Odd

It was so odd to have my oldest daughter come in from work last night at midnight and come right up to me, put her arms around me, and sob into my shoulder. That's never really happened before. And it was a very difficult thing to witness. When one of your kids is hurting, it's hard to take. I feel helpless right now. I just want her to know God doesn't make mistakes; everything happens for a reason, and we have to trust in God's selection of James to come and be with him as something only He knows about. Keep the faith, my love. Keep the faith.

Prayers

Oh, Lord, be with the Johnson family tonight and in the near future. They need your loving arms around them, comforting them in their time of great loss. Parents, hug your kids and tell them you love them. You never know if it may be the last time you get to see, touch, or talk to them. Feeling very sad because of this tragic event. James, have fun seeing your mom again.

Table, anyone?

I don't really know if I am welcome at the table or not. That baffles me.

She's In!

We got a letter today from IU Southeast. Mak is in for definite housing next fall. The deposit is made, and she will be a 2012 Fall student. Hard to believe. Of course, she has to get through her first semester here at IUPUC beginning in January, too. We go for orientation for that the first of December. She turns 18 on Dec. 11. That, too, is hard to believe. Now, if I can just talk her out of that tatoo she wants...

...

I can rely on no one...except Jesus. He's the only one that never lets me down.

Would you live forever?

If someone told you you could live forever, would you? What if you could drink from a spring and stay the age you are right now forever? Would you do it? This is the question my students are contemplating now with the reading of our novel. I love this question!

Really?

I began a novel with my students on Wednesday. It's a novel that has short chapters, so we're already ready for chapter ten. I had them write in their journals a reaction to what we've read so far. Even my "advanced" class had a few that didn't "know what was going on" in the book. Really? It is a novel that is wayyy under their reading level which should be super simple. In fact, I know of one teacher who has criticized me for it being too easy. So that theory is out the window. Then, today, one thing I had my students do in class was a writing assignment where I gave them a list of prompts (a list of about twenty) and they had to pick one, write about ten minutes about it, and voila. Just that simple -- WRITE -- for ten stinking minutes. Big shocker, some were looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I mean, last time I checked it is "English" class, not German. So, today was an eye-opening downer for me. What'll I do about it? Go out to eat Mexican food with my mom, the girls, and Gma. Yeah, that oughtta do it.

Another year

I'm another year closer to 40. I think I want to give up birthdays. I can stop right here where I am, actually. I don't need to get any closer to forty than I already am. Thirty didn't really bother me -- of course I got to celebrate in NYC, so that made it better, but age 32 really got to me. Now, six years later, I'm not looking forward to getting any older. Wiser? Of course. Older? Nah.

memories

I can remember when Cammi told me that Coach Gray was trying to recruit her for a soccer goalie. We discussed it at length and decided that she just couldn't juggle it and basketball over the summer; that the season for soccer would be brutal. I sent Coach Gray an email that said we just couldn't swing it. She told me last Friday night when I talked to her that she could remember getting the rejection email. She said she had about five drafts of a reply for me written, but told herself not to send one right away; she told herself to just go to lunch and revisit it afterward. So, she said she went to lunch and came back to another email from me. This one said maybe we would consider it - that maybe Cam was interested in playing after all. So, she said she was practically jumping up and down with excitement. And so it went - that's how it all started. Now, tomorrow is the first game of the sectionals. It has been a great year for Cam. She's got a lot of playing time in and has enjoyed the season so much. She has greatly enjoyed having Coach Gray and Coach Beal as her coaches. They are so down to earth, unlike some coaches she has had in the past. Cam has truly felt appreciated on the team. And for that, I'm thankful. It has been a confidence booster for her. And she has needed that.
So for this soccer season, I'm thankful. I've loved being the proverbial "soccer mom" as they say. I hope to continue the positivity with winter indoor soccer. I don't think I'll miss basketball one bit. Besides, I have the boys' basketball team to watch if I ever get the fever for a good game. And I don't have to run anyone back and forth to practice for that. Amen, sister. Amen to that.

Maybe...

Maybe I should just work at Wal-Mart. I feel like such a failure sometimes.

Celebrate

Well, it's my birthday month. October is here. It was a cold morning this morning out on the soccer fields. I was bundled up like I was at a Macy's Day Parade in New York City. The wind was something else! Cam had quite a few good saves, but a few got past her. There are just no defenders there to help her.
I think since my birthday is this month, I'm going to honor myself all month long. I deserve that, right? I got several birthday emails from businesses with coupons and special offers. Perhaps I'll take each and every one up on those offers. One that was quite appealing? Morton's Steakhouse. Free signature dessert. Now doesn't THAT sound delicious? Let's start celebrating!

It's a Girl!

It's a girl, it's a girl, it's a girl! I simply cannot wait. It feels like March 5 won't get here soon enough. Now I can go out and buy all kinds of pink stuff. Oh, the anticipation...

Priorities

How do people set their priorities? I like to think in my mind it comes rather naturally, therefore placing things in categories as to how one feels about the things in that category. Confusing, I know.
Okay. Let's put it this way. Say you have a friend who has his/her priorities messed up. Things just don't fall into natural order, you know? For instance, say that friend has the following priorities:
1. self
2. self
3. self
4. play time
5. work
6. family

That doesn't seem quite right, does it? Especially if that friend has a family he/she should be 'worried' about. Nonetheless, that is the natural pecking order of this friend's life. How would you go about getting that friend to really listen to you in regards to re-prioritizing his/her life? No amount of advice seems to work. The friend ends up getting defensive and basically throws up his/her hands to say, "Fine. I'm just such a horrible person, aren't I?" Well, yeah, pretty much.

Why is it...

Why is it when you go in Wal-Mart for a list of six things, you come out $98 poorer? Man, that burns me up.

Scary

Sometimes it's scary when God reveals himself to you. God revealed himself to me in a way the other night that was very scary. It made me think very seriously about how things might be in the future when I am older. What I came to realize is this: I need God in all areas of my life to lean on and trust. I need to go to Him with all of my cares and worries. He needs to be my rock; not anyone else or anything else. And He revealed that to me quite obviously. I'm glad I could learn the lesson before it became a "have to" situation - a crisis. So, thank you, Lord, for showing me that.

The Fence

Watching so many tributes to 9/11 brought back a flood of memories of the last ten years. One memory in particular is so engrained in my brain: walking up to that chain link fence around the pit where the twin towers stood in the near past gave me goosebumps. New York City is always bustling with noise and activity; however, on that day as I walked up to the fence and put my fingers through it just like you do on the baseball diamond fences, I felt a deep, gut-wrenching quiet fill the air. Everything went silent as if the volume of the world was muted. I looked down into the gaping hole that remained of the ruins. Out of the corner of my eye, though, I could not get one thing out of my focus. The two stell beams that just so happened to stand tall in the shape of a cross melted my heart. I will never forget that sight, nor the absence of sound. The only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest. New York City and the United States of America would never be the same. Nor would I.

Hello!

...Big Brother is ALWAYS watching...

Immaturity

I simply cannot express with words how badly I loathe immaturity. Immaturity makes my blood pressure rise like a NYC skyscraper. It just burns within my soul when I have to endure someone's immaturity. It is like a cancer that spreads throughout my body, making me have an instant migraine. That's really no lie. I have dealt with immaturity going on 24 hours, and it's really getting me down. It's about to send me over the edge, actually. Come close enough, and I'll bite your head off. Try me.

Goodbyes

Today my dad called me and told me that my Poppy unexpectedly died yesterday. I am shocked, saddened, and frustrated. Only those of you who are in a similar situation as mine would probably understand. It sucks so bad to be in the position I am in. I am a granddaughter, but not close enough to really do anything. I don't live near the family. I'm the biological daughter; the one who wasn't close to her Poppy growing up, but got to know him the best I could over the last 12 years. There was so much distance between us in miles that it was hard to have a close relationship with him. Nonetheless, it doesn't hurt any less for your own grandpa to die. I'm so mad that I have to be in this position. I can't even make sense on here.

Admitting It

It is very difficult for me to admit and accept the fact that I'm not getting any younger. In fact, I'm getting older and my body can't put up with what it used to. For example, I started back up with Zumba on Monday night. My back muscles are soooo sore that I am wincing every time I turn the slightest bit. That's not the kicker, though. What is the kicker is that my ELBOWS are sore. My elbows?? Seriously? You mean to tell me that because I began exercising in a different way my elbows hurt? That, my friends, is a sure sign you are getting old. Arthritic pains in joints means you just can't hack it anymore. Though I am terribly sore, I am still going at it full force. I am pushing through the pain and doing it anyway. It'll kill me before I give up. The obstacle I face to this Zumba trek is soccer. Cammi's soccer practices begin right when Zumba is supposed to end. So I am left with the dilemma of how do I get her there? Carpooling doesn't seem to exist in this town. There is only one person she can carpool with, and that person doesn't always have a "yes" to taking her. I even make sure I am the one to pick Cam and her friend up. At 9pm, nonetheless. So I am the one who has to stay up and make sure I get them that late in the evening, but I'm willing to do that if it means I can exercise when I need to. Oh, the whoas of motherhood sometimes. Who knew I'd have to sacrifice my weight, too, with other things? I never would have thought it. It's hard trying to look good, isn't it? Sucks. Especially when you're old. Just ask me.