Thursday, October 19, 2006

Two nights of them

I have had two nights of various parent teacher conferences. No, I wasn't acting as the teacher, I was acting as the parent. I attended conferences for my own children. (at the elementary where I am having "issues" shall we say.)

I feel guilty for actually saying what I am about to say. I have been really down lately. Sure, I'm still taking my antidepressant, but it has been a funk that I've been in lately. The reason I feel guilty is because I know, deep in my heart, that it could be so much worse. Yet, that doesn't erase the feelings I have.
It seems like there is this black, thick cloud of gook around me, just hovering. As I was talking to my mom last night on the phone, I was telling her what has gone down at these conferences over the last two days and she stated, "Well, it's just like it is one thing after another with no break." EXACTLY. That's what I'm sayin. If I felt I had a small "let-down" of sorts, I might be able to handle things better. I just feel bombarded. Like I am trying to tread water, but the gulps are getting to me.
Am I taking things like a baby? Probably. I've been told I play the victim well. But why, then, do I have such deep feelings of 'uuuugggghhhhh' and exhaustion no matter how much rest I get?
I'm not posting this here for miracles. I'm not that naive. I guess it is just therapy enough to get things down 'on paper' so to speak, that I can face just one more day. One at a time is what I'm doing here. It has to get better. It just has to.


Annie, The Evil Queen said...

That slow, constant wearing down is often so much worse than one traumatic event. It's not as though you are lying around, eating bon bons and complaining that the gardener has trimmed the hedges unevenly. You are working and trying to raise children and have a whole life. It can be exhausting. Hang in there and maybe do something nice for yourself; a manicure, flowers, a big ice cream sundae, whatever blows your skirt up. Or, maybe, just have your skirt blown up.

aka Brandi said...

Well. I was going to post something nice and insightful here, but I see that The Voice of Reason has beat me to it so let me leave you with this: Listen to her. She's the one I go to when things get out of control.


And consider yourself hugged.

Candi said...

Another hug here, too. I am so sorry. Go with Annie's advice - the skirt blowing up thing :) If life isn't giving you a break, force one!

wordgirl said...

You're the mother of young children. There's a reason you're so exhausted. Exhaustion feels a lot like depression and funk. I'm not saying not to take the antidepressants. I'm just saying to be gentle with yourself.