Sweet N Sour Letters

I have a few letters I need to send out for the day:

Dear Cafeteria Lady at School,
Was it actually necessary to be so rude when you came outside this morning before 8am and told me that I could not park where I had already positioned my car? I mean, really. I understand that deliveries are key to your success, but you could have asked nicely. Also, adding the words, "Oh! I suppose no one has told ya about parking here, huh? Yeah. So, you'll have to move. You can't park three wide!"
Given that you had me unnerved, I was trying to quickly put my bags back into my vehicle. In your tone, I sensed urgency, so I shoved my purse, bag, and drink back into the passenger side of the Envoy, getting ready to run back over to the driver's side when you saw me put my whole life belongings into the LOCKED VEHICLE!! Trying to cool off, I did walk to the back of the SUV and say a curse word. Pardon me.
Lastly, I really do appreciate the way you nonchalantly turned and walked back into the school building so that YOU could go about your day like nothing happened while I moaned out in the parking area.
Thanks again for all of your help,
Nina
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Dear Police Dept.,
In the progression of events this morning, I so appreciate your kindness in telling me that you no longer unlock cars for people - that you have smartened up to smalltown living and partnered with a local locksmith company, charging the hell out of people.
It's people like you who make the world a better place, "to serve and protect".
Ever so sincerely,
Nina
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Dear Davis Locksmiths,
This morning, while a local teacher (me) called in with a dire circumstance, I commend you for calming me into a much better place for the entire rest of the day. Not only did you tell me you could help me in under an hour, but you also told me that it would only cost me FORTY FREAKIN' DOLLARS to get into my own car, not twenty feet away from the school building. Now, given the comments I got from students and teachers alike, I understand you are very involved with the local school. You advertise in the sports flyers, yearbook, etc. and have a reputable name. However, it seems as though you couldn't waive that darn fee for a hardworking educator. Wow, I completely (do not) understand.
In addition, thanks to you for teaming up with the local police department. You guys make a great pair.
In dire straits,
Nina
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Dear Mom,
Thank you for being the only human being on the planet that would help me today. Not only did you wake up way before you wanted to, and under crappy conditions, but you also made a trip somewhere where you did not HAVE to be. Your completely capable grown daughter, who should not have these episodes, required your help and you came to the rescue.
Mom, without you driving forty-five minutes one way, I would not have been able to get home to the kids when I needed to after school. I so appreciate you bringing my spare keys to me from home. Thank goodness I am smart enough to give you a house key so that you could rummage through the glass bowl of extra keys to find my Envoy set.
Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I am cut from good cloth!
Lovingly,
Nina
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Yep, that about does it.
It doesn't get much better than this.