My head is spinning. Can someone please make it stop? While you're at it, make the knot in my stomach go away, too, please. Thank you.

Flying

Time is flying by. My spring break has been going so quickly. It's like trying to fit in five weeks worth of time off into one. I did have a blast going to see South Pacific, the musical, at IU Tuesday night. My friends and I stayed up until 6:30am! Last time I did that, someone fixed eggs for me on command. We didn't have any eggs this time.
I've spent hours at doctor's offices and physical therapy for Cam. Good news is that her knee can be active with physical therapy and a brace. It'll be a long four weeks in that thing, but she's managing well. The true test will be her two meets and an invitational this coming week. That's a lot of activity for it in a short amount of time! I hope she does well. She was doing great before the two weeks off. I hope she comes back up to speed quickly.

Say Your Prayers

Say prayers for my daughter, Cam, today. She is going to the orthopedic doctor about her knee. I'm so nervous.
On a good note, I got the office cleaned out. Day one of spring break, success, I guess. I found multiple picture frames I had purchased (I knew they were in here somewhere). Now to print Mak's senior pics and get them in there! So much to do, so little money and time.

It's Official

I'm on spring break. As of 3:15pm. C'mon!

It's a good thing

It's a good thing Mak and I didn't buy John Mayer tickets. He cancelled his tour. He's got some throat issues going on again, so he had to cancel. Man, that stinks, doesn't it? I guess it was meant to be that we got Dave Matthews tickets instead of John Mayer. I'm okay with that. I wasn't at first, but now I am. Get well, John Mayer! I'm still a loyal Pandora fan of yours. Your station is great!

Heartbreak

Getting your heart broken is a difficult experience to go through. There are many levels of heartbreak, too. There are those quick heartbreaks where something is said to you, and it stings to the core of your being. You replay that line(s) over and over in your mind, and your heart hurts because of it. Then, on the other end of the spectrum there is that gut-wrenching heartbreak - the one that makes you feel like you've been turned upside down on a roller coaster, about to vomit or pass out. Neither is easy to deal with, in my opinion. A heartache is a heartache, right? And heartbreak has been known to resurface its pretty little head when you least expect it. That's the real "pow" of it all. Heartbreak sits right down and slaps you across the face to get your attention. It's ruthless like that. Well, the sting is burning my face.

Hurt

No parent wants to see thier child hurt. That thought is compounded when that injury takes them out of a sport, or two. In my child's case, she will be out of soccer AND track. Don't know what's going on for sure yet, but awaiting a phone call from Southern Indiana Orthopedics for an appointment, hopefully toward the beginning of next week. I'm scared, anxious, and more. When something goes wrong with someone's knee, it usually isn't good news. I'm hoping physical therapy might cure what ails her. I'm almost sure they'll want to do an MRI. Nervous about that, too. I'm just a bundle of nerves, here. For now, out for a week or so until we see the orthopedic doc. Keep your fingers crossed. I want "not so bad" news. It makes me truly uncomfortable knowing my kid is hurt. I don't like it one bit.

Music

I listen to Pandora almost every day during my prep. I love it. It's almost like I can't concentrate on my work without it. There are times when a song will come on, unexpectedly, and change me. I might become happy, sad, nostalgic, or whatever may come over me at the time. Certain songs take you to certain places in your life. That's one of the things I love about music; it can take you to a different place. I love the piano parts in Adele's music. They sweep me off my feet. I swoon over things like that. I had one of those moments today. I was whisked away to another place and time. Time traveling -- I like that.

Beautiful

It was beautiful outside today. Why can't it be this way every day? Where can I move to that has this weather 365 days a year? Sign me up!

Write it Down

I'm a natural letter writer. I've written so many letters in my lifetime, many of which I never send. I've written letters at my desk at school before, and then sat there and ripped them up into little tiny bits over my trashcan. Some I have put in my desk drawer at school, only to toss them at a later date. And yet others, I've either hand delivered, or have sent them in the mail. I will also write in cards. I use all of that empty space on the inside flap to jabber and communicate to others. I love getting communication back, too. It makes my heart go flip-flop if I get a letter in the mail or via email. I want to know what others are thinking or what's going on in their lives. I love that bond that letters create.
However, there are times when so much is floating around in my brain that I am speechless. Sometimes the words just won't come out. I don't enjoy those times. Those times make me feel like my hands are tied. Good thing I don't have trouble speaking, or seeing, or hearing. I would really feel insane, then.
What I guess I'm getting at is that I could write a thousand letters. And I would love to receive a thousand back. But there are just some letters you can't write. And then there are those that you can write, but just can't send.

14

Fourteen years ago today, my baby was brought into this world. It's hard to believe she's fourteen.

Frustration

I get so frustrated sometimes that it makes my head hurt - literally. Why do I do this? I know I have to be the one to take care of me, because no one else will. I have to be the one to get things done. I have to be the one who...I have to be the one who...I have to be the one who...

And it sucks.

End of story.

Saying a Lot

I know a girl who is sixteen whose mother is so mean to her. She does not deserve it. She's the sweetest girl. And her mom continues to berate her, treat her like a dog, threaten her, and embarrass her. The kicker is, her mom then tries to apologize and smooth things over, time and time again. Because that's how her mom was treated by her dad. The cycle continues. I feel so sorry for her. I wish I could wisk her away and bring her home with me to live. My kids would love her like a sister, and she would be loved by me. I had her in class a few years ago, and I loved her then. She is a great kid.
After tonight's tirade by her mother, I asked Cammi, who is her age, how she would feel if I talked to her the way this girl's mother talked to her. Cammi was honest and said she would cry, cry, cry. I would never think of talking to my child the way this mother talks to her children. I'm thankful that my kids don't have to live through that. I'm thankful that those times when I do get angry or frustrated with my kids, I have enough respect and self-control that I don't talk out of line to them. I guess there's one good way to look at the whole situation - it teaches me what NOT to do with my own kids. That's the only good I see in it. And maybe it teaches my teenage daughter to appreciate me as a mother. Otherwise, the situation sucks. Point blank.

Regrets and Mistakes and Memories Made

After being at the hospital when the new baby arrived, many emotions swirled in my being. I felt relieved that she was finally here, that she arrived and was healthy. I felt elated, that a new life was in our family who we'd see grow up. I felt sentimental talking about the three births that I went through myself. I felt guilty about all the things I have done to or with my own kids that have been negative. I felt sorry for the wrongdoings that have affected my children. I felt sad, that I was so young and dumb when I birthed my three kids. I really didn't know what I was doing. Yet, I felt a small bit of hope; maybe one day I'd have a very positive impact on this little girl. Maybe, just maybe, I could be her "go to" someday. I could be the one that would help her when she thinks her mommy and daddy can't. Everybody needs that go to person in their lives. Even my own kids.
I just want to hold this little girl in my arms. I want to kiss her tiny cheeks. I want to take in her baby scent. And I never want to forget all of this, so that I can tell her about it when she gets older - about the day she was born and the days thereafter. And I want to read books to her. If I could sing, I'd sing to her, too.
My "little girls" are 18, 16, and very soon to be 14. Where has the time gone?

I've Been Waiting for a Girl Like You

She's here!! The baby has arrived, and she is precious.

Tickets, Transfer, and Tornados

I am bummed. I didn't get John Mayer tickets. I tried for quite some time. No luck. That pretty much saddened my spirits. I really wanted to go see him. I've talked about it for a long time. I never thought I'd get the chance. Then, when I did, it failed. Oh well.
Mak is trying to transfer to IU Southeast, and it is not going well. One person says to do this, while another person says to do that. No, you don't have to pay this fee, yes, you do have to pay this fee. I'm tired of the runaround. Had I known she'd get jerked this way and that, I'd have had her just begin down at IUS. It might have been easier. This graduation/college thing is exhausting.
Yesterday we went to help my best friend's father in law whose property was mangled due to the southern Indiana tornados. The devastation is too much for words. You can see the direct path this monster took. It wrecked communities. It killed people. It was powerful. The massive cleanup is far from over, but with the help of many good people, at least there is a dent in it. It was nice to see hope in humankind. There are still good people out there even though our world's a mess. There really are.