Midlife Crisis

"Some might call it a midlife crisis, but she wasn't sure that was exactly it. It wasn't as though she felt the need to buy a sports car or visit a plastic surgeon or run off to some island in the Carribean. Nor was it about being bored; Lord knows, the kids and the hospital kept her busy enough. Instead, it had more to do with the sense that somehow she'd lost sight of the person she'd once meant to be, and she wasn't sure she'd ever have the opportunity to find that person again." -Nicholas Sparks, The Best of Me Exactly.

Oh my head

Oh boy, is my head swimming. I've been going non-stop for the past two days now. I'm up to my eyeballs in graduation stuff. Today, for about three hours, my daughter and I made a photo book on Shutterfly. After a while, she discovered that she was putting quotations from songs in the nineties for most of her pages. So, she went with that theme; she made all of the pages either song titles or lyrics. It is kinda cute. Toward the end, we were both anxiety ridden, though. It was tedious to move pics, pick out the ones you want to put where, pick fonts for the copy, etc. It was much like what I do on a daily basis for my yearbook class. Believe me, I have enough of that to last me a while. I enjoyed hearing Mak laugh and look up 90's song lyrics, though. She would sing them most of the time, smiling and laughing all the while. It was funny. My baby is all grown up. Sigh.

Not so sure

As a lot of you know, my oldest daughter graduated mid-term from high school back in December. She then attended a local, small college for this past semester getting a jump start on her college credits before going off "away" to college in the fall of 2012. I'm sort of re-thinking our decision a bit. It has been more difficult to now put her in a "transfer student" category in respect to attending a larger, farther away college. It has sucked, quite frankly, to try and get all of this ironed out. Admissions, transfer credits, fees, and more have haunted me in my sleep. I'm over it. I want it to be easier. It's no wonder many people forego college these days; they make it unbearable at times. Grrrrrr.

In the words of

a famous boy band, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." I love that song. The lyrics just popped into my head this morning after I got up. I think I need to listen to some Pandora and find my groove.

Invitations

The invitations are ordered. Mak and I designed her graduation invitations today on Shutterfly.com and ordered them. I'm excited to see them! Now, it will be hell trying to address them all, but I'm sure we'll get it done. One thing checked off the graduation list - yeah! Five thousand more to go...

It's So Hard To

-keep my mouth shut when everything in me screams to let it out
-sleep without being overwhelmed with my "to do" list
-get up in the mornings when my body says, "Stay in bed until at least 8am!"
-find the time to fix dinner when I don't get home until 8pm
-laugh in the face of my grocery bill
-not countdown the days until school is out
-not countdown the days until I leave for Myrtle Beach
-hold back and not go to L.A.
-rely on others
-keep my work clothes on past 3:45pm
-raise three teenage daughters
-keep towels laundered at my house
-try and fit three or more loads of laundry in per day
-eat healthy
-leave a fresh strawberry pie in the frig without eating a piece
-hold a little baby girl and keep from wondering what it was like to have one that tiny
-be still and know that He is God
-smile when expected to
-keep my minutes down on my cell phone when my best friend can't get reception in the boondocks so I have to call her on her home phone
-not gossip
-stay sane

Mark It

Mark it off, ladies and gentlemen! I have crossed off an item on my bucket list! I shot a handgun/pistol this weekend. Woohoo! And, to top it all off, I hit the target I was aiming at. It was quite powerful, and it was loud. I loved it. I want to do it again. This time, I want to go to a shooting range. Over the weekend I just shot outdoors out in the woods. I must say, I enjoyed it. What I forgot was to have someone take my picture doing it. Darn it.
Makaili and I got our Kentucky Derby hats and dresses yesterday, too. She's pretty excited. I just hope it doesn't rain like it has the past two years. I want sunshine so we can wear our attire. It should be fun to start a new tradition with her as an adult. That sounds funny, doesn't it? Me, having an adult daughter. Whew.

Attitude

I need to look at things with a whole new perspective. I need a whole new attitude. Gonna try my hardest to do so.

That numbness

I have that nervous numbness to my legs. They feel like jelly. Noodle legs, some call it. I don't like that feeling. I can't seem to make it go away. To top it all off, I feel like I could puke. Too much going on, I guess.
Cam got ninth out of about 16 girls in the Jeffersonville Invitational today. I was a bundle of nerves the entire meet. I get more nervous than she does. She's favoring her knee and just doesn't seem comfortable on it yet. I hope that goes away. The brace sort of restricts her, I think. I don't know. I just want it all to go away and for her to get back to normal. She has so much potential. I want it so badly for her. It is hard to watch your kids go through some things. This is one of them. Where's my magic wand when I need one? The coaches are throwing around the idea of sitting her out next Thursday, which is a home meet. I don't really want that. They spoke of compromising and letting her not do the glide, just doing a power throw for shotput. I really don't know how I feel about that. I guess it's better than not throwing at all. What to do, what to do... I think we will talk to the physical therapist Wednesday and see what she says. I don't want to backslide any further.
She needs some small victories to build her confidence again. She feels she's slipped since this injury. I don't like her feeling that way. She's better than that stinkin' thinkin'.

Grads

I have soooo much to do before graduation comes. I feel overwhelmed. This to plan, that to buy, those to print. Ugh. Is there anyone to help? I feel like there should be a "graduation planner" out there for me.

My head is spinning. Can someone please make it stop? While you're at it, make the knot in my stomach go away, too, please. Thank you.

Flying

Time is flying by. My spring break has been going so quickly. It's like trying to fit in five weeks worth of time off into one. I did have a blast going to see South Pacific, the musical, at IU Tuesday night. My friends and I stayed up until 6:30am! Last time I did that, someone fixed eggs for me on command. We didn't have any eggs this time.
I've spent hours at doctor's offices and physical therapy for Cam. Good news is that her knee can be active with physical therapy and a brace. It'll be a long four weeks in that thing, but she's managing well. The true test will be her two meets and an invitational this coming week. That's a lot of activity for it in a short amount of time! I hope she does well. She was doing great before the two weeks off. I hope she comes back up to speed quickly.

Say Your Prayers

Say prayers for my daughter, Cam, today. She is going to the orthopedic doctor about her knee. I'm so nervous.
On a good note, I got the office cleaned out. Day one of spring break, success, I guess. I found multiple picture frames I had purchased (I knew they were in here somewhere). Now to print Mak's senior pics and get them in there! So much to do, so little money and time.

It's Official

I'm on spring break. As of 3:15pm. C'mon!

It's a good thing

It's a good thing Mak and I didn't buy John Mayer tickets. He cancelled his tour. He's got some throat issues going on again, so he had to cancel. Man, that stinks, doesn't it? I guess it was meant to be that we got Dave Matthews tickets instead of John Mayer. I'm okay with that. I wasn't at first, but now I am. Get well, John Mayer! I'm still a loyal Pandora fan of yours. Your station is great!

Heartbreak

Getting your heart broken is a difficult experience to go through. There are many levels of heartbreak, too. There are those quick heartbreaks where something is said to you, and it stings to the core of your being. You replay that line(s) over and over in your mind, and your heart hurts because of it. Then, on the other end of the spectrum there is that gut-wrenching heartbreak - the one that makes you feel like you've been turned upside down on a roller coaster, about to vomit or pass out. Neither is easy to deal with, in my opinion. A heartache is a heartache, right? And heartbreak has been known to resurface its pretty little head when you least expect it. That's the real "pow" of it all. Heartbreak sits right down and slaps you across the face to get your attention. It's ruthless like that. Well, the sting is burning my face.

Hurt

No parent wants to see thier child hurt. That thought is compounded when that injury takes them out of a sport, or two. In my child's case, she will be out of soccer AND track. Don't know what's going on for sure yet, but awaiting a phone call from Southern Indiana Orthopedics for an appointment, hopefully toward the beginning of next week. I'm scared, anxious, and more. When something goes wrong with someone's knee, it usually isn't good news. I'm hoping physical therapy might cure what ails her. I'm almost sure they'll want to do an MRI. Nervous about that, too. I'm just a bundle of nerves, here. For now, out for a week or so until we see the orthopedic doc. Keep your fingers crossed. I want "not so bad" news. It makes me truly uncomfortable knowing my kid is hurt. I don't like it one bit.

Music

I listen to Pandora almost every day during my prep. I love it. It's almost like I can't concentrate on my work without it. There are times when a song will come on, unexpectedly, and change me. I might become happy, sad, nostalgic, or whatever may come over me at the time. Certain songs take you to certain places in your life. That's one of the things I love about music; it can take you to a different place. I love the piano parts in Adele's music. They sweep me off my feet. I swoon over things like that. I had one of those moments today. I was whisked away to another place and time. Time traveling -- I like that.

Beautiful

It was beautiful outside today. Why can't it be this way every day? Where can I move to that has this weather 365 days a year? Sign me up!

Write it Down

I'm a natural letter writer. I've written so many letters in my lifetime, many of which I never send. I've written letters at my desk at school before, and then sat there and ripped them up into little tiny bits over my trashcan. Some I have put in my desk drawer at school, only to toss them at a later date. And yet others, I've either hand delivered, or have sent them in the mail. I will also write in cards. I use all of that empty space on the inside flap to jabber and communicate to others. I love getting communication back, too. It makes my heart go flip-flop if I get a letter in the mail or via email. I want to know what others are thinking or what's going on in their lives. I love that bond that letters create.
However, there are times when so much is floating around in my brain that I am speechless. Sometimes the words just won't come out. I don't enjoy those times. Those times make me feel like my hands are tied. Good thing I don't have trouble speaking, or seeing, or hearing. I would really feel insane, then.
What I guess I'm getting at is that I could write a thousand letters. And I would love to receive a thousand back. But there are just some letters you can't write. And then there are those that you can write, but just can't send.

14

Fourteen years ago today, my baby was brought into this world. It's hard to believe she's fourteen.

Frustration

I get so frustrated sometimes that it makes my head hurt - literally. Why do I do this? I know I have to be the one to take care of me, because no one else will. I have to be the one to get things done. I have to be the one who...I have to be the one who...I have to be the one who...

And it sucks.

End of story.

Saying a Lot

I know a girl who is sixteen whose mother is so mean to her. She does not deserve it. She's the sweetest girl. And her mom continues to berate her, treat her like a dog, threaten her, and embarrass her. The kicker is, her mom then tries to apologize and smooth things over, time and time again. Because that's how her mom was treated by her dad. The cycle continues. I feel so sorry for her. I wish I could wisk her away and bring her home with me to live. My kids would love her like a sister, and she would be loved by me. I had her in class a few years ago, and I loved her then. She is a great kid.
After tonight's tirade by her mother, I asked Cammi, who is her age, how she would feel if I talked to her the way this girl's mother talked to her. Cammi was honest and said she would cry, cry, cry. I would never think of talking to my child the way this mother talks to her children. I'm thankful that my kids don't have to live through that. I'm thankful that those times when I do get angry or frustrated with my kids, I have enough respect and self-control that I don't talk out of line to them. I guess there's one good way to look at the whole situation - it teaches me what NOT to do with my own kids. That's the only good I see in it. And maybe it teaches my teenage daughter to appreciate me as a mother. Otherwise, the situation sucks. Point blank.

Regrets and Mistakes and Memories Made

After being at the hospital when the new baby arrived, many emotions swirled in my being. I felt relieved that she was finally here, that she arrived and was healthy. I felt elated, that a new life was in our family who we'd see grow up. I felt sentimental talking about the three births that I went through myself. I felt guilty about all the things I have done to or with my own kids that have been negative. I felt sorry for the wrongdoings that have affected my children. I felt sad, that I was so young and dumb when I birthed my three kids. I really didn't know what I was doing. Yet, I felt a small bit of hope; maybe one day I'd have a very positive impact on this little girl. Maybe, just maybe, I could be her "go to" someday. I could be the one that would help her when she thinks her mommy and daddy can't. Everybody needs that go to person in their lives. Even my own kids.
I just want to hold this little girl in my arms. I want to kiss her tiny cheeks. I want to take in her baby scent. And I never want to forget all of this, so that I can tell her about it when she gets older - about the day she was born and the days thereafter. And I want to read books to her. If I could sing, I'd sing to her, too.
My "little girls" are 18, 16, and very soon to be 14. Where has the time gone?

I've Been Waiting for a Girl Like You

She's here!! The baby has arrived, and she is precious.

Tickets, Transfer, and Tornados

I am bummed. I didn't get John Mayer tickets. I tried for quite some time. No luck. That pretty much saddened my spirits. I really wanted to go see him. I've talked about it for a long time. I never thought I'd get the chance. Then, when I did, it failed. Oh well.
Mak is trying to transfer to IU Southeast, and it is not going well. One person says to do this, while another person says to do that. No, you don't have to pay this fee, yes, you do have to pay this fee. I'm tired of the runaround. Had I known she'd get jerked this way and that, I'd have had her just begin down at IUS. It might have been easier. This graduation/college thing is exhausting.
Yesterday we went to help my best friend's father in law whose property was mangled due to the southern Indiana tornados. The devastation is too much for words. You can see the direct path this monster took. It wrecked communities. It killed people. It was powerful. The massive cleanup is far from over, but with the help of many good people, at least there is a dent in it. It was nice to see hope in humankind. There are still good people out there even though our world's a mess. There really are.

John Mayer??

OMG! John Mayer has announced he is starting off his spring tour at IU Bloomington on April 9!! Tickets go on sale this Friday, and I am hoping I can get in on that! Listening to John Mayer brings back so many memories - places, people, things. I love listening to Room for Squares. I love that CD! I hope I can hear that in concert.

Oscars

I'm not a die hard Oscar fan, BUT...
when I was younger, I used to fantasize about being up on stage and accepting an Oscar, an Emmy, or a Tony for some exceptional performance. I wanted so badly to be that actress -- the one that everybody was moved by. I wanted to be the one that was proud of her supporting role. You see, I would have been a great supporting actress; I didn't ever want the lead role. I loved playing those parts that the audience fell in love with. I wanted, or envisioned, myself playing a role that people couldn't resist rooting for. After watching The Help this past year, I remember yearning for a role in a movie like that. I hope it wins tonight, and I hope the actresses that played in the film get recognized for their amazing performances. That movie is one that I'll never forget; the emotions it evoked in me were radical. If The Help and its actresses don't win, the Academy is doing America a disservice. As for me, my dreams were never accomplished. I didn't go on to be an actress, so I have to live my dreams through other actress's works. I'll be on pins and needles during tonight's Oscars.

Moisturizing

We've finally got the right contact lenses for Cam. She had glasses previously, but since going to the eye doctor a few weeks ago, she was told she HAD to wear her glasses full time now, whereas before was only as needed. So, that means she has to have her vision corrected while she plays sports, too. That warranted contact lenses for those sporting events like soccer, basketball, etc. We tried one pair out then had a follow up appointment a week later. The lenses were burning her eyes terribly, and she couldn't see out of them very well. So, the doc changed her lenses to a moisture lens. Then we had to return a week later again for a re-check. This time she was more comfortable in the lenses and her vision was better. That means we've found a lens for her, but that also means that the lens is more expensive than the first one we tried because of the higher moisture content. Phew. Finally. Now, tonight, we'll see how she fares at her indoor soccer game. Maybe she'll see those shots coming at her in goal a little better.
And...and...the baby will be here ANYTIME!! Doctor said so. C'mon, Krea -- get that baby out! I'm ready to hold her!

Nervous Stomach

I just finished filling out Makaili's FAFSA for financial aid for this next school year. I literally have butterflies in my stomach after filling it out. I wasn't this nervous when I filled it out last year! I had a place where I was unsure of what number to put, so I called the tax office where we get our taxes prepared, and I asked them what to put. They told me what to put, but I still feel in my gut that it might be wrong. I don't want to mess up my child's funding, you know? It's a scary thing. She didn't get near the amount of grants that we thought she would, so that puts me in an apprehensive mood. I guess I just have to let go of it. I have to know that I put what was honest and true, and leave it at that. I can't do anything better or different. It is what it is. We'll see how it all turns out.
Meanwhile, my stomach is doing flip flops. Of course, it could be related to other things, or it could be all things combined, but nonetheless, it is happening. And I don't like it. I want to be able to control it. And I can't. Now THAT is a scary thing.

In Short...

What if today was your last day?

Sixteen Days

I have sixteen days left until I can hold that sweet little newborn in my arms, smelling her pretty little head and taking in all things 'baby'. I simply cannot wait.

Hometown

I went to the old homestead tonight to visit my mom who just had eye reduction surgery. She looks like she's been in a fight. We got to eat Pizzalicious -- YUM!

Valentine's Day

It's that time of year again. Mr. Cupid is pulling out his arrows, only to probably misfire. haha

...

GET.ME.OUT.OF.HERE.

Do Something Different

I want to do something different. I want to take a risk. I want to be bold. I thought Saturday I'd do that by getting more blonde in my hair. Nope. That didn't do the trick. I don't think it really looks that much different. I even got an inch cut off all over. That's big for me. I haven't had an inch cut off my hair in forever. Like I said, nope, didn't do it for me.
So, what to do?
What I really want to do is just get away for a little while. I want to run to Mexico or out to L.A. But, I just can't do it. I even have a place to stay in L.A. Still, I'm held back by something. (Sure, money is a factor, but that put aside, I'd still be hung up here.)
I need to be planning a graduation party.
I need to be arranging braces for my middle daughter.
I need to be working on my exercise routine.
I need to be watching what I eat.
I need to be cleaning the house.
I need to be doing five million other things.
Yet, something is missing.
Perhaps I need to focus on my bucket list. Perhaps I need to jump out of a plane. Skydiving is on my list, after all. Maybe what it all boils down to is I need a vacation. That might be the answer to my issue. But how does one get away when she has three responsibilities called daughters to take care of? I don't know, either. I'll have to keep working on that one.

Older AND Wiser? Not really.

It's not a whole lot of fun getting older. There are so many things that come along with getting older. Some of them are seen as positive, some as not so positive. In the nature of my personality, let's say, I tend to see the not so positive creeping into my life on a daily basis. Or maybe I just notice it daily. I dunno. Anyway...take for instance a few months, give or take, of not eating healthy. This has proven to me that it is so easy to put on weight yet so difficult to take it back off. I'm what is known as a yo-yo; my weight has fluctuated my entire adult life. Up and down. Up and down. And if I want to maintain a "healthy" weight, I must work at it like it's my second job. Or maybe even my first job. Either way, it sucks for me. I haven't been "working" at it, so I am increasing in weight. Oh, there are those people out there that like to stroke others' egos and say things like, "Oh, please. You look fine." Yeah, buddy, shut up. Then there are others who tread lightly, trying to be a bit honest, yet gentle: "Yeah, I know. It's hard to take off weight, isn't it?" or some bs like that. So, in the end, I get it. The older I get, the harder it is to keep my weight down. And, folks, that's a major downer for me. I'm so self-conscious. I'm so low in self-esteem. I admit that about myself. Character flaw one? Check. (I won't list the fifteen other character flaws...) Older and wiser? Maybe. Older and fatter? Yes, indeed. Damn, isn't life grand?

Licensed to Drive

And, folks, I have yet another licensed driver in my household. Yep, two out of three now. Man, I find that hard to believe.

My favorites

My favorite _________________ is...

holiday: Thanksgiving

color: (I have so many)...favorite color to wear: black or gray; favorite color to see: pink or green or orange

actor: Matt Damon (just because he's cute)

actress: Julia Roberts

book: (no way I could decide, but...) The Great Gatsby
movie: The Help

room in my house: my bedroom because I get to read and relax in there, or maybe I should say the bathroom because that's the only place I get peace and time to myself - haha.

TV show: "Private Practice"

store: Tiffany & Co. (for jewelry, naturally)

ice cream: anything with caramel such as Caramel Praline, Caramel and Fudge swirl, etc.

dessert: creme brulee

food: pizza, but I love shrimp, too

song: Currently it is Rhianna's, "We Found Love", but I usually like sappy songs

vacation spot: the beach or NYC

musical/Broadway play: The Color Purple
doctor: Dr. Drew Pinsky

car: 1966 Ford Mustang Convertible like the one on Princess Diaries
hobby: reading or sunbathing by a body of water

saying: "Everything happens for a reason."

Bible Verse: Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

Christmas song: "What Child is This?"

flower: tulips

birthday: My 30th

childhood memory: My grandpa used to hold me and dance to Anne Murray songs in his living room while I wrapped my arms around his neck and lied my head on his shoulder.


These are just a few of my favorites. I felt I needed to list them to call attention to some positives in my life. It's good to remind ourselves of those every once in a while.

Oh Baby

Today I will be attending the first baby shower for Baby K. I'm excited, and I'm nervous. The date is approaching and I find myself feeling anxious for her arrival. I can't wait to meet her; I love her so much already. March third can't get here soon enough.

Musical

I hear the music, I think of the places, and I want to go there.

Confused

Some things are so confusing. Just when you think you have it all figured out, "BAM!" Nope, you don't. It makes me squirm a little.

Dreams

I'd probably hate to know what my dreams are telling me. They've been wild lately. Too much on my mind, maybe? Probably so.

The next month is going to be busy. We have indoor soccer starting all the way in Southport; three baby showers; a wedding and reception of my best friend; multiple dance performances and competitions; and more. Will I be able to keep it all straight? My mind is reeeling.

The superbowl is right around the corner. The teams headed there really don't interest me. I'm rooting for the NY Giants, I guess, given the caliber of who is out there to root for. Not a lot of options! So, if Peyton isn't available, then I guess I'll keep it in the family and cheer on his brother, Eli. With the superbowl being so close (in Indy), I want so badly to go up there and be a part of the celebrations. Not actually on the day of the superbowl, but the pre-cursory activities. I want to zipline down the street; that'd be fun. Probably won't happen, since my calendar is full, but it's fun to imagine what it'd be like.

Thinking of ziplining, that leads me to thinking about my bucket list. I've checked off one thing, at least, in the last couple of months. I really need to get crackin' on that. It's not getting any shorter! And I'm not getting any younger! And when things are happening with your own kids, you kind of put yourself on the back burner. So, my bucket list really needs to be re-visited so that I can see if there is anything I can bust out on it. Tulips at the Biltmore is on there. Maybe I need to take a Spring Break road trip.

Old Times

I love when Jennings County plays South Decatur in basketball. It soooo reminds me of old times when I was a cheerleader, cheering for South when we played EVERY Thanksgiving Eve night. Can't wait until tomorrow night for the game.

2012

It's a new year with new possibilities.

Living Proof

There is a band from Indy called Living Proof Band. They are amazing! Can't wait to see them tomorrow night. I've been waiting since the Indy 500 trials to see them again. And tomorrow is it! So pumped...

sort of successful

I made small accomplishments today. I got the ENTIRE frig cleaned, including throwing out and cleaning every shelf, glass particle, and frig door compartment. I also got my new pots and pans cleaned, organized, and put away. I guess you'd call that success. Even though the office didn't get cleaned. You have to eat an elephant bite by bite. Right?

To Clean, or Not To Clean; That is the Question!

I vowed to clean our home office today. I don't want to do it. Instead, I want to enjoy the day in my pajamas reading and doing laundry. So, to clean, or not to clean? Remember: I'm "on vacation"! haha

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all! I hope your holidays are filled with laughter, living, and love. Be kind to one another.
Love you,
Nina

Got it.

I got my Christmas presents wrapped today. I've only got two more to finish. I know what I need, I just have to pick them up. Then, I will be completely finished. I got an early Christmas gift yesterday in the mail: two statements from the hospital where I was there twice with the stomach flu. Let's just say that the statements they sent to my insurance totaled well over 5,000.00. Yeah. That's what I thought, too. How great it feels to know you get punched in the gut when you're down. I mean, really, how much can a few bags of fluid and iv medications cost? I was only taking up space for a total of about 7 hours between two visits. Anyway, the statements really made me have an extra special Christmas. Who has that shoulder I need to cry on? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Last

Today was my daughter's last day of high school. She is no longer a high school student as of today at 11:30 am. Wow. Feels a little weird. She's on to bigger and better things, as she put it. I'm so very proud of her. Wish I could take her to Cancun and celebrate.

Sigh. Big Sigh.

I just needed to do that. Sigh, then a big sigh. Then a majorly deep breath. Still, doesn't really make me relax. Doesn't make me feel any better. What to do next?

Christmas

Oddly enough, Christmas is one of those times that is both difficult and joyous for me at the same time. Weird, isn't it? I find it really hard to explain. Ever since I was little and can remember, Christmas has kind of been one of those times to cause angst for me. I get this knot in my stomach. I think it comes from worrying about money. I've always worried about money. I was a saver. When I would get birthday money from others when I was younger, I'd put it away and save it, counting it many , many times. I'd look around stores when I would go with my mom, and it would take me MONTHS to get up the nerve to buy something I really wanted. I would pick it up, put it down; pick it up, put it back. I would do this several times, my mom would remind me, and then I would purchase it. Afterward, I would second guess myself and the purchase. I guess I'm still that way, in a sense, today. It's not that I mind parting with the money. That's not it at all; I love giving people gifts they want or need. I'm not selfish, by any means. So I don't mean it to sound that way. What I really mean to zone in on is the fact that I don't ever like to feel unprepared, or uncomfortable when it comes to money. And, to be quite honest, I feel both of those. I'm not "comfortable" or "prepared" at all in a financial sense. Maybe that's what makes me nervous, so to speak, about the holidays. It's almost as if my thought process includes thinking, "If I spend just fifty dollars more, then what if something comes up and that fifty is exactly what I needed? Shouldn't I just hold off and see?" I probably don't even make sense. Point blank: the holidays make me nervous. But, at the same time, I continue to tell myself to remember the reason for the season, even if no one else does. And that is the birth of Jesus. I just keep trying to tell myself that. But it works some days, and some days it doesn't.
On another note: my oldest daughter turned eighteen a week ago. Yes, I officially have an adult child. Wow. It doesn't really seem possible. Do I feel old? Some days. Do I feel differently? Only when I really sit and dwell on it. I pulled up some of my very old blog posts, back from 2006 and read them the other day, Friday, right after school. I have to admit, I teared up when I read some of them. One of the ones I read was right around Christmastime when we first got our dog, Maddie. I had written about how she was our new baby girl, and how my baby, Makaili, was turning thirteen. THIRTEEN! And now she's all grown up at eighteen. It's hard to believe. I get choked up even thinking about it. So much time has passed in such a hurry. And so many things have happened. Re-living them all makes me emotional. I just have to sit and breath deeply, taking one moment at a time.

wow

Wow. I didn't see that one coming.

Shoulder

A long time ago when I worked at North Decatur High School, I had this shoulder issue. It got so bad, I did several rounds of intense massage therapy. It was weeks before the pain subsided. Well, it has returned. My shoulder is absolutely killing me. It hurts/burns/pinches right around the curvation of my shoulder blade. The stinging is so bad that I was in tears last night. Tears. And I'm a grown woman.
I went to the doctor for this issue right before Thanksgiving. The week before, actually. They put me on Prednisone, a steroid. It worked after a while. It was pretty intense, though. It was rough on my stomach, and it gave me hot flashes. I only had to take it for a week, thank goodness. But, already, the flare up is back. I'm not too happy about it. At the same time, I hate to return to the doctor, for several reasons. Some of those include but are not limited to the following: I don't like going to the doctor, I don't want to take medicine, and I don't want to be told "It's stress." Duh, I know that. And who can "get rid of" stress altogether? That's right, no one. So, here I'll sit, in agony, and wish it away. Let's see how that works.

Just blah.

I don't even have a Christmas tree put up. I currently don't have one. We purchased one last week, and the stupid thing wouldn't work correctly, so we had to take it back. No more stock of that kind, so now we are without one. By the time we get one put up, it'll only be up for a couple of weeks! Blah.
I'm so tired today. I literally have had to struggle to keep my eyes open. I'm going home to take a nap. Yep, you heard me, a nap. That's just how blah I feel. With dishes and laundry surrounding me, I plan on sleeping. Hope it all works out in the end.

Canadian Bacon

Yesterday, after college orientation for my daughter, we went to Sam's Club. While browsing through the refrigerated items, I was taken aback. I had not ever seen this item in Sam's before! Low and behold, it was Canadian Bacon. And lots of it! I looked at Makaili, she looked at me, and then a smile spread across her face. She said, "I haven't had Canadian Bacon in forever!" I asked, "Think we should get some?" to which she replied, "Yeah!" So, I bought Canadian Bacon for the first time in over three years. I haven't fixed it in what seems like forever. I used to fix it all the time. I'll have to see if I've still got the touch.

Odd

It was so odd to have my oldest daughter come in from work last night at midnight and come right up to me, put her arms around me, and sob into my shoulder. That's never really happened before. And it was a very difficult thing to witness. When one of your kids is hurting, it's hard to take. I feel helpless right now. I just want her to know God doesn't make mistakes; everything happens for a reason, and we have to trust in God's selection of James to come and be with him as something only He knows about. Keep the faith, my love. Keep the faith.

Prayers

Oh, Lord, be with the Johnson family tonight and in the near future. They need your loving arms around them, comforting them in their time of great loss. Parents, hug your kids and tell them you love them. You never know if it may be the last time you get to see, touch, or talk to them. Feeling very sad because of this tragic event. James, have fun seeing your mom again.

Table, anyone?

I don't really know if I am welcome at the table or not. That baffles me.

She's In!

We got a letter today from IU Southeast. Mak is in for definite housing next fall. The deposit is made, and she will be a 2012 Fall student. Hard to believe. Of course, she has to get through her first semester here at IUPUC beginning in January, too. We go for orientation for that the first of December. She turns 18 on Dec. 11. That, too, is hard to believe. Now, if I can just talk her out of that tatoo she wants...

...

I can rely on no one...except Jesus. He's the only one that never lets me down.

Would you live forever?

If someone told you you could live forever, would you? What if you could drink from a spring and stay the age you are right now forever? Would you do it? This is the question my students are contemplating now with the reading of our novel. I love this question!

Really?

I began a novel with my students on Wednesday. It's a novel that has short chapters, so we're already ready for chapter ten. I had them write in their journals a reaction to what we've read so far. Even my "advanced" class had a few that didn't "know what was going on" in the book. Really? It is a novel that is wayyy under their reading level which should be super simple. In fact, I know of one teacher who has criticized me for it being too easy. So that theory is out the window. Then, today, one thing I had my students do in class was a writing assignment where I gave them a list of prompts (a list of about twenty) and they had to pick one, write about ten minutes about it, and voila. Just that simple -- WRITE -- for ten stinking minutes. Big shocker, some were looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I mean, last time I checked it is "English" class, not German. So, today was an eye-opening downer for me. What'll I do about it? Go out to eat Mexican food with my mom, the girls, and Gma. Yeah, that oughtta do it.

Another year

I'm another year closer to 40. I think I want to give up birthdays. I can stop right here where I am, actually. I don't need to get any closer to forty than I already am. Thirty didn't really bother me -- of course I got to celebrate in NYC, so that made it better, but age 32 really got to me. Now, six years later, I'm not looking forward to getting any older. Wiser? Of course. Older? Nah.

memories

I can remember when Cammi told me that Coach Gray was trying to recruit her for a soccer goalie. We discussed it at length and decided that she just couldn't juggle it and basketball over the summer; that the season for soccer would be brutal. I sent Coach Gray an email that said we just couldn't swing it. She told me last Friday night when I talked to her that she could remember getting the rejection email. She said she had about five drafts of a reply for me written, but told herself not to send one right away; she told herself to just go to lunch and revisit it afterward. So, she said she went to lunch and came back to another email from me. This one said maybe we would consider it - that maybe Cam was interested in playing after all. So, she said she was practically jumping up and down with excitement. And so it went - that's how it all started. Now, tomorrow is the first game of the sectionals. It has been a great year for Cam. She's got a lot of playing time in and has enjoyed the season so much. She has greatly enjoyed having Coach Gray and Coach Beal as her coaches. They are so down to earth, unlike some coaches she has had in the past. Cam has truly felt appreciated on the team. And for that, I'm thankful. It has been a confidence booster for her. And she has needed that.
So for this soccer season, I'm thankful. I've loved being the proverbial "soccer mom" as they say. I hope to continue the positivity with winter indoor soccer. I don't think I'll miss basketball one bit. Besides, I have the boys' basketball team to watch if I ever get the fever for a good game. And I don't have to run anyone back and forth to practice for that. Amen, sister. Amen to that.

Maybe...

Maybe I should just work at Wal-Mart. I feel like such a failure sometimes.

Celebrate

Well, it's my birthday month. October is here. It was a cold morning this morning out on the soccer fields. I was bundled up like I was at a Macy's Day Parade in New York City. The wind was something else! Cam had quite a few good saves, but a few got past her. There are just no defenders there to help her.
I think since my birthday is this month, I'm going to honor myself all month long. I deserve that, right? I got several birthday emails from businesses with coupons and special offers. Perhaps I'll take each and every one up on those offers. One that was quite appealing? Morton's Steakhouse. Free signature dessert. Now doesn't THAT sound delicious? Let's start celebrating!

It's a Girl!

It's a girl, it's a girl, it's a girl! I simply cannot wait. It feels like March 5 won't get here soon enough. Now I can go out and buy all kinds of pink stuff. Oh, the anticipation...

Priorities

How do people set their priorities? I like to think in my mind it comes rather naturally, therefore placing things in categories as to how one feels about the things in that category. Confusing, I know.
Okay. Let's put it this way. Say you have a friend who has his/her priorities messed up. Things just don't fall into natural order, you know? For instance, say that friend has the following priorities:
1. self
2. self
3. self
4. play time
5. work
6. family

That doesn't seem quite right, does it? Especially if that friend has a family he/she should be 'worried' about. Nonetheless, that is the natural pecking order of this friend's life. How would you go about getting that friend to really listen to you in regards to re-prioritizing his/her life? No amount of advice seems to work. The friend ends up getting defensive and basically throws up his/her hands to say, "Fine. I'm just such a horrible person, aren't I?" Well, yeah, pretty much.

Why is it...

Why is it when you go in Wal-Mart for a list of six things, you come out $98 poorer? Man, that burns me up.

Scary

Sometimes it's scary when God reveals himself to you. God revealed himself to me in a way the other night that was very scary. It made me think very seriously about how things might be in the future when I am older. What I came to realize is this: I need God in all areas of my life to lean on and trust. I need to go to Him with all of my cares and worries. He needs to be my rock; not anyone else or anything else. And He revealed that to me quite obviously. I'm glad I could learn the lesson before it became a "have to" situation - a crisis. So, thank you, Lord, for showing me that.

The Fence

Watching so many tributes to 9/11 brought back a flood of memories of the last ten years. One memory in particular is so engrained in my brain: walking up to that chain link fence around the pit where the twin towers stood in the near past gave me goosebumps. New York City is always bustling with noise and activity; however, on that day as I walked up to the fence and put my fingers through it just like you do on the baseball diamond fences, I felt a deep, gut-wrenching quiet fill the air. Everything went silent as if the volume of the world was muted. I looked down into the gaping hole that remained of the ruins. Out of the corner of my eye, though, I could not get one thing out of my focus. The two stell beams that just so happened to stand tall in the shape of a cross melted my heart. I will never forget that sight, nor the absence of sound. The only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest. New York City and the United States of America would never be the same. Nor would I.

Hello!

...Big Brother is ALWAYS watching...

Immaturity

I simply cannot express with words how badly I loathe immaturity. Immaturity makes my blood pressure rise like a NYC skyscraper. It just burns within my soul when I have to endure someone's immaturity. It is like a cancer that spreads throughout my body, making me have an instant migraine. That's really no lie. I have dealt with immaturity going on 24 hours, and it's really getting me down. It's about to send me over the edge, actually. Come close enough, and I'll bite your head off. Try me.

Goodbyes

Today my dad called me and told me that my Poppy unexpectedly died yesterday. I am shocked, saddened, and frustrated. Only those of you who are in a similar situation as mine would probably understand. It sucks so bad to be in the position I am in. I am a granddaughter, but not close enough to really do anything. I don't live near the family. I'm the biological daughter; the one who wasn't close to her Poppy growing up, but got to know him the best I could over the last 12 years. There was so much distance between us in miles that it was hard to have a close relationship with him. Nonetheless, it doesn't hurt any less for your own grandpa to die. I'm so mad that I have to be in this position. I can't even make sense on here.

Admitting It

It is very difficult for me to admit and accept the fact that I'm not getting any younger. In fact, I'm getting older and my body can't put up with what it used to. For example, I started back up with Zumba on Monday night. My back muscles are soooo sore that I am wincing every time I turn the slightest bit. That's not the kicker, though. What is the kicker is that my ELBOWS are sore. My elbows?? Seriously? You mean to tell me that because I began exercising in a different way my elbows hurt? That, my friends, is a sure sign you are getting old. Arthritic pains in joints means you just can't hack it anymore. Though I am terribly sore, I am still going at it full force. I am pushing through the pain and doing it anyway. It'll kill me before I give up. The obstacle I face to this Zumba trek is soccer. Cammi's soccer practices begin right when Zumba is supposed to end. So I am left with the dilemma of how do I get her there? Carpooling doesn't seem to exist in this town. There is only one person she can carpool with, and that person doesn't always have a "yes" to taking her. I even make sure I am the one to pick Cam and her friend up. At 9pm, nonetheless. So I am the one who has to stay up and make sure I get them that late in the evening, but I'm willing to do that if it means I can exercise when I need to. Oh, the whoas of motherhood sometimes. Who knew I'd have to sacrifice my weight, too, with other things? I never would have thought it. It's hard trying to look good, isn't it? Sucks. Especially when you're old. Just ask me.

Best Friends

Beach Reads

I finally got my shipment from Barnes and Noble. It was intransit for over a week. I could hardly stand it! I ordered two novels to take with me to Myrtle Beach. I got Backseat Saints by Joshilyn Jackson, and Long Drive Home by Will Allison. I am currently finishing up The Art of Racing in the Rain. It is a novel told from a dog's perspective, which is quite funny. It is very touching at the same time.
I can't wait to be on the beach. I absolutely love it. There is nothing like sitting in the sand, soaking up the sun, sipping on a drink, and reading a great book. Relaxing. The sound of the waves and the spray of the saltwater is refreshing. I can't wait to be there. If only I could be teleported there and avoid the long drive. . .

The Sun'll Come Out, Tomorrow

Tomorrow marks a milestone: my oldest daughter will be getting her senior pictures taken. Wow! I can remember her in kindergarten. Her teacher said she had the best fashion sense in shoes she had ever seen in a little girl. Now, she has feet so big we can barely find her a pair of shoes, not to mention a fashionable pair. Now, she is nowhere near a girly-girl type of female; she is more into jeans and a t-shirt or her Taco Bell uniform. My, my, my how times have changed. She is taking three dresses and a couple of skirts. These were all purchased in the last year. Maybe she's coming back around! I am saying my prayers that the heat isn't as bad tomorrow as it was today. And that the rain/thunderstorms hold off until we are finished. Can't wait to post previews of her pics. I know they'll be fabulous. We are both excited that she gets to be Little Blue Owl Photography's senior rep. Keisha Keen will do a great job, I'm sure. Until tomorrow...

Don't Want to Hear It

Most people don't want to hear whiners. It's just that simple. But we all do it. Or want to, anyway. People have problems. There is no one without problems. Sometimes, you just have to let it out. The only downfall is that there are times when problems add up to a mountain. Little problem upon little problem can end up making one feel overwhelmed. One way to counter this issue is to talk with someone about it. It doesn't really solve anything, but it can help. Allow me to make a short list of nuances...
*Why do some people insist on never maturing? I know forty year old men who play video games as if it were their JOBS!! Really? Really? Can't they find anything more productive to pass the time? Or how about interacting with REAL people who aren't logged on to some network as names that are made for teenagers and not middle-aged men? Makes me insane.
*Do some people think it is a mom's job to cook, clean, and be accommodating to everyone? I think not.
*Kids are smart a**es to their parents. It's society's way of thanking parents. I'd rather not have the "thanks".
*Money doesn't grow on trees. Tell all of your friends.
*Every once and a while, a mom needs a pedicure. That's just the way it is.
*There are people in this world (see Nina) that strongly dislike going to Wal-Mart. I can't get out of that place for under fifty bucks. EVER!! Even if I just need "a couple of things".
*Bitter? Who, me?

Closet Wars

Today my middle daughter and I tackled the computer room closet today. This was a closet full of anything and everything of the girls' and also my scrapbook things. You talk about a mess! It was that and more.
After over three hours, we got it finished. I purchased, about three weeks ago, three totes that I labeled for each of the girls. Today I categorized and sorted by name. We had fun looking through old photos, journals, and much artwork. I have some talented girls! Makaili is the artist, Cam is the athlete, and Syd is my writer. I enjoyed reading back through things they did as little girls. We laughed quite a bit. Some photos I did not expect to find, but I quickly just put them away.
Next, cleaning the computer room OUTSIDE of the closet. That'll be a job, too.

Happy 4th

Happy Fourth of July out there to all of you! I know I enjoy my freedoms and thank the men and women who fight to protect them every day. Have fun and be safe!

Why?

Why do some people have blogs that they never post to? C'mon. Post, already...

Catch the Fever - Running

I ran today for the first time in a long time. It felt great and sucked, all at the same time. It sucked because I have lost all of my stamina. It felt great to be able to do it again. I'm going again tomorrow. Cam has some training schedule for soccer, so I'll take her to the track and run, too. Then, I plan on having her throw shotput for a while. After that, we will head to the soccer field for her to work on goalie stuff. That ought to take up most of the day, actually. So, once again, I have the fever to run. Even after having this heel spur, or whatever it may be. It is definitely protruding more today after running. I don't care, though. I plan on running anyway. It's almost a sickness. Those of you who run will understand.

Sixteen

I didn't have time to post yesterday, my middle daughter's sixteenth birthday. So, today is her first full day as a sixteen year old. And she's not home. She's at Purdue. This is the first time she's ever really been away from home like that. She's stayed all night at a friend's house here in town, but not far from home. She sounded a bit homesick last night on the phone. But that's to be expected. She gets to come home tomorrow. I think she'll be ready to. She has learned how to do the shotput spin instead of doing the glide like she does now. The Purdue coach said it is too hard on her knees; she's too tall to be trying to get that low to the ground when she does the glide. So, she's learned the spin now. She and I are both excited about it. I hope it gives her more momentum to throw farther. I'm going to practice with her when she returns home. So, once again this week, I'll make the long haul to Purdue to pick up my sixteen year old. That sounds weird.

Anxious

I'm a bit anxious. My middle daughter is having a very big week next week, after having a whopper of weeks the last two weeks of her existence. Next week I will make a long haul to West Lafayette to drop her off at Purdue University. She will spend three nights and four days there at a throwing camp. (shotput camp) This is the first time she will have ever been away from home like that. I'm a bit nervous on many levels. First, I don't have a clue as to where I'm going. I have only been on Purdue's campus once, and that was with a group of middle school basketball girls to watch a tournament. I didn't drive; we took a bus. In addition, I don't want Cam to be scared or nervous. She'll have a roommate she doesn't know, and she will be far from home. She will also be spending her sixteenth birthday alone there. That kind of bothers me, but we are going to celebrate her birthday on Sunday of next week after she gets home. So, it won't go unnoticed. I wonder what she'll do with her nightly free time? Will she need money for anything? Will she be able to reapply sunscreen if they are outdoors? Will she get along with her roommate? Many questions run through my mind when I think about the whole thing. I know, deep down, that she'll be okay. She is my adaptive daughter. She will adhere to any situation thrown at her, so I think she'll be okay. I just want her to have a good experience. After all, the camp isn't cheap. I want her to walk away with real skills she can use to further her throwing technique and be even better at her craft. And, I hope I don't get lost. Garmin, don't fail me.

Skype

Last night I got to use Skype for the first time. I know, what an old fogey that I've never used skype. But, alas, now I have. I used it to talk for over an hour to Princess, my kids' old babysitter who now lives in L.A. It was great! It's like really being with someone, not just instant messaging back and forth, or communicating by email. It's like you are sitting right there in the living room with the person.
I got to meet her girlfriend, Erica. She's a cutie. And we got to catch up on all that's been going on. I can't wait to do it again, soon. I missed my Princess! And it was great to see her and have her see the kids (and Maddie).

The Pencil Dive

I was reminded of something very funny the other day:
my youngest daughter used to do this hysterical jump off the diving board when she was younger; she'd hold her arms up in the air, pointed in a V to the sky and would make herself do the "pencil dive". She thought she resembled a pencil, I guess with her arms at a point and her feet together. She would jump straight in, feet first, not arms first, which is how a "dive" should be. I laughed thinking about it. She does an actual dive now.

Grads

Yesterday we attended one of our best friend's daughter's graduation party. This is the second one I've gone to so far. Yesterday it really hit me that this time next year, my eldest will be walking across that long stage receiving her diploma. Even moreso, she'll really be "graduating" in December and will just participate in the actual graduation ceremony then in June. She'll have already had one semester of college under her belt by the time she gets her actual paper diploma. That, to me, is just amazing. I was a bit choked up yesterday just thinking about it. And I was the mom who swore she'd never cry at her kids' graduations. Yeah, that was me. But now, my tune has changed. I am more sentimental about it all. It makes me wonder if I've done right raising her; how my mistakes have impacted her; how my guidance has helped her, if any. It feels weird. It feels unreal. And I have a whole year to dwell on it. Great.

Another Year Gone By

It's the close of another school year. Today marked the end of my third year here at JCMS. Both Mrs. Lane and I got to supersoak the kids today, as we have for the three years I've been here. It's a bittersweet moment. Next year Mrs. Lane will not be my neighbor any longer. She is moving rooms. I feel like I'm losing my best friend. We've become very close, and I hate to see her move into another hallway away from me. We're not even within shouting distance!
This year, I've felt like I accomplished something by meeting almost every single one of my standards. That's difficult to do in just 180 days of school. Continuity was a big thing this year; I felt disconnected at times due to snow days in early 2011. Overall, though, I felt it was a successful year. Our ISTEP scores might not show it, but I know in my heart I did my best, and that's all anyone can ask for. Tomorrow I will finish in my room and leave until August. That's a good feeling!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

Today is the greatest spectacle in racing here in grand old Indiana. The Indy 500 race is today. We will be watching it on TV along with several of our friends. We are also having a fish fry to add to the festivities. I see a little cornhole and frisbee in our future as well. I hope my migraine holds off. Yesterday I had an attack that did a number on me. I was driving, had to pull over, almost passed out/puked, and barely made it home. I've never had that happen before. It was quite scary, actually. I'm better today, but feel a bit of the residual effects. I'm getting ready to go take some Advil as we speak, then I'm going to church. Enjoy your long weekend, everyone!

Living Proof

I got four free tickets to the Indy 500 qualifying today. We got to see a driver get bumped with one minute to go in qualifying. It was great! We also got to witness a GREAT band -- Living Proof. They are a band out of Indy, and they play everything from Michael Jackson to Maroon 5 to Rick James. They were simply amazing. I could have stood there dancing to their music for hours! They were good enough that I want to go see them again in Indy sometime soon. I wish my girls were with me so that they could have danced to their music, too. They would have loved it! I had a great time at the track today. I'm excited to watch the race next weekend. It ought to be a good one. "The greatest spectacle in racing..."

PTSD

We just finished a novel, Soldier's Heart, about the Civil War. What I love best about doing this novel is that I get to discuss post traumatic stress disorder, fight/flight response, and relaxation techniques with my students. Today was that day! The last period of the day today, I had this one student who blew me away. After we turned the lights back on and I let them readjust to the light, RR said to me, "Wowwwww! That was awesome, dude! Tell me other ways to relax? Do you know any? It was like my legs were part of the floor. I was sooo relaxed! Thank you so much!" He just went on and on. He wanted a "copy" of everything I said during the relaxation time, etc. I was amused and flattered. I had no script; I just did it. I love it when one of those moments happens. Makes my year.

Johnnie

We picked up Johnnie today. He got through his surgery on the 12th wonderfully. He's jumping and running just fine. We asked if we could give him a bath, and the ladies at the shelter said not for ten days. Wrong! I had that look of amazement on my face and then the lady changed her mind and stated that if we covered up his incision with a plastic bag or something and didn't let it get wet, that we could bathe him. So that's exactly what we did. And he smells and feels 100% better. He's pottied outside so far! Very happy with that, I am. Here are just a few pics of him:
Also, here are a couple of pics of Mak at the prom last Saturday:

lessons learned

Over the past few years I've learned so many things about myself. Some of them are good, some are eye-opening. I've joined a new church, made a new address for myself, taught at a middle school for three years, and watched my girls grow up so quickly. Many of the things I've learned about myself aren't really for public discussion; they are really way too personal. However, I can tell you that I've done much praying, some soul-searching, and talked with many trustworthy people. Where I have arrived is much better than where I started. That much I CAN tell you. Now, I mean this on a personal level -- emotionally, spiritually, etc. I have grown immensely. That is a good thing. I needed to. I've matured over these past few years. I've forgiven, been forgiven, and have made amends with some people that were overdue. I'm glad I've made some strides in my life. For that, I'm thankful.

Five

Five more days and we get our little baby boy! I am excited and scared all at the same time. It will be a major adjustment, I'm sure. I hope all goes well...

Dang it.

I just had this long post about the 8th grade dance, prom, and mother's day. It was wiped away. Dang it. I don't want to type it all over again. I've done it twice now. So, just know that my weekend will be chaotic with chaperoning, prom for two girls, and mother's day. Happy Mother's Day to my mom who is on vacation with my Dad. We'll just have to celebrate when she returns. Love you, mom! Give your mom a hug this weekend and tell her how much you love her.

hmmmm

I hate it when it seems like some people have fallen off the face of the Earth. Makes me sad.

Death

I went to the funeral home tonight for a family friend's visitation. It was surreal. It was also like a reunion of sorts. I saw people I haven't seen in such a long time. Tomorrow I hope to have more time to visit with a childhood friend of mine who now lives in Tennessee. I miss reliving all of those childhood experiences we had. Too bad we have to come together because of tragedy. I don't like going to funerals, but I feel it is appropriate for this family. I know each and every one of them. I'm sorry for their loss.
He was a great man.