Just between you and me
Just between you and me, this thing called motherhood is crazy. One day I went to sleep as an independent, carefree, driven woman at the young age of nineteen and then woke up the next day a different person. I was pregnant. No, I wasn’t single or unattached. I was married, so it was all legit. No one, and I mean no one, could have told me that I was too young. I wouldn’t have listened. Now, of course, being older, I can look back and see how between I was then - I wasn’t really a woman in the depths of my soul, I was a person trying to find my way through that odd place that holds things for adults unattainable for a nineteen year old. I was between the systems.
Married, nineteen, pregnant, still taking college classes, and in my first duplex with my new husband. I should have been able to see the place I had myself in - doing everything all at once. We adults know how that works, right? Yep, it doesn’t work. That, my friend, is the issue. So what do you think I did? I was forced to choose between the myriad of things I had going on at the time. Did I already mention I was devastatingly nauseated? Crackers by the bedside, didn’t work. Lying still and waiting a few moments before rising out of bed, didn’t work. Small, bland meals throughout the day, didn’t work. I was miserable. Ah, yes, forced to choose between the items I was juggling...I choose motherhood. Plain and simple. I put college on the back burner, got a full time job, and tried to become the perfect "woman" that the textbooks said I should have been.
Thirteen years later, two children more, finally a college graduate, remarried after a divorce, and more so of a woman today, I am no longer between anything. I am a mother. Crazy? Sure. Would I know anything different other than being a mother? No. That would be crazy.
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In other news...
The girls are on their way home from vacation with Nana and Papaw(my mom and dad). They have been having great fun. Nana loves to spend money on them. One whole day was devoted to shopping. Did she and I ever do that? I don't recall. Anyway, they are bringing home my "grandbears" that have been adopted and the push up bra mentioned above. Last night when I talked to them they asked, "Yeah, why didn't you pack us a brush?" I did. And Cam said, "You only packed ME one pair of underwear!" Now, seriously, what mother in their right(or wrong) mind would only pack a child ONE pair of underwear for the week. She is losing it early, folks. I packed enough for the number of days she would be gone, plus a couple more. Any mother knows that a kid may a) fall into a puddle; b) not make it to the bathroom on time; or c) just plain sweat their a** off and need a new pair beyond the one pair per day allowance. It just happens sometimes!
So, they are heading back, loads of goodies in tow, and cranky as all get out for the vacation to end. My oldest, Mak, is already back on the best friend wagon: "Oh, man, I really wanted to stay all night at Rylie's house one night as soon as I got back...You're not gonna let me, are ya?" Nope. I'm gonna torture her with serious Mommy Time instead - the most horrible thing a mother could do to a pre-teen - spend time with them.
1 comment:
You should get a signed copy of the book simply for having the chutzpah to admit that this hasn't been easy, hasn't always been fun and still yet has been the greatest gift in your life. Most women would never admit to anything but sheer bliss out of fear of the judgment of others. Your honesty is a rare and precious gem.
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