I am going to the hair salon today. So, after 3pm, I will have a good hair day. My roots thank Jane, my lesbian stylist, whom I love to go see. She is awesome. And if anyone in Indiana needs a referral, see me and I'll hook you up. She's "off the chain" as the teenagers like to put it.

So many things to write about?!

There are so many things swirling in my head that I could write about. Some, of course, I can't write about. I would hurt people's feelings, allow too many things to be told, and open cans of worms I don't dare bother. So, I'm feeling dumbfounded, actually. Numb, so to speak. But it is the kind of numb that stings. The kind of numb that lets you know you are still alive and feeling emotions that you perhaps don't want to feel.
I get into these moods where I miss people. It is really mental illness, I've diagnosed. I insanely miss my grandpa who commited suicide when I was little. Call me immature; I know some will. But, it still exists that I miss him. Where are the days when he picked me up and danced with me? Why can't I go back to that? Just a few more times I want to be picked up by someone and held, them breathing into my neck a familiar, loving breath. He thought I was it. No one since has ever thought that. I just made that realization. Maybe that's what hurts. I think it is.
I miss my Grandma Rosie. She is the one who died three years ago around the holidays. Since she has been gone, my family that lives in the same town as I do has not talked. My kids got Christmas cards from my aunt, but we've had no face to face contact. They hate me for still talking to their daughter in law (she and my cousin divorced). They think I should shun her. I won't do it. She is my friend and I love her. So, I choose to continue to talk to her and support her. That's what friends do. I would continue to support my cousin that she divorced, too, if he would not be a jerk and act stupid over the fact that I talk to his ex-wife. Dumb.
Anyway, Grandma Rosie kept the family together, I guess. We haven't even gotten together for Thanksgiving or Christmas since she died. It just fell away. I miss her cooking. I miss her coming by and talking, even if it was for ten minutes. I miss going to her house, where everything was pink. My youngest daughter loved that. Pink is her favorite color. And, it is heart breaking when my kids miss her and talk about her. I wish she was here.
And I miss my mom. Yes, she is still alive. Yes, she still lives down the street from us, but she isn't the same. She is sick. She doesn't do the things she used to. She doesn't enjoy life anymore. And it breaks my heart. What really makes me scream is that I will see glimpses of her from time to time, the old her. It is gut-wrenching. I want her back. And I need her. I sit here and cry just typing the words. I haven't said them aloud before. I know she will read this at some point, even perhaps a month from now. I am not writing them to provoke her. I simply needed to put the words on paper.
I also miss the friendships I used to have. Without them I feel alone. I don't really have that "go to" girlfriend in my life right now. Hasn't it been said that every girl/woman needs that?
And last but not least, my job doesn't fulfill me. Point blank. I went back to college after having two kids and got my education degree. It is my passion. I love English, I love to read, and I love passing that on to others. But my job as a teacher does not make me happy. What I am trying to figure out is if anything can make me happy. What kind of job can I do that will make me feel good? Any? Working for minimum wage at a perfume counter? Selling scrapbook supplies? What?
I'm just so lost, aren't I? Therapy, maybe. I should have gotten that for Christmas.

Okay...

So the times I can now sleep in because school is out, I seem to be waking up at 6am. What in the world??? Thus, here I am blogging.

The holidays are past, and the new year is approaching. I survived the Christmas hustle and bustle. So did the kids. They made out like bandits, believe me. The pup is doing great. She is a snuggler and so cute. Today we are off to our second orthodontist consultation. The first one resulted in us being told Patrick is in dire need of braces, and that Mak's are optional. Since the figure was around five thousand a piece, I think we'll stick to getting one set of braces for now. Mak's teeth aren't bad at all; it is purely cosmetic. Pak, on the other hand, has a major overbite and his two front teeth do not even up. (That is putting things mildly and in laymen's terms...)

We are also going to an eye doctor appt. for Syd ("Clovis"). I made the appt. back in early Nov., meanwhile at school they were tested. I got a letter in the mail stating that, "Hey, your child is in need of an eye exam. Without her glasses, she can't see shit!" ...or something to that effect.

Yes, I know. She needs a different prescription in her glasses. I'm aware. I mean, she only tells me daily how she needs new glasses. Duh!

Next will be Cam's eye exam. They just don't understand how I cannot pay for everything all at once! They honestly believe when I sit on the toilet, I must be producing money out of my crack. I'm here to tell them, IT AIN'T SO!

Oh, more news. The tree that had fallen over during yet another wind storm here has been cut down and hauled away as of yesterday. I awoke yesterday to the sound of chainsaws and a wood chipper. We can now see out the kitchen window for miles. Well, not really miles, but you get it.

And, since the window is ginormous, everyone can see us, too. Those driving by on the street can see how beautiful I look with bed head as the kitchen light glows before me. *Not a pretty sight, might I add.*

The Husband is back to work today. Thank goodness because if he had been home a couple more days, he would have exploded at the mess in the house. Christmas gifts to be put away, laundry to be caught up, Playstation and games out, tree still up, decorations still visible, clutter, clutter, clutter. Did I mention clutter? Thought so. So, honey, if you're reading this, be glad you are at work, away from the mess, focused on something else. Send nice caskets to others around the nation.

The kids and I will be off to our travels to various appointments and services. Sorry you'll miss the enormous fun. I know you're envious. I just know it. Ha!

My apologies, please.

I know, I have not posted in a very long time. It has haunted me, believe me. It just seems that whenever I have a chance to post, I either cannot think straight, or it is too late at night. I have been running ragged. I had to prepare for final exams at school (it took me over five hours to make two final exams...), finish grading a very large writing assignment that I gave to my tenth graders, and take care of my own children.

I have a teenager now, Happy Birthday, Mak, and a new baby girl. No, I did not give birth again! We have a new baby girl named Miss Maddie Bea. She is adorable! This puppy is a Yorkie, the same breed that our older dog is, Daisy. This little gal makes Daisy (five pounds) look like a giant. Maddie is 1.6 pounds and should get to be only three pounds full grown. She is precious. She belongs to Mak. That is her one and only Christmas gift. A new puppy was the only thing on her list - she wasn't settling. We tried to bribe her with a motor-skooter (the nice kind that look like a scooter you'd ride around Italy), and many other items. Nope. Wasn't biting at the bit. We talked about it and decided to explore our options. This little girl fell into our lap, coincidentally. So, I guess it was meant to be. *Note: by falling into our laps, I did NOT mean for free, naturally. No, quite the opposite, hence the reason this is her ONE and ONLY gift.

(Clovis, not Mak, holding the pup.)

Today, Christmas Eve, I have decided to be nice and allow my exhusband to have the girls from 2-9pm. I don't have to, but I am going to. Of course, it isn't really the easiest thing to do schedule-wise, but...perhaps a gold star in my heavenly crown awaits me for it.

Before they go, we are having the Husband's parents over. I'm getting ready to chill some wine so that I can offer my sister-in-law some in order to not drink alone. I have to gear up for the visit, you understand. We strategically planned the 1pm visit so that 2pm would roll around and the girls' dad would be here to pick them up..."Oh. Party over. The girls have to leave. Bye-bye."

Yeah, I hope it'll go something like that.

Tomorrow we will open gifts here with all the kids at home. My parents and brother will come over to eat a breakfast feast cooked by dear old me. It has sort of become a tradition over the past five years I have been with the Husband. I enjoy seeing my dad so damn happy to have home cooked food. He loves it. I think it is actually the highlight of the holidays for him.

Around this time he missed his two most beloved people in the world: the dog he had to put to sleep three years ago on Dec. 11, and his mother who died three years ago right before Christmas. It makes the holidays rough. I miss her so much. And my girls do, too. They usually get a gift from my mom that says "from G.G." (stands for Great Grandma - this is what she had the girls call her). It is usually something of hers. I like that. Love you, G.G.

So, to all of you reading, Happy Holidays. Mom, I love you. Dad (Jerry), I love you, too. And to all of my family, I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I'm thinking of you all.

Friends, same to ya!

Thanksgiving Trip Photos

I have a few select photos up on Flickr now of our T-Day trip to NYC. Check 'em out...


Tonight is the Husband's company Christmas party - adults only! Kids are staying all night with Nana. Woohooo!

Today, today

Wow. Today I am so exhausted. I think I said that before, but...

It is amazing - next Monday, a week from today, my oldest daughter will become a teenager! (I did get a compliment at work from a student: "You don't look old enough to have a teenager!") When I think about her birthday, I think back to the day she was born. I'll save that story for next Monday. When her birthday rolls around, I know it is exactly two weeks before Christmas.

I have not even started shopping. NOT EVEN STARTED!!! I hate waiting until this late, but since I have been married to the Husband, we've always done this. I don't like it, but I do it.

We don't have our tree up yet, either. When I was little, we used to put it up the day after Thanksgiving, no question. Now, we don't. I am disgusted with that. You see, it isn't entirely MY fault...the Husband is very particular about The Tree. He has to be the one to assemble it. AND, he has to be the one to put the lights on. He must have 1000 lights, all clear, and they MUST be put just right, or it won't be acceptable. So, the kids and I leave the room while he does this. Before this takes place, however, the huge box must be drug down the stairs, which is no small feat. Sweat is dripping before the first limb of fir is out of the box. Then comes the box of ornaments. This box would be the same size as the box that holds the tree, since it is a box that an old tree was in years ago. Yes, that is how many ornaments we have. Way too many, if you ask me. Some should be discarded. But, then there is that twinge of guilt that slaps you in the face, reminding you of the sentimental value of the ornaments that you think should go. So, they stay - year after year, year after year. It is also a tradition that we started to buy the children a symbolic ornament each year, standing for whatever they are into at the time or the time period of their lives. May sound quacky, but we like it.

I am in over my head with school work. I assigned this "wonderful" assignment and now I have 100 of them to grade. (Long story) I also should be preparing my final exams. That is a job in itself that I can't seem to tackle right now. The Husband is sick -it's his turn!

So, I'll get back to my chores, my responsibilities, my heavy load (whimper. cry. tear.). I have laundry going and must go pick up the boy from practice. Then dinner, then homework, then baths, then ironing, then...then...then...

I'm back

Back to reality, hence the long time away from posting. I mean it - I haven't stopped for air since we got back home from NYC. Our flight home was delayed for over two hours on Sunday, so we didn't get home until close to 1am. It sucked bad.

Other than that mishap, the trip was excellent! Good food, good wine, good times. I simply love NYC. I love being able to be invisible, so to speak. No one there cares what you look like, dress like, talk like, or act like. Everyone and everything is accepted.
I also like how at 3am one can walk not even two blocks and cure their cravings for anything from cannoli to pizza to oysters. Yep, nothing closes. I love that! In contrast, around here in the backwoods of IN, you have to make up your mind quickly if you want a "midnight" snack at 8pm, because the one store we have closes then. It's a sad reality. I'll even go as far to say this:
I feel more comfortable in NYC than I do in Indianapolis, Indiana. I feel safer, secure, and satisfied.

The Husband and I took a trip down memory lane and visited the place where we got married. It was good to see it again and to sit on the large rocks near the Ladies' Pavillion. We saw skaters at both Central Park and Rockefeller Center. We did get to see the famous christmas tree there, too, but of course it wasn't lit until last night (we watched that on t.v.).
We didn't see many famous people on this trip, other than the few who were on a float for the Macy's parade. That was nice because one of my favorites attended the route on a float -- Hall & Oates. I love them. And Julie Andrews.

I didn't get to see Oprah at The Color Purple on Broadway. I knew she'd be celebrating somewhere else for the holidays. I tell you what - for as many plays I have seen in my time, this musical was the absolute best I've witnessed. The music was absolutely amazing. I even bought the CD. I cried, people. I cried. If you have not read the book, you need to do so. It is a quick read and will blow you away with its themes. Wow! Powerful stuff.

We also saw A Chorus Line. It was good also. Some really funny parts in that one. Tits and Ass was the best song in the production.

We went to many shops and quaint stores. Bought the kids some New York stuff. Relaxed when we needed to and ran full steam ahead when we weren't relaxing. The food we had was magnificent. I can't even put it on paper. No words could cover it.

As soon as my lazy butt gets the pics downloaded, I'll post them. Here is a view of the city from an old photo.