Living Proof

There is a band from Indy called Living Proof Band. They are amazing! Can't wait to see them tomorrow night. I've been waiting since the Indy 500 trials to see them again. And tomorrow is it! So pumped...

sort of successful

I made small accomplishments today. I got the ENTIRE frig cleaned, including throwing out and cleaning every shelf, glass particle, and frig door compartment. I also got my new pots and pans cleaned, organized, and put away. I guess you'd call that success. Even though the office didn't get cleaned. You have to eat an elephant bite by bite. Right?

To Clean, or Not To Clean; That is the Question!

I vowed to clean our home office today. I don't want to do it. Instead, I want to enjoy the day in my pajamas reading and doing laundry. So, to clean, or not to clean? Remember: I'm "on vacation"! haha

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all! I hope your holidays are filled with laughter, living, and love. Be kind to one another.
Love you,
Nina

Got it.

I got my Christmas presents wrapped today. I've only got two more to finish. I know what I need, I just have to pick them up. Then, I will be completely finished. I got an early Christmas gift yesterday in the mail: two statements from the hospital where I was there twice with the stomach flu. Let's just say that the statements they sent to my insurance totaled well over 5,000.00. Yeah. That's what I thought, too. How great it feels to know you get punched in the gut when you're down. I mean, really, how much can a few bags of fluid and iv medications cost? I was only taking up space for a total of about 7 hours between two visits. Anyway, the statements really made me have an extra special Christmas. Who has that shoulder I need to cry on? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Last

Today was my daughter's last day of high school. She is no longer a high school student as of today at 11:30 am. Wow. Feels a little weird. She's on to bigger and better things, as she put it. I'm so very proud of her. Wish I could take her to Cancun and celebrate.

Sigh. Big Sigh.

I just needed to do that. Sigh, then a big sigh. Then a majorly deep breath. Still, doesn't really make me relax. Doesn't make me feel any better. What to do next?

Christmas

Oddly enough, Christmas is one of those times that is both difficult and joyous for me at the same time. Weird, isn't it? I find it really hard to explain. Ever since I was little and can remember, Christmas has kind of been one of those times to cause angst for me. I get this knot in my stomach. I think it comes from worrying about money. I've always worried about money. I was a saver. When I would get birthday money from others when I was younger, I'd put it away and save it, counting it many , many times. I'd look around stores when I would go with my mom, and it would take me MONTHS to get up the nerve to buy something I really wanted. I would pick it up, put it down; pick it up, put it back. I would do this several times, my mom would remind me, and then I would purchase it. Afterward, I would second guess myself and the purchase. I guess I'm still that way, in a sense, today. It's not that I mind parting with the money. That's not it at all; I love giving people gifts they want or need. I'm not selfish, by any means. So I don't mean it to sound that way. What I really mean to zone in on is the fact that I don't ever like to feel unprepared, or uncomfortable when it comes to money. And, to be quite honest, I feel both of those. I'm not "comfortable" or "prepared" at all in a financial sense. Maybe that's what makes me nervous, so to speak, about the holidays. It's almost as if my thought process includes thinking, "If I spend just fifty dollars more, then what if something comes up and that fifty is exactly what I needed? Shouldn't I just hold off and see?" I probably don't even make sense. Point blank: the holidays make me nervous. But, at the same time, I continue to tell myself to remember the reason for the season, even if no one else does. And that is the birth of Jesus. I just keep trying to tell myself that. But it works some days, and some days it doesn't.
On another note: my oldest daughter turned eighteen a week ago. Yes, I officially have an adult child. Wow. It doesn't really seem possible. Do I feel old? Some days. Do I feel differently? Only when I really sit and dwell on it. I pulled up some of my very old blog posts, back from 2006 and read them the other day, Friday, right after school. I have to admit, I teared up when I read some of them. One of the ones I read was right around Christmastime when we first got our dog, Maddie. I had written about how she was our new baby girl, and how my baby, Makaili, was turning thirteen. THIRTEEN! And now she's all grown up at eighteen. It's hard to believe. I get choked up even thinking about it. So much time has passed in such a hurry. And so many things have happened. Re-living them all makes me emotional. I just have to sit and breath deeply, taking one moment at a time.

wow

Wow. I didn't see that one coming.

Shoulder

A long time ago when I worked at North Decatur High School, I had this shoulder issue. It got so bad, I did several rounds of intense massage therapy. It was weeks before the pain subsided. Well, it has returned. My shoulder is absolutely killing me. It hurts/burns/pinches right around the curvation of my shoulder blade. The stinging is so bad that I was in tears last night. Tears. And I'm a grown woman.
I went to the doctor for this issue right before Thanksgiving. The week before, actually. They put me on Prednisone, a steroid. It worked after a while. It was pretty intense, though. It was rough on my stomach, and it gave me hot flashes. I only had to take it for a week, thank goodness. But, already, the flare up is back. I'm not too happy about it. At the same time, I hate to return to the doctor, for several reasons. Some of those include but are not limited to the following: I don't like going to the doctor, I don't want to take medicine, and I don't want to be told "It's stress." Duh, I know that. And who can "get rid of" stress altogether? That's right, no one. So, here I'll sit, in agony, and wish it away. Let's see how that works.

Just blah.

I don't even have a Christmas tree put up. I currently don't have one. We purchased one last week, and the stupid thing wouldn't work correctly, so we had to take it back. No more stock of that kind, so now we are without one. By the time we get one put up, it'll only be up for a couple of weeks! Blah.
I'm so tired today. I literally have had to struggle to keep my eyes open. I'm going home to take a nap. Yep, you heard me, a nap. That's just how blah I feel. With dishes and laundry surrounding me, I plan on sleeping. Hope it all works out in the end.

Canadian Bacon

Yesterday, after college orientation for my daughter, we went to Sam's Club. While browsing through the refrigerated items, I was taken aback. I had not ever seen this item in Sam's before! Low and behold, it was Canadian Bacon. And lots of it! I looked at Makaili, she looked at me, and then a smile spread across her face. She said, "I haven't had Canadian Bacon in forever!" I asked, "Think we should get some?" to which she replied, "Yeah!" So, I bought Canadian Bacon for the first time in over three years. I haven't fixed it in what seems like forever. I used to fix it all the time. I'll have to see if I've still got the touch.

Odd

It was so odd to have my oldest daughter come in from work last night at midnight and come right up to me, put her arms around me, and sob into my shoulder. That's never really happened before. And it was a very difficult thing to witness. When one of your kids is hurting, it's hard to take. I feel helpless right now. I just want her to know God doesn't make mistakes; everything happens for a reason, and we have to trust in God's selection of James to come and be with him as something only He knows about. Keep the faith, my love. Keep the faith.

Prayers

Oh, Lord, be with the Johnson family tonight and in the near future. They need your loving arms around them, comforting them in their time of great loss. Parents, hug your kids and tell them you love them. You never know if it may be the last time you get to see, touch, or talk to them. Feeling very sad because of this tragic event. James, have fun seeing your mom again.

Table, anyone?

I don't really know if I am welcome at the table or not. That baffles me.

She's In!

We got a letter today from IU Southeast. Mak is in for definite housing next fall. The deposit is made, and she will be a 2012 Fall student. Hard to believe. Of course, she has to get through her first semester here at IUPUC beginning in January, too. We go for orientation for that the first of December. She turns 18 on Dec. 11. That, too, is hard to believe. Now, if I can just talk her out of that tatoo she wants...

...

I can rely on no one...except Jesus. He's the only one that never lets me down.

Would you live forever?

If someone told you you could live forever, would you? What if you could drink from a spring and stay the age you are right now forever? Would you do it? This is the question my students are contemplating now with the reading of our novel. I love this question!

Really?

I began a novel with my students on Wednesday. It's a novel that has short chapters, so we're already ready for chapter ten. I had them write in their journals a reaction to what we've read so far. Even my "advanced" class had a few that didn't "know what was going on" in the book. Really? It is a novel that is wayyy under their reading level which should be super simple. In fact, I know of one teacher who has criticized me for it being too easy. So that theory is out the window. Then, today, one thing I had my students do in class was a writing assignment where I gave them a list of prompts (a list of about twenty) and they had to pick one, write about ten minutes about it, and voila. Just that simple -- WRITE -- for ten stinking minutes. Big shocker, some were looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I mean, last time I checked it is "English" class, not German. So, today was an eye-opening downer for me. What'll I do about it? Go out to eat Mexican food with my mom, the girls, and Gma. Yeah, that oughtta do it.

Another year

I'm another year closer to 40. I think I want to give up birthdays. I can stop right here where I am, actually. I don't need to get any closer to forty than I already am. Thirty didn't really bother me -- of course I got to celebrate in NYC, so that made it better, but age 32 really got to me. Now, six years later, I'm not looking forward to getting any older. Wiser? Of course. Older? Nah.

memories

I can remember when Cammi told me that Coach Gray was trying to recruit her for a soccer goalie. We discussed it at length and decided that she just couldn't juggle it and basketball over the summer; that the season for soccer would be brutal. I sent Coach Gray an email that said we just couldn't swing it. She told me last Friday night when I talked to her that she could remember getting the rejection email. She said she had about five drafts of a reply for me written, but told herself not to send one right away; she told herself to just go to lunch and revisit it afterward. So, she said she went to lunch and came back to another email from me. This one said maybe we would consider it - that maybe Cam was interested in playing after all. So, she said she was practically jumping up and down with excitement. And so it went - that's how it all started. Now, tomorrow is the first game of the sectionals. It has been a great year for Cam. She's got a lot of playing time in and has enjoyed the season so much. She has greatly enjoyed having Coach Gray and Coach Beal as her coaches. They are so down to earth, unlike some coaches she has had in the past. Cam has truly felt appreciated on the team. And for that, I'm thankful. It has been a confidence booster for her. And she has needed that.
So for this soccer season, I'm thankful. I've loved being the proverbial "soccer mom" as they say. I hope to continue the positivity with winter indoor soccer. I don't think I'll miss basketball one bit. Besides, I have the boys' basketball team to watch if I ever get the fever for a good game. And I don't have to run anyone back and forth to practice for that. Amen, sister. Amen to that.

Maybe...

Maybe I should just work at Wal-Mart. I feel like such a failure sometimes.

Celebrate

Well, it's my birthday month. October is here. It was a cold morning this morning out on the soccer fields. I was bundled up like I was at a Macy's Day Parade in New York City. The wind was something else! Cam had quite a few good saves, but a few got past her. There are just no defenders there to help her.
I think since my birthday is this month, I'm going to honor myself all month long. I deserve that, right? I got several birthday emails from businesses with coupons and special offers. Perhaps I'll take each and every one up on those offers. One that was quite appealing? Morton's Steakhouse. Free signature dessert. Now doesn't THAT sound delicious? Let's start celebrating!

It's a Girl!

It's a girl, it's a girl, it's a girl! I simply cannot wait. It feels like March 5 won't get here soon enough. Now I can go out and buy all kinds of pink stuff. Oh, the anticipation...

Priorities

How do people set their priorities? I like to think in my mind it comes rather naturally, therefore placing things in categories as to how one feels about the things in that category. Confusing, I know.
Okay. Let's put it this way. Say you have a friend who has his/her priorities messed up. Things just don't fall into natural order, you know? For instance, say that friend has the following priorities:
1. self
2. self
3. self
4. play time
5. work
6. family

That doesn't seem quite right, does it? Especially if that friend has a family he/she should be 'worried' about. Nonetheless, that is the natural pecking order of this friend's life. How would you go about getting that friend to really listen to you in regards to re-prioritizing his/her life? No amount of advice seems to work. The friend ends up getting defensive and basically throws up his/her hands to say, "Fine. I'm just such a horrible person, aren't I?" Well, yeah, pretty much.

Why is it...

Why is it when you go in Wal-Mart for a list of six things, you come out $98 poorer? Man, that burns me up.

Scary

Sometimes it's scary when God reveals himself to you. God revealed himself to me in a way the other night that was very scary. It made me think very seriously about how things might be in the future when I am older. What I came to realize is this: I need God in all areas of my life to lean on and trust. I need to go to Him with all of my cares and worries. He needs to be my rock; not anyone else or anything else. And He revealed that to me quite obviously. I'm glad I could learn the lesson before it became a "have to" situation - a crisis. So, thank you, Lord, for showing me that.

The Fence

Watching so many tributes to 9/11 brought back a flood of memories of the last ten years. One memory in particular is so engrained in my brain: walking up to that chain link fence around the pit where the twin towers stood in the near past gave me goosebumps. New York City is always bustling with noise and activity; however, on that day as I walked up to the fence and put my fingers through it just like you do on the baseball diamond fences, I felt a deep, gut-wrenching quiet fill the air. Everything went silent as if the volume of the world was muted. I looked down into the gaping hole that remained of the ruins. Out of the corner of my eye, though, I could not get one thing out of my focus. The two stell beams that just so happened to stand tall in the shape of a cross melted my heart. I will never forget that sight, nor the absence of sound. The only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest. New York City and the United States of America would never be the same. Nor would I.

Hello!

...Big Brother is ALWAYS watching...

Immaturity

I simply cannot express with words how badly I loathe immaturity. Immaturity makes my blood pressure rise like a NYC skyscraper. It just burns within my soul when I have to endure someone's immaturity. It is like a cancer that spreads throughout my body, making me have an instant migraine. That's really no lie. I have dealt with immaturity going on 24 hours, and it's really getting me down. It's about to send me over the edge, actually. Come close enough, and I'll bite your head off. Try me.

Goodbyes

Today my dad called me and told me that my Poppy unexpectedly died yesterday. I am shocked, saddened, and frustrated. Only those of you who are in a similar situation as mine would probably understand. It sucks so bad to be in the position I am in. I am a granddaughter, but not close enough to really do anything. I don't live near the family. I'm the biological daughter; the one who wasn't close to her Poppy growing up, but got to know him the best I could over the last 12 years. There was so much distance between us in miles that it was hard to have a close relationship with him. Nonetheless, it doesn't hurt any less for your own grandpa to die. I'm so mad that I have to be in this position. I can't even make sense on here.

Admitting It

It is very difficult for me to admit and accept the fact that I'm not getting any younger. In fact, I'm getting older and my body can't put up with what it used to. For example, I started back up with Zumba on Monday night. My back muscles are soooo sore that I am wincing every time I turn the slightest bit. That's not the kicker, though. What is the kicker is that my ELBOWS are sore. My elbows?? Seriously? You mean to tell me that because I began exercising in a different way my elbows hurt? That, my friends, is a sure sign you are getting old. Arthritic pains in joints means you just can't hack it anymore. Though I am terribly sore, I am still going at it full force. I am pushing through the pain and doing it anyway. It'll kill me before I give up. The obstacle I face to this Zumba trek is soccer. Cammi's soccer practices begin right when Zumba is supposed to end. So I am left with the dilemma of how do I get her there? Carpooling doesn't seem to exist in this town. There is only one person she can carpool with, and that person doesn't always have a "yes" to taking her. I even make sure I am the one to pick Cam and her friend up. At 9pm, nonetheless. So I am the one who has to stay up and make sure I get them that late in the evening, but I'm willing to do that if it means I can exercise when I need to. Oh, the whoas of motherhood sometimes. Who knew I'd have to sacrifice my weight, too, with other things? I never would have thought it. It's hard trying to look good, isn't it? Sucks. Especially when you're old. Just ask me.

Best Friends

Beach Reads

I finally got my shipment from Barnes and Noble. It was intransit for over a week. I could hardly stand it! I ordered two novels to take with me to Myrtle Beach. I got Backseat Saints by Joshilyn Jackson, and Long Drive Home by Will Allison. I am currently finishing up The Art of Racing in the Rain. It is a novel told from a dog's perspective, which is quite funny. It is very touching at the same time.
I can't wait to be on the beach. I absolutely love it. There is nothing like sitting in the sand, soaking up the sun, sipping on a drink, and reading a great book. Relaxing. The sound of the waves and the spray of the saltwater is refreshing. I can't wait to be there. If only I could be teleported there and avoid the long drive. . .

The Sun'll Come Out, Tomorrow

Tomorrow marks a milestone: my oldest daughter will be getting her senior pictures taken. Wow! I can remember her in kindergarten. Her teacher said she had the best fashion sense in shoes she had ever seen in a little girl. Now, she has feet so big we can barely find her a pair of shoes, not to mention a fashionable pair. Now, she is nowhere near a girly-girl type of female; she is more into jeans and a t-shirt or her Taco Bell uniform. My, my, my how times have changed. She is taking three dresses and a couple of skirts. These were all purchased in the last year. Maybe she's coming back around! I am saying my prayers that the heat isn't as bad tomorrow as it was today. And that the rain/thunderstorms hold off until we are finished. Can't wait to post previews of her pics. I know they'll be fabulous. We are both excited that she gets to be Little Blue Owl Photography's senior rep. Keisha Keen will do a great job, I'm sure. Until tomorrow...

Don't Want to Hear It

Most people don't want to hear whiners. It's just that simple. But we all do it. Or want to, anyway. People have problems. There is no one without problems. Sometimes, you just have to let it out. The only downfall is that there are times when problems add up to a mountain. Little problem upon little problem can end up making one feel overwhelmed. One way to counter this issue is to talk with someone about it. It doesn't really solve anything, but it can help. Allow me to make a short list of nuances...
*Why do some people insist on never maturing? I know forty year old men who play video games as if it were their JOBS!! Really? Really? Can't they find anything more productive to pass the time? Or how about interacting with REAL people who aren't logged on to some network as names that are made for teenagers and not middle-aged men? Makes me insane.
*Do some people think it is a mom's job to cook, clean, and be accommodating to everyone? I think not.
*Kids are smart a**es to their parents. It's society's way of thanking parents. I'd rather not have the "thanks".
*Money doesn't grow on trees. Tell all of your friends.
*Every once and a while, a mom needs a pedicure. That's just the way it is.
*There are people in this world (see Nina) that strongly dislike going to Wal-Mart. I can't get out of that place for under fifty bucks. EVER!! Even if I just need "a couple of things".
*Bitter? Who, me?

Closet Wars

Today my middle daughter and I tackled the computer room closet today. This was a closet full of anything and everything of the girls' and also my scrapbook things. You talk about a mess! It was that and more.
After over three hours, we got it finished. I purchased, about three weeks ago, three totes that I labeled for each of the girls. Today I categorized and sorted by name. We had fun looking through old photos, journals, and much artwork. I have some talented girls! Makaili is the artist, Cam is the athlete, and Syd is my writer. I enjoyed reading back through things they did as little girls. We laughed quite a bit. Some photos I did not expect to find, but I quickly just put them away.
Next, cleaning the computer room OUTSIDE of the closet. That'll be a job, too.

Happy 4th

Happy Fourth of July out there to all of you! I know I enjoy my freedoms and thank the men and women who fight to protect them every day. Have fun and be safe!

Why?

Why do some people have blogs that they never post to? C'mon. Post, already...

Catch the Fever - Running

I ran today for the first time in a long time. It felt great and sucked, all at the same time. It sucked because I have lost all of my stamina. It felt great to be able to do it again. I'm going again tomorrow. Cam has some training schedule for soccer, so I'll take her to the track and run, too. Then, I plan on having her throw shotput for a while. After that, we will head to the soccer field for her to work on goalie stuff. That ought to take up most of the day, actually. So, once again, I have the fever to run. Even after having this heel spur, or whatever it may be. It is definitely protruding more today after running. I don't care, though. I plan on running anyway. It's almost a sickness. Those of you who run will understand.

Sixteen

I didn't have time to post yesterday, my middle daughter's sixteenth birthday. So, today is her first full day as a sixteen year old. And she's not home. She's at Purdue. This is the first time she's ever really been away from home like that. She's stayed all night at a friend's house here in town, but not far from home. She sounded a bit homesick last night on the phone. But that's to be expected. She gets to come home tomorrow. I think she'll be ready to. She has learned how to do the shotput spin instead of doing the glide like she does now. The Purdue coach said it is too hard on her knees; she's too tall to be trying to get that low to the ground when she does the glide. So, she's learned the spin now. She and I are both excited about it. I hope it gives her more momentum to throw farther. I'm going to practice with her when she returns home. So, once again this week, I'll make the long haul to Purdue to pick up my sixteen year old. That sounds weird.

Anxious

I'm a bit anxious. My middle daughter is having a very big week next week, after having a whopper of weeks the last two weeks of her existence. Next week I will make a long haul to West Lafayette to drop her off at Purdue University. She will spend three nights and four days there at a throwing camp. (shotput camp) This is the first time she will have ever been away from home like that. I'm a bit nervous on many levels. First, I don't have a clue as to where I'm going. I have only been on Purdue's campus once, and that was with a group of middle school basketball girls to watch a tournament. I didn't drive; we took a bus. In addition, I don't want Cam to be scared or nervous. She'll have a roommate she doesn't know, and she will be far from home. She will also be spending her sixteenth birthday alone there. That kind of bothers me, but we are going to celebrate her birthday on Sunday of next week after she gets home. So, it won't go unnoticed. I wonder what she'll do with her nightly free time? Will she need money for anything? Will she be able to reapply sunscreen if they are outdoors? Will she get along with her roommate? Many questions run through my mind when I think about the whole thing. I know, deep down, that she'll be okay. She is my adaptive daughter. She will adhere to any situation thrown at her, so I think she'll be okay. I just want her to have a good experience. After all, the camp isn't cheap. I want her to walk away with real skills she can use to further her throwing technique and be even better at her craft. And, I hope I don't get lost. Garmin, don't fail me.

Skype

Last night I got to use Skype for the first time. I know, what an old fogey that I've never used skype. But, alas, now I have. I used it to talk for over an hour to Princess, my kids' old babysitter who now lives in L.A. It was great! It's like really being with someone, not just instant messaging back and forth, or communicating by email. It's like you are sitting right there in the living room with the person.
I got to meet her girlfriend, Erica. She's a cutie. And we got to catch up on all that's been going on. I can't wait to do it again, soon. I missed my Princess! And it was great to see her and have her see the kids (and Maddie).

The Pencil Dive

I was reminded of something very funny the other day:
my youngest daughter used to do this hysterical jump off the diving board when she was younger; she'd hold her arms up in the air, pointed in a V to the sky and would make herself do the "pencil dive". She thought she resembled a pencil, I guess with her arms at a point and her feet together. She would jump straight in, feet first, not arms first, which is how a "dive" should be. I laughed thinking about it. She does an actual dive now.

Grads

Yesterday we attended one of our best friend's daughter's graduation party. This is the second one I've gone to so far. Yesterday it really hit me that this time next year, my eldest will be walking across that long stage receiving her diploma. Even moreso, she'll really be "graduating" in December and will just participate in the actual graduation ceremony then in June. She'll have already had one semester of college under her belt by the time she gets her actual paper diploma. That, to me, is just amazing. I was a bit choked up yesterday just thinking about it. And I was the mom who swore she'd never cry at her kids' graduations. Yeah, that was me. But now, my tune has changed. I am more sentimental about it all. It makes me wonder if I've done right raising her; how my mistakes have impacted her; how my guidance has helped her, if any. It feels weird. It feels unreal. And I have a whole year to dwell on it. Great.

Another Year Gone By

It's the close of another school year. Today marked the end of my third year here at JCMS. Both Mrs. Lane and I got to supersoak the kids today, as we have for the three years I've been here. It's a bittersweet moment. Next year Mrs. Lane will not be my neighbor any longer. She is moving rooms. I feel like I'm losing my best friend. We've become very close, and I hate to see her move into another hallway away from me. We're not even within shouting distance!
This year, I've felt like I accomplished something by meeting almost every single one of my standards. That's difficult to do in just 180 days of school. Continuity was a big thing this year; I felt disconnected at times due to snow days in early 2011. Overall, though, I felt it was a successful year. Our ISTEP scores might not show it, but I know in my heart I did my best, and that's all anyone can ask for. Tomorrow I will finish in my room and leave until August. That's a good feeling!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

Today is the greatest spectacle in racing here in grand old Indiana. The Indy 500 race is today. We will be watching it on TV along with several of our friends. We are also having a fish fry to add to the festivities. I see a little cornhole and frisbee in our future as well. I hope my migraine holds off. Yesterday I had an attack that did a number on me. I was driving, had to pull over, almost passed out/puked, and barely made it home. I've never had that happen before. It was quite scary, actually. I'm better today, but feel a bit of the residual effects. I'm getting ready to go take some Advil as we speak, then I'm going to church. Enjoy your long weekend, everyone!

Living Proof

I got four free tickets to the Indy 500 qualifying today. We got to see a driver get bumped with one minute to go in qualifying. It was great! We also got to witness a GREAT band -- Living Proof. They are a band out of Indy, and they play everything from Michael Jackson to Maroon 5 to Rick James. They were simply amazing. I could have stood there dancing to their music for hours! They were good enough that I want to go see them again in Indy sometime soon. I wish my girls were with me so that they could have danced to their music, too. They would have loved it! I had a great time at the track today. I'm excited to watch the race next weekend. It ought to be a good one. "The greatest spectacle in racing..."

PTSD

We just finished a novel, Soldier's Heart, about the Civil War. What I love best about doing this novel is that I get to discuss post traumatic stress disorder, fight/flight response, and relaxation techniques with my students. Today was that day! The last period of the day today, I had this one student who blew me away. After we turned the lights back on and I let them readjust to the light, RR said to me, "Wowwwww! That was awesome, dude! Tell me other ways to relax? Do you know any? It was like my legs were part of the floor. I was sooo relaxed! Thank you so much!" He just went on and on. He wanted a "copy" of everything I said during the relaxation time, etc. I was amused and flattered. I had no script; I just did it. I love it when one of those moments happens. Makes my year.

Johnnie

We picked up Johnnie today. He got through his surgery on the 12th wonderfully. He's jumping and running just fine. We asked if we could give him a bath, and the ladies at the shelter said not for ten days. Wrong! I had that look of amazement on my face and then the lady changed her mind and stated that if we covered up his incision with a plastic bag or something and didn't let it get wet, that we could bathe him. So that's exactly what we did. And he smells and feels 100% better. He's pottied outside so far! Very happy with that, I am. Here are just a few pics of him:
Also, here are a couple of pics of Mak at the prom last Saturday:

lessons learned

Over the past few years I've learned so many things about myself. Some of them are good, some are eye-opening. I've joined a new church, made a new address for myself, taught at a middle school for three years, and watched my girls grow up so quickly. Many of the things I've learned about myself aren't really for public discussion; they are really way too personal. However, I can tell you that I've done much praying, some soul-searching, and talked with many trustworthy people. Where I have arrived is much better than where I started. That much I CAN tell you. Now, I mean this on a personal level -- emotionally, spiritually, etc. I have grown immensely. That is a good thing. I needed to. I've matured over these past few years. I've forgiven, been forgiven, and have made amends with some people that were overdue. I'm glad I've made some strides in my life. For that, I'm thankful.

Five

Five more days and we get our little baby boy! I am excited and scared all at the same time. It will be a major adjustment, I'm sure. I hope all goes well...

Dang it.

I just had this long post about the 8th grade dance, prom, and mother's day. It was wiped away. Dang it. I don't want to type it all over again. I've done it twice now. So, just know that my weekend will be chaotic with chaperoning, prom for two girls, and mother's day. Happy Mother's Day to my mom who is on vacation with my Dad. We'll just have to celebrate when she returns. Love you, mom! Give your mom a hug this weekend and tell her how much you love her.

hmmmm

I hate it when it seems like some people have fallen off the face of the Earth. Makes me sad.

Death

I went to the funeral home tonight for a family friend's visitation. It was surreal. It was also like a reunion of sorts. I saw people I haven't seen in such a long time. Tomorrow I hope to have more time to visit with a childhood friend of mine who now lives in Tennessee. I miss reliving all of those childhood experiences we had. Too bad we have to come together because of tragedy. I don't like going to funerals, but I feel it is appropriate for this family. I know each and every one of them. I'm sorry for their loss.
He was a great man.

Two, One, Two

I lived in a two dog family for several years. Then, I moved back to a one dog family. Now, I am thinking of becoming, once again, a two dog family.
You see, I made a promise. Now I have to live up to it. That means we are getting another dog. We have been looking on Petfinder.com to try and land a cute, cuddly, even-tempered dog to love and nurture. I am quite a bit scared, though. This dog must get along with Maddie, our other dog. First, I understand she will be very, very upset. She probably will not like the other dog. I get it. I wouldn't want to share everyone's affection, either. It happens, though. So, she must deal with it. The whole situation makes me nervous, however. I want the two dogs to get along and not nip at one another, or rough one another. I probably won't get what I want there. I want them to be buddies. But how can I know that will happen until I have already adopted the second dog and brought him home? Ugh.
So, tomorrrow I will make the trek to a humane society that has a dog we've been eyeing. And we will meet him. And we will cuddle him. And we will do the "paw test". (This is when we try and grab his paw to see if he throws a fit. If the dog lets us hold and rub his paw, then he's good. -- Yes, this test is unofficial, but I did see and hear it on Puppies 101 the other day; something very similar was explained, so I'm right, right? Sure.) We will more than likely fall in love with this creature, and I won't be able to resist putting a down payment on him. (He's not available to go home with a family until May 14 due to neutering.) Wish me luck. Johnnie might be ours.

Sometimes It's Good

Sometimes it is good to apologize. It makes you feel better about yourself, and you feel less burdened. Being forgiven is just icing on the cake.

Easter

Happy Easter, everyone! It's been a nice lazy day for me. I just got out of the shower, got dressed, put green bean casserole in the oven, and am waiting to go to Westport to my momma's house for dinner. I'm starving!! Being in my pj's all day has made me hungry. haha
Hope your day is blessed!

Priorities

It is so difficult sometimes to keep one's mouth shut in regards to other people's priorities. Why should it matter to me, really? Oh, but it does.
It pains me to sit back and watch other people sail through life with their priorities messed up. What should come first in people's lives? I know what should come first in mine. Sometimes I lose sight of that, but I try to focus the best I can. Why can't other people get it? Why do others often prioritize according to selfish wants? Why is it then so painful for bystanders? I don't have all the answers. But I know someone who does. Do you? I often have to go to Him for "consultation". Answers aren't readily given often times, but all in good time they will come. I have to believe that is true. This weekend has very special meaning for some people. I hope you are one of them.

Out and About

I am in one of those moods. You know, one of those moods when I desperately miss traveling. I miss going to the city. I wish I was on Broadway.

Out of Touch

I am so out of touch with what is going on in the world around me. I'm in my own little nutshell. And in this nutshell my world revolves around my kids and school (work). I feel like I'm in a fog sometimes; I can't see past the nose on my face. I don't really watch the news. I listen to XM radio, so I don't really get news there, either. I don't subscribe to a newspaper. So really, the only news I get is what I catch on Channel One News at school some days. That's it. And the local "gossip", or news, as the community seems to call it. I am disconnected. Disengaged. Uninformed. I need to get with it and watch CNN sometime or something. Instead of folding that last load of laundry, maybe I should sit down a minute and take notice of the world around me. I can tell you when the next track meet is, but I can't tell you what is happening on the west coast of the United States. That, my friends, is neglect. I've got to get a handle on it.

Adele

I went out on a limb and bought a CD. I hardly ever do this! I can't remember the last CD I purchased. But, I kept hearing great things about it. And I had heard one of Adele's songs many times over while getting ready in the mornings and kind of liked it for some quirky reason. So, I bought the Adele 21 CD at Target on Saturday. I just popped it in to my CD player in my car this morning on the way to school. At first, I ran through the first minute or so of each song. I thought to myself, "Oh, I wonder if I'm really going to like this or not." Then, after listening to it in detail, I do like it. There are many songs with piano parts, which I love. So, it was a good purchase. I think I'm really going to like it a lot. If you haven't heard Adele's songs, head on over to her website or itunes and check it out.

Once Again

I simply cannot believe I am sick with a sinus infection AGAIN! I swear it feels like everytime I turn around I get sick with one of these. It impedes my running regimen, and I do not appreciate it.

Off to a great start!

Tonight was Cammi's first high school track meet. It was in Austin, IN and was a triangular meet. Scottsburg, Austin, and Jennings County all competed against one another. Cammi threw shotput and discus. She came in first in shot! She threw three pretty nice throws. Her farthest, the second throw, was 32' 11 and 3/4". That was the winner! After her second throw, I told her, "If you throw 33', I'll buy you a puppy." She just couldn't quite do it. Her next throw was 31' some odd inches. So, we've got a great foundation to build on for the year. Her throwing coach said that if she keeps up in the 32-34 range, she would most definitely make it in sectionals. We're so excited. Also, Lucy (a senior who went to state last year in shotput) told Cammi: "Look at it this way; when I was a freshman, I was throwing 27-29'." That makes us so hopeful! If she could improve that many feet like Lucy did by the time Cam is a senior -- lookout! So proud of you, Cam! Keep it up!

It's so hard to stand back and watch things happen to your kids

I find it difficult to stand back and watch things happen to my kids. This runs the gamut from heartache to sickness to being overinvolved. I watch, and sometimes comment or counsel, but it is so very hard. As a mother I want to protect my kids. At the same time, I know that without life experiences, they will not learn. Better for them to learn while they are under my wing than when they aren't, true? That's how I have to look at it. It doesn't make it any easier, by any means, but it makes it manageable.
Sometimes I want so badly to just do everything for my girls. I want to do it so that they can be spared. That, I've learned, does them no good. So, I've learned the hard way to pull back. I've learned to let them take the driver's seat and go through the curves, hills, and dirt roads. I've wept, smiled, and hypervenilated many times. I've been on the learning curve the same time as they have, I suppose. As I've said before, parenting comes with no manual. That's why it's so difficult.
I've learned to pray, pray, and pray some more. That's what gets me through.

I think she could see herself there

Our last college visit this week was today at I.U. Southeast in New Albany, Indiana. When we got there, the clouds were swirling together and it was getting dark. By the time we were in our first information session in admissions, the sky had turned a dark gray with lightning and thunder abound. Then the rain started pounding against the windows, sounding like a tornado could well be on its way. It looked like our campus tour might not happen. Then, after the admissions counselor was finished speaking, the rain stopped, the clouds lifted, and it turned sunny again. We were going to be able to go on the tour after all. We toured the academic buildings, the library, and then went to the lodges. They are like small apartments, compared to a normal dorm. We were impressed with the lodges. I think Makaili liked the fact that she could have her own room with a door, having communal space in the living room and kitchen of the dwelling. I think it was just the right mixture of a school -- small, homey, and connected to IU. I'm just hoping that the winter semester she starts at IUPUC will not be difficult to transfer to IUS in the coming fall. IUS said she would just have to stay in contact with the admissions office to make sure she's taking classes that will be necessary to her IUS degree. Wow. It is so much to take in! I can remember doing all of this for myself as an adult, but it is a lot to digest for a seventeen year old. It's a lot to put on a teenager's shoulders. I'm hopeful, though. I'm excited for this next chapter in her life. I hope she is, too. We may have another IU degree in the family! So happy about that!

Round Two

Round two is now over. We visited Hanover College today. Mak liked it better according to size. Tomorrow, off to IU Southeast. I told her if she liked certain things about IU and certain things about Hanover, then IUS would probably be the perfect mix.

Comments

So we survived the first round. The IU visit went well. We got all of the info about applications, housing, and a tour of the campus. My daughter Mak's comments were: "Umm...it's kinda big!" And my middle daughter Cammi's comments were: "I could definitely see myself here!" One out of two isn't bad! Tomorrow, onto Hanover. I have this sinking feeling that Mak will LOVE it. It is a small campus. We'll see.

Embarking on a Journey

Tomorrow we will be embarking on a journey that could potentially influence the rest of our lives here in my household. We are beginning our college visits for my eldest daughter, Mak. Tomorrow we tour IU Bloomington, the place where I went to college. I wonder if it will impact Mak like it did me when I first set foot on the campus. I just felt alive and at home. I'll be anxious to see what effect it has on her, if any. I am excited to be going to Btown. I love it there. It has an electricity that energizes me. I'm ready to feel that and experience that with my daughter. I'll be proud to have her attend the college I attended if that's what she chooses to eventually do. If not, that is her choice, and I'll accept whatever college she thinks will fit her best. Tuesday we will visit Hanover College near Madison. We've been on the campus for a basketball tourney before, but never toured campus in its entirety. And then on Wednesday we will venture down south to IU Southeast in New Albany, Indiana. I have attended there for a summer class, so I'm a little bit familiar with it. I am looking forward to the new chapter in our lives. Sure, it's scary, but it is a good thing, too. My baby is growing up and becoming an adult. It feels weird, but it's nothing I can't handle. Btown, here we come! :)

Fab Five

When I was becoming an adult and getting ready to graduate high school, there became this baskteball phenomenon known as the "Fab Five". These five players played basketball for the University of Michigan. They were trendsetters, outlandish ball players, and created enough hype for a million dollar merchandise business. After a couple of years, the team fell apart due to many circumstances. The team, however, was featured in an ESPN movie last night titled "Fab Five". We watched it and were enthralled in reliving the story. My middle daughter, who plays basketball, loved it. She is watching it again tonight with some friends of ours who didn't get to watch the movie in its entirety. I loved reminiscing about those years. The NCAA tournament was IT back then, even moreso than it is today, in my opinion. Damon Bailey was playing for IU, Duke had an incredible team, and so did University of North Carolina. Wow. The good old days. I can remember when Chris Webber (of Michigan's Fab Five) called that last second time out when Michigan didn't have any, creating a technical foul that cost Michigan the final game. It was devastating. That team was so much fun to watch. They had it all.
If you haven't had a chance to watch the ESPN movie about the team, I recommend it. Great insight into the minds of legends.

Thirteen

Thirteen years ago today I was in the throws of intense labor with my youngest daughter, Syd. We didn't have a name picked out, and it was tough going after she was born, trying to figure out the perfect name for her to be labled with the rest of her life. Mallory was one of our top choices, but it didn't come through. It was a day later when we finally named her Sydney. She, of course, wishes we had named her Mallory, but doesn't every kid wish they had a different name? That's funny how they do that.
I also remember it snowed the day she was born. I don't mean drizzle; I mean accumulation. I was baffled. She was also born on my college midterm day. It was my last semester. I missed my classics lit. course. Two weeks later, I was on campus (with the little one and my mom for help) in order to take the midterm I missed. I ended up with a "C" in the class. Didn't turn out to well for me. Ah, the days. My memories aren't crystal clear, but I can remember that class. I hated it. I didn't mind missing it for the birthing of my child, I can tell you that!
So, thirteen years ago today I can vividly remember where I was and what I was doing, can you?
Happy Birthday, Syd. Love you!

From couch to 5K

I have been working on this running thing for two years approx. It's really getting to me. I have exercise induced asthma. That basically means that if I overexert myself, I can't breathe. How fun is that, right? I know. So, given that, I have a hard time running for very long distances. I want so badly to run a 5K - it's on my bucket list. But I simply cannot even run a mile straight. Simply not able to do it. Now, those two years I spoke of were years of off and on running spurts. I took some time off due to sickness, basketball schedules, etc. So I can't say that it has been two consecutive years. It still aggravates me to no end that I feel like I'm not making much progress. I keep telling myself that it'll get better as it gets warm and I can run outside daily. Yeah, that's what I keep saying.
Will my goal ever get met??? I'm tired of not accomplishing it. Real tired.

Busy Week

After being off yesterday for a funeral and then returning today, I have a busy week ahead of me. Tonight is the boys sectional at Seymour. We have dance practice all week. I have two days of ISTEP testing for my students, and track practices to boot. Busy, busy.

What?!

My youngest daughter has been diagnosed with shingles. This is the girl who has already had chickenpox twice in her life! And I don't mean a few spots here and there. I mean full blown chickenpox. So now we are dealing with the very painful shingles. It's not been fun.

Grammys

It frustrates me to no end that the majority of the performers on the Grammys don't sing worth a hoot live. I told the girls if it was me and I had paid money to see any number of them in concert, I'd be one ticked of girl.
Why it bothers measley old me?? Don't know. But it does. Seems like anyone can be a rockstar with the right technology and editing. Maybe I should sign up!

Early Spring

I love spring, when the flowers are budding and the grass is poking its head through the ground in a lovely shade of green. It makes me feel alive. However, those months leading up to spring are painful. They are difficult to get through. They seem to drag on forever, the ground either covered in white or the ugly brown slush that the mixture of sand, salt, and ice make.
The groundhog predicted for us today an early spring. I sure hope so. These dreaded cold months are wearing on me.

Love it!

My girls found this song about IU and it is awesome. It is sort of like a retort to the "Black and Yellow" song that is the craze now. I like this one much better! You have to go to YouTube and search for "This is Indiana". It'll pop up a video. Watch it and you'll be singing the lyrics all day long, I guarantee it!

Keeping Quiet

I find it hard to not say what's on my mind. I mean, it almost kills me to A) not say what I want to people, and B) not wear my heart on my sleeve at all times. I'm just that kind of emotional girl. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think I'm one of those women who crawl at people's feet with every little needy nuance of life. Rather, I am a sensitive, emotion-driven woman who feels the need to be open and honest with others. I guess that's a good way to put it. Nevertheless, this kind of gets me into a bit of trouble at times. Take right now, for instance. There are sooooo many things that I want to say to several different people, but I know in my mind that I simply cannot do it. I cannot say the things I feel the need to say. It'll stir up trouble. Big trouble. And I don't think those cans of worms need to be opened. I guess as they say, some things are better left unsaid. I just find it very difficult to put into practice. Some things I want to say may offer someone else some comfort, whereas other things I want to say to someone may hurt them terribly. I'll be the bigger person and not act on what I want to say. I'll keep it to myself. Sure, I'll suffer somewhat, but it's what I have to do I suppose. I must keep my emotions checked at the door. I wonder how others do it?

Could've

I could have mentioned the name of the wine: Poet's Leap.

Reisling

A couple of months ago we took a road trip to Ohio and went to Jungle Jim's. It is a very large grocery store that has all sorts of exotic foods and foods from around the world. Another lovely thing about Jungle Jim's is the large alcohol section. There are wines from every vineyard imaginable. While there, I was able to find a wine that is normally not available to me. It is a reisling that I love. Since the sticker price was $25 a bottle, I got only one on my limited budget. I saved the wine for as long as I could. I opened it last night. I savored every single glass I drank. It was beautiful. The wine is a bit drier than that of a Chateau St. Michelle or a Fetzer or a Kendall Jackson. It is not too dry, though, because I don't like them very dry. The hint of fruit is satisfying. I was pleased to have found it in Ohio. Too bad the liquor stores around here don't carry it. That would please me even more! I guess I'll just have to see it as an indulgence - something that I can look forward to every once and a while. (Unless I want to stop by Bonefish Grill with my girlfriends and indulge there.) Now, that doesn't sound half bad, either! :)

Things come back around eventually

I never thought it would happen, but it has. The proverbial "boat shoes" have come back into style. Yes, you heard it here. My daughters are on the bandwagon. I'm not sure I've come all the way around to the idea, but they are slowly sucking me in. Sperry's are the name brand of the shoes they are hot over. Now, my oldest daughter likes the leather ones. A true vintage look. I, however, like the plaid ones more. (go figure. I'm a nut for plaid and paisley...) Look them up. See if you could handle a pair. They are for men and women!

Sleepy time

I was glad to sleep in this morning. When I woke up before five with sleepy eyes, I looked outside my bedroom window. I saw what I thought to be streetlights reflecting off the wet asphalt of the street. Then, not too near in the future, I got a phone call telling me school was out. NO SCHOOL once again. I turned over, and I went back to sleep. I woke up a little before nine. It was nice to sleep in. I must've needed it.

Welcome to the Jungle

Going back to the South Decatur gym has me reeling with memories of all the time I spent there growing up. In the nineties, the song that played nonstop there was "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N Roses. When I say nonstop, that's exactly what I mean! We had shirts that were adorned by it, posters, megaphones, and more. It was crazy. So, tonight, I'll be taking a road trip with my daughters to go see JC play SD. I think JC will kick butt, but that's okay. It'll be an opportunity for the girls and I to see many of our old friends. We will also be eating at the local pizza place, a hole in the wall with excellent breadstics, again bringing me back to my youth when my friends and I would order them while working at the local Dairy Queen. We'd order both marinara and cheese sauce, then dip the breadstick in one directly followed by the other. It was such a tasty combination. That was our life! That and strombolis. Yum! Bring back the memories, SD. Bring 'em back.

Touchy

I've been so sentimental and touchy lately. Everything that is said, done, implied, or not done affects me greatly. I don't know what it is or why this is happening. I have seriously been in this deep dark depression about returning to work. I have to work three hours today (hours of my choice) and then return to work full time tomorrow with my students being present. I'm simply not ready for it. I'm not ready to hear my alarm go off at 5:45am, me wanting to hit snooze several times. I'm not ready to jump right into the shower once my feet hit the floor. I'm not ready to then wake up my eldest so that she can shower, then wake up my middle daughter, then my youngest. I'm not ready to hear the potential bickering of a morning while everyone is trying to get ready and stay out of other people's way. I'm not ready to finally make it to school, already tired. Then, I'm forced to run ragged once the bell rings at 3:02pm sometimes making three or four trips to the middle or high school for practices and/or games. I'm simply not ready to return to the hustle and bustle of my daily existence.
To some, this may sound horrible. That I should have known this was going to be my life when I made the decision to have three children. No, because when that happened, I genuinely thought there would be a father involved in the process, too. Wishful thinking that was, huh! Let's just say it hasn't turned out the way I expected.
I wanna get in my bed, cover up with a warm, cozy blanket, and sip my diet mountain dew from my bedside table while watching the Food Network. I don't see anything wrong with that.