booktalks in any given conference I attend, my heart races at the thought of delving into a new book to read and then sharing it with someone else. Since I do love the library, I try to go there often. School is out, so I went to the local public library the other day.
At the public library, there is much to be desired by way of new books, displaying popular reads, and really selling the library's package. If I were running the show there, changes would surely be made. Anyway, that's not what I am here to talk about. I am here to speak of the book I checked out.
I checked out a Runner's World published book about beginning running. I read the first three chapters the night I got it. This got me thinking, after knowing how bad my weight is and so on, that I really need to begin some walking then running. So, today, I walked/jogged for thirty minutes. And, so it begins.

Friday, July 10, 2009

5 things I'm grateful for

1. My intelligence
2. Healthy children
3. Grace and forgiveness
4. My resurrected friendships
5. Sunshine

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Sweet Nothings

There are only a few weeks of my "summer vacation" left before school starts again. Those of you keeping up with me know that since I had to take a grad class, my summer vacation just started last week. (not even a full week, as I might say) So, given those facts, my vacation is not really a vacation at all. Why not? you ask. Well, think of it like this:
If a teacher has to put off all appointments like dental, vision, etc. during the school year, she then waits for summer to come so that she can make those appointments during normal business hours like from 8-4. That means her summer vacation would be the best time to get an appointment like mentioned so that she doesn't have to take off work or take her kids out of school to do routine things. Trying to then cram all of those appts. for four people into less than three weeks is what I'm up against. Before I know it, I will be forming lesson plans for the beginning of the school year, taking up precious hours of my vacation time. So, if you are keeping track, and I think you aren't, my summer is cut down to only a couple of weeks of days off. That's not nearly enough for me. Sure, I love my job, don't get me wrong. But some nice summer days is what many teachers look forward to. When a teacher is robbed of those, it seems like she has been cheated.

My oldest daughter is driving now. She has her permit and is taking driver's ed as of this past Monday. Yesterday she drove to a town near us about fifteen miles away and then drove back as well. She did great, actually! I am and was worried. I guess it is a normal motherly reaction to your child driving?! I am paranoid about my kids being in a car accident, so it grates on my nerves to think about all of the possibilities...
I got to visit with a friend yesterday. It was quite nice. This friend has been on weight watchers and has lost forty pounds. Man, am I envious! I need to follow in the footsteps of said friend. Difficult, though.
I helped another friend move on Monday. You talk about difficult! There was a multitude of stuff to move, but we got it done. I'm glad this friend is out of the environment he was in. Yikes!

Saturday, July 04, 2009


Happy Fourth of July to all!
Some people travel on the holiday weekend, some visit other cities. This fourth of July I am celebrating the nation's independence and my own! We are having a get together at our house for the holiday. Fried chicken (homemade), cheeseburgers, hot dogs, and more will be served. I am so excited for my friends, new and old, to come over to celebrate. There will be a cornhole tournament (with trophies involved)and other planned activities for all to enjoy. The fireworks that the city park does will be seen from the backyard. You can't get any better! Relaxing, unwinding, and laughing - I can't wait.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


I am going to see my mom in treatment today for the first time.
My girls are going with me.
My father is driving us.

Friday, June 26, 2009


We are settling down in the approach to the homestretch for my grad class. I am so glad I have written as much as I have. I'm so glad that I have made friends to bounce ideas off of. I'm so glad I got to meet some very intelligent instructors, and I'm so glad my work is almost complete for the requirements of the class.
I'm not happy about having to be finished with the class. I'm going to miss it, to be totally honest. I won't miss the commute - one hour one way - but the other aspects I will miss.
Soon I'll post some samples of what I wrote while in the class. Soon.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Dear Addiction, Part 2

The other day I wrote a letter to my mother's addiction in my writing class. I read it to someone yesterday for the first time. The person cried. And so did I. Here is a second letter, influenced by my conversation with my mother on the phone last night...

Dear Addiction,
It seems your importance has diminished by leaps and bounds. My mother is breaking out of your cocoon you had around her. She now sees light, truth, and hope. For that, I'm thankful.
Since you don't have such power over my mother any more, she is able to backtrack over her memories, or what she has left of them. She realizes just how long you and she had your little love affair. Though she couldn't say the actual words, she was aware that you two have been together, entwined, for twenty-one years. That's a fourth of a lifetime. I'm sure you aren't happy about this new arrangement. I'm sure you are panicking and latching on to any last minute hope that you and my mother may be together again. I'm praying every day you are out of our lives forever.
Sure, it won't be easy. We'll have to help her fight you daily, perhaps even hourly. Taking one hour at a time, one day at a time, will be the strongfast hold she can have to put you at bay. I'll help her do just that. You see, last night was the first real conversation I have had with mother in so long. She sounded happy and clear-headed. She feels some independence, and it makes her giddy.
So, addiction, say goodbye. Feel endangered. Give up.
Nina Shoultz
daughter of someone special

Monday, June 15, 2009

...and I said, "NO, No, NO"...

There's an Amy Winehouse song called "REhab". The lyrics referenced above were my mother's mantra for many years. She would not be happy reading this, but sometimes there are things we must write about when the muse strikes us. Now is that time.
My prescription medication addicted mother went into rehab on her own free will last Thursday. This was the same day I was to give my demo lesson in front of a class full of graduate students. Since I am in an intensive grad course, I was unable to go with my father to take my mother to her destination. I was secured in New Albany, nowhere near the northeast side of Indianapolis, so I was cut off from the day's events.
I talked to my mom on Sat. afternoon. It is the first time she has sounded human in years. An on and off addiction of twenty years has taken her away from us. It almost sounded as if she may return when I talked with her a couple of days ago. I hope so, because it has been too long. I had resigned myself to the thought process of not having a living mother. That sounds incredibly harsh and unempathetic. Folks, believe me when I tell you that the aformentioned is a coping mechanism that some resort to in the extreme cases. This was one of those cases.
When users go so far, it gets pretty unbearable for the survivors of the usage to sit back and watch. I was one of those survivors; I no longer wanted to partake in watching my mother's demise. So, I didn't. I cut myself off from her as much as I could.
I'm ready for her to come back to life.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

School Days

I have one week of school under my belt. I've written many things - I've written about college, my girls, my grandmothers, The Heilman's who lived down the road from me while I was growing up, and someone's addiction. Going through many memories this week and writing about them has actually been quite exhausting. Plus, I must drive an hour one way to get to class, so that is tiring as well.
Some good friends of ours left at 4am this morning for Florida. I'm so jealous. They'll be staying on a white, sandy beach while I am here in crappy Indiana. It looks as though a trip to see my dad is out of the question. He is coming up here, though, so we'll at least get to visit with him a little bit.
I miss my teacher friends from school. The ones I ate lunch with every day are greatly missed. The laughter was much needed during the school day. Now, I miss laughing with them just out of pure fun. I've seen a few of them here and there and have gotten together with a couple of them sporadically. I need a big get together to catch up with them all!
A week from this Sunday is Father's Day! Don't forget to remember your Dads.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

tomorrow, tomorrow...

I start my class tomorrow. My TWO WHOLE DAYS OFF are over.
Though it kind of seems overwhelming, it is sort of exciting at the same time. I love to write, so I think I'll like the class. I'm banking on it being cathartic.

Friday, June 05, 2009


The show was simply amazing. Those who go see it will understand when I say you don't want it to end. It's that good.
The music is phenomenal. It is the kind of music that makes a person want to sing if they can't. I must admit, my eyes teared up several times, but for many reasons.
Let's examine them:
1. When people can sing, it brings tears to my eyes.
2. Music moves me.
3. The musical nudged my acting bug, which seems to be nudged more and more as time passes.
4. The themes in this musical impact audience members.
5. My love (and my girls') for The Wizard of Oz made me love this musical. It is sort of a prequel to The Wizard of Oz.
6. It made me think back to all of the shows I've seen in the past, either smalltown podunk shows, or grand Broadway shows. I love them all!
7. Makes me sad that I cannot afford season tickets to the Broadway series. Makes me even sadder that I can't take my girls to experience it with me if I were to go.
8. Great acting is mesmerizing to watch (and cry about).
9. Why can't I quit my job to travel and do theater reviews???
10. I cried because I could.

If anyone can get a ticket to see Wicked, either in New York City or not, then do so. You'll be ever amazed and in awe!

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Wickedly Welcome

Hold onto your hats!!!

My bucket list just got smaller. . .

I am going to see Wicked on stage tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I will be leaving here shortly when my friend comes to pick me up. We will head to Indy, grab a bite to eat, and enjoy the wonderful music. There are actually quite a few people going, so we should have a jazzy time.
I'll post details at a later date.
Break a leg!!!!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Purpose Driven

I am reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren right now and finished a chapter this week about making bad relationships forgiven, no matter how far back they go. This is not to say the relationship must continue, revamp, or rekindle. This means to make amends; say your peace.
One relationship that I was nudged about while reading was the one with the recent ex husband. Given all that surrounds or surrounded things, I do not want to conjure up feelings, hurts, angers, etc. and contact him. I'm sure he reads this blog, so I'll do it here.
Gabe -
In a relationship, it takes both people to communicate, both to make mistakes, and both to take responsibility for things. I want to tell you that I know that and understand that. NO ONE is perfect. That I know, too. I am a very difficult person to live with. I accept that about myself. So, at this particular time and place, I am making peace with you. That does NOT mean I want to have any type of communication; I just want you to know I forgive both you and myself. Nothing further needs to be done or said, just know that the anger is gone. I want you to find your peace and live how you want to live, as I am doing the same.

Perhaps those interested should read the book as well.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


So I am sort of freaking out about my upcoming class. I know I shouldn't; there's really nothing to be afraid of. Despite telling myself that, I am frightened a bit. You see, I have to do what's called a "demo" lesson. This lesson is hands-on for the participants of the writing class. I must demonstrate a writing lesson, having the students (grad students) do whatever writing task I explain. Then, the pieces of writing are displayed for all to see. The demo lesson should be one that these teachers/students can take back and use for their classrooms. Sure, I've had writing lessons I've done before, but I don't want to do one too easy, too disconnected or not meaningful. Help me out, if you can!
I sort of want to do something like, but???????
(breath deeply, breath deeply, Nina)
Why do we fear failure so much???

Friday, May 22, 2009

Long Weekend

`Thank goodness it's a long weekend.

My Granny called today and invited our whole family over for dinner on Monday night. I think other family members are going to be there as well. Sounds fun! Less than a week left before Thoroughly Modern Millie! I can't wait. I love that musical, and I can't wait to see Cammi in it. She has a great part.

Pizza night tonight. Kids are downstairs watching a movie (number 1 and 3), middle daughter is at a friend's for a while. All is good in the hood.
Our local Mexican restaurant is now back in business after a fire. Can't wait to be treated to a nice margarita there.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Tri-county Champ

My middle daughter, Cammi, is now the Tri-County Shotput Champion!!!! It was great. I am so proud.

There are eight days of school left.

I start my class on June 8.

I found out today that a trip to France is expensive and not on the radar for me - even if it is through school.

I need a part time job (a second job - isn't that sad?)

I can't wait for Cammi's musical next week.

I almost got beat up by a weird, gross, freak of a guy because I stopped to take pictures of an old truck that has sat in a field I go by daily for nine months. He did not like my explanation of why I was taking close up pics of this truck. Seriously, he confronted me, walking closer and closer as he spoke.

I want a quiet day off by myself.

I love sunshine.

Sunday, May 17, 2009


I am so thankful for all that I have. It is easy to get distracted in this crazy thing we call life - distracted from what is important and real. And today, my friends, I am grateful.
Last night I had the chance to spend the evening with some family and friends. One family member in particular, I haven't spent much time with over the last SEVERAL years. This is a person whom I practically helped raise. When my own girls were little, this "girl" (she's now a woman), was at my house almost every weekend. She was like a daughter to my husband and me. After not really having her in my life for more than five years, I am wonderfully excited that she is back in it now. Last night was great - we laughed, danced, had a great time!
Thank you God for bringing us back together! I selfishly want so much more time with her.
We have something like 12 days of school left. I look forward to the summer. Bring it on!!!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tu parle le Francais?

This morning, as I type, there is a sweet smelling aroma coming from the kitchen. No, my children aren't fixing me breakfast for being such a good mother. Yes, breakfast items are being prepared.
Makaili is in French class at school and from time to time, they have cooking days where each student brings in something French related. This time, on their last feast, we tried a new recipe. Creme Brulee French Toast.
The smell is powerful. We all love creme brulees, so we hope it tastes similar. They are coming out of the oven now and I can't wait to try it! (we had to fix two pans - one for school and one for us)
I'll let you know the verdict...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Cam threw her best at shotput and discus last night. She outthrows some of the high schoolers here. I guess they aren't very good!
She threw 31' 1" in shot and discus was around 61'.
I am so proud of her. I hope she sticks with it and continues to improve so that next year she can really make those suckers fly!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother May I?

I used to love that game. We neighborhood kids would play Mother May I days in a row. Simple game, but fun.
I am a mother. I have been for over fifteen years. Some days I don't really feel like I am, but others the overwhelming awareness zaps me. Many days I feel as though I am a sucky mother. Other days I feel as though I am not. I guess every mother goes through that. One thing I do know is that I do a helluva lot for my kids. And though they may not know it now, I pray they realize it when they get older. (I predict they'll understand it once they have their own children.) Sure, I am moody, bitchy, overwhelmed easily with stress, but I never stop doing for my girls.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, but more importantly, those who mother. You know who you are: the women that may or may not have given birth, but continue to give, sacrifice, and love despite all odds.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Rain, Mental Health Days, and Field Trips

Tomorrow a fellow teacher and I will embark on a field trip to Indy. We are taking approx. 30 (out of 125) students who earned this trip. They were to have no grade lower than a C-, have no lunch detentions, period detentions, or write-ups for three weeks prior to last Friday. Like I said, we have only 30 going. My problem with this field trip is that I have been looking forward to it, but we have been swamped with a shitload of rain today. It is suspected to continue tomorrow. So what, you may say. Well, all would be good if we weren't going to an OUTDOOR baseball game! And, and, . . . we have lawn seats. I hope and pray it clears up tonight and the sun shines a bit tomorrow.
Today was rough at school. I seriously didn't know if I could make it there all day. My morning was marked with several students sent to period detention, much pulsing of the brain and heart on my part due to anger, and outright anxiousness. I mean, my blood pressure hasn't skyrocketed like it did today for a long time. Sure, I've been "worked up" before, but today was one of those flip-the-switch-instant-red-faced-bitch moments. I could feel my ears burn. I ended up making it through, but it was questionable there for a while.
I think I will charge Mak's iPod tonight and take it for the bus ride tomorrow. I can rock out and bust some rhymes on the way there and back, zoning out for a while. Then, if it rains, I'll possibly have one of those cool songs in my head and sing for the crowd. Take me out to the ballgame!

Sunday, May 03, 2009

I'd like to introduce you to...

the members of MY family (thank you to Hit 40 for this one):

-HVAC salesman (no, it doesn't stand for "hilarious vacations" salesman)
-two years older than me
-we're actually legally divorced, but technically back together in a non-legal sense
-sports fanatic
-overtly outgoing personality

-15 and a half year old daughter
-has come to be familiar with getting Cs on her report card as of freshman year
-brainy, yet unwilling to use to her advantage
-artist (very good one, at that)
-can sing well, but refuses to use it publicly
-has had heart broken by a member of the male species
-has huge feet like me

-soon to be 14 in a month - middle daughter
-named after successful female hockey player
-middle name is from male, famous hockey player
-most athletic of the girls in family
-WAY involved in everything: track, basketball, softball, and theater at once
-most helpful
-A/B student

-eleven year old daughter
-was born while I was finishing up my college degree (returning student)
-All A student
-drama queen
-wears glasses like me
-loves to write, like me
-is sooooo not athletic
-high maintenance
-Disney Channel enthusiast
-can't stand to be away from me

-tiny, two-pound Yorkie (Mak is "supposed" to be her mother)
-dog of the family
- loves to cuddle and sleep in blankets, near humans, or on humans
-gets her fine, thin hair matted easily
-is a pain in the butt, but we love her

and me.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Round Robin Writing

I did a round robin writing activity with my classes today. Some of my students just amaze me. They are worse than second graders. I gave each student a story starter, explained what we were doing and how the period would work. Some of them just looked at me in awe; they stated they were confused and didn't know what to do - how could they start a story from the line I gave them??? UUUUGGGGHHHH. I swear.

Monday, April 27, 2009

10 Noteworthy Events in the last 24 Hours

1. I went to church alone but felt nowhere near alone during the service.

2. I visited Versailles State Park with family and friends including having a wiffleball game.

3. I cried about something.

4. I couldn't easily get to sleep.

5. One of my students got into some serious trouble.

6. I finished a yearbook layout.

7. I showcased my yearbook class for the school board and community.

8. I talked to my dad on the phone.

9. I showed a film to try and nudge the hearts of my students to prevent unkind behaviors toward others.

10. I cleaned out one of my desk drawers at school.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Boy in Striped Pajamas

Since my class has read the play adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank, I thought it worthwhile for them to view the recent film about the Holocaust titled, The Boy in Striped Pajamas. We started it on Friday and will hopefully finish it up tomorrow. I just finished watching it myself and it is quite powerful. It's worth renting on DVD for the general public, not just academically. Go see for yourself and let me know if it pulls your heart strings.
Tough day for me today emotionally. Can't narrow it to just one reason. I think I've had maybe one complete conversation all day.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I'm a sucker for...

So I mentioned selling suckers for a fundraiser for my yearbook class/students. Here's how it was supposed to work: I ordered three cases (very large boxes with eight internal boxes) of assorted flavors of round suckers. These were supposed to sell for .50 cents a piece. We paid $432 for them and was supposed to make $432 in profit. For you mathematicians, that is a fifty percent profit.
I grilled these kids about not giving any freebies away, watching how they sell, keeping things straight. Long story short, we did NOT make the profit we intended to because of theft. Middle schoolers in my school strategically stole many suckers right from the table where they were being sold. I don't have the final numbers, but we made from 40-80 dollars less than what we were supposed to. That sickens me. Literally. But, what it amounts to is that my yearbook students won't have enough money to get t-shirts or what have you with the profit like they wanted to. That's really no skin off my back. It is partly their fault since I continued to coach them and warn them of the pitfalls of not selling correctly or accurately. So, tough cookies. Yes, it angers me, but to no avail. I'll end up getting my two co-editors special gifts from me for all of their hard work and the rest will get little to nothing. (may sound harsh, but these kids have stuck me with much work and responsibility with no remorse)
Funny story: a friend of mine (choir teacher) at school had a mishap today. She, on her prep, was going to return a CD to the high school choral director right up the drive from our school. She decided to go a block away to get a "slurpie" as she called it and gas. She prepaid, went to the pump, pressed necessary buttons, and the gas began to spew out at her in all directions. The pump was "set" by someone. She had a concert tonight. She needed the dress clothes she was in. She returned to school, with many turned heads and held noses. She had to change her clothes and wash the dress clothes soaked in gasoline. As of the end of school, they were on their third washing. They still smelled like gas. She was going to the high school choral director's house to shower before the show since she lives 45 minutes away. She was hilarious in telling the story with drama. I was laughing.
Seems fitting - weird week, weird happenings.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Something in the Water

In honor of Earth Day, our cafeteria must have put something in the batter for the yeast rolls or something in the water. I mean, seriously! The students were simply out of control today! I handed out period detentions, lunch detentions, and write-ups! They acted as if they'd eaten 'shrooms or something.
I, along with other colleagues, could not wait for 3:00pm to come. We waited with heightened anticipation. We emailed back and forth, we gave those raised-eyebrows looks to one another, we smirked and raised our hands in question. This was one of those days where you just want to run to your car after the bell rings for dismissal and race home to a nice, chilled glass of wine. Too bad I must pick up and drop off my daughter from event to event. No glass of wine for me, then.
Instead, I get to run to the grocery store to pick up soft taco shells and sour cream so that we can have our fiesta for dinner. Tacos, burritos, taco salads. That's what we'll be having. Did I mention said daughter has to do so in under an hour? Eating on the run. Parents of young children, get used to it if you plan on having involved kids. I understand why statistics state that students who are involved in extra-curricular activities are less likely to do drugs and get into trouble. They don't have time to!
Okay. Enough stalling. I must motor.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Shot Through the Heart, and You're to Blame

Good Monday morning to you all! (smile) I could have slept for three more hours at least!
This week is full of activities, some fun, some not so fun. Tonight, however, we have a home track meet (jr. high). I have to work long jump. Cammi is throwing shot and discus. Last Thursday, at her very first meet ever, she won the shotput throw. (Hence, the title of the post). I can't wait to see how she does tonight.
I never was into track when I was in school. I think I went to two meets. My general impression was that I stood in wonderment because it looked a bit like organized chaos - there were twenty things going on at once, with an unseen continuity that non-track people didn't understand.
I'm glad Cammi has taken this up. In the long run, I feel she can be damn good and competitive against other girls from around here. She's got the guns for it, that's for sure. She could kick my butt, truth be known.
My final test on Anne Frank is today. I'm worried the kids might not get the deeper level thinking questions. They struggle with those.
And, my yearbook class is starting sucker sales today. I'm a bit anxious about that. Money, keeping the items straight, not giving away "discounted" know.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Day of Writing

I attended my first day "orientation" of IUS Writing Project in New Albany today. I wrote many pages of different things, brainstormed many ideas, met new people, and was inspired by the whole thing.
I can't wait.
Hard work? Yes.
Worth it? Yes.
Will I be upset when it is over? Yes.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Hello, Dolly!

My girls and I just got back from watching a final dress rehearsal of our local high school's musical, Hello Dolly. Let me tell you, the lead was phenomenal! She has some real, innate talent. If she wanted, she could pursue a career in the field.
I hope the locals will go see it on Friday and Saturday. My friend is directing the pit orchestra for the production. She does a grand job, too.
Only one problem with the show: it gives me the fever, the bug, to be on stage myself again. (It's on that darn bucket list of mine...)
Until tomorrow...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


An odd thing happened to me last evening.
First of all, I am having a hard time sleeping due to the medication I am taking. My sleep is not REM sleep for long spurts of time. Instead, I get interrupted sleep, waking up feeling very tired. I won't stop the medication, though, because I need it. So, I stick to the grind of bad sleep.
Last night, I had a weird dream or two or three or four thousand. One was about snakes. Symbolic? Perhaps. In more ways that you know (right, Hope?). Okay. So, this dream was filled with all kinds, sizes, and strengths of snakes. They were crawling on me, over me, biting me, etc. I am scared shitless of them. I don't even like to see them on the TV screen or on a page in a magazine. They freak me out. So this dream was torture.
I also had a dream about babysitting a co-worker's newborn baby girl. I had to bathe her, change her, and take care of her under the watchful eyes of her family members. She was screaming during the bath, then fell asleep on my shoulder with a diaper on and nothing else. She had a beautiful head of hair, just like my girls did. I was anxious about taking care of her, though. As if I haven't done it a hundred times with my own kids AND others' kids. But, for some reason, this was weird to me. I didn't feel capable, not in my eyes, but in the eyes of her family and those watching. Weird, with a capital "W".
What do I make of these? Blame it on the meds? Underlying message?
I can't wait until the ten days of medicine are up!!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Losing my Religion

Sure they are song lyrics, but they are applicable. Throughout my life I have been to different churches and have experienced different avenues of faith, even worship. I am a Christian, that much is for sure. What perplexes me, though, is where I fit into the spectrum of religion.
I was baptized Catholic at a very young age. I believe I was months old. Growing up, we were Catholics. We attended Mass with my grandmother mostly, with most of the family together. My mom, her brother and sisters, etc. When my first daughter was born, she was baptized under that religion as well. I made my first communion in second grade, as the story goes. I did not, however, go through confirmation with my peers as a high schooler. Instead, as an adult, I went through the process after returning back to college with two kids. Finally, after college and at my first teaching job, which was at a Catholic school, I became a Eucharistic Minister. (basically means I served communion to church members during mass) All of my daughters were baptized Catholic.
I got divorced while working at this school and was given the Book. I was told I could not take communion any longer, was fired from my job (for being a "bad influence" on the students because I was divorced), and could no longer be a Eucharistic minister. I was, what it felt like, ex-communicated from the Catholic religion.
I moved on to becoming a Methodist. I felt welcomed, worthy, and respected. Sometimes I would have feelings of wanting to attend mass, but would then revert back to the condemnation and anger I felt. This past Christmas, for the first time in many, many years, I attended a Catholic Midnight Mass. Being in God's house felt good, but there was just something missing. I took communion, though I had been advised against it. I have never returned.
Today, for the first time since that Christmas mass, I attended church. I thought I would try something different. There is a very active church here where I live. I debated on going to a mass, even though I didn't really feel I would get much out of it. I decided against it and attended this church where many people go and speak of. One issue, I felt a bit uncomfortable because it is a Baptist church. I have attended a Baptist church before with friends while growing up. I have never attended as a church seeker, though - an adult trying to find her church home, trying to find just where she fits.
I was impressed once I let go of the jitters, the judgment, the control. Sure, the service itself was different than what I am used to, but that's not entirely a bad thing. The message was good, the atmosphere was inviting, the church was gorgeous, and the people were nice. It felt good to be where people seemed to get something out of the service, something to take away and use to live well.
This leaves me, as so many times in my life have, questioning some things. Why do we label our religious ties? Do we need to? Are they interchangable at different times in our lives? Should it matter which denomination we affiliate with as long as we are believers? Why do I feel I should remain Catholic when I have been treated so harshly and when I don't get the same feeling from a mass that I do with other services?
Sometimes, in situations like these, I feel like a lost teenager searching for her identity all over again. I don't like that feeling. It scares me.
I am thankful, on this Easter, that I went to church today and that I was able to feel the spirit of the church I attended. Am I Baptist? Catholic? Methodist? or nothing? I don't know. I'm just a believer I guess. There could be worse things. . .

Wednesday, April 08, 2009


Some people become desperate when they feel they are in a situation with little to no options. Exhibit A: me.
I don't feel desperate, but I do feel like I'm in a situation with not many options. You see, I went to a doctor's appointment today that I called and made yesterday after a week's worth of suffering. (right now, at this point, a bit of guilt moves in -- I don't have a terminal illness or disease, so I feel guilty for even speaking of my small ailments in comparison) I thought I was having a bout with allergies like many people are right now. No, not the case. I have a sinus infection. I've been told by ear,nose, and throat specialists (many years ago) that I have chronic sinusitis. No shit. This past fall, after being on many rounds of antibiotics and being sick for months, I was told the same thing again by my family doctor. I agreed that, yes, I am aware that I have had issues with sinusitis in the past. Yes, we could take an aggressive antibiotic approach. Yes, I finished the medicines. Low and behold, here we are again at this juncture. Long, long ago I was told (e,n,t docs) I could either have sinus surgery (with no guarantees), or deal with it. I chose to deal with it. I have been choosing to deal with it for many years. I'm sure I'm resistant to medication now, as I was told I would be. So, I hesitate to go to the doctor to get prescriptions of antibiotics. Nonetheless, I get to a point where I don't function well -- wanting to cry from feeling like garbage, not wanting to get up and go to work feeling like shit, not having my usual appetite, whining, wanting to live in sweats and sweatshirts, get the idea. Once I get to that point, I go to the doctor. Same old song and dance. No options.
Pisses me off!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009


Since I am a yearbook adviser at the middle school where I teach, I have just a tad bit of stress to go along with the job. Now, picture this: a classroom full of antsy, social, loud, hyper teenagers who need constant movement and excitement but are not really motivated to do much of anything productive. Couple that with an intense, deadline-driven task of completing an in-depth yearbook online with many software quirks (AKA problems), and you have yourself one sad story of evil and despair. That, my friends, is what I am up against.
What happens, then, is this; I, being somewhat self-conscious of how this will make me look if the yearbook is horrible, am forced to be the motivated individual who does the MOST work on this book. Hours of slaving, worrying, sweating, planning, executing, and cringing. Then comes the anger. Mad at the kids for not giving a shit, mad at myself for not letting the damn thing flop, mad because I don't get paid enough to put in the work I am putting in on it. I then get up the next day and do it all again. How does this relate to the title, music? The "theme" of the yearbook is Panther Playlist. (as in our mascot and playlist as in iPod and music) Try to stick with that theme for all headlines and graphics. Gets difficult at times. I'm managing, though. I think?!
I hope the freakin' thing turns out well and is something at least I can be proud of. I hope.
On a lighter note -- NOT!!! -- there is a horrible story about a man from my hometown. He got shot in the head at a gas station/convenient mart here in Indiana last Saturday afternoon. He was shot by a random guy who was "distraught" over losing his job and being down on his luck. The victim is still alive. The man drove home, put his gun down on his table, told his wife he shot someone, and called 9-1-1 himself. I mean, seriously? Down on your luck so you shoot someone? Damn. Get some help. He needs locked up for good. After all, if he doesn't get love letters from his wife daily in prison, what will he do then? Eat someone alive? Puhleeeze.

Sunday, April 05, 2009


I just watched the Will Smith movie Seven Pounds. Of course, I cried. I was told I would, and I knew I would. Many reasons why, naturally, if you know anything about me. Suicide, in general, is a difficult subject for me. My maternal grandfather shot himself when I was in fifth grade. It impacted my entire life. Some say or think that I should get over it, in a nutshell, but too easy to say and not easy enough to do.
Organ donation is big for me, too, but for different reasons. From the time I could get my driver's license, I have been an organ donor. I believe in it. The "person" is the spirit, not the organs, so why bury them in the ground for them to rot away and not help a single living human being? Donate them and let someone else go on living if they need organs. (not being very eloquent here; sorry.)
Love. That's also a soft subject for me. There are many ways to love and be loved. This movie I just watched was a prime example of the many facets of love. Just watch it and see for yourself.
I also rented a couple of other movies to watch. I am going to show my kids The Up to this point, I have not allowed them to see it, for violence reasons mainly. But, I think it's time.
It is so difficult raising a teenager. I'm convinced it is even moreso with a girl. There are struggles, moods, words exchanged, and more that make me an emotional wreck at times. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just pointing out the obvious. One can only hope she is being the mother she needs to be in certain times. It's tough. Very tough.
Only a week and a half until my full day of orientation at IUS. I am excited.
Allergies killing me. 'Nuff said.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Weekend Warriors

It's the weekend, finally. This week has seemed so darn long! It must be because it was the week back from spring break. Yearbook work has been hell this week, naturally. Try, re-try. Fail, re-fail. Do it over; no new results. Change pixels, nothing. Reformat, nothing. I'm stressed.
My two younger daughters got all A's on this report card they received today. Woohoo! They are excited because they now get twenty bucks. Of course, my youngest stated she wants to go to Hot Topic to get a "Chowder" shirt. My middle daughter wants to get a baseball shirt with Twilight stuff on it. I must admit I liked the movie. I'm a sappy romantic.
I just got back from laying in the tanning bed. Go ahead, send me hatemail. I don't care. I'm going to keep doing it. It makes me feel so much better. Seriously! Once it gets warm, I won't go any longer. I'll just bake myself in the real sun. hahah
I think tomorrow night is going to be a date night for me. Not sure what we're going to do, but SOMETHING! I feel like I am surrounded by kids, either my own or other families', at all times. I need some adult time. Dancing sounds fun. Definitely dinner somewhere.
I have so many pictures that I need to get printed. I have red-eye reduction to do on them, some cropping, photoshopping, etc. It will take forever. I don't feel like doing it for hours. I do it all week at school! But, I'm going to try to work on it. Sounds like a good weekend warrior project.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Anne Frank

Today in class we will begin the play adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank. Yesterday we discussed background information, important literary terms, vocabulary, and some historical overview. A few students were interested in what Auschwitz looked like, etc. so they went online rather quickly the last few minutes of class. They were amazed at some of the images. I guess even if they don't particularly enjoy reading the play, perhaps they'll still take something away from its reading. I hope they don't get bogged down in the reading since it is in play form.
In other news...
I can't remember if I have posted about getting accepted in the National Writing Project. Well, I did! I am very honored and excited to be a part of this. My first informational meeting in April 16 at IU Southeast. We'll learn exactly what the classes entail as well as a lesson to bring back to our school. I'm thrilled!! I'm almost positive that I'll receive six grad credit hours, which I need to maintain my licensure, so that rocks!
On to school...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Spring Break 09

We didn't go on a dream vacation, we didn't even fly in an airplane. We have, however, spent time with friends. And that's what matters.
We've laughed quite a bit. We've caught up with old friends. We've purchased a baby gift to give to an extremely cute and cuddly newborn of an old high school friend of mine who saw each one of my daughters when they were days old.
Tomorrow we will venture to Bloomington to see the old stomping grounds and have dinner with the girls' old babysitter also known as "Princess". She misses us and we miss her terribly. We'll take pictures. Hopefully it is nice enough to do some walking around campus taking photos. I love to do that. Once I drive into Bloomington on third street, I get a sense of excitement. I love IU. I love the culture there. I love the town of Bloomington. There's just something about it. I'm excited to go tomorrow.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A bit unnerved

So, my dad called a short while ago and told me mom gets to come home today. We went up to the hospital yesterday and she was coming around a bit, but still very confused with memory issues. Her voice quivers when she talks, is a little hoarse, and her tongue is still roughly twice its normal size from biting it so hard when she had the seizures.
My dad is a wreck. We all are. We are unsure of her meds. - what should she really be taking, when, what does it look like (don't know if they are in the correct bottle), and how do we keep them from her. I can't live at my parents' house. I have my own daughters to take care of. My dad will have to work eventually. My brother works. I mean, she's 55 years old. Does she actually need in-home nursing care? My dad doesn't want to talk about that. How long will this shit last? Will she come around in two weeks? Never? ???????
So, today, I must go to my parents' house and help get things settled. Mom will put up a fight. She told dad yesterday, "When you come get me tomorrow, you BETTER have my cigarettes and my lighter with you, and I mean it!" She has gone a week without smoking. Everyone has told her to just stop now - the hardest part is over. She won't, though. Dad won't be strong enough to make her. So that leaves me with the question, is he strong enough to go against her on anything? My brother and I talked last night. We agreed that we are going to have to take control if dad won't. It's just that simple.
On another note, has anyone ever heard of being able to buy medicines (ones that should be prescription) out of a magazine? Like those smut mags? I'm talking butalbital (sp?) - medicine like Vicodin, etc.? I have gotten wind of that being an option for people. I need to know if it is. Not for my sake, but for my mother's sake. Please give me information if you have it. You might save her life.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


This past week has been challenging, nonetheless. I had a huge yearbook deadline at school with no cooperation from the computer program I use, grades are due, tests to grade, etc. On top of that, my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital for having two seizures in one day. She bit her tongue quite badly, and had some minor injuries from falling. She didn't recognize me when I got to the hospital. She swore I was the doctor. She was almost catatonic looking. She would go for what seemed like forever before blinking, she was slumped over to one side, and was odd. She has been in the hospital since Tuesday. A neurologist is seeing her, but doesn't have difinitive answers. I was impressed that the doctor called me (per request) yesterday and talked with me for over five minutes about my questions. I wasn't expecting much, but he far exceeded my expectations.
Today some friends of ours are getting married. A very small ceremony. It at least puts a highlight in my week. Hopefully this spring break week will be better than the last.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Buffalo Wild Wings

Here in a moment I will jump in the shower to get ready to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. We are celebrating two things: 1. Our friend Tom's 40th B-Day, and 2. watching the selection for the NCAA tournament. I love BW3s. It ends up being expensive for all of us to eat there, but once in a while it is worth it.
Tomorrow begins my last week of work before spring break. I am ready for a break. My dad invited us to Florida to visit, but I can't bring myself to drive all that way. If I am going to go to Florida, I want to be able to get in the ocean and not be cold. I also want to not have to rush to get back to return to work. I wanna linger there. So, it'll have to wait until summer.
I am excited about the upcoming warmer weather. I want to plant flowers and be out in the sunshine. It's long overdue. I even wore flip-flops last night in honor of my longing for spring and summer. I just had to!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Eleven years ago

Eleven years ago yesterday I was in the hospital having my last baby. She was the easiest to birth of all three. She was the only one born at night (evening) out of the three as well. Thinking back to that day, I can remember a lot of events. One of those would be that she was actually born on "mid-term day". I was attending IU, as a commuter, and had a horrible literature class. I was not doing so well in that class; mid-terms were to be on March 11 for that class. I was not looking forward to it. Well, as fate would have it, I got out of taking that mid-term when I was scheduled to take it. I would take it two weeks later with breastfeeding baby in tow. No, I didn't take the baby to class with me, but I did take her on campus and in Ballentine Hall where I met my professor to take my exam. We went into a quiet room (sort of like a teacher's lounge) and I took my exam while she patiently waited in my mother's arms. TWO weeks! Looking back, I don't know how I accomplished all of that while having three little ones. I guess I was determined. It all worked out in the end. I graduated that following year (1999).
Another thing I remember is that the weather had been mild right up until the day she was born. It ended up snowing the day she came into the world. I was not pleased. I wanted to take a new baby home in nice weather, not freezing cold weather. She had to be bundled up to be taken home. She had a maroon hair ribbon in her red hair that the hospital put in there. Her two big sisters commented on the hair ribbon, wondering how we were going to get it out. They couldn't comprehend that it wasn't actually stuck there forever. They were worried. They were relieved when I showed them how easy it was to get out; that it wasn't glued in.
Now, it is only two more years to teenager land for her. Wow.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Dance, Dance, Revolution

Makaili doesn't wear a dress very often. When she was little, she used to beg to wear dresses. She loved to wear them, and when we would go shopping, she would beg me to buy her a new one. Now, it is like pulling teeth to get her in a dress. She is much more tomboy now. When we bought this dress, I was in shock that she picked a purple dress. She doesn't normally like that color. She did look good in that color, though. She wore this to a semi-formal dance that she attended with her cousin, Tevin. Before the dance, about ten to twelve kids came over and had pics taken. They all looked amazing. I love seeing Mak in a dress, even if she isn't really comfortable in one! She looked pretty.

Sunday, March 08, 2009


Here's the language arts lesson for today:

Alliteration - the repeated occurrence of a consonant sound at the beginning of several Words in the same pHrase.
Example: doors dancing open during a difficult time, denouncing my doubt in deep adoration

See? The "d" sound is repeated for effect. Let's try another one.

Windows that I watch through wIll bring me wonderul things and leave me wanting more and more of mutual wonderment between these two wishful souls

Language is such a beautiful Thing. And when people use langauage in very poEtic ways it can make someone crY, don't you think?

Friday, March 06, 2009


So I hear tell that this ISTEP has been brutal on students. For example, there has been a story told that an elementary school in the state, ahem, had this going on: fourth graders were so upset that the test included so many things that they didn't know how to do. In reaction to this, the students were having little breakdowns, anxiety attacks, if you will. The school had to end up calling parents of these kids to come and pick them up to take them home. That's how bad they were! Poor little fourth graders getting this upset over a test! I found a little ironic humor in this. Students across the board complained about the difficulty of the test and how it was trying to measure things they hadn't even talked about in their classes. So, it will probably be thrown out as some obscure mistrial or something. Hey, look at it this way; we get to do it all again in April! Such a short time away...
BUT, spring break will be between now and then. Amen, sista!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Out on a limb

I went out on a limb today and accomplished something I've wanted to do for a few years. I sent in the necessary paperwork to apply for the National Writing Project. This is a program for teachers. It is daily for one month. The focus is on creating, sharing, and crafting writing pieces, programs, and lessons. The theory is that we as teachers of writing have to be writers and practice writing if we are to sculpt good student writers.
I love to write and hope I am accepted. This will also give me grad credit hours to put toward maintaining my teaching license. (Of course, to maintain one's license, one must pay for his or her own grad credits. Nice concept, no? It's required, but the state can't help pay for it. Cute, real cute.)
I will find out my March 15th if I am accepted into the program. I had to send a multitude of items in to apply. It was difficult to pick what writing samples I wanted to send. I'm crossing my fingers. I love school!!! (go figure)
It is fun for teachers to be the learners. Fun to be on the other side of the desk. I can't wait.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What?! Did I do that!?

You may think to yourself, 'What would happen if I was fourteen, had prescription drugs to sell, and wanted my 'friends'at school to act stupid because they were high?'

I can tell you what would happen.

You'd get arrested! You'd be taken out of the school building on a stretcher straight to the hospital to get your stomach pumped! Then, you'd be in a heap of trouble with the school, law, and your parents!

Just ask four of the students at my middle school.
Sometimes, it's not good to make the newspaper or the news...

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday Funday

Football is long over and basketball is getting ready to end as well. This particular Sunday, with nothing but laundry to do, I plan on going to see my boy, Thatcher Dean. This little boy is the son of a friend of mine, and I have babysat him off and on when I can - i.e. over the summers occasionally - so I am quite close to him. He loves me dearly, as I do him. He turned five on Feb. 11. I simply cannot believe he is five already.
His mom called me a couple of weeks ago and told me that she had to call and tell me what Thatcher said. She had picked him up at his Nana's house one day after work and he ran to the door in tears, holding his face in such a manner she was unnerved at what must have happened for him to be so upset. He ran to her arms and got in her face and said,"Mom, you HAVE to call Nina and she HAS to babysit me!! I will NOT come to Nana's again - I wanna go to NINA'S house!" She explained to him that I worked every day. He told her no, she doesn't. She can babysit me if she wants to, he said. Thatcher, if I could, I would babysit you. I miss you and I love you!!! I can't wait to come and see you today.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


My student came running in the room...
"Call the nurse. There's a boy out here with a broken arm!"
I casually smiled and replied, "Riiiiigggghhhhht."
"No, really," as the student smirked and was giggling a bit.
I went along grading my papers. I got up, went toward the door (where students were gathering, ready to go home), and met my next door teacher neighbor looking panicked. I instantly knew it was real.
"Did you call the nurse? Is she on her way down here yet?" she asked with fright in her eyes.
"No, I thought they were kidding!"
"No, it's for real."
I then turned and ran toward my phone, my heart in my throat. I saw the boy, another one of my students from first period, grimacing and pacing, holding his arm.
I called the nurse and told her that we needed her immediately because a student had broken his arm. I hung up the phone and went to the doorway again. I made my students, who had now gathered in a crowd, gasping and ooohing and aaahhing. I told them in a stern enough voice that they knew I meant business, to get back in the room and close the door, that Andrew needed his space. I also then made my neighbor teacher's kids get back in her room, too. Together we helped the hurt student to sit against the wall, though he didn't want to. He was literally green in the face. He was going into shock. I wanted to cry for him so badly! So, the end of the day bell rang and students were everywhere. Thank goodness the nurse had shown up with a wheelchair and we got him in it. Afterward, we wheeled him into my room so we could close the door, keeping the chaotic hallway activity out of sight. Once we got him into my room, he began sobbing, shaking, and rocking back and forth with pain. He was scared to death. I felt so badly for him! My heart ached for what he was going through. It took about fifteen minutes to get ahold of his mom, therefore complicating matters. I checked on him in the office before he got picked up and he was a little better. He wasn't shaking as badly or crying as hard. We were trying to take his mind off things by creating humor, and it worked to an extent. I told him he didn't have to go to such extremes to get out of today's essay assignment. He laughed at that.
I hope he is okay and is able to rest tonight. He had an eventful day! I won't forget this one for a while.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Human Connections

I think I have mentioned this before, but it is noteworthy enough to mention yet again. Human connections can be such a powerful thing. If you have never had a deep connection with another human being, then you are not living fully. That's what we are programmed to do - it releases endorphins that make us feel a certain euphoria, a high, if you will.
One of the reasons I love the young adult novel, The Giver, is because it explores the theme of emotions, love, and connection. Today my eighth graders took their test over the novel, and it led me to think about this. We discussed (not as much as I'd have liked) the thought of someone lacking the power of emotion. How would someone feel if they didn't really feel anything at all emotionally? What kind of life would that be? We came up with the general idea that life wouldn't be the same without certain feelings. Life, for instance, would not be the same if we as people could not feel love. In the novel, adults apply for spouses, unable to choose who they spend the rest of their lives with. They also take pills for "stirrings" - which is basically emotions, including sexual thoughts. The result is a robotic, unattached person who does not get to feel passion, empathy, butterflies in the stomach, etc. My students all said that they would hate living like that. YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! The ability to connect with someone else is vital to our being.
Now, this connection can be friendly, passionate, lustfull, or some other form. But to live life without making those intense pathways is cheating a person out of a small portion of joy and bliss.
I happen to know of some people who DO live that way. How unfortunate for them that they do not enjoy certain luxuries available to most. How pitiful of an existence that must be.
I encourage everyone to reach out, take that chance; try and make a connection with someone. It can be as simple as smiling at a passerby; shake hands and mean it with a business acquaintance; look your partner in the eye and tell him/her what they mean to you; kiss your child on the forehead; hug your pet. Life is way too short to waste moments.
I only hope that some (or even one, for that matter) of my students have learned a little life lesson from the novel we finished. There are MANY more themes that the novel presents than just human connections. I hope the themes touched my students, if only for a split second.
And if you are a person that has maybe two hours to spare, read the novel, The Giver. It makes you think.

Monday, February 16, 2009

The Verdict is In

I'm divorced. My name is restored to my old name, not Graue anymore. I'm not posting any details because the bastard reads my blog. Rest assured I'm ecstatic it's done. Rest assured I'm rushing over to the social security office to get the paperwork for my ss#/card so that it can all be changed. Rest assured I'm not looking back!
What a clusterf**k I got myself into with that one!
If any of you need a partner, the ex tells me he's a changed man - he continues to tell me that in emails, posts on his blog, etc. Look him up. Call him. Take him out on a date - better yet, ask him to pay out of the account he's gonna start with the money I'll be paying him. Have a couple of drinks, on me! If you're really brave, get a bottle of Poet's Leap Reisling or a stiff Cosmo. Cosmos are so refined; they make you look elegant.
What kinds of dumbass expressions can I think of in summation???...
Get R Done
Cowgirl Up
Let's Motor
F**k U and the Horse U Rode in on
Ain't That Sumthin'?
Well shit and shove me in it
I'll be Damned
Dog Will Hunt
I'm Like a Cat Covered in Shit
What am I? Flypaper for Freaks?
Dumb and Dumber

Okay. I'll stop. It's getting ridiculous. LOL
Hey, more dinners on the King. It's just up to me, now. Does McDonald's sound okay to you? Or would White Castle suit you better? That's how us white trash people like it. You can call em "sliders" if you feel really trashy. How bout we go down and get us a sack of em? Deal. Be there in an hour.

Friday, February 13, 2009

What I'd like to be doing right now is...

Originally uploaded by pinkdaisypea
this. I want to have sunshine and warmth again. I want to rest outside, breathing in the fresh air with a slight breeze on my face. I want to relax like Mak is here. Go away, winter.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Chocolate Chip Cookies - Can You?

Make the announcement: I can not bake chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Mine simply suck. To further the complications, I love them! I love how they make a house smell good. I love to eat them while they are still warm and oozing chocolaty goodness. Since I am forced to face my faults, I buy chocolate chip cookie dough in tubs and bake them from the purchased dough. How un-Martha Stewart-ish is that, my friends? I can cook something from a recipe for the very first time and get it right, can bake a cake from scratch, or even make a new dessert. I just can't bake the traditional cookie that most everyone loves to eat. What a failure.
Tonight, I was in heaven. My Grandma (Granny) as I have come to call her in my adult years, told me on Tuesday evening that she was thinking of fixing me and my family homemade Beef & Noodles for our dinner tonight. I beamed with excitement. I told her that would be FABULOUS! So, we made plans for me to come and pick up the meals on wheels around 4pm. The only think I would have to make would be the mashed potatoes. I agreed that the deal was a go. So tonight we had just that. She even surprised me and baked a loaf of homemade bread for us. I ate like a pig, then threw my chocolate chip cookies in the oven (Thank you, Pillsbury), and we were set. Nothing better than someone else's cookin'. Especially Granny's.
Perhaps someday I can find just the right words to put down to tell you the story of my Grandma. She is a jack-of-all-trades. And, she's lived through hell and back. I love her dearly.
In other news... I have only a couple of weeks to finish my application for a National Writing Project spot at I.U. Southeast. The app has to be postmarked by March 1 and winners will be notified by March 15. I'm so nervous. I have to send in some of my writing samples. I am having trouble finding my big supply of my writing. Plus, I don't know if I should send only poetry, memoir stuff, or a mixture of my writing. So much pressure!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Hoops Report

Last night my middle daughter, Cammi, had a basketball game against the school that she attended all of her life up to this year when we moved. All of her elementary school friends were on the team. One girl in particular, Ashley, gave her hell on and off for the past two years while playing basketball together at that school. Ashley would be rough, and if she fouled her well, she'd say some smartass remark while "helping" Cam up off the floor. Moreover, this girl's mom was just as bad. She was an instigator of trouble. You see, Ashley could do NO wrong. So, last night, Cam had her chance to even the score, so to speak. She guarded Ashley for most of the game. Ashley is used to scoring thirty points a game. Last night, she scored 4 AND fouled out! Not only that, but Cammi got a good one in on her when she drove to the basket with Ashley guarding her. Cammi drove in and knocked Ashley on her big fat ass. The refs called a foul on Ashley as well. I couldn't contain myself. I stood up and hooped and hollered. I enjoyed it almost as much as Cammi did.
Our team won. It was the first loss of the other team's season. Amazing game!

Now that I am older and wiser, I am finding I can really listen to what my body is telling me. What I mean is, I can tell if I am getting sick or going to have a migraine. I used to not be able to sense that. For example, if I become distinctly emotional and find myself able to become deep in thought about off-topic, weird things, (makes no sense to you readers, I know) then I can almost guarantee I will have a migraine soon. It may take a few days, but it will rear its ugly head. That's how I feel this morning. It is difficult to put into words. I was standing in the shower not really focusing on what I should be doing - showering. Instead, I was thinking about things like human connections, how others perceive, kindness, etc. It was odd. Then, almost as if I woke up, I made myself actually do what I needed to do in the shower and get clean. Wow. That must seem really stupid to readers. Whatever. My mind is cloudy and I am in need of motoring off to school. Parent/teacher conferences are tonight, so today will be a very long day. Not sure I'm ready for it, but what choice do I have? None. Exactly.

Monday, February 09, 2009

In Awe - Duped?

I watched a movie last night called Fireproof. It stars Kirk Cameron, who I had a major crush on as a young girl, and was made/sponsored by a church in Georgia. Now, some may think this movie is hoaxy. (word not in the day to day vocabulary of mine) Those who are nonbelievers may think so. But if a person believes in a higher power or has the ability to imagine something out there beyond human control, then this movie is worth paying attention to.
I happen to believe in the statement, "Everything happens for a reason." Now, given the events of my life thus far, it is sometimes difficult to figure out the reasons WHY, but nonetheless there are reasons. Those reasons may be evident, later-to-be-found-out, or even hidden in some cases. That's the whimsy of them, isn't it?
Back to the movie.
This movie (I don't want to give anything away) is a movie about many themes. These themes happened to hit me in a rather profound way. I have thought about the movie and its themes all day, in addition to having thought about them most of the late evening yesterday after watching it. One of my daughters was chuckling over the fact that I was crying during the movie. She didn't understand what would make me cry. A conversation ensued about how it wasn't really SAD, just touching. I looked up the website that was advertised directly after the credits of the movie. There really is such a thing as the LoveDare Journal. People can purchase this. There are also many links and points of interest on the given website. Go there. Take a look. If you believe in the power of love, you'll enjoy some of it.
And if you want to rent the movie, I say try it. But if you have a spouse, make sure you watch it together. If your significant other truly loves you, it'll be powerful for you both. Perhaps the LoveDare Journal can be a Valentine's Day gift you purchase for each other. After all, a hundred dollar vase of roses won't last forever.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

I'm going through the big "D"; I don't mean Dallas

I think this was a country song, not sure of the artist. It was the most creative title I could think of. My brain is on hold right now. It is tired and weary. Those days when we have two hour delays should be easier days, right? Well, on the contrary, those days seem longer than the "normal" days at school. Weird, I know.
Back on topic: tomorrow I have what is termed as a final hearing for my divorce. Now, given that term, one would think I have had preliminary hearings, since this one tomorrow is being called a "final" hearing. Nope. Wrong. All of the scheduled hearings we have had over the past six months have been postponed by the other party involved here. The soon-to-be-ex (stbe) has put these hearings off due to his lawyer "being out of town". Oh, that's what they call it now? Cute.
So, this hearing tomorrow will be the first AND final one. I have received multiple emails over the past week as the date approaches. I haven't talked about this ordeal on here much. Didn't see the need to. I'm sure it is being read daily anyway. So, tomorrow will be D-day. No bombshells. Just smoke.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Steelers, Phil, and my baby's goin' to college

I did not want the Steelers to win!!! On the other hand, it was nice for the score of the Superbowl to not be a blowout, boring score. The party at my house was fun - a little too much fun. We had a two hour delay for school today, thank goodness. I was up late.
The Groundhog saw his shadow. Six more weeks of this crap.
My baby, at her ripe old age of ten, is going to college! Syd got nominated by her teacher to attend Indiana University Southeast for Project AHEAD, a program for elementary school students (with good grades and general smarts). In this program, she got to choose from four classes. She chose Videography. She will attend these classes for four Saturdays in February. She is so excited. (And so am I.) She's already pretty good with her Flip Video camera, but she'll be even better after the class. Mommy and daughter, both Indiana University "graduates"...PRICELESS!!!!
Perhaps I'll post her award winning video(s) when she is finished with the course.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Play, play, play

I have not been sledding in YEARS! After scrapbooking, I took a carload of people sledding about two miles from our house at Muscatatuck State Park. There were tons of people there already sledding and snowboarding. The snow was so packed down due to many sleds and bodies prior to ours spending countless hours there over the past week. I saw several sledders getting some serious air over these two or three "jumps" that had been made simply from others before us. The girls saw some classmates of theirs there, we saw neighbors, and took many photos. Here are two of them: one of the girls, and one of myself and Syd getting ready to take our first trip down the hill. It was so slick! Once, Mak landed in the sticker bushes way past the trail on a curve to the right. There was no stopping the momentum once you got going. I thought Syd and I were gonna take out two kids who happened to be at the bottom of the hill when we arrived. It was crazy! We were frozen after about an hour, so we headed home. We pulled out of the parking lot and a huge block of snow and ice slid from the top of my car onto the windshield making me blind to where the road was. I looked out my side window because my wipers wouldn't work. I made it to a gas station down the road, pulled in, and literally lifted the huge sheet of ice from my windshield. It weighed about thirty pounds, I swear! The girls thought it was hilarious.
Overall, it was fun to take myself back to childhood if for a moment. I hate the cold, but yesterday I handled it well. My mind was occupied with living in the moment. It was great fun.