A bit unnerved

So, my dad called a short while ago and told me mom gets to come home today. We went up to the hospital yesterday and she was coming around a bit, but still very confused with memory issues. Her voice quivers when she talks, is a little hoarse, and her tongue is still roughly twice its normal size from biting it so hard when she had the seizures.
My dad is a wreck. We all are. We are unsure of her meds. - what should she really be taking, when, what does it look like (don't know if they are in the correct bottle), and how do we keep them from her. I can't live at my parents' house. I have my own daughters to take care of. My dad will have to work eventually. My brother works. I mean, she's 55 years old. Does she actually need in-home nursing care? My dad doesn't want to talk about that. How long will this shit last? Will she come around in two weeks? Never? ???????
So, today, I must go to my parents' house and help get things settled. Mom will put up a fight. She told dad yesterday, "When you come get me tomorrow, you BETTER have my cigarettes and my lighter with you, and I mean it!" She has gone a week without smoking. Everyone has told her to just stop now - the hardest part is over. She won't, though. Dad won't be strong enough to make her. So that leaves me with the question, is he strong enough to go against her on anything? My brother and I talked last night. We agreed that we are going to have to take control if dad won't. It's just that simple.
On another note, has anyone ever heard of being able to buy medicines (ones that should be prescription) out of a magazine? Like those smut mags? I'm talking butalbital (sp?) - medicine like Vicodin, etc.? I have gotten wind of that being an option for people. I need to know if it is. Not for my sake, but for my mother's sake. Please give me information if you have it. You might save her life.

Busy

This past week has been challenging, nonetheless. I had a huge yearbook deadline at school with no cooperation from the computer program I use, grades are due, tests to grade, etc. On top of that, my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital for having two seizures in one day. She bit her tongue quite badly, and had some minor injuries from falling. She didn't recognize me when I got to the hospital. She swore I was the doctor. She was almost catatonic looking. She would go for what seemed like forever before blinking, she was slumped over to one side, and was odd. She has been in the hospital since Tuesday. A neurologist is seeing her, but doesn't have difinitive answers. I was impressed that the doctor called me (per request) yesterday and talked with me for over five minutes about my questions. I wasn't expecting much, but he far exceeded my expectations.
Today some friends of ours are getting married. A very small ceremony. It at least puts a highlight in my week. Hopefully this spring break week will be better than the last.

Buffalo Wild Wings

Here in a moment I will jump in the shower to get ready to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. We are celebrating two things: 1. Our friend Tom's 40th B-Day, and 2. watching the selection for the NCAA tournament. I love BW3s. It ends up being expensive for all of us to eat there, but once in a while it is worth it.
Tomorrow begins my last week of work before spring break. I am ready for a break. My dad invited us to Florida to visit, but I can't bring myself to drive all that way. If I am going to go to Florida, I want to be able to get in the ocean and not be cold. I also want to not have to rush to get back to return to work. I wanna linger there. So, it'll have to wait until summer.
I am excited about the upcoming warmer weather. I want to plant flowers and be out in the sunshine. It's long overdue. I even wore flip-flops last night in honor of my longing for spring and summer. I just had to!!

Eleven years ago

Eleven years ago yesterday I was in the hospital having my last baby. She was the easiest to birth of all three. She was the only one born at night (evening) out of the three as well. Thinking back to that day, I can remember a lot of events. One of those would be that she was actually born on "mid-term day". I was attending IU, as a commuter, and had a horrible literature class. I was not doing so well in that class; mid-terms were to be on March 11 for that class. I was not looking forward to it. Well, as fate would have it, I got out of taking that mid-term when I was scheduled to take it. I would take it two weeks later with breastfeeding baby in tow. No, I didn't take the baby to class with me, but I did take her on campus and in Ballentine Hall where I met my professor to take my exam. We went into a quiet room (sort of like a teacher's lounge) and I took my exam while she patiently waited in my mother's arms. TWO weeks! Looking back, I don't know how I accomplished all of that while having three little ones. I guess I was determined. It all worked out in the end. I graduated that following year (1999).
Another thing I remember is that the weather had been mild right up until the day she was born. It ended up snowing the day she came into the world. I was not pleased. I wanted to take a new baby home in nice weather, not freezing cold weather. She had to be bundled up to be taken home. She had a maroon hair ribbon in her red hair that the hospital put in there. Her two big sisters commented on the hair ribbon, wondering how we were going to get it out. They couldn't comprehend that it wasn't actually stuck there forever. They were worried. They were relieved when I showed them how easy it was to get out; that it wasn't glued in.
Now, it is only two more years to teenager land for her. Wow.

Dance, Dance, Revolution

Makaili doesn't wear a dress very often. When she was little, she used to beg to wear dresses. She loved to wear them, and when we would go shopping, she would beg me to buy her a new one. Now, it is like pulling teeth to get her in a dress. She is much more tomboy now. When we bought this dress, I was in shock that she picked a purple dress. She doesn't normally like that color. She did look good in that color, though. She wore this to a semi-formal dance that she attended with her cousin, Tevin. Before the dance, about ten to twelve kids came over and had pics taken. They all looked amazing. I love seeing Mak in a dress, even if she isn't really comfortable in one! She looked pretty.

Alliteration

Here's the language arts lesson for today:

Alliteration - the repeated occurrence of a consonant sound at the beginning of several Words in the same pHrase.
Example: doors dancing open during a difficult time, denouncing my doubt in deep adoration

See? The "d" sound is repeated for effect. Let's try another one.

Windows that I watch through wIll bring me wonderul things and leave me wanting more and more of mutual wonderment between these two wishful souls

Language is such a beautiful Thing. And when people use langauage in very poEtic ways it can make someone crY, don't you think?

ISTEP - CHECK, BUT WITH TEARS

So I hear tell that this ISTEP has been brutal on students. For example, there has been a story told that an elementary school in the state, ahem, had this going on: fourth graders were so upset that the test included so many things that they didn't know how to do. In reaction to this, the students were having little breakdowns, anxiety attacks, if you will. The school had to end up calling parents of these kids to come and pick them up to take them home. That's how bad they were! Poor little fourth graders getting this upset over a test! I found a little ironic humor in this. Students across the board complained about the difficulty of the test and how it was trying to measure things they hadn't even talked about in their classes. So, it will probably be thrown out as some obscure mistrial or something. Hey, look at it this way; we get to do it all again in April! Such a short time away...
BUT, spring break will be between now and then. Amen, sista!

Out on a limb

I went out on a limb today and accomplished something I've wanted to do for a few years. I sent in the necessary paperwork to apply for the National Writing Project. This is a program for teachers. It is daily for one month. The focus is on creating, sharing, and crafting writing pieces, programs, and lessons. The theory is that we as teachers of writing have to be writers and practice writing if we are to sculpt good student writers.
I love to write and hope I am accepted. This will also give me grad credit hours to put toward maintaining my teaching license. (Of course, to maintain one's license, one must pay for his or her own grad credits. Nice concept, no? It's required, but the state can't help pay for it. Cute, real cute.)
I will find out my March 15th if I am accepted into the program. I had to send a multitude of items in to apply. It was difficult to pick what writing samples I wanted to send. I'm crossing my fingers. I love school!!! (go figure)
It is fun for teachers to be the learners. Fun to be on the other side of the desk. I can't wait.

What?! Did I do that!?

You may think to yourself, 'What would happen if I was fourteen, had prescription drugs to sell, and wanted my 'friends'at school to act stupid because they were high?'

I can tell you what would happen.

You'd get arrested! You'd be taken out of the school building on a stretcher straight to the hospital to get your stomach pumped! Then, you'd be in a heap of trouble with the school, law, and your parents!

Just ask four of the students at my middle school.
Sometimes, it's not good to make the newspaper or the news...

Sunday Funday

Football is long over and basketball is getting ready to end as well. This particular Sunday, with nothing but laundry to do, I plan on going to see my boy, Thatcher Dean. This little boy is the son of a friend of mine, and I have babysat him off and on when I can - i.e. over the summers occasionally - so I am quite close to him. He loves me dearly, as I do him. He turned five on Feb. 11. I simply cannot believe he is five already.
His mom called me a couple of weeks ago and told me that she had to call and tell me what Thatcher said. She had picked him up at his Nana's house one day after work and he ran to the door in tears, holding his face in such a manner she was unnerved at what must have happened for him to be so upset. He ran to her arms and got in her face and said,"Mom, you HAVE to call Nina and she HAS to babysit me!! I will NOT come to Nana's again - I wanna go to NINA'S house!" She explained to him that I worked every day. He told her no, she doesn't. She can babysit me if she wants to, he said. Thatcher, if I could, I would babysit you. I miss you and I love you!!! I can't wait to come and see you today.
Love,
Nina

Broken

My student came running in the room...
"Call the nurse. There's a boy out here with a broken arm!"
I casually smiled and replied, "Riiiiigggghhhhht."
"No, really," as the student smirked and was giggling a bit.
I went along grading my papers. I got up, went toward the door (where students were gathering, ready to go home), and met my next door teacher neighbor looking panicked. I instantly knew it was real.
"Did you call the nurse? Is she on her way down here yet?" she asked with fright in her eyes.
"No, I thought they were kidding!"
"No, it's for real."
I then turned and ran toward my phone, my heart in my throat. I saw the boy, another one of my students from first period, grimacing and pacing, holding his arm.
I called the nurse and told her that we needed her immediately because a student had broken his arm. I hung up the phone and went to the doorway again. I made my students, who had now gathered in a crowd, gasping and ooohing and aaahhing. I told them in a stern enough voice that they knew I meant business, to get back in the room and close the door, that Andrew needed his space. I also then made my neighbor teacher's kids get back in her room, too. Together we helped the hurt student to sit against the wall, though he didn't want to. He was literally green in the face. He was going into shock. I wanted to cry for him so badly! So, the end of the day bell rang and students were everywhere. Thank goodness the nurse had shown up with a wheelchair and we got him in it. Afterward, we wheeled him into my room so we could close the door, keeping the chaotic hallway activity out of sight. Once we got him into my room, he began sobbing, shaking, and rocking back and forth with pain. He was scared to death. I felt so badly for him! My heart ached for what he was going through. It took about fifteen minutes to get ahold of his mom, therefore complicating matters. I checked on him in the office before he got picked up and he was a little better. He wasn't shaking as badly or crying as hard. We were trying to take his mind off things by creating humor, and it worked to an extent. I told him he didn't have to go to such extremes to get out of today's essay assignment. He laughed at that.
I hope he is okay and is able to rest tonight. He had an eventful day! I won't forget this one for a while.

Human Connections

I think I have mentioned this before, but it is noteworthy enough to mention yet again. Human connections can be such a powerful thing. If you have never had a deep connection with another human being, then you are not living fully. That's what we are programmed to do - it releases endorphins that make us feel a certain euphoria, a high, if you will.
One of the reasons I love the young adult novel, The Giver, is because it explores the theme of emotions, love, and connection. Today my eighth graders took their test over the novel, and it led me to think about this. We discussed (not as much as I'd have liked) the thought of someone lacking the power of emotion. How would someone feel if they didn't really feel anything at all emotionally? What kind of life would that be? We came up with the general idea that life wouldn't be the same without certain feelings. Life, for instance, would not be the same if we as people could not feel love. In the novel, adults apply for spouses, unable to choose who they spend the rest of their lives with. They also take pills for "stirrings" - which is basically emotions, including sexual thoughts. The result is a robotic, unattached person who does not get to feel passion, empathy, butterflies in the stomach, etc. My students all said that they would hate living like that. YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! The ability to connect with someone else is vital to our being.
Now, this connection can be friendly, passionate, lustfull, or some other form. But to live life without making those intense pathways is cheating a person out of a small portion of joy and bliss.
I happen to know of some people who DO live that way. How unfortunate for them that they do not enjoy certain luxuries available to most. How pitiful of an existence that must be.
I encourage everyone to reach out, take that chance; try and make a connection with someone. It can be as simple as smiling at a passerby; shake hands and mean it with a business acquaintance; look your partner in the eye and tell him/her what they mean to you; kiss your child on the forehead; hug your pet. Life is way too short to waste moments.
I only hope that some (or even one, for that matter) of my students have learned a little life lesson from the novel we finished. There are MANY more themes that the novel presents than just human connections. I hope the themes touched my students, if only for a split second.
And if you are a person that has maybe two hours to spare, read the novel, The Giver. It makes you think.

The Verdict is In

I'm divorced. My name is restored to my old name, not Graue anymore. I'm not posting any details because the bastard reads my blog. Rest assured I'm ecstatic it's done. Rest assured I'm rushing over to the social security office to get the paperwork for my ss#/card so that it can all be changed. Rest assured I'm not looking back!
What a clusterf**k I got myself into with that one!
If any of you need a partner, the ex tells me he's a changed man - he continues to tell me that in emails, posts on his blog, etc. Look him up. Call him. Take him out on a date - better yet, ask him to pay out of the account he's gonna start with the money I'll be paying him. Have a couple of drinks, on me! If you're really brave, get a bottle of Poet's Leap Reisling or a stiff Cosmo. Cosmos are so refined; they make you look elegant.
What kinds of dumbass expressions can I think of in summation???...
Get R Done
Cowgirl Up
Let's Motor
F**k U and the Horse U Rode in on
Ain't That Sumthin'?
Well shit and shove me in it
I'll be Damned
Dog Will Hunt
Amazing
I'm Like a Cat Covered in Shit
What am I? Flypaper for Freaks?
Dumb and Dumber

Okay. I'll stop. It's getting ridiculous. LOL
Hey, Princess...no more dinners on the King. It's just up to me, now. Does McDonald's sound okay to you? Or would White Castle suit you better? That's how us white trash people like it. You can call em "sliders" if you feel really trashy. How bout we go down and get us a sack of em? Deal. Be there in an hour.

What I'd like to be doing right now is...

DSC_0447
Originally uploaded by pinkdaisypea

this. I want to have sunshine and warmth again. I want to rest outside, breathing in the fresh air with a slight breeze on my face. I want to relax like Mak is here. Go away, winter.

Chocolate Chip Cookies - Can You?

Make the announcement: I can not bake chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Mine simply suck. To further the complications, I love them! I love how they make a house smell good. I love to eat them while they are still warm and oozing chocolaty goodness. Since I am forced to face my faults, I buy chocolate chip cookie dough in tubs and bake them from the purchased dough. How un-Martha Stewart-ish is that, my friends? I can cook something from a recipe for the very first time and get it right, can bake a cake from scratch, or even make a new dessert. I just can't bake the traditional cookie that most everyone loves to eat. What a failure.
Tonight, I was in heaven. My Grandma (Granny) as I have come to call her in my adult years, told me on Tuesday evening that she was thinking of fixing me and my family homemade Beef & Noodles for our dinner tonight. I beamed with excitement. I told her that would be FABULOUS! So, we made plans for me to come and pick up the meals on wheels around 4pm. The only think I would have to make would be the mashed potatoes. I agreed that the deal was a go. So tonight we had just that. She even surprised me and baked a loaf of homemade bread for us. I ate like a pig, then threw my chocolate chip cookies in the oven (Thank you, Pillsbury), and we were set. Nothing better than someone else's cookin'. Especially Granny's.
Perhaps someday I can find just the right words to put down to tell you the story of my Grandma. She is a jack-of-all-trades. And, she's lived through hell and back. I love her dearly.
In other news... I have only a couple of weeks to finish my application for a National Writing Project spot at I.U. Southeast. The app has to be postmarked by March 1 and winners will be notified by March 15. I'm so nervous. I have to send in some of my writing samples. I am having trouble finding my big supply of my writing. Plus, I don't know if I should send only poetry, memoir stuff, or a mixture of my writing. So much pressure!

Hoops Report

Last night my middle daughter, Cammi, had a basketball game against the school that she attended all of her life up to this year when we moved. All of her elementary school friends were on the team. One girl in particular, Ashley, gave her hell on and off for the past two years while playing basketball together at that school. Ashley would be rough, and if she fouled her well, she'd say some smartass remark while "helping" Cam up off the floor. Moreover, this girl's mom was just as bad. She was an instigator of trouble. You see, Ashley could do NO wrong. So, last night, Cam had her chance to even the score, so to speak. She guarded Ashley for most of the game. Ashley is used to scoring thirty points a game. Last night, she scored 4 AND fouled out! Not only that, but Cammi got a good one in on her when she drove to the basket with Ashley guarding her. Cammi drove in and knocked Ashley on her big fat ass. The refs called a foul on Ashley as well. I couldn't contain myself. I stood up and hooped and hollered. I enjoyed it almost as much as Cammi did.
Our team won. It was the first loss of the other team's season. Amazing game!

Now that I am older and wiser, I am finding I can really listen to what my body is telling me. What I mean is, I can tell if I am getting sick or going to have a migraine. I used to not be able to sense that. For example, if I become distinctly emotional and find myself able to become deep in thought about off-topic, weird things, (makes no sense to you readers, I know) then I can almost guarantee I will have a migraine soon. It may take a few days, but it will rear its ugly head. That's how I feel this morning. It is difficult to put into words. I was standing in the shower not really focusing on what I should be doing - showering. Instead, I was thinking about things like human connections, how others perceive, kindness, etc. It was odd. Then, almost as if I woke up, I made myself actually do what I needed to do in the shower and get clean. Wow. That must seem really stupid to readers. Whatever. My mind is cloudy and I am in need of motoring off to school. Parent/teacher conferences are tonight, so today will be a very long day. Not sure I'm ready for it, but what choice do I have? None. Exactly.

In Awe - Duped?

I watched a movie last night called Fireproof. It stars Kirk Cameron, who I had a major crush on as a young girl, and was made/sponsored by a church in Georgia. Now, some may think this movie is hoaxy. (word not in the day to day vocabulary of mine) Those who are nonbelievers may think so. But if a person believes in a higher power or has the ability to imagine something out there beyond human control, then this movie is worth paying attention to.
I happen to believe in the statement, "Everything happens for a reason." Now, given the events of my life thus far, it is sometimes difficult to figure out the reasons WHY, but nonetheless there are reasons. Those reasons may be evident, later-to-be-found-out, or even hidden in some cases. That's the whimsy of them, isn't it?
Back to the movie.
This movie (I don't want to give anything away) is a movie about many themes. These themes happened to hit me in a rather profound way. I have thought about the movie and its themes all day, in addition to having thought about them most of the late evening yesterday after watching it. One of my daughters was chuckling over the fact that I was crying during the movie. She didn't understand what would make me cry. A conversation ensued about how it wasn't really SAD, just touching. I looked up the website that was advertised directly after the credits of the movie. There really is such a thing as the LoveDare Journal. People can purchase this. There are also many links and points of interest on the given website. Go there. Take a look. If you believe in the power of love, you'll enjoy some of it.
www.fireproofmymarriage.com
And if you want to rent the movie, I say try it. But if you have a spouse, make sure you watch it together. If your significant other truly loves you, it'll be powerful for you both. Perhaps the LoveDare Journal can be a Valentine's Day gift you purchase for each other. After all, a hundred dollar vase of roses won't last forever.

I'm going through the big "D"; I don't mean Dallas

I think this was a country song, not sure of the artist. It was the most creative title I could think of. My brain is on hold right now. It is tired and weary. Those days when we have two hour delays should be easier days, right? Well, on the contrary, those days seem longer than the "normal" days at school. Weird, I know.
Back on topic: tomorrow I have what is termed as a final hearing for my divorce. Now, given that term, one would think I have had preliminary hearings, since this one tomorrow is being called a "final" hearing. Nope. Wrong. All of the scheduled hearings we have had over the past six months have been postponed by the other party involved here. The soon-to-be-ex (stbe) has put these hearings off due to his lawyer "being out of town". Oh, that's what they call it now? Cute.
So, this hearing tomorrow will be the first AND final one. I have received multiple emails over the past week as the date approaches. I haven't talked about this ordeal on here much. Didn't see the need to. I'm sure it is being read daily anyway. So, tomorrow will be D-day. No bombshells. Just smoke.

Steelers, Phil, and my baby's goin' to college

I did not want the Steelers to win!!! On the other hand, it was nice for the score of the Superbowl to not be a blowout, boring score. The party at my house was fun - a little too much fun. We had a two hour delay for school today, thank goodness. I was up late.
The Groundhog saw his shadow. Six more weeks of this crap.
My baby, at her ripe old age of ten, is going to college! Syd got nominated by her teacher to attend Indiana University Southeast for Project AHEAD, a program for elementary school students (with good grades and general smarts). In this program, she got to choose from four classes. She chose Videography. She will attend these classes for four Saturdays in February. She is so excited. (And so am I.) She's already pretty good with her Flip Video camera, but she'll be even better after the class. Mommy and daughter, both Indiana University "graduates"...PRICELESS!!!!
Perhaps I'll post her award winning video(s) when she is finished with the course.

Play, play, play

I have not been sledding in YEARS! After scrapbooking, I took a carload of people sledding about two miles from our house at Muscatatuck State Park. There were tons of people there already sledding and snowboarding. The snow was so packed down due to many sleds and bodies prior to ours spending countless hours there over the past week. I saw several sledders getting some serious air over these two or three "jumps" that had been made simply from others before us. The girls saw some classmates of theirs there, we saw neighbors, and took many photos. Here are two of them: one of the girls, and one of myself and Syd getting ready to take our first trip down the hill. It was so slick! Once, Mak landed in the sticker bushes way past the trail on a curve to the right. There was no stopping the momentum once you got going. I thought Syd and I were gonna take out two kids who happened to be at the bottom of the hill when we arrived. It was crazy! We were frozen after about an hour, so we headed home. We pulled out of the parking lot and a huge block of snow and ice slid from the top of my car onto the windshield making me blind to where the road was. I looked out my side window because my wipers wouldn't work. I made it to a gas station down the road, pulled in, and literally lifted the huge sheet of ice from my windshield. It weighed about thirty pounds, I swear! The girls thought it was hilarious.
Overall, it was fun to take myself back to childhood if for a moment. I hate the cold, but yesterday I handled it well. My mind was occupied with living in the moment. It was great fun.

Snow place like home

The snow has arrived, folks!
We have around 6 inches presently, and we have begun to get ice and sleet now. School was out today, and I have already received the call that it is out tomorrow as well. This is the first real snow that I have had to traverse without four wheel drive. I had it on my last vehicle, but I don't have it on the Acadia. Sucks balls, really.
My family is playing Guitar Hero as we speak, enjoying the late night to come.
Later!

PMS??

If a woman has a hysterectomy yet keeps her ovaries, does she go through PMS still, even though she has no period?

Out of School!

We got ANOTHER day off today from school. Temperatures were just too low. Darn.
I got dishes done, laundry, de-cluttering, AND visiting my mom and dad (in the next hour or so). I'm also going to a ballgame, Cam's having a friend spend the night, and brownies are in the oven. I actually accomplished some things. Proud? I am.

We've started a novel in my language arts classes. At first, the normal moans and groans came from the crowd of students. Standard responses like, "Aw...this is gonna be stupid. . . It sounds so dumb... do we have to read this...". Since we have read three chapters, they are dying for more. That's why I'm a teacher. Right there.
Happy Freezing Days to y'all!

Memories

Some memories are not ones I care to remember. Today I got a wake-up call that flooded my mind and heart with heavy memories. I just got back from attending a wake for my "Uncle" (father of my cousin, but was never actually married to my aunt. Sure, any kind of death is never fun, but this was different. He took his own life. Being in the funeral home for the reasons that I was there was overwhelming considering my grandfather took his own life, too, many years ago. Those kinds of feelings from memory never go away. And when they are resurrected, it is haunting. I feel so terrible for my cousin (a ninth grader). How can a child go through a parent's suicide? I can't even imagine. I know how I felt as a grandchild, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I am trying so hard to keep myself together. I didn't really think it would affect me like it is. I knew it was going to be sad, but I didn't realize it would take me back to exactly what I felt all those years ago when grandpa killed himself.
Suicide is the most selfish thing a person could do to others. It is easier to check out and leave others behind to deal with the realities of life than it is to handle grieving for a suicide victim. The person who takes their own life gets to stop the chaos and madness, but the ones left behind only begin their journey when the person they love is gone.
I miss my grandpa more than anyone can imagine. And I am praying for my cousin so that he might have the strength and courage to get through this horrific event in his life. It'll be a daily struggle for a long time, and it will pop up to haunt him often.
I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, Draden.

Money ill spent

Off to see the doctor. I'm so sick of money being washed down the drain on my damn sickness -- I have been on two rounds of antibiotics ( am still on one) and have been deathly ill. I have been in the house, on the couch or in my bed, since Christmas. I'm not even kidding. So, I am returning to my old doctor, though inconvenient, and telling the doc that I am sick of getting the run around from the physician I am currently with.
I feel as though someone has beat my skull in with a baseball bat, is poking my sinus cavity with pins and needles, and is pulling my lungs out from my body through my nasal passages. If this sounds fun, you're an idiot.
So, what's fifteen more dollars here, twenty-five times two here for prescriptions, and twenty more dollars for another bottle of Mucinex that simply does not work ( I know since I've taken two boxes already)? Damn.

Winter Vacation

I am officially on winter break/vacation. No school for two weeks! Celebrate.

My Christmas shopping is complete; I just need to wrap some more gifts. I must bake cookies for my Grandma's get together and I am finished. We'll build a fire and life will be good.
I hope your holidays are magical.
Peace

Winter Carnival

Wish me luck. Today at the middle school is our "Winter Carnival". That's code for all-hell-breakin'-loose. And I, I am working concessions with money and snacks involved. One of those I know something about; the other was not my major. You figure that one out!
I have an invitation to go to South Florida for spring break. Gosh, does it sound really appealing. Gosh, how I don't want to make that drive. I'll ponder it.

Christmas is just around the corner. For the first time in years I will not have to split up my time with my girls. I'll be with them the entire holiday, just like it's supposed to be. No rushing anywhere or to anything. It'll be wonderful.

Well, I'm off to face the troops at school. They'll be all jacked up on Mountain Dew and candy. Beasts!!!! (gotta love 'em)

Liar, Liar

No, not the movie(I love that movie, though)with Jim Carrey. Though he is a very funny guy, I am speaking of something different.
What's the punishment for lying under oath? Or for lying to your lawyer? Just wondering.

If you notice the post time, you'll see I am not at school teaching the youth of America today. Nope, I am sitting in the confines of the home office on my personal computer. Why, one might ask? Because I was forced to take a "personal day" from work, thinking I would be in divorce court today. Alas, once again the date has been postponed. I mean, how many times can one hearing be postponed? When does it become a nuisance? So, due to circumstances beyond my control, I have burned a personal day for no reason. That, my friend, is wasteful. Forget about saving the Earth, let's save the personal days instead. Ha!

To the Princess with love, I hope you have a wonderful time sewing your youthful oats out in Montana. Take it all in, my friend. Breath easily with no responsibilities or constraints. This is one of those "once in a lifetime" events and you know it. Don't let your mother get you down about it. And make sure you represent: must wear IU hat, scarf, and whatnots - Hoosier emblems everywhere!

I am off to make something of my day -- some Christmas shopping awaits me. Well, what did you expect me to do with a day off?! Seriously!
Shall I tell Santa what you want?

Oh my! A Follower...

Okay. So how cool is this? (Call me "slow", since I was unaware of a feature here I could use...) I now have a follower. She is someone who I literally grew up with. Elizabeth Street. Good ol' small town livin'.
You can't see her face in the pic, but most readers know who she is. (smile, wink)

I am so proud of my girls! Oldest will be turning 15 next Thursday the eleventh. Damn, I'm old. She just went back to playing basketball today from an ankle injury. Scary.
The middle daughter had ten rebounds the other night!! Great glass cleaning, Cam. I think it is so fun to watch her play because she gets great facial expressions and really gets aggressive. Love it!
Youngest daughter will be performing in a fifth and sixth grade choir concert next Thursday night. She has an individual part in it. Kudos!
I am trying to get through the next two weeks of school without pulling my hair out. I had book reports due yesterday so now I have over a hundred to grade. UGHHHH! It has to be done, though, ya know?
It is snowing here. Yuck. I mean, the first snow is pretty, but I can do without the cold. My hands are dry and cracking; I have an ear infection; I am covered in goosebumps. The beach sounds good about now. Any travelers wanna go? I'm game.

Thanks, follower! Love ya!

Our Town

Last evening my girls and I went to see a play that my daughter's boyfriend was in. It was Our Town. My daughter's boyfriend was the town drunken choir director. His part was pretty funny. The play, overall, was rather deep. It really made you look at your own life a bit and your own happiness. I must admit, there was one point where tears were in my eyes. Sure, a bit cliche, but nonetheless true. Once dead, it is too late to go back and re-live anthing over - happy, sad, hurt, joyous, etc. One must be wary of not enjoying the moments in which we live. They pass by quickly, and since society tends to rush along, perhaps one should take time out to breath deeply and just be. Be in the moment. Take it all in.
...enough preaching...

Both teenage daughters made the basketball teams here. It is pretty exciting. Moreover, my middle daughter has been recruited to play fast-pitch travel softball. I love to watch softball, so this should be a real treat. I can't wait. Oldest daughter is playing freshman basketball, while middle daughter is playing on both seventh grade teams - White and Blue. What this means is that she'll play roughly 36 games!! And lots of travel to other schools for mom... But that's okay.
I'm finishing up going through boxes of things that I had to pick up from where I used to reside. It is a long process. One thing that I noticed today was that I really do tend to keep clothes that I can't fit in. Sizes I used to be, but never will be again. It is sickening, really. I keep them, or so I think, as a beacon of hope, or hopelessness when you really look at it. I hate being fat. But I don't do anything about it. That one's on me.
It began to snow weird little flakes last night while we were driving home. It was a cross between rain and snow, but it was sticking to windshields of parked cars. Snow? Snow! I'm so not ready for it. (I didn't even wear a coat yesterday in thirty degree weather.) Snowing on Christmas Day is allowed, otherwise, buzz off.

For Pete's Sake

Someone told me today I should write a book about what has been going on in my life. True, it is quite unbelievable, however, I think I could speak about it much easier than I could put it down on paper. It just seems like it takes way too long to write each letter, each word, each sentence. I am a writer, but this is one thing I don't think I can get out on paper efficiently.
If my friend out there is reading, it is so great to hear from you. I have missed you so much - words can't express how deeply regretful I am to have lost so much time with you - all those life events of yours I have missed out on. It pains me to think of all the things I could have partaken in - Belize? Man...
Something ironic - yesterday I was going through a box of high school things when I came across a card and piece of paper with messages from people on it. It was from when I had my tonsils taken out at age 16. One of the messages stated, "Please hurry up and come back to school. Class isn't the same without you giving Miss Bruns a hard time!!" Miss Bruns, one of my high school teachers, was killed on her bicycle that she rode every single day thirty miles by a drunk driver on Halloween around 4pm. I attended her candlelight memorial service a week ago. It was difficult for me to get through. I also returned to my high school and taught with her for a year. How ironic is it that I found that note yesterday, a week after this happened. Funny how life deals you odd things. (The "hard time" I gave her was nothing more than making her life fun at school when I was her student. It wasn't like I was the student who was giving her a hard time by misbehaving.) She was always trying to get me to join the high school softball team. I never did.

I just can't...

I just can't let it go without saying that I could be legally divorced by now if it weren't for continuances.
Don't ya love the legal system? I wish I was in a job where I could just decide on a whim to not be "in town", not caring who it affects or puts out. Dentist, lawyer, what else -- what other profession would allow me to do that? I gotta find out.

Full moon, or just testing at its best?

Today was a morning of testing (students testing). We are doing a pilot program for the state - a "test" every nine weeks to see if the students are "mastering" the state standards that are set forth for each subject. We tested math, science, and language arts (I teach L.A.). After testing today, the students were absolutely wild. I mean, over-the-top, lips blabbing, feet shuffling, arms waving, wild. Their ears were plugged with testing goo, and they could not listen to a thing I said. I was ready to pull my hair out. Now, since I have been home, I have been grumpy towards others. I'm not meaning to be grumpy; I just am.
In addition to my students being crazy and making me grumpy, it didn't help that I did not sleep well last night. I had dreams of living in the hood with drug deals gone bad, shootings, kidnappings, etc. And yes, they were happening to me. I was trying to protect my daughters in these dreams, fighting like crazy to have them unharmed. I didn't have food to feed them, they were dirty, and I was scared. It was horrible. I woke up in a panic, sweating. It was one of those dreams that seems so real you have to acclimate yourself to the room upon opening your eyes and blinking several times. It felt as though I was really there. Experiencing the loud noises, hearbeat in chest, and hunger. It was wild. I do NOT want to have those dreams again. Of course, I have been fighting a migraine, so that doesn't help. It makes me weird. I can't speak right, type right, write right, or think clearly. It throws off my entire equilibrium.
On a brighter note, Friday I will be wearing a huge, curly, red/white/blue wig to school in honor of Panther Pride day and Halloween. The students will think it is a hoot.
P.S. Today a fellow teacher told me I should be an impressionist after I impersonated both John McCain and Sara Palin. I do Palin much better with my voice, however my body language of McCain's must be priceless, or so she tells me. Maybe next summer I can take that up as a side job. . .

Wondering

So I'm told there is a blog out there that "mentions" me. Too bad I didn't save the url address of it. I'd like to see what's being said about me.

Low and Behold

The truth comes out! Slammed in my face again is the fact that all financial troubles of this world are due to me and my children. Man, I didn't know four people could do such damage to others. How can I hold my head up? I mean, really. What a mooch I have been. What a sucker punch I have delivered others in the recent past.
Can I go on with my life? Can I really stand myself and my three girls?
Those who try and shame me - shame on you. Shame on you for trying to transfer blame to those who don't deserve it.

Twice a Year

I get this intense sickness twice a year, where it takes me weeks to get over it, thinking all the while that I am dying in some respect. I'm in the middle of the fall episode as we speak. Going on two weeks now. I'm exhausted over it. Yes, all you mothers out there, I've been to the doctor -- sinus infection, bronchitis, and ear infection. Take that! Ouch!
I have a couple of pics of Maddie and of the girls. I also have some over at my flickr acct. Check 'em out.
Summer is officially over today, on Labor Day, and it makes me sad. I hate winter.
Okay, blogger is being an idiot. No uploading pictures.
Save it for another day.
Go to flickr.com --- ngraue photos.

First week, done.

My first week with eighth graders is finished. It was a short week. Only three days. All went well, thank goodness. I have great classes, great co-workers, and all around nice surroundings. I think my Yearbook class will be difficult, just because I don't know what I am doing. I have to keep telling myself that I must just relax and let things come to me in due time. Go with the flow, I tell myself.
I have tried, over the last couple of weeks, to relax and not get all bent out of shape over things that life delivers. (In all aspects of my life) I am tring to focus on what I can control instead of what I can't. It is a change for me to do so, but I am trying to deal with it the best I can.
I am focused on my daughters and my job. I'm doing the best I can.

Wow, update.

I am at my new job. Loving it. I have eighth graders -hormonal, unsure, defiant, compliant, etc. They keep a person on her toes. We have done some cool things over the past few days. Getting to know 150 names is difficult.
The girls have started a new school. They are doing well. It is hard to believe my oldest is in high school now, with a 7th grader and a 5th grader. I'm old!!!

Tonight, I had to help my freshman daughter with a timeline for World History of her life and significant events. It was difficult to recall some memories of things that have happened over her lifetime. One in particular was the fact that she was born when I was 20 years old. Man, was that ever young! At least I was married then, not bearing a child out of wedlock. Anyway...
I am exhausted. 'Nuff said.

Where is the summer?

The summer has flown by this year. It is already close to the beginning of school. Every year my dad tells the story of how, when he went to school, he didn't begin until the day after Labor Day. School started in September! Then, it was always out in the middle of May. Well, not anymore, my friend. School is only 180 days, but it seems so spread out, making it feel like way more than 180 days. Sure, we get little breaks here and there, but more times than not, those breaks seem way too short. For instance, long ago I can remember when it seemed like three weeks were given for Christmas vacation. Now, most schools get out one or two days before Christmas Eve. No time to plan, shop, or relax before the holiday. Then, students and teachers must return right after the first of the year. Amazing!
As I get older, time seems to fly. It gets faster and faster each year I am older. I'm not really liking it too well.

(continued)...

I forgot to post something...
I read the book, Eat, Love, Pray on vacation. I recommend it to people who enjoy learning about other cultures, who may be searching for inspiration, and who love a genuine good story. It is nonfiction and is categorized under "memoir" or "spirituality". It could be categorized under so many more things, though. I loved the book and marked several pages to remember specific passages. It is a book that I can re-read in two years and it will speak to me differently each time. Go buy it or get it from your library. You'll be glad you did.

Worry

I am worrying. It is getting closer to the start of the new school year and I will be at a new teaching job. Trying to get organized and remembering everything that needs to be done is weighing on my mind. It's like I want to be perfect, even though I know no one is "perfect", but... I just want everything to go well. And starting in a new place is difficult. I don't know the ins and outs of the place, I don't know the students, the staff, the building, etc. I am unsure of the way the place runs, the nuances, and more. Frightened? Yes. Excited? Yes. Eager? Yes. Worried? Yes. But it is a good worry, I think. I have much to do and not much time to do it in.

July 4th in another part of the U.S.

Happy Independence Day to all from Birmingham, Alabama. Tomorrow we will arrive at our destination. The drive today wasn't bad at all. I slept quite a bit, so it broke up the monotonity of the drive. We at a BBQ place called Dreamland tonight. It is pretty much on campus of University of Alabama Birmingham. That campus is an urban campus with pretty buildings. Some college folks across the street from the restaurant were having a small party. I so badly wanted to run up their long steps to the porch and ask for a cold drink. I refrained. I'm too old for that kind of thing, after all.
I can't wait to be at the beach. It is calling...

Outta Here

In around twenty-four hours I will be setting sail with my family to greener pastures. No, not moving, just vacation. We are going to Gulf Shores, Alabama. This trip was a last minute planning device set off by The Husband. I had resisted the trip since its mention, but finally agreed to its existence. I had a couple of conditions to which He must agree before I moved forward into accepting the invitation.
1- no griping about money in the near future when things came up that were needed
2- I was adamant about not liking the long car drive. - I will take Tylenol PM and sleep - no driving for me nor keeping my eyes open much along the way.
3- I must purchase a new novel to take and read on the beach.

Since 1, 2, and 3 were agreed upon, I let down the protest and am going on the trip. Don't get me wrong - I love the beach with every fiber of my being. It is the place I long to be. It is even on my bucket list to own waterfront property (or rent) someday. It is just there is a lot going on with me getting ready for this new job and not having an income for the summer. I also do not think I can deal with arguing kids in a vehicle for 11 hours. Just don't think I can do it. So, they better behave or I'll lose it. (If I can hear them through the drug induced coma I'll be in.)
Bon Voyage!!

Pretty Face

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Originally uploaded by pinkdaisypea

My main man, Griffey Jr., at a Reds game. I have many pics, including those of some Red Sox players. Game was awesome, view of him was grand! Head over to flickr and check more out! (look for "ngraue" photos if you can't get there through the link on this page)

OH, boy.

I am up right now at 3a.m. with my youngest daughter. She has a severe earache. She gets this about once a summer. I try my hardest to maintain that she not get water in her ears to settle. I put alchohol in them if she feels like she has water in them after swimming. To no avail. She gets this at least once. She is awake, in pain, for the second night in a row. No Advil helps, no numbing drops help. She is frantic. She says it feels like her ear is bleeding and that she has had surgery on her jaw (where it connects to her ear). So, I suppose that tomorrow, on the day when we were supposed to go do something fun since I am not babysitting anyone, we will go to the doctor. Not fun at all. The older two are gonna throw a fit. Just part of motherhood. Maybe I'll get to sleep in on Saturday?!

2 out of 3

As of 5:09a.m. this morning, two out of my three daughters are teenagers. My middle daughter, Cammi, is now 13. I only have one left to turn into a raging, hormonal teen.
Remembering back thirteen years ago, I was in bad shape at this hour on June 21, 1995--I had a patchwork quilt sewn into my female area. I asked how many stitches the doc had to use and his reply was, "You mean, how many packages of stitches?!" Yes, what you are thinking is exactly right. OUCH! Cam was a big baby. She weighed almost nine pounds. I was in labor for a long while and pushed for a very long while. It was to the point that if she wasn't stuck half in half out of my body, we would have been wheeling to the operating room for an emergency C-section. But, it was too far gone to do so. The doctor tried forceps, the vacuum thing where a suction is put on the baby's head, and good old fashioned pulling. It was rough. She finally came out, though. I was so out of it from pushing so hard that I could not see straight - literally. My vision was blurred for hours. I think I might have even been cross-eyed.
Through all of that, I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. She is now a teenager. It is hard to believe.

Dad's Day

It is Father's Day. I checked out the secrets over at PostSecret and they are mostly about fathers. One email they printed, in particular, was about how cards never really "fit" some fathers. How true that is. Sure, I could go pick one out for my fathers, but none really explain the exact sentiment I want to convey.
Given that, I sit and ponder what a father means to me, both in the sense of my OWN fathers, and the fathers of others I know.
For those of you who don't know me well, I didn't meet my biological father until I was sixteen. When I did finally meet him, it was as though I was looking into a mirror. I finally got to see where I got my legs, facial features, and smile from. It was the most inexplainable event in my life. Since he and I are very far apart -- he lives in Florida -- it is difficult to have a very close relationship that I long for with him. Sure, I love the man I call "Dad". He was my father, raising me all those years, and still is today. But, to no understanding of the greater of society, I will always have a connection and love for my biological father. It makes me intensely sad and introspective to think of it. I will call him today and wish him a happy dad's day. I will tell him I love him and mean it. I will tell him I miss him, too. That won't do my feelings justice, but it's all I have.
As for my "Dad", I will drive up the street, see him, give him a card, and tell him I love him, too. As for The Husband, I have a card for him as well. It suggests a long nap. Hahahaha. Unfortunately, he is outside cleaning out the gutters on the house, will then mow, and will vacuum out the pool that we can't get clear. Not much of a Father's Day for him! We did go to the Cincinnati Reds game yesterday versus the Boston Red Sox. It was a dandy! I was ten feet away from Ken Griffey, Jr. Hott! ANd, AND, I got some sweet pictures I will post later to flickr. Happy Father's Day to all!!!

Older

My oldest daughter decided she wanted to get her hair cut. Now, to most, this wouldn't be any big news. But, with her, it was monumental. She NEVER wants to get it cut. I don't mean trimmed; I mean cut. So, I made the appt. for today and we went.
She picked out a haircut from a magazine based on the singer, Rhianna. For those of you who don't know her, she is a hip, young, black girl who happens to be quite a good singer. So, the haircut ensued.
When Sara (hairstylist) bent Mak's head toward the ground and sliced off about four inches at the nape of her neck, I thought I might choke. There was no going back. Upon completion, the haircut looked really cute. One major note: the haircut aged her about four years. Translation: SCARY AS HELL FOR MOM!!!

Proud to be a Panther

I will be an employee of a school --- did you all hear me correctly??? ANd, AND...I will get to be the Yearbook advisor ---- AS A CLASS! I am so pumped. Finally, finally, finally.
I, for once in my life, am speechless at the moment.

This is the shitznizzle!!!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Friends

It is difficult to know exactly how much friends mean to us unless there is a situation when those friends aren't around anymore, or we see very little of them. As I get older, I have come to realize that friends have so much value and add so much to people's lives. The reason I know this is because, unlike 15 years ago, my friends are essentially non-existent. Sure, I have a few people whom I talk to from time to time, but not the type of friends that I simply "can't live without" talking to on a daily/weekly basis. You know, the kind of friend that you have to call no matter what hour of the night to tell them a brilliant idea you just had. Or the type of friend that you call and simply weep, them knowing what is wrong without you even saying a word. The type of friend who you can shop with and not kill one another. The kind of friend you can pick up when they are down just as quickly as they can pick you up. I miss having the kind of friend who just stops by for the heck of it, without calling first. I miss having a friend who can listen to the angst of motherhood without judging you, seeing you as a horrible mother. I miss the friend who relishes in MY children's achievements right along with me and vice versa. I often wonder: how can I go through the rest of my life without a friend like that? I am missing out on so much. At the same time, where I am in my life right now, I'm not sure I would be the kind of friend someone else needs. (if that makes ANY sense) I'm not sure I can commit to offering all of that. Probably why I am friendless, I'm thinking.

Graduation Day

As I was eating my morning cereal, (too lazy to "fix" anything), I was thinking back to my graduation day so long ago. When I graduated high school I was fifth in my class ranking. That meant I not only got an academic letterman's jacket, but I also got to have all of those colorful chords that a person gets to sport over his/her graduation gown. Our gowns were white while the men's were maroon. Not really smart if you think about it - it would have been better for the men to wear white so that the prints of beautiful dresses didn't show through the white material for the ladies. Anyway... I do use the term "men" loosely - they were boys, actually.
So as I ventured back into the memories gallery I tried to remember how I was feeling on my high school graduation day. I had mixed emotions. I was thrilled that my biological father and his parents were in attendance. I was also somewhat loaded with guilt and frustration because I wanted to be with my friends at the same time as spending as much time with my father as possible while he was here (he lives in Florida - long way away). It all worked out, thankfully, but it was on my mind nonetheless.
I was not dating anyone specifically at the time of my graduation. This was a bit of an oddity for me. Let's put it this way - I was between boyfriends. What this meant was that I had more time to spend with my three best friends who were boys in my class. We did a lot of hanging out together toward the end of the school year and the beginning of summer before we all headed our own ways. Today, we barely speak. My how time changes things. You see, I only had two real "girlfriends" in high school. Sure, I got along with most people, but I only had two close friends who were girls. I simply couldn't stand the drama. I didn't care who was sleeping with whom, or who got in trouble for doing such and such. Or who was mad at whom for some stupid comment that was made. It was all so trivial to me, I didn't care. So, I surrounded myself with boys who didn't care how I dressed, didn't blink if I didn't wear makeup one day, and didn't care if I farted while bending over at my locker. They accepted me for who I was, not what someone wanted me to be. And that, my friends, is the lesson of the day: be who you are and surround yourself with the people who love you for just that.
It was good to look back at my own graduation day. I re-learned something as well.

Summer, Summer, Summertime...(will smith song)

Only three more days of school left. Can you say "yee-haw"??!! I am ready for homework to be over, agendas to not be signed, and to relax a little. Of course, no pay for the summer, but...
My plans include lying by the pool, drinking cool soft drinks, and lying by the pool. I might intertwine some scrapbooking in there somewhere, but my plans are wide open. The latter half of the summer will be without the girls for the most part, but I'm sure they'll end up calling me and wanting me to pick them up early or something similar. There will be nothing to do at their dad's house.
Tomorrow I have been hand-picked to provide fruit salad for the special education senior breakfast. Coupled with the fact that I have been asked for money for senior gifts from the department and for baby shower "go together" money for a gift. I do NOT have enough money to throw around at the drop of a hat. If I were making full time teacher pay, perhaps I could do that. Newsflash: I'm NOT making teacher pay. Anyway...
I am off to attend my middle daughter, Cammi's, softball game. It has rained here quite a bit, so it ought to be a muddy one. *** Oh, both she and Sydney (Clovis) received medals for having all A's and B's this year at school. I'm smiling! They get their brains from me, obviously.

Flu Bug

**Please don't let me get this shit!**

Spent the night in the emergency room with The Husband. Got home around 3:30?? and finally crashed. He was blacking out and being totally weird (hallucinating sort of) when I took him in before midnight. He wasn't vomiting then, but as soon as we get to the hospital he ralphed violently. And often. He was sweating, pale, shaking - it was bad. So, pumped him with a bag of fluids, gave him some intestinal relaxing medication, and sent us home later with two prescriptions. By the time I drove home, I was ready to hallucinate from needing sleep.
If I get this shit, all hell will break loose. I mean, seriously. The world doesn't stop when Momma gets sick - it just keeps on spinnin'. And that, my friends, will be out of control.
So my "other daughter" started a blog for cathartic reasons that I assured her were grand. It is called 100 Miles a Minute. Fitting for her personality. Check it out. It's a newborn blog.
In other news...
Weather here sucks dirty goat balls. The pool is open and we can't swim in it because IT WON'T STOP RAINING!!!!! My middle daughter is supposed to have a softball game tonight - if it isn't cancelled, they'll be swimming in brick dust to first base. That'll be nice to launder, won't it?
I feel so badly for leaving my co-workers in a pinch today. They will be short-staffed and will be "roughing it" without me. We were already going to be one teacher short today. OOOPS! Mother Nature calls. When one vomits, one must stay home. When Husband blacks out, one must stay home with him. When one sleeps for only two hours, one must get more sleep during the day(during work hours). And so it goes.

Blue waters

Finally! The pool is blue and undergoing its cleaning phase. The chemicals are hard at work, the filter is swirling the water, and the heater will be turned on after it storms tomorrow. It's gonna be a doozie when we can get in there and create havoc! Just a couple more days until full fledged swimming!!!!!

The kids were so terribly disappointed on Sunday evening when returning from their respective "other parents" houses that the older two got on old clothes and jumped in the brown/green fuzzy, cold water. Pictures are blurry, but worth it.

Several

Several people (adults and teens) that I have come in contact with over the past week have told me very similar stories. It has made me ponder a few things... These stories are basically this: these individuals have had an overwhelming sense of anxiety and despair for no apparent reason. For instance, one person said they felt like they were on the edge of a very big anxiety attack, that they just felt like crying for some unknown reason. Another stated that he had "had a shitty week" but couldn't really give concrete examples of experiences and/or situations to make him feel so. Yet another person stated she almost called me to come over because she knew she should not be alone with the way she was feeling. She was very depressed and in a bad place in her heart.
These are only a few instances out of many I could speak of. So, what gives? The weather is trying to become better, things are blooming (finally), and the days are filled with more hours of sunlight than winter. Is is the way the economy, country, and society members are? Are we in serious emotional trouble as a whole?
I have been told I have been in a mood over the past few weeks by observers. I really haven't felt that way on the inside, but I am apparently acting foul on the outside. Am I included in this turn of personalities? Sure, financially I am feeling overwhelmed, but that is nothing new. I am ready for school to be over, but I am also worried what the next school year might bring or not bring. Are these concerns coming out in my personality towards those at home? If so, how do I cure that? How does anyone?
As I sit at my computer today, off work for my pool opening (I have to wait on the workers to make sure they do what they are supposed to and to pay them...), I am burdened with thoughts. Deep thoughts. Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

Per request...

Once upon a time, not long ago, I met this little girl who was trying to find her way. She was in high school, though not yet mature. I was an adult already (in the most bare sense of the word). I was trying so hard to teach her and her classmates things like "Beware the Ides of March" and "Direct objects take the action of the verb" and "Paragraphs are made up of AT LEAST five sentences - I don't care what your previous teachers told you - 3 to 5 don't cut it" and so forth. This little girl wasn't having any of it. Instead, she wanted to sit by Big Boy in the classroom where she could peer into his eyes and watch his mouth speak. She wanted to sleep if she could not do otherwise.

The little girl was quaint and quirky. After some observation on my part, I felt the need to give her a nickname of sorts. It just sort of happened; I didn't really set out to give her one on the spur of the moment. So, after noticing that she rolled her eyes when I told her to do something, or when she used body language to tell me to eat shit and die, I happened to let a nickname slip off the end of my tongue. It came out, "Princess". You know the kind I speak of: a girl who seems to have been given what she wants when she wants it??? Yes, that kind of Princess. The kind that can do no wrong in the eyes of her family. The nickname fit. And it stuck.

Further into the school year, the little girl matured in her own way. She moved on from sitting by Big Boy and sat with her friend, Kelsey most days. The two of them began a tradition of having to go to the bathroom during their English period. They just "HAD TO!" and they had to go together. As if one of them might not be able to find their way back without the other. So, I also began calling the pair of them The Poop Sisters, or The Poop Twins, or something similar. Princess is still in my life today, after five years. She is a big girl now in college. I even talked her into going to MY school, Indiana University. I talk with her often, most of the time more than twice a week. She is my go-to gal on my parenting questions (from a "teen"/young adult perspective); my listener; my ease-your-way-into-having-a-daughter-grow-up consultant; and a person who I love and adore. She doesn't call me her "other mother" for nothing! I have learned so much from her about life and the pursuit of happiness. It is wonderful to have her perspective to ponder. I think it will only make me a better mother to my own daughters. Or so I hope.

Ahhhh, Princess. The story of your birth, so to speak. Perhaps you can rest more easily now? haha

Everyone's talking about it

Yes, we felt the Illinois earthquake here in Indiana. And in Kentucky (melody), and in Ohio. My daughter Mak was preparing to go to her 8th grade trip to Chicago yesterday morning at 5am. (departure time was 5:10am, so I had to be up against my will) She had been dropped off at school, I had rushed home to return to bed, and I was in the midst of trying to return to sleep. I was in that drunken stage where sleep is not too far off, and the mind is in a fog. I thought I heard a tree limb hit the roof above my head. Then, the bed started vibrating and the bench at the foot of our bed began to hit the bedframe, resulting in a knocking noise. I looked over at the Husband, thinking he was twitching and causing the noise. Nope. The dogs raised their heads and looked at me like, "What are you two doing? IT???!!" Nope. By the time I was about to get out of bed to investigate, my sleep drunkenness came back to me and I dozed off. After waking up Cam around 6:30, she asked me if I felt an earthquake in the middle of the night. I laughed. "An earthquake? Cam, I think it was a squirrel on the roof or something." See, I didn't have a concept of how long the shaking/noise went on. Remember? I was in that sleep fog I spoke of. "Yes, an EARTHQUAKE," she said. I laughed it off. Then Patty got up and turned on the news a little bit later and confirmed it was an earthquake. I was flabbergasted. I never thought that living in Indiana I would experience an earthquake. It was wild!
I called Mak on the bus to Chicago and she said they weren't able to feel it on the bus, but that multiple parents had called their children to ask them about it. I'm sorry she was awake but didn't get to experience it.

April

We are almost halfway into April and I haven't posted yet. Such a slacker. There for a couple of weeks the weather was decent here, then it all went downhil as of Thursday and Friday this week. It is now back to turning on the furnace. I absolutely hate it!
Cammi, middle daughter, stole the show in the musical Alice in Wonderland, Jr. at her school on Thurs. and Friday. She played the Queen of Hearts, which is a nasty queen who bosses and screams at others. It was great! She didn't even have a microphone on her. She still could be heard by all. I am so proud of her. She could definitely go somewhere with her talent - I mean, this is only her sixth grade year and she projects, sings on key, and enunciates! What a dream.
I took the kids to the movies last night along with multiple friends/girlfriends and such. We saw Prom Night. DUMB!!! The kids had a good time, though.
I have been struck with a sinus headache from hell today. Feel like I am having an out of body experience. Doesn't help that I am anxious about applying for some posted teaching positions and now the website I need to get to in order to do so is "experiencing technical difficulties". Modern technology - ain't it grand?!
It was Little 5 weekend at IU this weekend. A good family friend who attends there called me last evening and said how much fun she and the other Hoosiers were having. I didn't receive further calls from jail, so it must have ended up okay. hahahah
BRING SPRING BACK!!!!!!!! ----- nina

March Madness

While walking into school yesterday with a couple students nearby, I quickly turned to them and noticed they both had their hoods up, coats zipped, and hands in their pockets as if freezing to death might occur at any given moment. I then spoke, "I'm ready to move to Florida or someplace warm. Aren't you?!" They both agreed and decided that if I'm going, so are they. I talked with my co-workers and two of them are gearing up for the big move as well. You see, it was around 60 degrees here a few days ago. It was in the 30's yesterday. I'm totally over it. Apparently, so are most others.
In better news, our pool opening is scheduled for May 2. I'm stoked.

Hodge Podge

My oldest daughter is sick. We have gone through the following:
Strep Throat test
Mono test
CBC, Liver and kidney function, anemia, and thyroid blood tests
All came back negative for any abnormalities, however she continues to grow worse with fatigue, blisters on her throat, and headache. (loss of appetite, too) So now, what is there to do? The doctor did call in a broad antibiotic to cover his a**. She is going to school because she knows she will have way too much homework if she doesn't. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I've been giving her Tylenol and Advil like candy.

A student of mine received word that he is in a "pickle". His brother texted him to say that their mom found "various smoking supplies" in his room while cleaning, that she is thoroughly ticked, and that she plans on taking him to the doctor for a drug test. (This was yesterday.) So, the sad part is that he got the m.j. from his own father's room. Yes, his father has a "problem" with m.j. and alcohol. Sad, huh? So, when his mom asked him to take her outside and show her where he got it, he simply had to turn to his dad and say, "Dad, I didn't get it from outside." His dad replied that he understood his son got if from him. Sad.

Insomnia

I have watched TV on the couch, taken Advil, been to my bed with no success of sleep, talked with two of my daughters who are still awake, and simply cannot go to sleep. It isn't because I slept in too long or took naps either. I got up before 9am. (We are on Spring Break from school.) My gut is turning over and over and I feel nauseous. Sounds fun, right?

Water, Getcha Water!

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Weekend Update from Indiana

Hi, y'all. Most people won't care what it is like in Indiana because people who have some smarts about them don't live here; however, I'm inclined to tell all about it nonetheless.
Indiana weather has sucked the past month or so. We have had several snow days (i.e. burrowed down in the house with four kids and nothing to do), some two-hour delays, and much cold. As I have stated before, I do not like the cold. I don't like not being able to just "pick up and go" to whatever destination I want to go. Around here, (this will be a jaw-dropper for city folk), when the temperature is predicted to be around freezing, humans come out of the woodwork and raid stores within a 30 mile radius to buy bread, eggs, milk, and toilet paper. As if the entire world WILL come to an end if ice and/or snow is present. It is an amazing sight to see. I have been in stores in the winter around here when there is not ONE loaf of bread on the shelf. I'm not even kidding.
So, kids, the moral of all of this is that if you live in a warm place, take comfort. I am jealous, envious, and downright pissed that I have to endure this weather and you don't. Childish? Yes. Do I care? No.
P.S. As a post script to a previous post about troubles, my husband and I have been reamed by the Unites States Government and found we owe several, several thousands of dollars to the IRS due to snafus in our taxes. Just how can a family of six pick up several thousand dollars to wisk off in an envelope to Washington, D.C. anyway? HUH? What was that you said? Yes, I believe someone out there probably said something like, "Oh shit!" or close to it. My sentiments exactly, flowered with many tears.
And who said God doesn't give you more than you can handle?

Feb.

It is already February. The Superbowl has come and gone - Go Giants! - and I am so excited that the Pats got their asses kicked. (Not by the score, but by the sly moves in the fourth quarter.) It was the next best thing to the Colts winning.
It seems everyone at work (co-workers) is in somewhat of a mood. We are mostly sick, as true with the students as well, and we are all broke. It is like we are scraping around for lunch money. Doesn't debt and bills make you crazy, too? Does it seem to you that a dollar doesn't go very far? It makes most people stressed and anxious. No wonder we are a Prozac Nation.
Some of the things happening to the people at work, perhaps including myself in a couple of instances:
*daughter has been sick for well over two months; taking her to a pulmonary specialist at Riley Hospital tomorrow.
*new sink and plumbing that was outrageous and unexpected (guess who)
*flu
*funerals
*leased car going over its mileage
*straight line winds damaging SUV door worth $800
*gained a foreign exchange student from Malasia (not really a negative, but stressful nonetheless)
*kids coughing and snotting
*field trip costs adding up for multiple children
*teenagers "eating parents out of house and home"
*borrowing money
--------and the list could go on--------------
So, anyone care to share their sorrows?
Let it all hang out, so to speak.

Hoosier Hoops

We are amidst the basketball extravaganza, folks! I have three basketball seasons going simultaneously and drama (play) practice to cart children to. You should see my calendar. It looks like a pencil threw up on it.

We do have a new sink, disposal, faucet, and pipes in the kitchen. Over a thousand dollars later, it is working like a charm. Now when I turn the garbage disposal on, it doesn't sound like shrapnel hitting the blades of an airplane engine. It is actually quiet - like so quiet I could run it while others in the house sleep. Different!

It was below zero here today. Hate it. Makes me wonder just how anyone could play football playoff games in subzero weather. I mean, getting hit by a two hundred pound bully is one thing, but getting hit by one with frozen bones makes me cringe even more.

You're not going to believe this.

Just when I thought I would have an "ok" night, I begin to clean out the frig (leftovers). I put some rice down the sink where the garbage disposal is located and turned the thing on. Fine. Another bowl of rice and bits of veggies - ate it up, too. Then, when I thought it was time to turn the disposal off, I reached for the switch and heard bubbling - yep, from the other side of the sink. Dirty, stinky, chunky water was coming up from the side of the sink opposite of the one I was using. I turned the disposal off, and water began rising in both sides then. I left it, not wanting to create further damage, until Husband got home. I put the bowls I had recently emptied into the dishwasher when I heard gurgling from its bowels, too.
Husband got home, tried to work on it, ended up getting the wet/dry vac out, and cussing me a storm. Nope, still plugged and smells like hell.
What in the sam hell did I do to deserve this nonsense? Honestly! So, now as we continue to dirty up dishes, we must rinse them in the laundry room mud sink. I seriously need a break here! We have no plumbers that we "know", nor do we have the money to blow on one we don't know. Ah, the joys of living in an historic (code for "old") home. Ain't life grand?!

There's more than Corn in Indiana?

I'm not sure if it is Seasonal Affective Disorder or what, but I am having a really hard time with where I am right now. I look outside and it is totally BLAH. I live in Indiana, where it seems there is nothing but empty fields of brown. We have had weird weather: rain, flooding, storms, dark days, minimal snow. Now, I do not like snow, don't get me wrong, but what I dislike even more is the atmosphere that appears outside right now. It is so drab. Even snow would be better at this point. (Those of you who really know me are holding your heart right now, not believing you just heard me say what I said. Wanting snow? I've lost it, I know.)
Indiana's weather is just yuck. Unpredictable. Makes me want to move.
It seems I am not alone in my rough times right now. At work, some of us in the Special Ed. department had a heart to heart chat two days ago. From my observations, it seems to be an epidemic - the yucky thoughts and down-in-the-dumps feelings. At least I am not an island here - some feel the same way I do. That is comforting.
By the way, boy within our department suspended for saying, "Well, I guess I'll just blow up the school then!" True, he is not all there mentally, but had to make a point with him that you just don't go around saying those things. Even if you are mentally challenged. You know?

Holidays and Hippos

The holidays are over and it is back to school business tomorrow. The two weeks we've been off have flown by. We have increased the grocery bills, cranked up the heat, and relished in all our new gifts. Now, back to school.

My great Christmas gift was a new Nikon D40 camera from The Husband. I had expressed great want (and need) for the camera but then told him to not buy it because it was just way too expensive. Nope, he did it anyway. I love it. I can't wait to experiment with it when the colors outside are beautiful. I did get to use it for a good cause when the old man next door to us had yet another accident involving his car. (see posts in April/May) The "Crazy Guy" as we call him ran right on through his detached garage with his car for the second time in three weeks. Yep. You heard me correctly. This time he did not take the ENTIRE wall of his garage out like he did a few weeks back. This is because it had just been re-built with more support. Bet the guys who worked on that for a week were pissed!

Here are a few photos, but you can go to my flickr page and check more out. Remember to buckle up!!!

Ebenezer

Get back, Ebenezer Scrooge. Friday evening the Husband and I ventured out to finish our Christmas shopping for the kids. We accomplished it, but we were not having much fun. First, we left around 6pm to drop off my stepson to his mother. This was after she was shitty with me about meeting somewhere different than where we normally meet. Now, take note that I suggested we meet CLOSER TO WHERE SHE LIVES INSTEAD OF THE USUAL PLACE WHICH IS CLOSER TO US, NOT HER! Why be shitty with me over that? Exactly!
After dropping Pak off, we headed to Greenwood where there are many stores that SHOULD'VE had the items we needed. I said "should have". Through all of the hustle and bustle, there was much fright. You see, the Husband had a moving kidney stone during this entire excursion. Yep. Two pain pills didn't even touch the pain. And, I believe I have mentioned before, he doesn't even like Christmas. Hates it, in fact. So given the conditions, it was pleasantries all around.
We did get finished, returning home after midnight. I had to drive, which I normall don't do when we go somewhere together, and I was in dire need of two toothpicks to hold my eyelids up by the time I was a fourth of the way into my interstate driving toward home. So, Saturday, I slept off and on all day. I didn't get up to stay up until 6pm. I haven't done that without being hungover in years. Years!
Less than two weeks until Christmas. I say, "Eat, drink, and be merry!"; the Husband says, "Bah humbug!"

Turkey talk

Turkey Day is over. I ate my fair share of turkey and sides. The best thing I had was a piece of sugar-cream pie. It was delicious. Oddly enough, I must not have eaten enough stuffing - I think it still sounds good.
It was great to be with my side of the family this year. I was glad to see them. Some are funny, some are funny to watch. For instance, though I'm sort of ashamed to say it, one of my cousins wanted to show me something on his phone - a picture. When he brought it up to the screen and handed me the phone, I almost thought it might be a picture of a penis. No, it was just one of his creations - a huge turd in the toilet. He wanted to show everyone because he was so proud. Yep, that's the midwest for ya!
Now, it is back to work. I dread the thought. Looks like I'm gonna have to have a Starbucks this week to keep me going. (I've been craving one for three weeks now...)

Lettin' Go

I didn't think I'd find myself in this situation. My middle daughter, my strongest, tallest, most athletic daughter, has told me that she won't be participating in the upcoming girls' basketball season. She got the part she wanted in the school play and states that she won't be doing both the play and basketball. This, coming from the same girl who had recently talked to me about really wanting a future in basketball (college, scholarship potential). Now, mind you, she is only in the sixth grade, but dreams start young these days, ya know? I didn't ever think I would say I have disappointment in the fact that my daughter is choosing drama over basketball. But, I just don't want her to regret it. I have maintained, thank you, and have not pushed her one way or the other. I am letting her decide, as I think I should. Boy, is that difficult, might I add...

School excuses

Wanna hear a good one? Here is a quotable from a student who missed two days of school this week.

"I missed the day one because I had TWO appointments: one at ten, and one at 1, so I didn't have time to be at school.
Wanna know why I missed the day two? Because I was helpin' my mom do stuff and she fell - right on a rock. If I left her, she would have been all alone with a broken head! Now I just couldn't do that, could I!"

Honestly. That's what he said. Too funny. *NOTE: This is the same kid who missed school every time it seems as though rain might be on the way. Rain leads to storms sometimes, and he will not come to school if storms could brew.
Don't hate me because you wish you had MY job. . .

Even though NO ONE reads this shit...

So, this website has bit the dust for me, really. My dad doesn't read it anymore in FL; my mom has no internet presently, and people just really don't give a flip anymore. In rebellion of that, I'll post something, shall I?

* My dog loves to lick things that should not be licked, like this "velour" bone that says, "Got Treats?" on it. How can she not become dehydrated immediately? I mean, it's like velvet. Gross.
*Why do people get married so young?
*I wish a fairy would arrive and clean my large house. It is just too much for me to do by myself. Then, when you get done cleaning, it gets messy again. I hate it.
*I am on sensory overload today. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?!
*It is getting cold here and I hate the weather.
*I'm pissed because I look outside my big window and see a large hole in the ground that used to look like a pool; now it looks like a large mesh covering over what used to be my life - sun, water, and itunes.
*My Husband is already complaining that the holidays are near.
*I can't sleep. At the right times, anyway.
*I hate my clothes.
*I am trying to let my hair grow, even though it looks like shit.
*My daughter could be an all A student, but she chooses to be an A/B student.
*I have one daughter with NO immune system. I mean it. She can think of an infection and get it.
*I need a glass of wine.

L'Ville

The Husband and I spent last weekend in the great state of Kentucky (hi, Mel). I had two surprises that He had planned for me. The first was glassblowing at Glassworks. I got to blow a glass pumpkin. Now, this may not entice some of you, but for me, it was great. I love pumpkins, and I love orange. So, my pumpkin is a rich orange and red with a swirly green stem. It is gorgeous. I recommend anyone who lives within driving distance to L'ville to go see the studio. It is amazing.
The second surprise was a theater show. We saw The Underpants, adapted by Steve Martin. This was in the Actors Theater in downtown L'ville. It was a hoot!
We had a good time. We stayed at The Brown hotel downtown. It opened in Oct. 1923. Very Jay Gatsby-ish. (for those of you who don't recognize the reference --- The Great Gatsby, novel I love. )
I encourage people to go places, explore! You won't regret it.

I know, I know...

It's been so long since I have updated this thing. I'm falling short, I know.
My thirty-fourth bday was last Sat. the 13th. God, it is awful to get older. I don't like it. 'Nuff said.

The Husband and I are celebrating this weekend. We are heading off to Louisville to spend the night in an historic hotel downtown. We are also going to hit 4th Street, for those of you who have been there. Fun! Husband says he has a few surprises for the weekend, too. I'll let you know what those are.

Here's to another year, another dollar. . .