Sunday, April 22, 2007

Weekend report

The girls are away at their dad's house and I have slept my life away here this weekend. I am totally exhausted.
Yesterday was a gorgeous day here in Indiana. Of course, we all know that is an oxymoron -Gorgeous Day in Indiana...but, I got to hang clothes on the line to dry. It was amazing. And today, I am washing the sheets as we speak so that I can hang them out to dry, too. This coming weekend I plan to get some flower seeds with the kids and plant those. Awesome!
I have talked to my mom on the phone a couple of times this week. She finally sounds human again over the phone. It is wild, hearing her voice sound like it used to. Not that she is out of the woods or feels fantastic, but she is inching closer to normalcy, I think, anyway. She told me yesterday she kind of feels like she is "just here", but I told her how great it was to hear her sound better, even if she didn't feel great.
This week was a whirlwind of a money pit -- the lease we have on the Envoy is paying off in such magnitude...NOT. I had a flat tire this week. It was so flat that it couldn't even be driven down to the service station about three blocks from my house. I had to walk to my mom's and borrow her car for the day. Then, after having the service station guy come to my house and get the tire, repair it, put it back on, we had to drive the damn thing to the next town from us (that has a Wal-Mart), and get four brand new tires. You see, when you lease a car, you have to keep things wonderful on it. You have to have so much tread on your tires when you go to turn it in or you get penalized. And believe me, with as many miles as we've gone over on our allotment, we are being penalized enough already. The tires were bald, so we had to get them. $500+ for the four tires. THAT wasn't in the budget for the week. I'm ready to turn the damn thing in early and take all penalties. I'm over it. We have put over $1,000 in the thing the last month. That's no to mention having to pay the lease payment on top of that for the pure enjoyment of driving the beast. Plus, it cost 65.00 to fill the tank with gas, and I can't make it a week on one tank! You do the math!!!
Well, washer is buzzing, telling me the sheets are clean and ready to be put on the clothesline. Until tomorrow...

Monday, April 16, 2007


Hi all. Me, here. So, I read about this assignment that a shrink gave a person. This assignment was a list of ten questions supposed to be handed out to five people that knew the client well. These five people then answered the questions about the client honestly and openly. The questions were quite thought provoking. I would love to give those questions to five people I trust and know and see just what answers turn up. I won't, though. It simply won't work. First, I can't think of five people I talk to on a regular basis who "know" me as I am right now. Secondly, if I did know five people, they would think of me as the biggest moron on the planet. So, the list of questions will remain frozen.

Cam is playing travel team basketball, right? I believe I've already stated that. Yesterday she had a game that took us an hour to get to. I had no idea it was that far away. I just kept driving, looking for this particular road I was told to turn on. Unfortunately, going 70-80mph and thirty-five minutes later than I thought, it turned up - you see, I thought for sure I must have gone the wrong way or missed the turn. Nope. The turn arrived around an hour after our departure from home. Wow. Tonight, she had another game around forty minutes from home. That was do-able. She kicked ass. She gets these awesome, "I'll kick your ass in a hearbeat" faces when she is on the court. She gets into it. She rebounds and ain't-nobody-gettin'-the-ball from her. It rocks. Someone in the crowd of parents tonight kind of chuckled at one of her faces and looked my way. I said, "Man, wouldn't you like to have those expressions on film!?" The parent replied, "Wonder where she gets that from?!" I laughed. Then I said, "Duh, her dad."

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Finally, some good news...

Cam's teacher emailed me today, telling me that he wanted me to know just how proud he is of her and her hard work recently. He said she has all A's and B's, even in reading! (her weakness)

What a welcoming idea it is to have good emails come to me, especially about my children. Yes!!!!

Tonight, I do not have to cook dinner - what more could I ask for? Those are the things I live for.

Romeo and Juliet test went well. They scored better than I thought most would.
Suicide gets their attention, along with young lusty sex. What's a teacher to do?hahaha

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

O Romeo, Romeo

Tomorrow, my ninth graders will have their Romeo and Juliet test. We finally finished the play this week. Amen! And all the while, I am doing Shakespeare's Julius Caesar with my tenth graders. Boy, am I quite sick of Wm. Shakespeare's works right now. But, interesting story I found while searching for pictures of Romeo and Juliet. Check it out! Seems there were bones found of an entwined couple near Mantua, Italy where R&J took place (in some parts). Very cool.

In other news...My mother is home from the hospital. She had two seizures not because of low blood pressure, but from quitting pain medicine cold turkey. I tried to tell her there were grave consequences for doing that, but evidently she did not listen to the warning. She is quite angry right now, normal for what is happening, but nonetheless hard to accept. She has put off back surgery she was supposed to have on Apr. 17th. She is not really on board for doing what needs to be done as far as having her whole heart into being clean. Again, I'll say, I can't do it for her. (unfortunately) So, we'll all suffer through the pain it takes to a) figure out if she really will try to do what needs to be done, b) see her go through it all, and c) feel emotions every second of the day that we're not sure we want to feel. We'll get by. And I hope mom will see what is best for her, which is to be free of drugs in her body. Thanks for all the encouragement.

Monday, April 09, 2007


Around two a.m. this morning I got a phone call from my brother (lives at home) who was crying. He informed me that he had called 911 for my mom. Apparently my dad was sleeping and heard something - he got up and went to look for mom in the living room. He didn't see her there, so he went to the kitchen. She wasn't there either. He returned to the living room and found her wedged between the couch and end table. She was out cold. He saw her have a seizure, so he picked her up and put her on the couch. She then proceeded to have another one. My brother said he heard dad screaming bloody murder and went out to the living room. He called 911 and the ambulance came. She came to before they got to the hospital. Dad called me around 6:15 a.m. and said that they had put her in a room. Her sodium levels were low and they thought she had the seizures because her blood pressure was so low. She has cardiomyopathy, so they aren't sure just how much damage the seizures did to her heart yet. They did a CT-Scan and said the brain looked ok. She is in the hospital and they are watching her. Needless to say, I haven't slept much and now I get to truck in to work. Do you see that black cloud over my head? I thought you did. It's quite noticeable.

Sunday, April 08, 2007


Today is Easter. The girls are with their dad and I sat here all day in this house without A) going to church, B) eating a traditional Easter dinner, and C) seeing any of my family. I feel shitty about all of them. I cleaned the house instead. Not that I wanted to, but I had to. Isn't Easter supposed to be about renewed hope in life? About being a believer and relishing in that fact? Yeah. I thought so. What did I get out of it? Sore muscles and coughing. A bologna sandwich and wheat thins.
So, in a few minutes, I will get in the car and go get the girls. We'll do homework, baths and showers, and bed. Feels like the weekend was an entire waste. Oh, and then, then I get to get up tomorrow morning and start another week of work. How freakin' fun is that?

I read post secret's website every Sunday. After reading it, I feel like I could send in about a million of my own postcards. Anyone else feel the same?

I am reading a book by Jodi Picoult right now - Nineteen Minutes. It is about what could happen in nineteen minutes. The focus is on a school shooting and bullying. It is good, but not as good as her book My Sister's Keeper. Just thought I'd inform you book bugs out there.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Warning! Extreme Conditions

Those of you who have multiple children will understand this, I hope.

I am reeling with emotions because my children will NOT STOP FIGHTING!! Not fist fighting (yet), but arguing. And I simply cannot take another five minutes of it. Sending them to their rooms doesn't help. Making them go to bed early doesn't help. Grounding them doesn't work. Screaming at them does nothing. I am totally over it.

Clovis is dramatic anyway, on a daily basis, but this, THIS is awful. She is crying all the time, and whining like no nine year old should. I'm about to internally combust. And don't forget, folks, that I am sicker than hell. Feel like dog doo.

So, chalk this up to another day of shittiness. All around.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Mask Taken Off - Truth Revealed

Oddly enough, my first post after the benchmark of 100 is bigger than the hundredth post itself.
In all honesty, I'm charting into unmarked territory here. And, I won't be long-winded about it:
My mom told me she's sorry for "all the dumb stuff" today on the phone as she was crying. She couldn't bring herself to say the words "I'm an addict" out loud. She conveniently worded it as the dumb stuff.
She claims verbally that she is just going to go through withdrawl and get over her problem. The sad part is, for no longer than I worked at a drug and alcohol treatment center, I did learn that an addiction can't be "solved". She's SO not going to be clean. And it kills me inside.
I feel like I need to send a post card to Post Secret and have it published for the world to see.
But I won't.