trip

I am going to see my mom in treatment today for the first time.
My girls are going with me.
My father is driving us.

Approaching

We are settling down in the approach to the homestretch for my grad class. I am so glad I have written as much as I have. I'm so glad that I have made friends to bounce ideas off of. I'm so glad I got to meet some very intelligent instructors, and I'm so glad my work is almost complete for the requirements of the class.
I'm not happy about having to be finished with the class. I'm going to miss it, to be totally honest. I won't miss the commute - one hour one way - but the other aspects I will miss.
Soon I'll post some samples of what I wrote while in the class. Soon.

Dear Addiction, Part 2

The other day I wrote a letter to my mother's addiction in my writing class. I read it to someone yesterday for the first time. The person cried. And so did I. Here is a second letter, influenced by my conversation with my mother on the phone last night...

Dear Addiction,
It seems your importance has diminished by leaps and bounds. My mother is breaking out of your cocoon you had around her. She now sees light, truth, and hope. For that, I'm thankful.
Since you don't have such power over my mother any more, she is able to backtrack over her memories, or what she has left of them. She realizes just how long you and she had your little love affair. Though she couldn't say the actual words, she was aware that you two have been together, entwined, for twenty-one years. That's a fourth of a lifetime. I'm sure you aren't happy about this new arrangement. I'm sure you are panicking and latching on to any last minute hope that you and my mother may be together again. I'm praying every day you are out of our lives forever.
Sure, it won't be easy. We'll have to help her fight you daily, perhaps even hourly. Taking one hour at a time, one day at a time, will be the strongfast hold she can have to put you at bay. I'll help her do just that. You see, last night was the first real conversation I have had with mother in so long. She sounded happy and clear-headed. She feels some independence, and it makes her giddy.
So, addiction, say goodbye. Feel endangered. Give up.
Sincerely,
Nina Shoultz
daughter of someone special

...and I said, "NO, No, NO"...

There's an Amy Winehouse song called "REhab". The lyrics referenced above were my mother's mantra for many years. She would not be happy reading this, but sometimes there are things we must write about when the muse strikes us. Now is that time.
My prescription medication addicted mother went into rehab on her own free will last Thursday. This was the same day I was to give my demo lesson in front of a class full of graduate students. Since I am in an intensive grad course, I was unable to go with my father to take my mother to her destination. I was secured in New Albany, nowhere near the northeast side of Indianapolis, so I was cut off from the day's events.
I talked to my mom on Sat. afternoon. It is the first time she has sounded human in years. An on and off addiction of twenty years has taken her away from us. It almost sounded as if she may return when I talked with her a couple of days ago. I hope so, because it has been too long. I had resigned myself to the thought process of not having a living mother. That sounds incredibly harsh and unempathetic. Folks, believe me when I tell you that the aformentioned is a coping mechanism that some resort to in the extreme cases. This was one of those cases.
When users go so far, it gets pretty unbearable for the survivors of the usage to sit back and watch. I was one of those survivors; I no longer wanted to partake in watching my mother's demise. So, I didn't. I cut myself off from her as much as I could.
I'm ready for her to come back to life.

School Days

I have one week of school under my belt. I've written many things - I've written about college, my girls, my grandmothers, The Heilman's who lived down the road from me while I was growing up, and someone's addiction. Going through many memories this week and writing about them has actually been quite exhausting. Plus, I must drive an hour one way to get to class, so that is tiring as well.
Some good friends of ours left at 4am this morning for Florida. I'm so jealous. They'll be staying on a white, sandy beach while I am here in crappy Indiana. It looks as though a trip to see my dad is out of the question. He is coming up here, though, so we'll at least get to visit with him a little bit.
I miss my teacher friends from school. The ones I ate lunch with every day are greatly missed. The laughter was much needed during the school day. Now, I miss laughing with them just out of pure fun. I've seen a few of them here and there and have gotten together with a couple of them sporadically. I need a big get together to catch up with them all!
A week from this Sunday is Father's Day! Don't forget to remember your Dads.

tomorrow, tomorrow...

I start my class tomorrow. My TWO WHOLE DAYS OFF are over.
Though it kind of seems overwhelming, it is sort of exciting at the same time. I love to write, so I think I'll like the class. I'm banking on it being cathartic.

Speechless

The show was simply amazing. Those who go see it will understand when I say you don't want it to end. It's that good.
The music is phenomenal. It is the kind of music that makes a person want to sing if they can't. I must admit, my eyes teared up several times, but for many reasons.
Let's examine them:
1. When people can sing, it brings tears to my eyes.
2. Music moves me.
3. The musical nudged my acting bug, which seems to be nudged more and more as time passes.
4. The themes in this musical impact audience members.
5. My love (and my girls') for The Wizard of Oz made me love this musical. It is sort of a prequel to The Wizard of Oz.
6. It made me think back to all of the shows I've seen in the past, either smalltown podunk shows, or grand Broadway shows. I love them all!
7. Makes me sad that I cannot afford season tickets to the Broadway series. Makes me even sadder that I can't take my girls to experience it with me if I were to go.
8. Great acting is mesmerizing to watch (and cry about).
9. Why can't I quit my job to travel and do theater reviews???
10. I cried because I could.

If anyone can get a ticket to see Wicked, either in New York City or not, then do so. You'll be ever amazed and in awe!

Wickedly Welcome

Hold onto your hats!!!

My bucket list just got smaller. . .

I am going to see Wicked on stage tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I will be leaving here shortly when my friend comes to pick me up. We will head to Indy, grab a bite to eat, and enjoy the wonderful music. There are actually quite a few people going, so we should have a jazzy time.
I'll post details at a later date.
Break a leg!!!!