First week, done.

My first week with eighth graders is finished. It was a short week. Only three days. All went well, thank goodness. I have great classes, great co-workers, and all around nice surroundings. I think my Yearbook class will be difficult, just because I don't know what I am doing. I have to keep telling myself that I must just relax and let things come to me in due time. Go with the flow, I tell myself.
I have tried, over the last couple of weeks, to relax and not get all bent out of shape over things that life delivers. (In all aspects of my life) I am tring to focus on what I can control instead of what I can't. It is a change for me to do so, but I am trying to deal with it the best I can.
I am focused on my daughters and my job. I'm doing the best I can.

Wow, update.

I am at my new job. Loving it. I have eighth graders -hormonal, unsure, defiant, compliant, etc. They keep a person on her toes. We have done some cool things over the past few days. Getting to know 150 names is difficult.
The girls have started a new school. They are doing well. It is hard to believe my oldest is in high school now, with a 7th grader and a 5th grader. I'm old!!!

Tonight, I had to help my freshman daughter with a timeline for World History of her life and significant events. It was difficult to recall some memories of things that have happened over her lifetime. One in particular was the fact that she was born when I was 20 years old. Man, was that ever young! At least I was married then, not bearing a child out of wedlock. Anyway...
I am exhausted. 'Nuff said.

Where is the summer?

The summer has flown by this year. It is already close to the beginning of school. Every year my dad tells the story of how, when he went to school, he didn't begin until the day after Labor Day. School started in September! Then, it was always out in the middle of May. Well, not anymore, my friend. School is only 180 days, but it seems so spread out, making it feel like way more than 180 days. Sure, we get little breaks here and there, but more times than not, those breaks seem way too short. For instance, long ago I can remember when it seemed like three weeks were given for Christmas vacation. Now, most schools get out one or two days before Christmas Eve. No time to plan, shop, or relax before the holiday. Then, students and teachers must return right after the first of the year. Amazing!
As I get older, time seems to fly. It gets faster and faster each year I am older. I'm not really liking it too well.

(continued)...

I forgot to post something...
I read the book, Eat, Love, Pray on vacation. I recommend it to people who enjoy learning about other cultures, who may be searching for inspiration, and who love a genuine good story. It is nonfiction and is categorized under "memoir" or "spirituality". It could be categorized under so many more things, though. I loved the book and marked several pages to remember specific passages. It is a book that I can re-read in two years and it will speak to me differently each time. Go buy it or get it from your library. You'll be glad you did.

Worry

I am worrying. It is getting closer to the start of the new school year and I will be at a new teaching job. Trying to get organized and remembering everything that needs to be done is weighing on my mind. It's like I want to be perfect, even though I know no one is "perfect", but... I just want everything to go well. And starting in a new place is difficult. I don't know the ins and outs of the place, I don't know the students, the staff, the building, etc. I am unsure of the way the place runs, the nuances, and more. Frightened? Yes. Excited? Yes. Eager? Yes. Worried? Yes. But it is a good worry, I think. I have much to do and not much time to do it in.

July 4th in another part of the U.S.

Happy Independence Day to all from Birmingham, Alabama. Tomorrow we will arrive at our destination. The drive today wasn't bad at all. I slept quite a bit, so it broke up the monotonity of the drive. We at a BBQ place called Dreamland tonight. It is pretty much on campus of University of Alabama Birmingham. That campus is an urban campus with pretty buildings. Some college folks across the street from the restaurant were having a small party. I so badly wanted to run up their long steps to the porch and ask for a cold drink. I refrained. I'm too old for that kind of thing, after all.
I can't wait to be at the beach. It is calling...

Outta Here

In around twenty-four hours I will be setting sail with my family to greener pastures. No, not moving, just vacation. We are going to Gulf Shores, Alabama. This trip was a last minute planning device set off by The Husband. I had resisted the trip since its mention, but finally agreed to its existence. I had a couple of conditions to which He must agree before I moved forward into accepting the invitation.
1- no griping about money in the near future when things came up that were needed
2- I was adamant about not liking the long car drive. - I will take Tylenol PM and sleep - no driving for me nor keeping my eyes open much along the way.
3- I must purchase a new novel to take and read on the beach.

Since 1, 2, and 3 were agreed upon, I let down the protest and am going on the trip. Don't get me wrong - I love the beach with every fiber of my being. It is the place I long to be. It is even on my bucket list to own waterfront property (or rent) someday. It is just there is a lot going on with me getting ready for this new job and not having an income for the summer. I also do not think I can deal with arguing kids in a vehicle for 11 hours. Just don't think I can do it. So, they better behave or I'll lose it. (If I can hear them through the drug induced coma I'll be in.)
Bon Voyage!!

Pretty Face

Profile
Originally uploaded by pinkdaisypea

My main man, Griffey Jr., at a Reds game. I have many pics, including those of some Red Sox players. Game was awesome, view of him was grand! Head over to flickr and check more out! (look for "ngraue" photos if you can't get there through the link on this page)

OH, boy.

I am up right now at 3a.m. with my youngest daughter. She has a severe earache. She gets this about once a summer. I try my hardest to maintain that she not get water in her ears to settle. I put alchohol in them if she feels like she has water in them after swimming. To no avail. She gets this at least once. She is awake, in pain, for the second night in a row. No Advil helps, no numbing drops help. She is frantic. She says it feels like her ear is bleeding and that she has had surgery on her jaw (where it connects to her ear). So, I suppose that tomorrow, on the day when we were supposed to go do something fun since I am not babysitting anyone, we will go to the doctor. Not fun at all. The older two are gonna throw a fit. Just part of motherhood. Maybe I'll get to sleep in on Saturday?!

2 out of 3

As of 5:09a.m. this morning, two out of my three daughters are teenagers. My middle daughter, Cammi, is now 13. I only have one left to turn into a raging, hormonal teen.
Remembering back thirteen years ago, I was in bad shape at this hour on June 21, 1995--I had a patchwork quilt sewn into my female area. I asked how many stitches the doc had to use and his reply was, "You mean, how many packages of stitches?!" Yes, what you are thinking is exactly right. OUCH! Cam was a big baby. She weighed almost nine pounds. I was in labor for a long while and pushed for a very long while. It was to the point that if she wasn't stuck half in half out of my body, we would have been wheeling to the operating room for an emergency C-section. But, it was too far gone to do so. The doctor tried forceps, the vacuum thing where a suction is put on the baby's head, and good old fashioned pulling. It was rough. She finally came out, though. I was so out of it from pushing so hard that I could not see straight - literally. My vision was blurred for hours. I think I might have even been cross-eyed.
Through all of that, I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. She is now a teenager. It is hard to believe.

Dad's Day

It is Father's Day. I checked out the secrets over at PostSecret and they are mostly about fathers. One email they printed, in particular, was about how cards never really "fit" some fathers. How true that is. Sure, I could go pick one out for my fathers, but none really explain the exact sentiment I want to convey.
Given that, I sit and ponder what a father means to me, both in the sense of my OWN fathers, and the fathers of others I know.
For those of you who don't know me well, I didn't meet my biological father until I was sixteen. When I did finally meet him, it was as though I was looking into a mirror. I finally got to see where I got my legs, facial features, and smile from. It was the most inexplainable event in my life. Since he and I are very far apart -- he lives in Florida -- it is difficult to have a very close relationship that I long for with him. Sure, I love the man I call "Dad". He was my father, raising me all those years, and still is today. But, to no understanding of the greater of society, I will always have a connection and love for my biological father. It makes me intensely sad and introspective to think of it. I will call him today and wish him a happy dad's day. I will tell him I love him and mean it. I will tell him I miss him, too. That won't do my feelings justice, but it's all I have.
As for my "Dad", I will drive up the street, see him, give him a card, and tell him I love him, too. As for The Husband, I have a card for him as well. It suggests a long nap. Hahahaha. Unfortunately, he is outside cleaning out the gutters on the house, will then mow, and will vacuum out the pool that we can't get clear. Not much of a Father's Day for him! We did go to the Cincinnati Reds game yesterday versus the Boston Red Sox. It was a dandy! I was ten feet away from Ken Griffey, Jr. Hott! ANd, AND, I got some sweet pictures I will post later to flickr. Happy Father's Day to all!!!

Older

My oldest daughter decided she wanted to get her hair cut. Now, to most, this wouldn't be any big news. But, with her, it was monumental. She NEVER wants to get it cut. I don't mean trimmed; I mean cut. So, I made the appt. for today and we went.
She picked out a haircut from a magazine based on the singer, Rhianna. For those of you who don't know her, she is a hip, young, black girl who happens to be quite a good singer. So, the haircut ensued.
When Sara (hairstylist) bent Mak's head toward the ground and sliced off about four inches at the nape of her neck, I thought I might choke. There was no going back. Upon completion, the haircut looked really cute. One major note: the haircut aged her about four years. Translation: SCARY AS HELL FOR MOM!!!

Proud to be a Panther

I will be an employee of a school --- did you all hear me correctly??? ANd, AND...I will get to be the Yearbook advisor ---- AS A CLASS! I am so pumped. Finally, finally, finally.
I, for once in my life, am speechless at the moment.

This is the shitznizzle!!!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Friends

It is difficult to know exactly how much friends mean to us unless there is a situation when those friends aren't around anymore, or we see very little of them. As I get older, I have come to realize that friends have so much value and add so much to people's lives. The reason I know this is because, unlike 15 years ago, my friends are essentially non-existent. Sure, I have a few people whom I talk to from time to time, but not the type of friends that I simply "can't live without" talking to on a daily/weekly basis. You know, the kind of friend that you have to call no matter what hour of the night to tell them a brilliant idea you just had. Or the type of friend that you call and simply weep, them knowing what is wrong without you even saying a word. The type of friend who you can shop with and not kill one another. The kind of friend you can pick up when they are down just as quickly as they can pick you up. I miss having the kind of friend who just stops by for the heck of it, without calling first. I miss having a friend who can listen to the angst of motherhood without judging you, seeing you as a horrible mother. I miss the friend who relishes in MY children's achievements right along with me and vice versa. I often wonder: how can I go through the rest of my life without a friend like that? I am missing out on so much. At the same time, where I am in my life right now, I'm not sure I would be the kind of friend someone else needs. (if that makes ANY sense) I'm not sure I can commit to offering all of that. Probably why I am friendless, I'm thinking.

Graduation Day

As I was eating my morning cereal, (too lazy to "fix" anything), I was thinking back to my graduation day so long ago. When I graduated high school I was fifth in my class ranking. That meant I not only got an academic letterman's jacket, but I also got to have all of those colorful chords that a person gets to sport over his/her graduation gown. Our gowns were white while the men's were maroon. Not really smart if you think about it - it would have been better for the men to wear white so that the prints of beautiful dresses didn't show through the white material for the ladies. Anyway... I do use the term "men" loosely - they were boys, actually.
So as I ventured back into the memories gallery I tried to remember how I was feeling on my high school graduation day. I had mixed emotions. I was thrilled that my biological father and his parents were in attendance. I was also somewhat loaded with guilt and frustration because I wanted to be with my friends at the same time as spending as much time with my father as possible while he was here (he lives in Florida - long way away). It all worked out, thankfully, but it was on my mind nonetheless.
I was not dating anyone specifically at the time of my graduation. This was a bit of an oddity for me. Let's put it this way - I was between boyfriends. What this meant was that I had more time to spend with my three best friends who were boys in my class. We did a lot of hanging out together toward the end of the school year and the beginning of summer before we all headed our own ways. Today, we barely speak. My how time changes things. You see, I only had two real "girlfriends" in high school. Sure, I got along with most people, but I only had two close friends who were girls. I simply couldn't stand the drama. I didn't care who was sleeping with whom, or who got in trouble for doing such and such. Or who was mad at whom for some stupid comment that was made. It was all so trivial to me, I didn't care. So, I surrounded myself with boys who didn't care how I dressed, didn't blink if I didn't wear makeup one day, and didn't care if I farted while bending over at my locker. They accepted me for who I was, not what someone wanted me to be. And that, my friends, is the lesson of the day: be who you are and surround yourself with the people who love you for just that.
It was good to look back at my own graduation day. I re-learned something as well.

Summer, Summer, Summertime...(will smith song)

Only three more days of school left. Can you say "yee-haw"??!! I am ready for homework to be over, agendas to not be signed, and to relax a little. Of course, no pay for the summer, but...
My plans include lying by the pool, drinking cool soft drinks, and lying by the pool. I might intertwine some scrapbooking in there somewhere, but my plans are wide open. The latter half of the summer will be without the girls for the most part, but I'm sure they'll end up calling me and wanting me to pick them up early or something similar. There will be nothing to do at their dad's house.
Tomorrow I have been hand-picked to provide fruit salad for the special education senior breakfast. Coupled with the fact that I have been asked for money for senior gifts from the department and for baby shower "go together" money for a gift. I do NOT have enough money to throw around at the drop of a hat. If I were making full time teacher pay, perhaps I could do that. Newsflash: I'm NOT making teacher pay. Anyway...
I am off to attend my middle daughter, Cammi's, softball game. It has rained here quite a bit, so it ought to be a muddy one. *** Oh, both she and Sydney (Clovis) received medals for having all A's and B's this year at school. I'm smiling! They get their brains from me, obviously.

Flu Bug

**Please don't let me get this shit!**

Spent the night in the emergency room with The Husband. Got home around 3:30?? and finally crashed. He was blacking out and being totally weird (hallucinating sort of) when I took him in before midnight. He wasn't vomiting then, but as soon as we get to the hospital he ralphed violently. And often. He was sweating, pale, shaking - it was bad. So, pumped him with a bag of fluids, gave him some intestinal relaxing medication, and sent us home later with two prescriptions. By the time I drove home, I was ready to hallucinate from needing sleep.
If I get this shit, all hell will break loose. I mean, seriously. The world doesn't stop when Momma gets sick - it just keeps on spinnin'. And that, my friends, will be out of control.
So my "other daughter" started a blog for cathartic reasons that I assured her were grand. It is called 100 Miles a Minute. Fitting for her personality. Check it out. It's a newborn blog.
In other news...
Weather here sucks dirty goat balls. The pool is open and we can't swim in it because IT WON'T STOP RAINING!!!!! My middle daughter is supposed to have a softball game tonight - if it isn't cancelled, they'll be swimming in brick dust to first base. That'll be nice to launder, won't it?
I feel so badly for leaving my co-workers in a pinch today. They will be short-staffed and will be "roughing it" without me. We were already going to be one teacher short today. OOOPS! Mother Nature calls. When one vomits, one must stay home. When Husband blacks out, one must stay home with him. When one sleeps for only two hours, one must get more sleep during the day(during work hours). And so it goes.

Blue waters

Finally! The pool is blue and undergoing its cleaning phase. The chemicals are hard at work, the filter is swirling the water, and the heater will be turned on after it storms tomorrow. It's gonna be a doozie when we can get in there and create havoc! Just a couple more days until full fledged swimming!!!!!

The kids were so terribly disappointed on Sunday evening when returning from their respective "other parents" houses that the older two got on old clothes and jumped in the brown/green fuzzy, cold water. Pictures are blurry, but worth it.

Several

Several people (adults and teens) that I have come in contact with over the past week have told me very similar stories. It has made me ponder a few things... These stories are basically this: these individuals have had an overwhelming sense of anxiety and despair for no apparent reason. For instance, one person said they felt like they were on the edge of a very big anxiety attack, that they just felt like crying for some unknown reason. Another stated that he had "had a shitty week" but couldn't really give concrete examples of experiences and/or situations to make him feel so. Yet another person stated she almost called me to come over because she knew she should not be alone with the way she was feeling. She was very depressed and in a bad place in her heart.
These are only a few instances out of many I could speak of. So, what gives? The weather is trying to become better, things are blooming (finally), and the days are filled with more hours of sunlight than winter. Is is the way the economy, country, and society members are? Are we in serious emotional trouble as a whole?
I have been told I have been in a mood over the past few weeks by observers. I really haven't felt that way on the inside, but I am apparently acting foul on the outside. Am I included in this turn of personalities? Sure, financially I am feeling overwhelmed, but that is nothing new. I am ready for school to be over, but I am also worried what the next school year might bring or not bring. Are these concerns coming out in my personality towards those at home? If so, how do I cure that? How does anyone?
As I sit at my computer today, off work for my pool opening (I have to wait on the workers to make sure they do what they are supposed to and to pay them...), I am burdened with thoughts. Deep thoughts. Sometimes life doesn't make sense.