I am going to the hair salon today. So, after 3pm, I will have a good hair day. My roots thank Jane, my lesbian stylist, whom I love to go see. She is awesome. And if anyone in Indiana needs a referral, see me and I'll hook you up. She's "off the chain" as the teenagers like to put it.

So many things to write about?!

There are so many things swirling in my head that I could write about. Some, of course, I can't write about. I would hurt people's feelings, allow too many things to be told, and open cans of worms I don't dare bother. So, I'm feeling dumbfounded, actually. Numb, so to speak. But it is the kind of numb that stings. The kind of numb that lets you know you are still alive and feeling emotions that you perhaps don't want to feel.
I get into these moods where I miss people. It is really mental illness, I've diagnosed. I insanely miss my grandpa who commited suicide when I was little. Call me immature; I know some will. But, it still exists that I miss him. Where are the days when he picked me up and danced with me? Why can't I go back to that? Just a few more times I want to be picked up by someone and held, them breathing into my neck a familiar, loving breath. He thought I was it. No one since has ever thought that. I just made that realization. Maybe that's what hurts. I think it is.
I miss my Grandma Rosie. She is the one who died three years ago around the holidays. Since she has been gone, my family that lives in the same town as I do has not talked. My kids got Christmas cards from my aunt, but we've had no face to face contact. They hate me for still talking to their daughter in law (she and my cousin divorced). They think I should shun her. I won't do it. She is my friend and I love her. So, I choose to continue to talk to her and support her. That's what friends do. I would continue to support my cousin that she divorced, too, if he would not be a jerk and act stupid over the fact that I talk to his ex-wife. Dumb.
Anyway, Grandma Rosie kept the family together, I guess. We haven't even gotten together for Thanksgiving or Christmas since she died. It just fell away. I miss her cooking. I miss her coming by and talking, even if it was for ten minutes. I miss going to her house, where everything was pink. My youngest daughter loved that. Pink is her favorite color. And, it is heart breaking when my kids miss her and talk about her. I wish she was here.
And I miss my mom. Yes, she is still alive. Yes, she still lives down the street from us, but she isn't the same. She is sick. She doesn't do the things she used to. She doesn't enjoy life anymore. And it breaks my heart. What really makes me scream is that I will see glimpses of her from time to time, the old her. It is gut-wrenching. I want her back. And I need her. I sit here and cry just typing the words. I haven't said them aloud before. I know she will read this at some point, even perhaps a month from now. I am not writing them to provoke her. I simply needed to put the words on paper.
I also miss the friendships I used to have. Without them I feel alone. I don't really have that "go to" girlfriend in my life right now. Hasn't it been said that every girl/woman needs that?
And last but not least, my job doesn't fulfill me. Point blank. I went back to college after having two kids and got my education degree. It is my passion. I love English, I love to read, and I love passing that on to others. But my job as a teacher does not make me happy. What I am trying to figure out is if anything can make me happy. What kind of job can I do that will make me feel good? Any? Working for minimum wage at a perfume counter? Selling scrapbook supplies? What?
I'm just so lost, aren't I? Therapy, maybe. I should have gotten that for Christmas.

Okay...

So the times I can now sleep in because school is out, I seem to be waking up at 6am. What in the world??? Thus, here I am blogging.

The holidays are past, and the new year is approaching. I survived the Christmas hustle and bustle. So did the kids. They made out like bandits, believe me. The pup is doing great. She is a snuggler and so cute. Today we are off to our second orthodontist consultation. The first one resulted in us being told Patrick is in dire need of braces, and that Mak's are optional. Since the figure was around five thousand a piece, I think we'll stick to getting one set of braces for now. Mak's teeth aren't bad at all; it is purely cosmetic. Pak, on the other hand, has a major overbite and his two front teeth do not even up. (That is putting things mildly and in laymen's terms...)

We are also going to an eye doctor appt. for Syd ("Clovis"). I made the appt. back in early Nov., meanwhile at school they were tested. I got a letter in the mail stating that, "Hey, your child is in need of an eye exam. Without her glasses, she can't see shit!" ...or something to that effect.

Yes, I know. She needs a different prescription in her glasses. I'm aware. I mean, she only tells me daily how she needs new glasses. Duh!

Next will be Cam's eye exam. They just don't understand how I cannot pay for everything all at once! They honestly believe when I sit on the toilet, I must be producing money out of my crack. I'm here to tell them, IT AIN'T SO!

Oh, more news. The tree that had fallen over during yet another wind storm here has been cut down and hauled away as of yesterday. I awoke yesterday to the sound of chainsaws and a wood chipper. We can now see out the kitchen window for miles. Well, not really miles, but you get it.

And, since the window is ginormous, everyone can see us, too. Those driving by on the street can see how beautiful I look with bed head as the kitchen light glows before me. *Not a pretty sight, might I add.*

The Husband is back to work today. Thank goodness because if he had been home a couple more days, he would have exploded at the mess in the house. Christmas gifts to be put away, laundry to be caught up, Playstation and games out, tree still up, decorations still visible, clutter, clutter, clutter. Did I mention clutter? Thought so. So, honey, if you're reading this, be glad you are at work, away from the mess, focused on something else. Send nice caskets to others around the nation.

The kids and I will be off to our travels to various appointments and services. Sorry you'll miss the enormous fun. I know you're envious. I just know it. Ha!

My apologies, please.

I know, I have not posted in a very long time. It has haunted me, believe me. It just seems that whenever I have a chance to post, I either cannot think straight, or it is too late at night. I have been running ragged. I had to prepare for final exams at school (it took me over five hours to make two final exams...), finish grading a very large writing assignment that I gave to my tenth graders, and take care of my own children.

I have a teenager now, Happy Birthday, Mak, and a new baby girl. No, I did not give birth again! We have a new baby girl named Miss Maddie Bea. She is adorable! This puppy is a Yorkie, the same breed that our older dog is, Daisy. This little gal makes Daisy (five pounds) look like a giant. Maddie is 1.6 pounds and should get to be only three pounds full grown. She is precious. She belongs to Mak. That is her one and only Christmas gift. A new puppy was the only thing on her list - she wasn't settling. We tried to bribe her with a motor-skooter (the nice kind that look like a scooter you'd ride around Italy), and many other items. Nope. Wasn't biting at the bit. We talked about it and decided to explore our options. This little girl fell into our lap, coincidentally. So, I guess it was meant to be. *Note: by falling into our laps, I did NOT mean for free, naturally. No, quite the opposite, hence the reason this is her ONE and ONLY gift.

(Clovis, not Mak, holding the pup.)

Today, Christmas Eve, I have decided to be nice and allow my exhusband to have the girls from 2-9pm. I don't have to, but I am going to. Of course, it isn't really the easiest thing to do schedule-wise, but...perhaps a gold star in my heavenly crown awaits me for it.

Before they go, we are having the Husband's parents over. I'm getting ready to chill some wine so that I can offer my sister-in-law some in order to not drink alone. I have to gear up for the visit, you understand. We strategically planned the 1pm visit so that 2pm would roll around and the girls' dad would be here to pick them up..."Oh. Party over. The girls have to leave. Bye-bye."

Yeah, I hope it'll go something like that.

Tomorrow we will open gifts here with all the kids at home. My parents and brother will come over to eat a breakfast feast cooked by dear old me. It has sort of become a tradition over the past five years I have been with the Husband. I enjoy seeing my dad so damn happy to have home cooked food. He loves it. I think it is actually the highlight of the holidays for him.

Around this time he missed his two most beloved people in the world: the dog he had to put to sleep three years ago on Dec. 11, and his mother who died three years ago right before Christmas. It makes the holidays rough. I miss her so much. And my girls do, too. They usually get a gift from my mom that says "from G.G." (stands for Great Grandma - this is what she had the girls call her). It is usually something of hers. I like that. Love you, G.G.

So, to all of you reading, Happy Holidays. Mom, I love you. Dad (Jerry), I love you, too. And to all of my family, I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I'm thinking of you all.

Friends, same to ya!

Thanksgiving Trip Photos

I have a few select photos up on Flickr now of our T-Day trip to NYC. Check 'em out...


Tonight is the Husband's company Christmas party - adults only! Kids are staying all night with Nana. Woohooo!

Today, today

Wow. Today I am so exhausted. I think I said that before, but...

It is amazing - next Monday, a week from today, my oldest daughter will become a teenager! (I did get a compliment at work from a student: "You don't look old enough to have a teenager!") When I think about her birthday, I think back to the day she was born. I'll save that story for next Monday. When her birthday rolls around, I know it is exactly two weeks before Christmas.

I have not even started shopping. NOT EVEN STARTED!!! I hate waiting until this late, but since I have been married to the Husband, we've always done this. I don't like it, but I do it.

We don't have our tree up yet, either. When I was little, we used to put it up the day after Thanksgiving, no question. Now, we don't. I am disgusted with that. You see, it isn't entirely MY fault...the Husband is very particular about The Tree. He has to be the one to assemble it. AND, he has to be the one to put the lights on. He must have 1000 lights, all clear, and they MUST be put just right, or it won't be acceptable. So, the kids and I leave the room while he does this. Before this takes place, however, the huge box must be drug down the stairs, which is no small feat. Sweat is dripping before the first limb of fir is out of the box. Then comes the box of ornaments. This box would be the same size as the box that holds the tree, since it is a box that an old tree was in years ago. Yes, that is how many ornaments we have. Way too many, if you ask me. Some should be discarded. But, then there is that twinge of guilt that slaps you in the face, reminding you of the sentimental value of the ornaments that you think should go. So, they stay - year after year, year after year. It is also a tradition that we started to buy the children a symbolic ornament each year, standing for whatever they are into at the time or the time period of their lives. May sound quacky, but we like it.

I am in over my head with school work. I assigned this "wonderful" assignment and now I have 100 of them to grade. (Long story) I also should be preparing my final exams. That is a job in itself that I can't seem to tackle right now. The Husband is sick -it's his turn!

So, I'll get back to my chores, my responsibilities, my heavy load (whimper. cry. tear.). I have laundry going and must go pick up the boy from practice. Then dinner, then homework, then baths, then ironing, then...then...then...

I'm back

Back to reality, hence the long time away from posting. I mean it - I haven't stopped for air since we got back home from NYC. Our flight home was delayed for over two hours on Sunday, so we didn't get home until close to 1am. It sucked bad.

Other than that mishap, the trip was excellent! Good food, good wine, good times. I simply love NYC. I love being able to be invisible, so to speak. No one there cares what you look like, dress like, talk like, or act like. Everyone and everything is accepted.
I also like how at 3am one can walk not even two blocks and cure their cravings for anything from cannoli to pizza to oysters. Yep, nothing closes. I love that! In contrast, around here in the backwoods of IN, you have to make up your mind quickly if you want a "midnight" snack at 8pm, because the one store we have closes then. It's a sad reality. I'll even go as far to say this:
I feel more comfortable in NYC than I do in Indianapolis, Indiana. I feel safer, secure, and satisfied.

The Husband and I took a trip down memory lane and visited the place where we got married. It was good to see it again and to sit on the large rocks near the Ladies' Pavillion. We saw skaters at both Central Park and Rockefeller Center. We did get to see the famous christmas tree there, too, but of course it wasn't lit until last night (we watched that on t.v.).
We didn't see many famous people on this trip, other than the few who were on a float for the Macy's parade. That was nice because one of my favorites attended the route on a float -- Hall & Oates. I love them. And Julie Andrews.

I didn't get to see Oprah at The Color Purple on Broadway. I knew she'd be celebrating somewhere else for the holidays. I tell you what - for as many plays I have seen in my time, this musical was the absolute best I've witnessed. The music was absolutely amazing. I even bought the CD. I cried, people. I cried. If you have not read the book, you need to do so. It is a quick read and will blow you away with its themes. Wow! Powerful stuff.

We also saw A Chorus Line. It was good also. Some really funny parts in that one. Tits and Ass was the best song in the production.

We went to many shops and quaint stores. Bought the kids some New York stuff. Relaxed when we needed to and ran full steam ahead when we weren't relaxing. The food we had was magnificent. I can't even put it on paper. No words could cover it.

As soon as my lazy butt gets the pics downloaded, I'll post them. Here is a view of the city from an old photo.

Myriad of things, really

Okay. Here are a couple of pics of the living room ceiling I've been telling you about and putting off posting pics of. The one at the top is of a beautiful corner piece in the crown molding. The other is just the plain drywall ceiling with our recessed lighting (without the finishing canister).

In other news...

I do have a few limited fall pictures of the covered bridge where we live. It is about the only "famous" thing around here. I took the kids out there on a cold, windy day and made them get out for a few quick shots. Needless to say, we weren't dressed nor make-up(ed) for the occasion. It was fun anyway.

And, last but not least, we are off tomorrow night for our big Turkey Day vacation. I'll take lots of pictures. And give all of your bests to the Big Apple!!!!!

Cosmopolitans here I come...

Our house...in the middle of our street...

This is a picture of the sidewalk in front of our house last fall. I love the colors of the trees. This year was different. The leaves didn't really turn colors. It was as though they skipped that stage and went straight to falling off onto the ground, already dead. Fall wasn't fun this year. We had an early frost so that all of the pumpkins were ruined before my family even got to go to the patch. I was literally heart broken. So, I drug this picture out to bask in the memories of last fall.

Our house looks so stauesque in this picture. It is a bit misleading as well. I mean, after all, it does have the white picket fence that is a symbol of the American Dream. Think about what the American Dream means to you. The white picket fence isn't really representative of it, is it? Sure, the house we have is gorgeous and the fence, too. But, even in this small midwestern town, there are the roots of evil among us. For example, the mailbox that is hidden behine the largest tree on the left is no longer there. A new mailbox had to be put up in its place because a local teen was driving along at noon on a quiet Saturday and plowed into it with his car. You see, he was high on multiple kinds of drugs. Thank God not one of my children were riding their bikes on that sidewalk you see. Because had they been, they would have died. That, my friends, is tragedy. Just three weeks ago I saw someone outside walking on this same sidewalk. I went out to get the mail and who was that person? None other than the boy who ran over our mailbox himself. He was walking as a free man, without a care in the world, it seemed. He hasn't even paid us for the damages to our property yet, but he is allowed to walk right past the crime scene as if nothing happened. (I use crime scene in loose terms, naturally...) It took all I had not to say something to that boy. But I didn't. I simply thanked the Lord that he didn't hit one of my kids or my husband mowing the yard that day.

Next week this time, I will be getting ready for a big trip with the Husband. It is a trip we have definitely earned, so to speak. I am trying to get over this flu bug and the whooping cough that I must have gotten from my daughter. It has kicked my butt, let me tell you. Today was my first day back at work and the first day out of bed (other than tending to the young) since Saturday. And Lord knows, if I am not able to get up to eat, there is definitely something severely wrong! My students missed me. The administrators probably did not. That's okay. I'm there for the students anyway, when you get right down to it. My time at that school is coming to a quick close. I am thankful in some ways, but in some ways sad. There are those certain students whom I hate to leave. And some fellow teachers I will miss. I just hope I have touched someone's life there and inspired them in some way. I digress...back to the trip...

So, the Husband and I will leave for NYC and spend Thanksgiving there. We have on the agenda the following:

Turkey Day: Macy's Parade, perhaps Letterman, and dinner at Tavern on the Green

Next day: seeing Broadway's The Color Purple, dinner at Sardi's, and probably a jazz club

Next day: matinee of A Chorus Line (tickets courtesy of a fellow producer who worked with Husband's uncle), a grand dinner somewhere, and shopping!

Sunday: stroll through Central Park, more shopping, an afternoon cocktail or three, and get ready to return to the rat race, relaxed and filled with great holiday memories.

Who can't love that? I am so excited I am getting to the point where I can't sleep. I think I'm gonna squeal...

It's my turn

It's my turn to be sick now. Since Friday, all I have wanted to do is simply lie down. Nothing else. Yesterday, I had the chills so badly I was dressed in layers and under two covers in my bed. Bad part? I can't relax enough to really rest well. I mean EVERYTHING hurts. I don't want to walk, bend down to sit on the toilet, nothing. And I have my bi-annual bronchitis cough with no voice. I have taken so much Advil and Tylenol that I think I feel my stomach lining peeling away.
And to top it off? The Husband leaves on his week-long Disney trip tomorrow. I am alone with the children all week. I have to work, and do everything here. Don't know how I'm gonna do it.
I'll write more later when I am coherent.
Could be days, naturally...

I swear.

I swear to you I had planned on uploading pictures of the remod. I sincerely do not have the patience to wait on my slow camera to upload the photos onto my computer, then transfer them, yadda, yadda, yadda. I just don't have it in me, folks. Isn't that sad and terrible? I thought so, too.

On a brighter note, the Husband and I are taking a trip to NYC for Turkey Day Holiday. Just the two of us. We have scheduled to see the Macy's Parade, the Broadway play The Color Purple, and Turkey Day Fixins at Tavern on the Green. If that doesn't sound like a rip-roarin' good time, I don't know what does. Plus, we will shop and root around for fun. A couple of clubs, a few drinks, good music (Birdland Jazz Club) and we'll be set. I simply can't wait.

The oldest daughter is still not feeling well. We are both over it.
Last night I had to move to the couch around 3am because the Husband was absolutely sucking in the roof with his snoring. I couldn't even wake him up. So, my night didn't go well. The couch just isn't the same sometimes, and last night was one of those nights.

I'm going to rant and whine for just a second longer, and then I'll allow the charades to stop... middle daughter, Cam, in fifth grade continues to bring home "busy work" from school. I have done more homework than I care to in the last few months than I remember ever doing. It's sickening. Like, what do they do all day at school - pick their noses? Work on building relationships? What? Even at the high school level (which I teach), I try not to send home much homework. Maybe I'm too liberal. Or maybe I am too realistic - knowing that it won't get done. Who knows. But, the antics can stop. I don't want or need any more homework this year. I already went through fifth grade. I don't want to do it all over again. Plus, it makes me red with rage. I don't need that, either. I have enough of that already.

Pass the Advil, please.

I am getting older. Not that I am that old chronologically, but in physical capabilities, I'm gettin' up there.
For instance, this weekend the Husband and I finished up on some of the remod projects. We wiped down walls, ceilings, baseboards, etc. with Murphy's Oil Soap. We also took everything off the living room bookshelves and wiped each thing down (that we decided to keep). This included books, books, and more books; toys, movies, and board games; and picture frames, pottery, and more. Did I say EACH item? Yes.
After that, the Husband primed, painted, and painted some more. (still having some left to do later on) See, I am not allowed to paint. He is an expert painter - one of those types that can freehand trim pieces and follow lines with the slight of his hand. I, on the other hand, wouldn't be able to paint a straight line. Putting on lipstick is about my extent. That is painting enough for me. So, while he painted, I continued on normal things like dusting, laundry, dishes, and such.
In the end, we also swept up the entire living room floor and mopped it from end to end, moving what little items still exist in that room. There were plenty, don't get me wrong. Couch, chair, table with four chairs for overflow of Christmas brunch, end tables, hutch, dry sink (antique), tv and entertainment equipment. I also had to vacuum out the furniture for the third time. Drywall dust consumes everything. Even if you cover it, it doesn't work entirely.
Back to my point -- I am sore as all get out today. My muscles hurt. I am a weakling like I have never been before. This proves how much my body has turned into the corpse I am letting it become. I'm decaying. My muscles are now merely pools of cellulite, unable to be used. If it takes more effort than walking a short distance, I'm out of the game. I could ingest more Advil than Wal-Mart can provide today, and I'd still be hurting. (not recommended, folks - just a figure of speech)
But darnit, the house looks and smells better.
I'm sure it reminds the Husband of the good ol' days when his grandmother lived here. She used to wipe down the kitchen cabinets with Murphy's Oil Soap every week. I'll never live up to that.

In other news...
The oldest daughter, Mak, reported that she slept all night at her dad's on Friday night. First full night's sleep in a while. Maybe we are on the road to recovery, finally. Today is her last dose of antibiotic, but the medicine is said to last another five to ten days in her system, acting as though she is till taking it. (Z-pack, it is called) So, let's hope so.
I sent for her homework from last week at school. Get this - only two teachers sent anything for her to do. Nice.

Gotta run - time to go pick up the girls from their dad's house. Can't wait to hear the familiar words, "We're starving!! We only ate breakfast then again at 4:00, so that was LUNCH!" Happens every other Sunday like clockwork.
I'll post pictures of the advancement in projects on the house soon...

Hello, edge. GERANIMO!

That's me, going over the edge; off the deep end, as they say. It's happening.

Daughter went to school with me today so that I could immediately take her to the doctor (hour and 15 minutes away from my school) on my prep, while someone covered my last class for me. Once the administration finds out, they'll probably nab me. Does it get any better?

So, doctor says that she probably has whooping cough. The one they vaccinate babies for? Yep. Seems as though there is now a resurgance of the illness, more common among adults, but can happen to anyone. In China, doc said, it is called the "100 day cough". There apparently is a window in which, if given the CORRECT antibiotics, it can be curbed. He believes we are still within that window. Good news? I guess. Bad news? Nothing you can do about supressing the cough. Absolutely nothing. The antibiotics just have to work (which takes days, you know). In the mean time, suffer. He could have taken an expensive, unreasonable blood test to be sure, but he said it doesn't make the treatment any different, so why not just give her this change of antibiotic to cover all bases. Sure, I agreed.
I pay the co-pay and move on to the pharmacy. I am called back to the pharmacy, which resulted in me being told my insurance said they cancelled us yesterday, and that the generic form of her medicine would be $55. I called the Husband. He was angered, but said pay it and he'll send it off manually. Enraged, I called the company Husband previously worked for (not more than 3 weeks ago). Yep, the benefits don't continue the full 30 days past the day of termination/resignation. They end on the last day of the month in which the employee still worked there, hence the benefits ending yesterday. Screwed. Plainly screwed.
So, now that the Husband is at a new, better company, we are uninsured until November 9th. And with my luck, who knows what the hell will happen. I said to my daughter on the way home: "God help us all that we don't have a car wreck or break a bone!"
Oh, the luck. I'm lookin' over the deep end, ready to jump. (no bungee cords attached)

It's 12:54 A.M., do you know where your children are?

That's right. That is exactly what time it is here, and I am posting on here. I am awake, alert, and cannot sleep. Why, you ask? Because my daughter is up coughing her head off. I have gone through an entire bottle of prescription cough medicine, almost emptied an inhaler, a bottle of Tylenol and Advil, and she is almost done with a heavy dose of antibiotic. I am at my wits' end. I have missed work, been pardoned there for one day (with much effort), and can't seem to find two hours to take her to a doctor who can help her further.
My mother took her to the clinic here in town. That, obviously, has not helped. So, now, I believe she needs to go to her "real" doctor in the town 35 minutes away. I can't take her there because they close before I can get home, get her, and drive there. Her real Dad can't do squat for her, so that's out. My Husband can't take off work at his new job; that's out. My mom is on vacation two states away; that's out. I wouldn't dare ask my mother-in-law; that's out. No Aunts or Uncles to do the duty; that's out. So?? Stuck. Period. I don't want to call the clinic where she went - evidently they don't know what they are doing. I'm telling you, these illnesses are taking over my life. My daughter can't sleep from coughing; I can't sleep because she can't sleep. We are both going insane.

Pumpkin man

Pumpkin man
Originally uploaded by Ranguard.

Since I love orange and fall is the best season, I decided to blog this pic from flickr. Isn't it great?
This, my friends, takes much thought and planning. Too bad we waited too long to get our pumpkins this year. It frosted and killed most of them in the patch, so we decided not to make the annual trip to pick out pumpkins. I regret it now because I won't have any pumpkin patch pictures to post or scrapbook. They are my favorites.
This pumpkin man would have looked awesome standing in my yard for all travelers to see. It would have been a conversation starter, to say the least.
Check out this guys pictures on Flickr - he has one of a "puking pumpkin" that is hilarious. Or, search on that website for puking pumpkins - there are some goodies.

When down and out, eat dessert

I just took a batch of brownies out of the oven. It makes the house smell so good. It even said on the side of the box, "at least two whole chocolate candy bars in each batch". What could be better than that?
Then, I went to the store and bought vanilla bean ice cream ("Light") so that we can put a scoop on top of a warm brownie. As you know how things have been lately, we also plan to top that off with a dabble of hot fudge, just so we know we are getting the calories we need. Ha!

If that doesn't cure what ails ya, what will?

I got a newsletter today in the mail from Archiver's, my favorite Indiana scrapbooking store. It has some very cute projects in it for Christmas. Can you believe it is rapidly approaching? I vow to not wait to purchase gifts. I do not want to be shopping the third week in December. That's how the Husband usually does it. Not this year, sweetheart.

We have been kicking around the idea of going off for a few days around Thanksgiving. Not sure where, but just to get away. Warm place sounds great. Any suggestions? I also don't want to spend thousands of hours in a plane, either, though. (The kids will be gone.)

Do you hear what I hear?

Do you hear that? That sound? Ding-ding-ding. The sound of the bell in a boxing match. It is ringing in my ears. Get out your gloves, cause it's round seven at my house.

Oldest daughter came home from her dad's last night and said that she hadn't been feeling very well. Have we heard this before? Yes, we have. Repeat. Same symptoms that the middle daughter had the last time she was sick with pneumonia. So, I gave her some cough medicine and some Tylenol before she went to bed.
She woke up this morning and came to me as I was leaving for work. She told me that her head was killing her. I gave her another round of the medicines. I called her immediately after school and she said she had to run in gym class today, and that she coughed her fool head off. She also said that her chest was hurting terribly. I told her I'd be home in twenty minutes.
We took her temperature when I got home. Ready for this? 103 degrees. No kidding! Back to square one with the sicknesses. I swear. When I tell people this, like ladies at work in my department, I swear they look at me like I make this shit up. I mean, after all, how can one person have it 'so bad'? Believe me, I often ask myself this same question.
So, the gloves are on for rounds and rounds of more of the same. And, still battling the lice situation. Just when I don't find any nits, she goes back to school and comes home with a live one in her head. I can't take it. Honestly.
Oh, and furthermore, I find out today that on my "Fall Break" (one day - this Friday), the remod guys are coming to install drywall in the living room. *Bright and early in the morning they'll start, and they'll finish that evening. No going back to bed after the kids are dropped off at school. No privacy in my own home by myself on my ONLY DAY OFF FOR THE ENTIRE SEMESTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, why? Simply, why?
What the heck does a girl have to do to catch a break around here?

Two nights of them

I have had two nights of various parent teacher conferences. No, I wasn't acting as the teacher, I was acting as the parent. I attended conferences for my own children. (at the elementary where I am having "issues" shall we say.)

I feel guilty for actually saying what I am about to say. I have been really down lately. Sure, I'm still taking my antidepressant, but it has been a funk that I've been in lately. The reason I feel guilty is because I know, deep in my heart, that it could be so much worse. Yet, that doesn't erase the feelings I have.
It seems like there is this black, thick cloud of gook around me, just hovering. As I was talking to my mom last night on the phone, I was telling her what has gone down at these conferences over the last two days and she stated, "Well, it's just like it is one thing after another with no break." EXACTLY. That's what I'm sayin. If I felt I had a small "let-down" of sorts, I might be able to handle things better. I just feel bombarded. Like I am trying to tread water, but the gulps are getting to me.
Am I taking things like a baby? Probably. I've been told I play the victim well. But why, then, do I have such deep feelings of 'uuuugggghhhhh' and exhaustion no matter how much rest I get?
I'm not posting this here for miracles. I'm not that naive. I guess it is just therapy enough to get things down 'on paper' so to speak, that I can face just one more day. One at a time is what I'm doing here. It has to get better. It just has to.

Release the Hounds!!

Boy, did my Friday the 13th turn out wacky!!
I went to work early for a faculty meeting. Supposed to be there at 7:30am. Since there is construction on the highway that I take daily, I decided to leave in enough time to be sure I was prompt. I got there ten minutes before the meeting was to begin.
As I pulled into the parking lot out in front of the school, it was pitch black outside. I noticed five squad cars parked directly in front of the school. Odd, I thought. Perhaps at these early hours, the police parked a few vehicles around the school to deter mischief. I wasn't aware of that.
Then, in my peripheral vision, I noticed a police car with its headlights on in a far parking lot to the left AND right of the school. Way odd.
I walked up to the front entrance and saw a semicircle of police officers inside the doors. As I got closer, I also noticed a dog, much like the one in this picture, sitting at attention, waiting for me or any other 'visitor' to enter the school. I proceeded with caution. After all, I had a Snickers bar in my purse. Contraband.
I opened the doors and breathed a sigh of relief when the officers at least smiled at me and said good morning. I then thought that we must be having some sort of 'training' or presentation by the officers in our meeting. With all of the recent school incidents around the country, it is a heightened issue.
I went to the meeting, and the main building rep for the teacher's union came in and made an announcement that there would be no meeting. There had apparently been a 911 call last evening to the police, stating there would be a bomb in the school today. This was called in by a student of the school.
As the story unfolded, I learned that the student was one of mine. Sure. The officers and dog found nothing. Each student was wanded and bags were searched upon entrance to the school. Everything was clean. No bomb was found, no residue of anything, nothing. So, precautions turned out nothing questionable. Thank goodness.
Other tidbits: the student called last evening about a bomb threat for today. Not the smartest thing to do. Also, he stayed on the pay phone at a convenience station in town long enough for police to arrest him about two minutes after he hung the phone up. Again, not too smart. The boy was detained in a juvenile detention center and will be given the book.
Apparently, all week long, he had told his friends that he was "gonna get everybody outta school on Friday the 13th!" Dumb. Instead, he got himself locked up for the event.
Just goes to show you that you can never be too sure of your own safety.

Friday the 13th

Even though there will be some out there that will tell me I am overstepping the boundaries of safe internet use, so be it. I can't hold it in.

I AM THIRTY-THREE YEARS OLD TODAY.

Gosh, I don't want to keep getting older. Not that I really think 33 is old, persay. But, that means that old years are to come. And frankly, I don't want it.
I have a cousin, who is like a daughter to me, who will turn 21 tomorrow. Remembering back to my 21st birthday...the night before it, I felt that twinge of intuition and went out and bought a pregnancy test. After all, I wouldn't want to celebrate on a pregnant stomach!
Yep. Pregnant.
So, memorable as it was, my twenty-first bday didn't involve the traditions of a normal 21st. I hope her birthday is great. I love her.
And, my biological father's birthday is tomorrow. He will be 51. You do the math. He lives in Florida, way far away. I miss him terribly, and wish I could be there to celebrate with him.

As for the birthday being today, on Friday the 13th? I'm not worried. My 16th bday was on Fri. the 13th, too. And it turned out great.
Hey, I already got the new Lionel Richie CD this morning as a gift so I can crank it on the way to work. It'll be a good day.