Money ill spent

Off to see the doctor. I'm so sick of money being washed down the drain on my damn sickness -- I have been on two rounds of antibiotics ( am still on one) and have been deathly ill. I have been in the house, on the couch or in my bed, since Christmas. I'm not even kidding. So, I am returning to my old doctor, though inconvenient, and telling the doc that I am sick of getting the run around from the physician I am currently with.
I feel as though someone has beat my skull in with a baseball bat, is poking my sinus cavity with pins and needles, and is pulling my lungs out from my body through my nasal passages. If this sounds fun, you're an idiot.
So, what's fifteen more dollars here, twenty-five times two here for prescriptions, and twenty more dollars for another bottle of Mucinex that simply does not work ( I know since I've taken two boxes already)? Damn.

Winter Vacation

I am officially on winter break/vacation. No school for two weeks! Celebrate.

My Christmas shopping is complete; I just need to wrap some more gifts. I must bake cookies for my Grandma's get together and I am finished. We'll build a fire and life will be good.
I hope your holidays are magical.
Peace

Winter Carnival

Wish me luck. Today at the middle school is our "Winter Carnival". That's code for all-hell-breakin'-loose. And I, I am working concessions with money and snacks involved. One of those I know something about; the other was not my major. You figure that one out!
I have an invitation to go to South Florida for spring break. Gosh, does it sound really appealing. Gosh, how I don't want to make that drive. I'll ponder it.

Christmas is just around the corner. For the first time in years I will not have to split up my time with my girls. I'll be with them the entire holiday, just like it's supposed to be. No rushing anywhere or to anything. It'll be wonderful.

Well, I'm off to face the troops at school. They'll be all jacked up on Mountain Dew and candy. Beasts!!!! (gotta love 'em)

Liar, Liar

No, not the movie(I love that movie, though)with Jim Carrey. Though he is a very funny guy, I am speaking of something different.
What's the punishment for lying under oath? Or for lying to your lawyer? Just wondering.

If you notice the post time, you'll see I am not at school teaching the youth of America today. Nope, I am sitting in the confines of the home office on my personal computer. Why, one might ask? Because I was forced to take a "personal day" from work, thinking I would be in divorce court today. Alas, once again the date has been postponed. I mean, how many times can one hearing be postponed? When does it become a nuisance? So, due to circumstances beyond my control, I have burned a personal day for no reason. That, my friend, is wasteful. Forget about saving the Earth, let's save the personal days instead. Ha!

To the Princess with love, I hope you have a wonderful time sewing your youthful oats out in Montana. Take it all in, my friend. Breath easily with no responsibilities or constraints. This is one of those "once in a lifetime" events and you know it. Don't let your mother get you down about it. And make sure you represent: must wear IU hat, scarf, and whatnots - Hoosier emblems everywhere!

I am off to make something of my day -- some Christmas shopping awaits me. Well, what did you expect me to do with a day off?! Seriously!
Shall I tell Santa what you want?

Oh my! A Follower...

Okay. So how cool is this? (Call me "slow", since I was unaware of a feature here I could use...) I now have a follower. She is someone who I literally grew up with. Elizabeth Street. Good ol' small town livin'.
You can't see her face in the pic, but most readers know who she is. (smile, wink)

I am so proud of my girls! Oldest will be turning 15 next Thursday the eleventh. Damn, I'm old. She just went back to playing basketball today from an ankle injury. Scary.
The middle daughter had ten rebounds the other night!! Great glass cleaning, Cam. I think it is so fun to watch her play because she gets great facial expressions and really gets aggressive. Love it!
Youngest daughter will be performing in a fifth and sixth grade choir concert next Thursday night. She has an individual part in it. Kudos!
I am trying to get through the next two weeks of school without pulling my hair out. I had book reports due yesterday so now I have over a hundred to grade. UGHHHH! It has to be done, though, ya know?
It is snowing here. Yuck. I mean, the first snow is pretty, but I can do without the cold. My hands are dry and cracking; I have an ear infection; I am covered in goosebumps. The beach sounds good about now. Any travelers wanna go? I'm game.

Thanks, follower! Love ya!

Our Town

Last evening my girls and I went to see a play that my daughter's boyfriend was in. It was Our Town. My daughter's boyfriend was the town drunken choir director. His part was pretty funny. The play, overall, was rather deep. It really made you look at your own life a bit and your own happiness. I must admit, there was one point where tears were in my eyes. Sure, a bit cliche, but nonetheless true. Once dead, it is too late to go back and re-live anthing over - happy, sad, hurt, joyous, etc. One must be wary of not enjoying the moments in which we live. They pass by quickly, and since society tends to rush along, perhaps one should take time out to breath deeply and just be. Be in the moment. Take it all in.
...enough preaching...

Both teenage daughters made the basketball teams here. It is pretty exciting. Moreover, my middle daughter has been recruited to play fast-pitch travel softball. I love to watch softball, so this should be a real treat. I can't wait. Oldest daughter is playing freshman basketball, while middle daughter is playing on both seventh grade teams - White and Blue. What this means is that she'll play roughly 36 games!! And lots of travel to other schools for mom... But that's okay.
I'm finishing up going through boxes of things that I had to pick up from where I used to reside. It is a long process. One thing that I noticed today was that I really do tend to keep clothes that I can't fit in. Sizes I used to be, but never will be again. It is sickening, really. I keep them, or so I think, as a beacon of hope, or hopelessness when you really look at it. I hate being fat. But I don't do anything about it. That one's on me.
It began to snow weird little flakes last night while we were driving home. It was a cross between rain and snow, but it was sticking to windshields of parked cars. Snow? Snow! I'm so not ready for it. (I didn't even wear a coat yesterday in thirty degree weather.) Snowing on Christmas Day is allowed, otherwise, buzz off.

For Pete's Sake

Someone told me today I should write a book about what has been going on in my life. True, it is quite unbelievable, however, I think I could speak about it much easier than I could put it down on paper. It just seems like it takes way too long to write each letter, each word, each sentence. I am a writer, but this is one thing I don't think I can get out on paper efficiently.
If my friend out there is reading, it is so great to hear from you. I have missed you so much - words can't express how deeply regretful I am to have lost so much time with you - all those life events of yours I have missed out on. It pains me to think of all the things I could have partaken in - Belize? Man...
Something ironic - yesterday I was going through a box of high school things when I came across a card and piece of paper with messages from people on it. It was from when I had my tonsils taken out at age 16. One of the messages stated, "Please hurry up and come back to school. Class isn't the same without you giving Miss Bruns a hard time!!" Miss Bruns, one of my high school teachers, was killed on her bicycle that she rode every single day thirty miles by a drunk driver on Halloween around 4pm. I attended her candlelight memorial service a week ago. It was difficult for me to get through. I also returned to my high school and taught with her for a year. How ironic is it that I found that note yesterday, a week after this happened. Funny how life deals you odd things. (The "hard time" I gave her was nothing more than making her life fun at school when I was her student. It wasn't like I was the student who was giving her a hard time by misbehaving.) She was always trying to get me to join the high school softball team. I never did.

I just can't...

I just can't let it go without saying that I could be legally divorced by now if it weren't for continuances.
Don't ya love the legal system? I wish I was in a job where I could just decide on a whim to not be "in town", not caring who it affects or puts out. Dentist, lawyer, what else -- what other profession would allow me to do that? I gotta find out.

Full moon, or just testing at its best?

Today was a morning of testing (students testing). We are doing a pilot program for the state - a "test" every nine weeks to see if the students are "mastering" the state standards that are set forth for each subject. We tested math, science, and language arts (I teach L.A.). After testing today, the students were absolutely wild. I mean, over-the-top, lips blabbing, feet shuffling, arms waving, wild. Their ears were plugged with testing goo, and they could not listen to a thing I said. I was ready to pull my hair out. Now, since I have been home, I have been grumpy towards others. I'm not meaning to be grumpy; I just am.
In addition to my students being crazy and making me grumpy, it didn't help that I did not sleep well last night. I had dreams of living in the hood with drug deals gone bad, shootings, kidnappings, etc. And yes, they were happening to me. I was trying to protect my daughters in these dreams, fighting like crazy to have them unharmed. I didn't have food to feed them, they were dirty, and I was scared. It was horrible. I woke up in a panic, sweating. It was one of those dreams that seems so real you have to acclimate yourself to the room upon opening your eyes and blinking several times. It felt as though I was really there. Experiencing the loud noises, hearbeat in chest, and hunger. It was wild. I do NOT want to have those dreams again. Of course, I have been fighting a migraine, so that doesn't help. It makes me weird. I can't speak right, type right, write right, or think clearly. It throws off my entire equilibrium.
On a brighter note, Friday I will be wearing a huge, curly, red/white/blue wig to school in honor of Panther Pride day and Halloween. The students will think it is a hoot.
P.S. Today a fellow teacher told me I should be an impressionist after I impersonated both John McCain and Sara Palin. I do Palin much better with my voice, however my body language of McCain's must be priceless, or so she tells me. Maybe next summer I can take that up as a side job. . .

Wondering

So I'm told there is a blog out there that "mentions" me. Too bad I didn't save the url address of it. I'd like to see what's being said about me.

Low and Behold

The truth comes out! Slammed in my face again is the fact that all financial troubles of this world are due to me and my children. Man, I didn't know four people could do such damage to others. How can I hold my head up? I mean, really. What a mooch I have been. What a sucker punch I have delivered others in the recent past.
Can I go on with my life? Can I really stand myself and my three girls?
Those who try and shame me - shame on you. Shame on you for trying to transfer blame to those who don't deserve it.

Twice a Year

I get this intense sickness twice a year, where it takes me weeks to get over it, thinking all the while that I am dying in some respect. I'm in the middle of the fall episode as we speak. Going on two weeks now. I'm exhausted over it. Yes, all you mothers out there, I've been to the doctor -- sinus infection, bronchitis, and ear infection. Take that! Ouch!
I have a couple of pics of Maddie and of the girls. I also have some over at my flickr acct. Check 'em out.
Summer is officially over today, on Labor Day, and it makes me sad. I hate winter.
Okay, blogger is being an idiot. No uploading pictures.
Save it for another day.
Go to flickr.com --- ngraue photos.

First week, done.

My first week with eighth graders is finished. It was a short week. Only three days. All went well, thank goodness. I have great classes, great co-workers, and all around nice surroundings. I think my Yearbook class will be difficult, just because I don't know what I am doing. I have to keep telling myself that I must just relax and let things come to me in due time. Go with the flow, I tell myself.
I have tried, over the last couple of weeks, to relax and not get all bent out of shape over things that life delivers. (In all aspects of my life) I am tring to focus on what I can control instead of what I can't. It is a change for me to do so, but I am trying to deal with it the best I can.
I am focused on my daughters and my job. I'm doing the best I can.

Wow, update.

I am at my new job. Loving it. I have eighth graders -hormonal, unsure, defiant, compliant, etc. They keep a person on her toes. We have done some cool things over the past few days. Getting to know 150 names is difficult.
The girls have started a new school. They are doing well. It is hard to believe my oldest is in high school now, with a 7th grader and a 5th grader. I'm old!!!

Tonight, I had to help my freshman daughter with a timeline for World History of her life and significant events. It was difficult to recall some memories of things that have happened over her lifetime. One in particular was the fact that she was born when I was 20 years old. Man, was that ever young! At least I was married then, not bearing a child out of wedlock. Anyway...
I am exhausted. 'Nuff said.

Where is the summer?

The summer has flown by this year. It is already close to the beginning of school. Every year my dad tells the story of how, when he went to school, he didn't begin until the day after Labor Day. School started in September! Then, it was always out in the middle of May. Well, not anymore, my friend. School is only 180 days, but it seems so spread out, making it feel like way more than 180 days. Sure, we get little breaks here and there, but more times than not, those breaks seem way too short. For instance, long ago I can remember when it seemed like three weeks were given for Christmas vacation. Now, most schools get out one or two days before Christmas Eve. No time to plan, shop, or relax before the holiday. Then, students and teachers must return right after the first of the year. Amazing!
As I get older, time seems to fly. It gets faster and faster each year I am older. I'm not really liking it too well.

(continued)...

I forgot to post something...
I read the book, Eat, Love, Pray on vacation. I recommend it to people who enjoy learning about other cultures, who may be searching for inspiration, and who love a genuine good story. It is nonfiction and is categorized under "memoir" or "spirituality". It could be categorized under so many more things, though. I loved the book and marked several pages to remember specific passages. It is a book that I can re-read in two years and it will speak to me differently each time. Go buy it or get it from your library. You'll be glad you did.

Worry

I am worrying. It is getting closer to the start of the new school year and I will be at a new teaching job. Trying to get organized and remembering everything that needs to be done is weighing on my mind. It's like I want to be perfect, even though I know no one is "perfect", but... I just want everything to go well. And starting in a new place is difficult. I don't know the ins and outs of the place, I don't know the students, the staff, the building, etc. I am unsure of the way the place runs, the nuances, and more. Frightened? Yes. Excited? Yes. Eager? Yes. Worried? Yes. But it is a good worry, I think. I have much to do and not much time to do it in.

July 4th in another part of the U.S.

Happy Independence Day to all from Birmingham, Alabama. Tomorrow we will arrive at our destination. The drive today wasn't bad at all. I slept quite a bit, so it broke up the monotonity of the drive. We at a BBQ place called Dreamland tonight. It is pretty much on campus of University of Alabama Birmingham. That campus is an urban campus with pretty buildings. Some college folks across the street from the restaurant were having a small party. I so badly wanted to run up their long steps to the porch and ask for a cold drink. I refrained. I'm too old for that kind of thing, after all.
I can't wait to be at the beach. It is calling...

Outta Here

In around twenty-four hours I will be setting sail with my family to greener pastures. No, not moving, just vacation. We are going to Gulf Shores, Alabama. This trip was a last minute planning device set off by The Husband. I had resisted the trip since its mention, but finally agreed to its existence. I had a couple of conditions to which He must agree before I moved forward into accepting the invitation.
1- no griping about money in the near future when things came up that were needed
2- I was adamant about not liking the long car drive. - I will take Tylenol PM and sleep - no driving for me nor keeping my eyes open much along the way.
3- I must purchase a new novel to take and read on the beach.

Since 1, 2, and 3 were agreed upon, I let down the protest and am going on the trip. Don't get me wrong - I love the beach with every fiber of my being. It is the place I long to be. It is even on my bucket list to own waterfront property (or rent) someday. It is just there is a lot going on with me getting ready for this new job and not having an income for the summer. I also do not think I can deal with arguing kids in a vehicle for 11 hours. Just don't think I can do it. So, they better behave or I'll lose it. (If I can hear them through the drug induced coma I'll be in.)
Bon Voyage!!

Pretty Face

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Originally uploaded by pinkdaisypea

My main man, Griffey Jr., at a Reds game. I have many pics, including those of some Red Sox players. Game was awesome, view of him was grand! Head over to flickr and check more out! (look for "ngraue" photos if you can't get there through the link on this page)

OH, boy.

I am up right now at 3a.m. with my youngest daughter. She has a severe earache. She gets this about once a summer. I try my hardest to maintain that she not get water in her ears to settle. I put alchohol in them if she feels like she has water in them after swimming. To no avail. She gets this at least once. She is awake, in pain, for the second night in a row. No Advil helps, no numbing drops help. She is frantic. She says it feels like her ear is bleeding and that she has had surgery on her jaw (where it connects to her ear). So, I suppose that tomorrow, on the day when we were supposed to go do something fun since I am not babysitting anyone, we will go to the doctor. Not fun at all. The older two are gonna throw a fit. Just part of motherhood. Maybe I'll get to sleep in on Saturday?!

2 out of 3

As of 5:09a.m. this morning, two out of my three daughters are teenagers. My middle daughter, Cammi, is now 13. I only have one left to turn into a raging, hormonal teen.
Remembering back thirteen years ago, I was in bad shape at this hour on June 21, 1995--I had a patchwork quilt sewn into my female area. I asked how many stitches the doc had to use and his reply was, "You mean, how many packages of stitches?!" Yes, what you are thinking is exactly right. OUCH! Cam was a big baby. She weighed almost nine pounds. I was in labor for a long while and pushed for a very long while. It was to the point that if she wasn't stuck half in half out of my body, we would have been wheeling to the operating room for an emergency C-section. But, it was too far gone to do so. The doctor tried forceps, the vacuum thing where a suction is put on the baby's head, and good old fashioned pulling. It was rough. She finally came out, though. I was so out of it from pushing so hard that I could not see straight - literally. My vision was blurred for hours. I think I might have even been cross-eyed.
Through all of that, I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. She is now a teenager. It is hard to believe.

Dad's Day

It is Father's Day. I checked out the secrets over at PostSecret and they are mostly about fathers. One email they printed, in particular, was about how cards never really "fit" some fathers. How true that is. Sure, I could go pick one out for my fathers, but none really explain the exact sentiment I want to convey.
Given that, I sit and ponder what a father means to me, both in the sense of my OWN fathers, and the fathers of others I know.
For those of you who don't know me well, I didn't meet my biological father until I was sixteen. When I did finally meet him, it was as though I was looking into a mirror. I finally got to see where I got my legs, facial features, and smile from. It was the most inexplainable event in my life. Since he and I are very far apart -- he lives in Florida -- it is difficult to have a very close relationship that I long for with him. Sure, I love the man I call "Dad". He was my father, raising me all those years, and still is today. But, to no understanding of the greater of society, I will always have a connection and love for my biological father. It makes me intensely sad and introspective to think of it. I will call him today and wish him a happy dad's day. I will tell him I love him and mean it. I will tell him I miss him, too. That won't do my feelings justice, but it's all I have.
As for my "Dad", I will drive up the street, see him, give him a card, and tell him I love him, too. As for The Husband, I have a card for him as well. It suggests a long nap. Hahahaha. Unfortunately, he is outside cleaning out the gutters on the house, will then mow, and will vacuum out the pool that we can't get clear. Not much of a Father's Day for him! We did go to the Cincinnati Reds game yesterday versus the Boston Red Sox. It was a dandy! I was ten feet away from Ken Griffey, Jr. Hott! ANd, AND, I got some sweet pictures I will post later to flickr. Happy Father's Day to all!!!

Older

My oldest daughter decided she wanted to get her hair cut. Now, to most, this wouldn't be any big news. But, with her, it was monumental. She NEVER wants to get it cut. I don't mean trimmed; I mean cut. So, I made the appt. for today and we went.
She picked out a haircut from a magazine based on the singer, Rhianna. For those of you who don't know her, she is a hip, young, black girl who happens to be quite a good singer. So, the haircut ensued.
When Sara (hairstylist) bent Mak's head toward the ground and sliced off about four inches at the nape of her neck, I thought I might choke. There was no going back. Upon completion, the haircut looked really cute. One major note: the haircut aged her about four years. Translation: SCARY AS HELL FOR MOM!!!

Proud to be a Panther

I will be an employee of a school --- did you all hear me correctly??? ANd, AND...I will get to be the Yearbook advisor ---- AS A CLASS! I am so pumped. Finally, finally, finally.
I, for once in my life, am speechless at the moment.

This is the shitznizzle!!!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Friends

It is difficult to know exactly how much friends mean to us unless there is a situation when those friends aren't around anymore, or we see very little of them. As I get older, I have come to realize that friends have so much value and add so much to people's lives. The reason I know this is because, unlike 15 years ago, my friends are essentially non-existent. Sure, I have a few people whom I talk to from time to time, but not the type of friends that I simply "can't live without" talking to on a daily/weekly basis. You know, the kind of friend that you have to call no matter what hour of the night to tell them a brilliant idea you just had. Or the type of friend that you call and simply weep, them knowing what is wrong without you even saying a word. The type of friend who you can shop with and not kill one another. The kind of friend you can pick up when they are down just as quickly as they can pick you up. I miss having the kind of friend who just stops by for the heck of it, without calling first. I miss having a friend who can listen to the angst of motherhood without judging you, seeing you as a horrible mother. I miss the friend who relishes in MY children's achievements right along with me and vice versa. I often wonder: how can I go through the rest of my life without a friend like that? I am missing out on so much. At the same time, where I am in my life right now, I'm not sure I would be the kind of friend someone else needs. (if that makes ANY sense) I'm not sure I can commit to offering all of that. Probably why I am friendless, I'm thinking.

Graduation Day

As I was eating my morning cereal, (too lazy to "fix" anything), I was thinking back to my graduation day so long ago. When I graduated high school I was fifth in my class ranking. That meant I not only got an academic letterman's jacket, but I also got to have all of those colorful chords that a person gets to sport over his/her graduation gown. Our gowns were white while the men's were maroon. Not really smart if you think about it - it would have been better for the men to wear white so that the prints of beautiful dresses didn't show through the white material for the ladies. Anyway... I do use the term "men" loosely - they were boys, actually.
So as I ventured back into the memories gallery I tried to remember how I was feeling on my high school graduation day. I had mixed emotions. I was thrilled that my biological father and his parents were in attendance. I was also somewhat loaded with guilt and frustration because I wanted to be with my friends at the same time as spending as much time with my father as possible while he was here (he lives in Florida - long way away). It all worked out, thankfully, but it was on my mind nonetheless.
I was not dating anyone specifically at the time of my graduation. This was a bit of an oddity for me. Let's put it this way - I was between boyfriends. What this meant was that I had more time to spend with my three best friends who were boys in my class. We did a lot of hanging out together toward the end of the school year and the beginning of summer before we all headed our own ways. Today, we barely speak. My how time changes things. You see, I only had two real "girlfriends" in high school. Sure, I got along with most people, but I only had two close friends who were girls. I simply couldn't stand the drama. I didn't care who was sleeping with whom, or who got in trouble for doing such and such. Or who was mad at whom for some stupid comment that was made. It was all so trivial to me, I didn't care. So, I surrounded myself with boys who didn't care how I dressed, didn't blink if I didn't wear makeup one day, and didn't care if I farted while bending over at my locker. They accepted me for who I was, not what someone wanted me to be. And that, my friends, is the lesson of the day: be who you are and surround yourself with the people who love you for just that.
It was good to look back at my own graduation day. I re-learned something as well.

Summer, Summer, Summertime...(will smith song)

Only three more days of school left. Can you say "yee-haw"??!! I am ready for homework to be over, agendas to not be signed, and to relax a little. Of course, no pay for the summer, but...
My plans include lying by the pool, drinking cool soft drinks, and lying by the pool. I might intertwine some scrapbooking in there somewhere, but my plans are wide open. The latter half of the summer will be without the girls for the most part, but I'm sure they'll end up calling me and wanting me to pick them up early or something similar. There will be nothing to do at their dad's house.
Tomorrow I have been hand-picked to provide fruit salad for the special education senior breakfast. Coupled with the fact that I have been asked for money for senior gifts from the department and for baby shower "go together" money for a gift. I do NOT have enough money to throw around at the drop of a hat. If I were making full time teacher pay, perhaps I could do that. Newsflash: I'm NOT making teacher pay. Anyway...
I am off to attend my middle daughter, Cammi's, softball game. It has rained here quite a bit, so it ought to be a muddy one. *** Oh, both she and Sydney (Clovis) received medals for having all A's and B's this year at school. I'm smiling! They get their brains from me, obviously.

Flu Bug

**Please don't let me get this shit!**

Spent the night in the emergency room with The Husband. Got home around 3:30?? and finally crashed. He was blacking out and being totally weird (hallucinating sort of) when I took him in before midnight. He wasn't vomiting then, but as soon as we get to the hospital he ralphed violently. And often. He was sweating, pale, shaking - it was bad. So, pumped him with a bag of fluids, gave him some intestinal relaxing medication, and sent us home later with two prescriptions. By the time I drove home, I was ready to hallucinate from needing sleep.
If I get this shit, all hell will break loose. I mean, seriously. The world doesn't stop when Momma gets sick - it just keeps on spinnin'. And that, my friends, will be out of control.
So my "other daughter" started a blog for cathartic reasons that I assured her were grand. It is called 100 Miles a Minute. Fitting for her personality. Check it out. It's a newborn blog.
In other news...
Weather here sucks dirty goat balls. The pool is open and we can't swim in it because IT WON'T STOP RAINING!!!!! My middle daughter is supposed to have a softball game tonight - if it isn't cancelled, they'll be swimming in brick dust to first base. That'll be nice to launder, won't it?
I feel so badly for leaving my co-workers in a pinch today. They will be short-staffed and will be "roughing it" without me. We were already going to be one teacher short today. OOOPS! Mother Nature calls. When one vomits, one must stay home. When Husband blacks out, one must stay home with him. When one sleeps for only two hours, one must get more sleep during the day(during work hours). And so it goes.

Blue waters

Finally! The pool is blue and undergoing its cleaning phase. The chemicals are hard at work, the filter is swirling the water, and the heater will be turned on after it storms tomorrow. It's gonna be a doozie when we can get in there and create havoc! Just a couple more days until full fledged swimming!!!!!

The kids were so terribly disappointed on Sunday evening when returning from their respective "other parents" houses that the older two got on old clothes and jumped in the brown/green fuzzy, cold water. Pictures are blurry, but worth it.

Several

Several people (adults and teens) that I have come in contact with over the past week have told me very similar stories. It has made me ponder a few things... These stories are basically this: these individuals have had an overwhelming sense of anxiety and despair for no apparent reason. For instance, one person said they felt like they were on the edge of a very big anxiety attack, that they just felt like crying for some unknown reason. Another stated that he had "had a shitty week" but couldn't really give concrete examples of experiences and/or situations to make him feel so. Yet another person stated she almost called me to come over because she knew she should not be alone with the way she was feeling. She was very depressed and in a bad place in her heart.
These are only a few instances out of many I could speak of. So, what gives? The weather is trying to become better, things are blooming (finally), and the days are filled with more hours of sunlight than winter. Is is the way the economy, country, and society members are? Are we in serious emotional trouble as a whole?
I have been told I have been in a mood over the past few weeks by observers. I really haven't felt that way on the inside, but I am apparently acting foul on the outside. Am I included in this turn of personalities? Sure, financially I am feeling overwhelmed, but that is nothing new. I am ready for school to be over, but I am also worried what the next school year might bring or not bring. Are these concerns coming out in my personality towards those at home? If so, how do I cure that? How does anyone?
As I sit at my computer today, off work for my pool opening (I have to wait on the workers to make sure they do what they are supposed to and to pay them...), I am burdened with thoughts. Deep thoughts. Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

Per request...

Once upon a time, not long ago, I met this little girl who was trying to find her way. She was in high school, though not yet mature. I was an adult already (in the most bare sense of the word). I was trying so hard to teach her and her classmates things like "Beware the Ides of March" and "Direct objects take the action of the verb" and "Paragraphs are made up of AT LEAST five sentences - I don't care what your previous teachers told you - 3 to 5 don't cut it" and so forth. This little girl wasn't having any of it. Instead, she wanted to sit by Big Boy in the classroom where she could peer into his eyes and watch his mouth speak. She wanted to sleep if she could not do otherwise.

The little girl was quaint and quirky. After some observation on my part, I felt the need to give her a nickname of sorts. It just sort of happened; I didn't really set out to give her one on the spur of the moment. So, after noticing that she rolled her eyes when I told her to do something, or when she used body language to tell me to eat shit and die, I happened to let a nickname slip off the end of my tongue. It came out, "Princess". You know the kind I speak of: a girl who seems to have been given what she wants when she wants it??? Yes, that kind of Princess. The kind that can do no wrong in the eyes of her family. The nickname fit. And it stuck.

Further into the school year, the little girl matured in her own way. She moved on from sitting by Big Boy and sat with her friend, Kelsey most days. The two of them began a tradition of having to go to the bathroom during their English period. They just "HAD TO!" and they had to go together. As if one of them might not be able to find their way back without the other. So, I also began calling the pair of them The Poop Sisters, or The Poop Twins, or something similar. Princess is still in my life today, after five years. She is a big girl now in college. I even talked her into going to MY school, Indiana University. I talk with her often, most of the time more than twice a week. She is my go-to gal on my parenting questions (from a "teen"/young adult perspective); my listener; my ease-your-way-into-having-a-daughter-grow-up consultant; and a person who I love and adore. She doesn't call me her "other mother" for nothing! I have learned so much from her about life and the pursuit of happiness. It is wonderful to have her perspective to ponder. I think it will only make me a better mother to my own daughters. Or so I hope.

Ahhhh, Princess. The story of your birth, so to speak. Perhaps you can rest more easily now? haha

Everyone's talking about it

Yes, we felt the Illinois earthquake here in Indiana. And in Kentucky (melody), and in Ohio. My daughter Mak was preparing to go to her 8th grade trip to Chicago yesterday morning at 5am. (departure time was 5:10am, so I had to be up against my will) She had been dropped off at school, I had rushed home to return to bed, and I was in the midst of trying to return to sleep. I was in that drunken stage where sleep is not too far off, and the mind is in a fog. I thought I heard a tree limb hit the roof above my head. Then, the bed started vibrating and the bench at the foot of our bed began to hit the bedframe, resulting in a knocking noise. I looked over at the Husband, thinking he was twitching and causing the noise. Nope. The dogs raised their heads and looked at me like, "What are you two doing? IT???!!" Nope. By the time I was about to get out of bed to investigate, my sleep drunkenness came back to me and I dozed off. After waking up Cam around 6:30, she asked me if I felt an earthquake in the middle of the night. I laughed. "An earthquake? Cam, I think it was a squirrel on the roof or something." See, I didn't have a concept of how long the shaking/noise went on. Remember? I was in that sleep fog I spoke of. "Yes, an EARTHQUAKE," she said. I laughed it off. Then Patty got up and turned on the news a little bit later and confirmed it was an earthquake. I was flabbergasted. I never thought that living in Indiana I would experience an earthquake. It was wild!
I called Mak on the bus to Chicago and she said they weren't able to feel it on the bus, but that multiple parents had called their children to ask them about it. I'm sorry she was awake but didn't get to experience it.

April

We are almost halfway into April and I haven't posted yet. Such a slacker. There for a couple of weeks the weather was decent here, then it all went downhil as of Thursday and Friday this week. It is now back to turning on the furnace. I absolutely hate it!
Cammi, middle daughter, stole the show in the musical Alice in Wonderland, Jr. at her school on Thurs. and Friday. She played the Queen of Hearts, which is a nasty queen who bosses and screams at others. It was great! She didn't even have a microphone on her. She still could be heard by all. I am so proud of her. She could definitely go somewhere with her talent - I mean, this is only her sixth grade year and she projects, sings on key, and enunciates! What a dream.
I took the kids to the movies last night along with multiple friends/girlfriends and such. We saw Prom Night. DUMB!!! The kids had a good time, though.
I have been struck with a sinus headache from hell today. Feel like I am having an out of body experience. Doesn't help that I am anxious about applying for some posted teaching positions and now the website I need to get to in order to do so is "experiencing technical difficulties". Modern technology - ain't it grand?!
It was Little 5 weekend at IU this weekend. A good family friend who attends there called me last evening and said how much fun she and the other Hoosiers were having. I didn't receive further calls from jail, so it must have ended up okay. hahahah
BRING SPRING BACK!!!!!!!! ----- nina

March Madness

While walking into school yesterday with a couple students nearby, I quickly turned to them and noticed they both had their hoods up, coats zipped, and hands in their pockets as if freezing to death might occur at any given moment. I then spoke, "I'm ready to move to Florida or someplace warm. Aren't you?!" They both agreed and decided that if I'm going, so are they. I talked with my co-workers and two of them are gearing up for the big move as well. You see, it was around 60 degrees here a few days ago. It was in the 30's yesterday. I'm totally over it. Apparently, so are most others.
In better news, our pool opening is scheduled for May 2. I'm stoked.

Hodge Podge

My oldest daughter is sick. We have gone through the following:
Strep Throat test
Mono test
CBC, Liver and kidney function, anemia, and thyroid blood tests
All came back negative for any abnormalities, however she continues to grow worse with fatigue, blisters on her throat, and headache. (loss of appetite, too) So now, what is there to do? The doctor did call in a broad antibiotic to cover his a**. She is going to school because she knows she will have way too much homework if she doesn't. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I've been giving her Tylenol and Advil like candy.

A student of mine received word that he is in a "pickle". His brother texted him to say that their mom found "various smoking supplies" in his room while cleaning, that she is thoroughly ticked, and that she plans on taking him to the doctor for a drug test. (This was yesterday.) So, the sad part is that he got the m.j. from his own father's room. Yes, his father has a "problem" with m.j. and alcohol. Sad, huh? So, when his mom asked him to take her outside and show her where he got it, he simply had to turn to his dad and say, "Dad, I didn't get it from outside." His dad replied that he understood his son got if from him. Sad.

Insomnia

I have watched TV on the couch, taken Advil, been to my bed with no success of sleep, talked with two of my daughters who are still awake, and simply cannot go to sleep. It isn't because I slept in too long or took naps either. I got up before 9am. (We are on Spring Break from school.) My gut is turning over and over and I feel nauseous. Sounds fun, right?

Water, Getcha Water!

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Weekend Update from Indiana

Hi, y'all. Most people won't care what it is like in Indiana because people who have some smarts about them don't live here; however, I'm inclined to tell all about it nonetheless.
Indiana weather has sucked the past month or so. We have had several snow days (i.e. burrowed down in the house with four kids and nothing to do), some two-hour delays, and much cold. As I have stated before, I do not like the cold. I don't like not being able to just "pick up and go" to whatever destination I want to go. Around here, (this will be a jaw-dropper for city folk), when the temperature is predicted to be around freezing, humans come out of the woodwork and raid stores within a 30 mile radius to buy bread, eggs, milk, and toilet paper. As if the entire world WILL come to an end if ice and/or snow is present. It is an amazing sight to see. I have been in stores in the winter around here when there is not ONE loaf of bread on the shelf. I'm not even kidding.
So, kids, the moral of all of this is that if you live in a warm place, take comfort. I am jealous, envious, and downright pissed that I have to endure this weather and you don't. Childish? Yes. Do I care? No.
P.S. As a post script to a previous post about troubles, my husband and I have been reamed by the Unites States Government and found we owe several, several thousands of dollars to the IRS due to snafus in our taxes. Just how can a family of six pick up several thousand dollars to wisk off in an envelope to Washington, D.C. anyway? HUH? What was that you said? Yes, I believe someone out there probably said something like, "Oh shit!" or close to it. My sentiments exactly, flowered with many tears.
And who said God doesn't give you more than you can handle?

Feb.

It is already February. The Superbowl has come and gone - Go Giants! - and I am so excited that the Pats got their asses kicked. (Not by the score, but by the sly moves in the fourth quarter.) It was the next best thing to the Colts winning.
It seems everyone at work (co-workers) is in somewhat of a mood. We are mostly sick, as true with the students as well, and we are all broke. It is like we are scraping around for lunch money. Doesn't debt and bills make you crazy, too? Does it seem to you that a dollar doesn't go very far? It makes most people stressed and anxious. No wonder we are a Prozac Nation.
Some of the things happening to the people at work, perhaps including myself in a couple of instances:
*daughter has been sick for well over two months; taking her to a pulmonary specialist at Riley Hospital tomorrow.
*new sink and plumbing that was outrageous and unexpected (guess who)
*flu
*funerals
*leased car going over its mileage
*straight line winds damaging SUV door worth $800
*gained a foreign exchange student from Malasia (not really a negative, but stressful nonetheless)
*kids coughing and snotting
*field trip costs adding up for multiple children
*teenagers "eating parents out of house and home"
*borrowing money
--------and the list could go on--------------
So, anyone care to share their sorrows?
Let it all hang out, so to speak.

Hoosier Hoops

We are amidst the basketball extravaganza, folks! I have three basketball seasons going simultaneously and drama (play) practice to cart children to. You should see my calendar. It looks like a pencil threw up on it.

We do have a new sink, disposal, faucet, and pipes in the kitchen. Over a thousand dollars later, it is working like a charm. Now when I turn the garbage disposal on, it doesn't sound like shrapnel hitting the blades of an airplane engine. It is actually quiet - like so quiet I could run it while others in the house sleep. Different!

It was below zero here today. Hate it. Makes me wonder just how anyone could play football playoff games in subzero weather. I mean, getting hit by a two hundred pound bully is one thing, but getting hit by one with frozen bones makes me cringe even more.

You're not going to believe this.

Just when I thought I would have an "ok" night, I begin to clean out the frig (leftovers). I put some rice down the sink where the garbage disposal is located and turned the thing on. Fine. Another bowl of rice and bits of veggies - ate it up, too. Then, when I thought it was time to turn the disposal off, I reached for the switch and heard bubbling - yep, from the other side of the sink. Dirty, stinky, chunky water was coming up from the side of the sink opposite of the one I was using. I turned the disposal off, and water began rising in both sides then. I left it, not wanting to create further damage, until Husband got home. I put the bowls I had recently emptied into the dishwasher when I heard gurgling from its bowels, too.
Husband got home, tried to work on it, ended up getting the wet/dry vac out, and cussing me a storm. Nope, still plugged and smells like hell.
What in the sam hell did I do to deserve this nonsense? Honestly! So, now as we continue to dirty up dishes, we must rinse them in the laundry room mud sink. I seriously need a break here! We have no plumbers that we "know", nor do we have the money to blow on one we don't know. Ah, the joys of living in an historic (code for "old") home. Ain't life grand?!

There's more than Corn in Indiana?

I'm not sure if it is Seasonal Affective Disorder or what, but I am having a really hard time with where I am right now. I look outside and it is totally BLAH. I live in Indiana, where it seems there is nothing but empty fields of brown. We have had weird weather: rain, flooding, storms, dark days, minimal snow. Now, I do not like snow, don't get me wrong, but what I dislike even more is the atmosphere that appears outside right now. It is so drab. Even snow would be better at this point. (Those of you who really know me are holding your heart right now, not believing you just heard me say what I said. Wanting snow? I've lost it, I know.)
Indiana's weather is just yuck. Unpredictable. Makes me want to move.
It seems I am not alone in my rough times right now. At work, some of us in the Special Ed. department had a heart to heart chat two days ago. From my observations, it seems to be an epidemic - the yucky thoughts and down-in-the-dumps feelings. At least I am not an island here - some feel the same way I do. That is comforting.
By the way, boy within our department suspended for saying, "Well, I guess I'll just blow up the school then!" True, he is not all there mentally, but had to make a point with him that you just don't go around saying those things. Even if you are mentally challenged. You know?

Holidays and Hippos

The holidays are over and it is back to school business tomorrow. The two weeks we've been off have flown by. We have increased the grocery bills, cranked up the heat, and relished in all our new gifts. Now, back to school.

My great Christmas gift was a new Nikon D40 camera from The Husband. I had expressed great want (and need) for the camera but then told him to not buy it because it was just way too expensive. Nope, he did it anyway. I love it. I can't wait to experiment with it when the colors outside are beautiful. I did get to use it for a good cause when the old man next door to us had yet another accident involving his car. (see posts in April/May) The "Crazy Guy" as we call him ran right on through his detached garage with his car for the second time in three weeks. Yep. You heard me correctly. This time he did not take the ENTIRE wall of his garage out like he did a few weeks back. This is because it had just been re-built with more support. Bet the guys who worked on that for a week were pissed!

Here are a few photos, but you can go to my flickr page and check more out. Remember to buckle up!!!