Running

Today I ran my two miles. This thing called running is so inconsistent for me. Some days I can run two miles; some days I can't. Today was a good day and I ran the entire two miles.
One reason I simply can't run the distances I want to is because I have exercise-induced asthma. I've had it since elementary school. When I first began playing organized, school basketball I began wheezing whenever I'd run up and down the court. My dad used to say, "Oh, you're just not in shape!" No, it was more than that. You see, this wheezing and tightness of the throat and chest continued on and on through the seasons, through the years. When I was in high school and had to "run" the mile for P.E., I could not do it. I'd walk most of the time and then collapse at the end with my face beet red, eyes bulging, and heaving to breath. I was put on medication in sixth grade, I believe, and it helped minimally. I continued to play sports and cheer up through my eleventh grade year of school. Now, as an adult, I have only been truly exercising on a regular basis for a year. I have increased from walking one mile to running two. I, personally, don't feel that is the progress I should have at this point. But, I'm going with it the best I can. I get very frustrated, often cry toward the end of my running, and get upset with my lack of ability and/or progress. But, I am sticking with it. I run three times a week. Like I said, some days are fine, but others are a very difficult struggle reducing me to walking and running in intervals. What I want to be able to do is run (not walk any) a 5k. Wow, some of you say. Wow, how minute is that! For this asthmatic, I see it as an accomplishable goal. Sure, I'd love to "go big" and run a half-marathon. If only! But I will try to take baby steps and go for the 5k. I just wish I'd make faster progress than what I am. I guess I have to listen to my body first and foremost. Remember, at one point in my life (and when I was much younger, nonetheless)I could only walk a mile. Now I can run two. Slow progress, but it's progress, I guess.

Side note: proud of my ex mother-in-law for taking the first step! It's no small feat!

Sometimes people disappoint me.

Longest Day of the Year

Today is the longest day of the year. No, I don't mean there are more than twenty-four hours in this particular day, I just mean that there is the most amount of sunlight in the day on June 21. Today, fifteen years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl. She was my second daughter, born when my first daughter was only eighteen months old. I can remember my oldest daughter coming in and leaning over my hospital bed anxiously awaiting the arrival of her sibling. She was excited, but didn't understand why her momma had to be in that hospital, not at home with her. It's funny how at the time, the pain can be excruciating, but soon after all those pains are forgotten when you can hold your sweet newborn baby in your arms. It is as though time stand still if only for a moment. Now, that black, curly-haired baby is growing up, only a few years away from being an adult. I can only hope I'm raising her right, teaching her things that I'm supposed to, guiding her in the right directions. I wish my laid-back, caring, honest, compassionate Cammi a happy fifteenth birthday today. May the years ahead of her treat her well.

A Father

There are certain biological functions that can make a person a father. That is true. But what makes a true father is something more complicated. A father is one who nurtures, one who molds and shapes, one who is there along the way of tough life issues for a person. That, and so much more, is what makes a father a true father. To fathers all around the world today, Happy Father's Day. Pat yourselves on the back for a job well done.

Catching up

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. I cleaned out our closet (one of them); that was an experience. I had three forty gallon trashbags full of clothes that I donated to people. Thank goodness, those people could wear them ALL! They were grateful, too, which was nice.
Every Monday I have been running Cam to her basketball games in the Southport and Indy area. She plays two games per night, usually back to back. Two out of the three times we've gone, we didn't get home until almost midnight! Then, the next morning, she and I have to get up to get her to an 8am practice. Wow! Yes, no wonder I slept most of the day yesterday. I was playing catch up on my sleep. You see, her basketball practices are every Tues, Wed, Thurs, from 8-10am. EVERY WEEK! Then, on top of that, Sydney has dance practice two times a week for three or four hours at a time. My schedule is full.
I still have to clean out my scrapbooking closet (that'll be boatloads of fun). It will be a day-long project. I'm sure, though, I'll find things I didn't even remember having. Maybe it'll be like Christmas all over again. Maybe.
There is much more on the agenda for the summer. It is already going by so fast. I'm almost in mourning that it is slipping away from me.
Makes me think of my neighbor's mom telling me at my book study at church Monday morning about her small home for sale in Florida. She wanted to know if I was interested. Interested?! Me?! Of course I'm "interested". But one would have to have money to purchase that home, wouldn't he? That sort of takes me out of the running, now doesn't it? Man. Do you know how tempting just the words are "Florida home for sale"? It is 8min. from one beach and 13 from another. It is also only an hour away from the gorgeous waters of Clearwater Beach. Been there. Like it. Want to be near it. Alas, it won't happen. Nice to dream about, though. And yes, I do dream about being in a warm climate with sand and surf. Often.

They are growing up so fast!
These photos were taken on Memorial Day a couple of weeks ago. I just love them!

Please Pray

My good friend Hope's son, Ethan, was taken to Riley Intensive Care Unit yesterday with his sugar in the 500's. He is struggling, according to her, and will have a lifelong battle ahead of him. Please pray for him and his family. He's one sick boy! Diabetes is a scary thing for an adult, not to mention a kid. Love you, Hope and Ethan!

Quite painless

Going "shopping" and trying items of clothing on is quite painless in comparison to how it used to be. Used to, I'd cry like a baby by the time I had gone in and out of the dressing room a couple of times with nothing fitting like it should. Now, things fit and it is a game to see how low the size can be to please me. Sure, there is sooo much more room for improvement, but I've come a long way to be the weight I am today. It hasn't been easy. In fact, just Saturday I was whining and complaining to one of my close friends that I get to the point of exhaustion over the whole watching what I eat, exercising bit. It is just as tough mentally as it is physically. The mind is a tricky thing. So, over the holiday weekend, I was not on track. I had an asthma attack while running on Saturday, to which I responded with being angry and crying over. I ate horrible foods and consumed some beverages, which I had not done in quite some time. Then, the moment I let my mind wrap around what I had done, I felt insanely guilty. Horrible that I allowed myself three days of nonstop nasty eating. Why would I have wanted to do that to myself when I had just triumphed over the weight thing in getting a swimsuit that fit, in a nice size, not jumbo??? Why??? So today I must get back up on the eating wagon. I must get back on track. I don't want to blow this deal, you know? Oh, and we're having a pitch in at lunch at school. What'll I do there? Hopefully they'll have some veggies or something. Lord knows I can't even eat the dessert I'm taking. UGH! See what I mean? It's a vicious cycle of wanting, but can't have it. Not fun. But it beats the alternative of being fat. I have to keep telling myself that.

Book

I'm reading a book called The Wednesday Letters. I have had this book for a while, but put it on the back burner. I've been reading it this week. The book is a good one, making me think and reflect on many things. The premise of the book is this: a husband, beginning with his wedding night, writes his wife a letter every Wednesday. This letter may be as long as a novella, but as short as a couple of sentences. This goes on for almost forty years. When the two wedded people die, their children find all of these letters and begin to read them. Secrets come out, things are learned, and emotions run wild while the letters are read. What strikes me is how intimate of an act of love the letter writing is. To be committed to writing a weekly letter to your husband or wife is of great magnitude. How wonderful would it be to receive a letter each week, even when times are rough? It would be such a gift. And some kind of legacy to pass on to your children. For others to see inside your soul that way would be enlightening.
I have been so slack in writing lately. I am not keeping a journal. I have not seriously written since last summer. I need to get back into it. Perhaps this book was meant to open my eyes to the power of writing again. Where's my pen and paper?

Princess

My "daughter" at IU has graduated! Cam, Syd, and I went to Princess's graduation party today in Milllhousen. Princess's hair looked great and she seemed really excited about starting her life in Phoenix with D. I'm so happy for her. She'll be working with homeless children there. I think it will be good for her. She'll do great. I'm gonna miss her, knowing that she isn't just a few miles away. It's not like we were together all the time, but I knew if she needed me desperately, I could get to her in an hour. Not now! She's going to be on the other side of the country.

I'm wrestling with some demons today. Praying that they pass quickly. I don't like being in this place, feeling this way. I shouldn't, I feel. These demons rear their ugly heads every once and a while, and I don't like it. Guess it just makes me human. That's how I'll have to look at it.

Saw my brother, mom, and dad today. Came home after the grad party and hung out with friends down the street. Then, on a whim, decided to go to LasChalupas here in town. Big Family Night Out with everyone. I love doing that. It's so much fun. And, I learned that my best friend Michelle will be attempting to quit smoking starting tomorrow! Hooray! I will be rooting her on. I want her to kick that habit so badly. Between her mother and me, I hope we can help her through it. I hate to see anyone be a smoker.

I can't wait for my Thirty-One products to come in so I can show them off and hopefully get Hope some business. Excited!! I love a good monogrammed anything. So personal, you know? haha

Seven more days left of school. I am so ready for it to be over. I'm ready for sun and poolside relaxation. Looking forward to it. I'm a bit anxious about the hectic basketball and dance team schedules I'm facing with the girls, but sun and waves WILL be on the agenda. We'll get it accomplished somehow.
Goodnight all.

MS

Today I will embark on the Columbus, Indiana MS Walk with my friend who has MS, Hope. Last year we did the mile course. This year, I told her, we are doing the three mile course. See, last year, when I was thirty pounds heavier, Hope literally ran circles around me on the walk. This year, I hope to run most of that three miles. I've bettered myself in so many ways that I am looking forward to doing this with her. She inspires me. I don't know how anyone with MS can do these walks/runs. It amazes me. But they do. Congrats, Hope. You do more than I can give you credit for.

No Frills

Tomorrow I am attending my first Kentucky Derby. I am going with my best friend. Now, she has this plan. We are strapping chairs on our backs, taking a tarp, two rain ponchos, a double layer of clothing in case it's cold in the morning and warms up in the afternoon, a cooler (no alcohol allowed), lunchmeat for sandwiches, and then she suggests I bring another change of clothes for the car ride home. Am I packing to go to Florida? or Kentucky? Sheesh. I'm not sure I can handle all this.
Pray for maybe not too much rain?!

Bucket List

I've received a few leads on some items to mark off my bucket list, pending my accomplishments of the said events.
1. Attend Kentucky Derby -- May 1.
2. Gallop/run on a horse -- anytime -invitation has been extended to me.
3. Have a savings account with money actually in it - if I have twenty dollars to bet on the day I cross off item #1 on here, perhaps I could win big and open an account. *Not counting on this one coming to fruition! It's always nice to dream big, though.

My schedule is so hectic - if only you could see my desk calendar at school - looks like a battlefield for colored pen markings. Sometimes I seriously don't know how I do it all. Mothering three girls is frazzling at times. Cam's big dance is coming up in a little over a week and a half. Her musical is this week/weekend. She has two track meets, basketball practice, etc. Mak is starting work. Syd has a fitting for her dance uniforms. I have computer Mobi training at work. I have to work a track meet this week. I have a faculty meeting. Going to the Derby Saturday. Syd has an overnight event at church Friday night. Ugh! Busy, busy, busy.
Oh, as a side note...broke up my fourth fight at school on Thursday. This one was bloody! Gross.

Sickly

I am home from work today with a sick child. I haven't had to stay home with a sick child for a couple of years now. Nonetheless, she is very sick. Good thing I didn't wait until today to take her to the doctor. She would have been horribly worse off than she was even just last night. She has a high temp, sore throat, and cough. I have had to keep a cold rag on her head all night long. She's sleeping now, but she can't be comfortable! She's on fire!
So, I took a personal day and stayed home.
I hope the medicine begins working today so that she starts to feel just a little bit better. I wish they would've given her a shot. Why don't doctors believe in that anymore? They are so reluctant to give antibiotic shots. Why??? What in the world would it hurt when someone needs some more immediate relief than three days of oral antibiotics? Sheesh. Anyway...

To Save a Family

This week at church was the second week in a six-week long study entitled To Save a Family. Last week's sermon sparked much discussion at my house. It was powerful. This week's topic within the study was How to Fight. Yes, sounds odd, no? Nonetheless, that was the course of study. We were even challenged to pick a fight today. (not a fist fight, obviously - just a verbal "discussion") I haven't had the energy to do so, and it is about bedtime. Seems as though I will wait until tomorrow to hit that one head-on. I'm not in the mood to pick a fight just yet.
I'm thankful for the discussion we have had the past week because of the sermon. Heated? Yes. Worth it? Yes. The definition of insanity, I've heard said, is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. I've fallen into that category on more than one occasion. A lot more than one, if I want to be honest. I have pondered that thought over the past week in depth. In examining myself, I have learned a great deal. That, to me, is growth. And it is what I need to continue to do. I challenge you to examine yourself, too. Are you "insane" sometimes? I think we all are at one time or another. Check yourself. Then change something and see if the results are different. I'm trying to do just that.

in the middle

I love my middle name. I don't really know why, other than most girls don't have my middle name --- Rae. I should have named one of my daughters that or had their middle name as Rae, too. I wish I would have. One of my dearest friends from elementary and jr. high is finally having a girl on her child number four. She is having her middle name as "Rae" because she also has that middle name like me. That's cool.
Today I got up, vacuumed the house and told the girls, Let's go to Sam's Club. We need some frozen items and I just wanna get out. So, as I speak, everyone is showering and getting ready. We'll pack up and go to Sam's Club, spend more money than wanted, and come home to put groceries away. I think I'll rent the movie Everybody's Fine tonight and make it popcorn and movie night here. Sounds entertaining, right?

Inching closer

My daughter, Cam, is throwing shotput again this year in track. She's a beast! Last year her best was around 31 feet. Yesterday they had a mock meet and she threw 34 feet! Major gain! I'm so excited. Can't wait to see how that pans out in regards to the other throwers from other schools.

"I'm shakin' like a dog sh**tin' a peach seed."

Madness

So March Madness has come to an end. The ballgames are over, the hype is gone. Butler had a great season, but couldn't quite pull it off there in the end. That last minute shot was very close, though.
Easter weekend was great despite the fact that I don't feel like myself healthwise. I am seeing the doctor today. I'm sure it is sinus issues once again. You don't know how tired of that I get. I don't even want to go to the doctor, but I don't know what else to try. I can't even make it up for work in the mornings without wanting to cry from exhaustion.
Last night I had an unwelcomed surprise - -I was walking out to my vehicle and saw something shining on my tire. I examined it closer and it was a huge screw stuck all the way in my back tire. This morning I must take it to Miller Tire and have them get it out and patch the tire. I hear tell that it will probably cost me thirty bucks. Great. I don't want to drive to Columbus without getting it fixed first, so off I go to the tire shop bright and early. Just like getting up for work - no sleeping in.

Vacay Night

My best friend is on vacation this week. (the one who just moved into her new apt.) She has talked me into going with her to Indy tonight to the final four concert series featuring Stone Temple Pilots on the White River State Park Lawn. It is a free concert, so everyone and their brother will be there. Hope I don't get trampled...If that doesn't pan out, then we are going to the Slippery Noodle. Wish me luck!!!