Play, play, play

I have not been sledding in YEARS! After scrapbooking, I took a carload of people sledding about two miles from our house at Muscatatuck State Park. There were tons of people there already sledding and snowboarding. The snow was so packed down due to many sleds and bodies prior to ours spending countless hours there over the past week. I saw several sledders getting some serious air over these two or three "jumps" that had been made simply from others before us. The girls saw some classmates of theirs there, we saw neighbors, and took many photos. Here are two of them: one of the girls, and one of myself and Syd getting ready to take our first trip down the hill. It was so slick! Once, Mak landed in the sticker bushes way past the trail on a curve to the right. There was no stopping the momentum once you got going. I thought Syd and I were gonna take out two kids who happened to be at the bottom of the hill when we arrived. It was crazy! We were frozen after about an hour, so we headed home. We pulled out of the parking lot and a huge block of snow and ice slid from the top of my car onto the windshield making me blind to where the road was. I looked out my side window because my wipers wouldn't work. I made it to a gas station down the road, pulled in, and literally lifted the huge sheet of ice from my windshield. It weighed about thirty pounds, I swear! The girls thought it was hilarious.
Overall, it was fun to take myself back to childhood if for a moment. I hate the cold, but yesterday I handled it well. My mind was occupied with living in the moment. It was great fun.

Snow place like home

The snow has arrived, folks!
We have around 6 inches presently, and we have begun to get ice and sleet now. School was out today, and I have already received the call that it is out tomorrow as well. This is the first real snow that I have had to traverse without four wheel drive. I had it on my last vehicle, but I don't have it on the Acadia. Sucks balls, really.
My family is playing Guitar Hero as we speak, enjoying the late night to come.
Later!

PMS??

If a woman has a hysterectomy yet keeps her ovaries, does she go through PMS still, even though she has no period?

Out of School!

We got ANOTHER day off today from school. Temperatures were just too low. Darn.
I got dishes done, laundry, de-cluttering, AND visiting my mom and dad (in the next hour or so). I'm also going to a ballgame, Cam's having a friend spend the night, and brownies are in the oven. I actually accomplished some things. Proud? I am.

We've started a novel in my language arts classes. At first, the normal moans and groans came from the crowd of students. Standard responses like, "Aw...this is gonna be stupid. . . It sounds so dumb... do we have to read this...". Since we have read three chapters, they are dying for more. That's why I'm a teacher. Right there.
Happy Freezing Days to y'all!

Memories

Some memories are not ones I care to remember. Today I got a wake-up call that flooded my mind and heart with heavy memories. I just got back from attending a wake for my "Uncle" (father of my cousin, but was never actually married to my aunt. Sure, any kind of death is never fun, but this was different. He took his own life. Being in the funeral home for the reasons that I was there was overwhelming considering my grandfather took his own life, too, many years ago. Those kinds of feelings from memory never go away. And when they are resurrected, it is haunting. I feel so terrible for my cousin (a ninth grader). How can a child go through a parent's suicide? I can't even imagine. I know how I felt as a grandchild, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I am trying so hard to keep myself together. I didn't really think it would affect me like it is. I knew it was going to be sad, but I didn't realize it would take me back to exactly what I felt all those years ago when grandpa killed himself.
Suicide is the most selfish thing a person could do to others. It is easier to check out and leave others behind to deal with the realities of life than it is to handle grieving for a suicide victim. The person who takes their own life gets to stop the chaos and madness, but the ones left behind only begin their journey when the person they love is gone.
I miss my grandpa more than anyone can imagine. And I am praying for my cousin so that he might have the strength and courage to get through this horrific event in his life. It'll be a daily struggle for a long time, and it will pop up to haunt him often.
I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, Draden.

Money ill spent

Off to see the doctor. I'm so sick of money being washed down the drain on my damn sickness -- I have been on two rounds of antibiotics ( am still on one) and have been deathly ill. I have been in the house, on the couch or in my bed, since Christmas. I'm not even kidding. So, I am returning to my old doctor, though inconvenient, and telling the doc that I am sick of getting the run around from the physician I am currently with.
I feel as though someone has beat my skull in with a baseball bat, is poking my sinus cavity with pins and needles, and is pulling my lungs out from my body through my nasal passages. If this sounds fun, you're an idiot.
So, what's fifteen more dollars here, twenty-five times two here for prescriptions, and twenty more dollars for another bottle of Mucinex that simply does not work ( I know since I've taken two boxes already)? Damn.

Winter Vacation

I am officially on winter break/vacation. No school for two weeks! Celebrate.

My Christmas shopping is complete; I just need to wrap some more gifts. I must bake cookies for my Grandma's get together and I am finished. We'll build a fire and life will be good.
I hope your holidays are magical.
Peace

Winter Carnival

Wish me luck. Today at the middle school is our "Winter Carnival". That's code for all-hell-breakin'-loose. And I, I am working concessions with money and snacks involved. One of those I know something about; the other was not my major. You figure that one out!
I have an invitation to go to South Florida for spring break. Gosh, does it sound really appealing. Gosh, how I don't want to make that drive. I'll ponder it.

Christmas is just around the corner. For the first time in years I will not have to split up my time with my girls. I'll be with them the entire holiday, just like it's supposed to be. No rushing anywhere or to anything. It'll be wonderful.

Well, I'm off to face the troops at school. They'll be all jacked up on Mountain Dew and candy. Beasts!!!! (gotta love 'em)

Liar, Liar

No, not the movie(I love that movie, though)with Jim Carrey. Though he is a very funny guy, I am speaking of something different.
What's the punishment for lying under oath? Or for lying to your lawyer? Just wondering.

If you notice the post time, you'll see I am not at school teaching the youth of America today. Nope, I am sitting in the confines of the home office on my personal computer. Why, one might ask? Because I was forced to take a "personal day" from work, thinking I would be in divorce court today. Alas, once again the date has been postponed. I mean, how many times can one hearing be postponed? When does it become a nuisance? So, due to circumstances beyond my control, I have burned a personal day for no reason. That, my friend, is wasteful. Forget about saving the Earth, let's save the personal days instead. Ha!

To the Princess with love, I hope you have a wonderful time sewing your youthful oats out in Montana. Take it all in, my friend. Breath easily with no responsibilities or constraints. This is one of those "once in a lifetime" events and you know it. Don't let your mother get you down about it. And make sure you represent: must wear IU hat, scarf, and whatnots - Hoosier emblems everywhere!

I am off to make something of my day -- some Christmas shopping awaits me. Well, what did you expect me to do with a day off?! Seriously!
Shall I tell Santa what you want?

Oh my! A Follower...

Okay. So how cool is this? (Call me "slow", since I was unaware of a feature here I could use...) I now have a follower. She is someone who I literally grew up with. Elizabeth Street. Good ol' small town livin'.
You can't see her face in the pic, but most readers know who she is. (smile, wink)

I am so proud of my girls! Oldest will be turning 15 next Thursday the eleventh. Damn, I'm old. She just went back to playing basketball today from an ankle injury. Scary.
The middle daughter had ten rebounds the other night!! Great glass cleaning, Cam. I think it is so fun to watch her play because she gets great facial expressions and really gets aggressive. Love it!
Youngest daughter will be performing in a fifth and sixth grade choir concert next Thursday night. She has an individual part in it. Kudos!
I am trying to get through the next two weeks of school without pulling my hair out. I had book reports due yesterday so now I have over a hundred to grade. UGHHHH! It has to be done, though, ya know?
It is snowing here. Yuck. I mean, the first snow is pretty, but I can do without the cold. My hands are dry and cracking; I have an ear infection; I am covered in goosebumps. The beach sounds good about now. Any travelers wanna go? I'm game.

Thanks, follower! Love ya!

Our Town

Last evening my girls and I went to see a play that my daughter's boyfriend was in. It was Our Town. My daughter's boyfriend was the town drunken choir director. His part was pretty funny. The play, overall, was rather deep. It really made you look at your own life a bit and your own happiness. I must admit, there was one point where tears were in my eyes. Sure, a bit cliche, but nonetheless true. Once dead, it is too late to go back and re-live anthing over - happy, sad, hurt, joyous, etc. One must be wary of not enjoying the moments in which we live. They pass by quickly, and since society tends to rush along, perhaps one should take time out to breath deeply and just be. Be in the moment. Take it all in.
...enough preaching...

Both teenage daughters made the basketball teams here. It is pretty exciting. Moreover, my middle daughter has been recruited to play fast-pitch travel softball. I love to watch softball, so this should be a real treat. I can't wait. Oldest daughter is playing freshman basketball, while middle daughter is playing on both seventh grade teams - White and Blue. What this means is that she'll play roughly 36 games!! And lots of travel to other schools for mom... But that's okay.
I'm finishing up going through boxes of things that I had to pick up from where I used to reside. It is a long process. One thing that I noticed today was that I really do tend to keep clothes that I can't fit in. Sizes I used to be, but never will be again. It is sickening, really. I keep them, or so I think, as a beacon of hope, or hopelessness when you really look at it. I hate being fat. But I don't do anything about it. That one's on me.
It began to snow weird little flakes last night while we were driving home. It was a cross between rain and snow, but it was sticking to windshields of parked cars. Snow? Snow! I'm so not ready for it. (I didn't even wear a coat yesterday in thirty degree weather.) Snowing on Christmas Day is allowed, otherwise, buzz off.

For Pete's Sake

Someone told me today I should write a book about what has been going on in my life. True, it is quite unbelievable, however, I think I could speak about it much easier than I could put it down on paper. It just seems like it takes way too long to write each letter, each word, each sentence. I am a writer, but this is one thing I don't think I can get out on paper efficiently.
If my friend out there is reading, it is so great to hear from you. I have missed you so much - words can't express how deeply regretful I am to have lost so much time with you - all those life events of yours I have missed out on. It pains me to think of all the things I could have partaken in - Belize? Man...
Something ironic - yesterday I was going through a box of high school things when I came across a card and piece of paper with messages from people on it. It was from when I had my tonsils taken out at age 16. One of the messages stated, "Please hurry up and come back to school. Class isn't the same without you giving Miss Bruns a hard time!!" Miss Bruns, one of my high school teachers, was killed on her bicycle that she rode every single day thirty miles by a drunk driver on Halloween around 4pm. I attended her candlelight memorial service a week ago. It was difficult for me to get through. I also returned to my high school and taught with her for a year. How ironic is it that I found that note yesterday, a week after this happened. Funny how life deals you odd things. (The "hard time" I gave her was nothing more than making her life fun at school when I was her student. It wasn't like I was the student who was giving her a hard time by misbehaving.) She was always trying to get me to join the high school softball team. I never did.

I just can't...

I just can't let it go without saying that I could be legally divorced by now if it weren't for continuances.
Don't ya love the legal system? I wish I was in a job where I could just decide on a whim to not be "in town", not caring who it affects or puts out. Dentist, lawyer, what else -- what other profession would allow me to do that? I gotta find out.

Full moon, or just testing at its best?

Today was a morning of testing (students testing). We are doing a pilot program for the state - a "test" every nine weeks to see if the students are "mastering" the state standards that are set forth for each subject. We tested math, science, and language arts (I teach L.A.). After testing today, the students were absolutely wild. I mean, over-the-top, lips blabbing, feet shuffling, arms waving, wild. Their ears were plugged with testing goo, and they could not listen to a thing I said. I was ready to pull my hair out. Now, since I have been home, I have been grumpy towards others. I'm not meaning to be grumpy; I just am.
In addition to my students being crazy and making me grumpy, it didn't help that I did not sleep well last night. I had dreams of living in the hood with drug deals gone bad, shootings, kidnappings, etc. And yes, they were happening to me. I was trying to protect my daughters in these dreams, fighting like crazy to have them unharmed. I didn't have food to feed them, they were dirty, and I was scared. It was horrible. I woke up in a panic, sweating. It was one of those dreams that seems so real you have to acclimate yourself to the room upon opening your eyes and blinking several times. It felt as though I was really there. Experiencing the loud noises, hearbeat in chest, and hunger. It was wild. I do NOT want to have those dreams again. Of course, I have been fighting a migraine, so that doesn't help. It makes me weird. I can't speak right, type right, write right, or think clearly. It throws off my entire equilibrium.
On a brighter note, Friday I will be wearing a huge, curly, red/white/blue wig to school in honor of Panther Pride day and Halloween. The students will think it is a hoot.
P.S. Today a fellow teacher told me I should be an impressionist after I impersonated both John McCain and Sara Palin. I do Palin much better with my voice, however my body language of McCain's must be priceless, or so she tells me. Maybe next summer I can take that up as a side job. . .

Wondering

So I'm told there is a blog out there that "mentions" me. Too bad I didn't save the url address of it. I'd like to see what's being said about me.

Low and Behold

The truth comes out! Slammed in my face again is the fact that all financial troubles of this world are due to me and my children. Man, I didn't know four people could do such damage to others. How can I hold my head up? I mean, really. What a mooch I have been. What a sucker punch I have delivered others in the recent past.
Can I go on with my life? Can I really stand myself and my three girls?
Those who try and shame me - shame on you. Shame on you for trying to transfer blame to those who don't deserve it.

Twice a Year

I get this intense sickness twice a year, where it takes me weeks to get over it, thinking all the while that I am dying in some respect. I'm in the middle of the fall episode as we speak. Going on two weeks now. I'm exhausted over it. Yes, all you mothers out there, I've been to the doctor -- sinus infection, bronchitis, and ear infection. Take that! Ouch!
I have a couple of pics of Maddie and of the girls. I also have some over at my flickr acct. Check 'em out.
Summer is officially over today, on Labor Day, and it makes me sad. I hate winter.
Okay, blogger is being an idiot. No uploading pictures.
Save it for another day.
Go to flickr.com --- ngraue photos.

First week, done.

My first week with eighth graders is finished. It was a short week. Only three days. All went well, thank goodness. I have great classes, great co-workers, and all around nice surroundings. I think my Yearbook class will be difficult, just because I don't know what I am doing. I have to keep telling myself that I must just relax and let things come to me in due time. Go with the flow, I tell myself.
I have tried, over the last couple of weeks, to relax and not get all bent out of shape over things that life delivers. (In all aspects of my life) I am tring to focus on what I can control instead of what I can't. It is a change for me to do so, but I am trying to deal with it the best I can.
I am focused on my daughters and my job. I'm doing the best I can.

Wow, update.

I am at my new job. Loving it. I have eighth graders -hormonal, unsure, defiant, compliant, etc. They keep a person on her toes. We have done some cool things over the past few days. Getting to know 150 names is difficult.
The girls have started a new school. They are doing well. It is hard to believe my oldest is in high school now, with a 7th grader and a 5th grader. I'm old!!!

Tonight, I had to help my freshman daughter with a timeline for World History of her life and significant events. It was difficult to recall some memories of things that have happened over her lifetime. One in particular was the fact that she was born when I was 20 years old. Man, was that ever young! At least I was married then, not bearing a child out of wedlock. Anyway...
I am exhausted. 'Nuff said.

Where is the summer?

The summer has flown by this year. It is already close to the beginning of school. Every year my dad tells the story of how, when he went to school, he didn't begin until the day after Labor Day. School started in September! Then, it was always out in the middle of May. Well, not anymore, my friend. School is only 180 days, but it seems so spread out, making it feel like way more than 180 days. Sure, we get little breaks here and there, but more times than not, those breaks seem way too short. For instance, long ago I can remember when it seemed like three weeks were given for Christmas vacation. Now, most schools get out one or two days before Christmas Eve. No time to plan, shop, or relax before the holiday. Then, students and teachers must return right after the first of the year. Amazing!
As I get older, time seems to fly. It gets faster and faster each year I am older. I'm not really liking it too well.