This is the shitznizzle!!!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Friends

It is difficult to know exactly how much friends mean to us unless there is a situation when those friends aren't around anymore, or we see very little of them. As I get older, I have come to realize that friends have so much value and add so much to people's lives. The reason I know this is because, unlike 15 years ago, my friends are essentially non-existent. Sure, I have a few people whom I talk to from time to time, but not the type of friends that I simply "can't live without" talking to on a daily/weekly basis. You know, the kind of friend that you have to call no matter what hour of the night to tell them a brilliant idea you just had. Or the type of friend that you call and simply weep, them knowing what is wrong without you even saying a word. The type of friend who you can shop with and not kill one another. The kind of friend you can pick up when they are down just as quickly as they can pick you up. I miss having the kind of friend who just stops by for the heck of it, without calling first. I miss having a friend who can listen to the angst of motherhood without judging you, seeing you as a horrible mother. I miss the friend who relishes in MY children's achievements right along with me and vice versa. I often wonder: how can I go through the rest of my life without a friend like that? I am missing out on so much. At the same time, where I am in my life right now, I'm not sure I would be the kind of friend someone else needs. (if that makes ANY sense) I'm not sure I can commit to offering all of that. Probably why I am friendless, I'm thinking.

Graduation Day

As I was eating my morning cereal, (too lazy to "fix" anything), I was thinking back to my graduation day so long ago. When I graduated high school I was fifth in my class ranking. That meant I not only got an academic letterman's jacket, but I also got to have all of those colorful chords that a person gets to sport over his/her graduation gown. Our gowns were white while the men's were maroon. Not really smart if you think about it - it would have been better for the men to wear white so that the prints of beautiful dresses didn't show through the white material for the ladies. Anyway... I do use the term "men" loosely - they were boys, actually.
So as I ventured back into the memories gallery I tried to remember how I was feeling on my high school graduation day. I had mixed emotions. I was thrilled that my biological father and his parents were in attendance. I was also somewhat loaded with guilt and frustration because I wanted to be with my friends at the same time as spending as much time with my father as possible while he was here (he lives in Florida - long way away). It all worked out, thankfully, but it was on my mind nonetheless.
I was not dating anyone specifically at the time of my graduation. This was a bit of an oddity for me. Let's put it this way - I was between boyfriends. What this meant was that I had more time to spend with my three best friends who were boys in my class. We did a lot of hanging out together toward the end of the school year and the beginning of summer before we all headed our own ways. Today, we barely speak. My how time changes things. You see, I only had two real "girlfriends" in high school. Sure, I got along with most people, but I only had two close friends who were girls. I simply couldn't stand the drama. I didn't care who was sleeping with whom, or who got in trouble for doing such and such. Or who was mad at whom for some stupid comment that was made. It was all so trivial to me, I didn't care. So, I surrounded myself with boys who didn't care how I dressed, didn't blink if I didn't wear makeup one day, and didn't care if I farted while bending over at my locker. They accepted me for who I was, not what someone wanted me to be. And that, my friends, is the lesson of the day: be who you are and surround yourself with the people who love you for just that.
It was good to look back at my own graduation day. I re-learned something as well.

Summer, Summer, Summertime...(will smith song)

Only three more days of school left. Can you say "yee-haw"??!! I am ready for homework to be over, agendas to not be signed, and to relax a little. Of course, no pay for the summer, but...
My plans include lying by the pool, drinking cool soft drinks, and lying by the pool. I might intertwine some scrapbooking in there somewhere, but my plans are wide open. The latter half of the summer will be without the girls for the most part, but I'm sure they'll end up calling me and wanting me to pick them up early or something similar. There will be nothing to do at their dad's house.
Tomorrow I have been hand-picked to provide fruit salad for the special education senior breakfast. Coupled with the fact that I have been asked for money for senior gifts from the department and for baby shower "go together" money for a gift. I do NOT have enough money to throw around at the drop of a hat. If I were making full time teacher pay, perhaps I could do that. Newsflash: I'm NOT making teacher pay. Anyway...
I am off to attend my middle daughter, Cammi's, softball game. It has rained here quite a bit, so it ought to be a muddy one. *** Oh, both she and Sydney (Clovis) received medals for having all A's and B's this year at school. I'm smiling! They get their brains from me, obviously.

Flu Bug

**Please don't let me get this shit!**

Spent the night in the emergency room with The Husband. Got home around 3:30?? and finally crashed. He was blacking out and being totally weird (hallucinating sort of) when I took him in before midnight. He wasn't vomiting then, but as soon as we get to the hospital he ralphed violently. And often. He was sweating, pale, shaking - it was bad. So, pumped him with a bag of fluids, gave him some intestinal relaxing medication, and sent us home later with two prescriptions. By the time I drove home, I was ready to hallucinate from needing sleep.
If I get this shit, all hell will break loose. I mean, seriously. The world doesn't stop when Momma gets sick - it just keeps on spinnin'. And that, my friends, will be out of control.
So my "other daughter" started a blog for cathartic reasons that I assured her were grand. It is called 100 Miles a Minute. Fitting for her personality. Check it out. It's a newborn blog.
In other news...
Weather here sucks dirty goat balls. The pool is open and we can't swim in it because IT WON'T STOP RAINING!!!!! My middle daughter is supposed to have a softball game tonight - if it isn't cancelled, they'll be swimming in brick dust to first base. That'll be nice to launder, won't it?
I feel so badly for leaving my co-workers in a pinch today. They will be short-staffed and will be "roughing it" without me. We were already going to be one teacher short today. OOOPS! Mother Nature calls. When one vomits, one must stay home. When Husband blacks out, one must stay home with him. When one sleeps for only two hours, one must get more sleep during the day(during work hours). And so it goes.

Blue waters

Finally! The pool is blue and undergoing its cleaning phase. The chemicals are hard at work, the filter is swirling the water, and the heater will be turned on after it storms tomorrow. It's gonna be a doozie when we can get in there and create havoc! Just a couple more days until full fledged swimming!!!!!

The kids were so terribly disappointed on Sunday evening when returning from their respective "other parents" houses that the older two got on old clothes and jumped in the brown/green fuzzy, cold water. Pictures are blurry, but worth it.

Several

Several people (adults and teens) that I have come in contact with over the past week have told me very similar stories. It has made me ponder a few things... These stories are basically this: these individuals have had an overwhelming sense of anxiety and despair for no apparent reason. For instance, one person said they felt like they were on the edge of a very big anxiety attack, that they just felt like crying for some unknown reason. Another stated that he had "had a shitty week" but couldn't really give concrete examples of experiences and/or situations to make him feel so. Yet another person stated she almost called me to come over because she knew she should not be alone with the way she was feeling. She was very depressed and in a bad place in her heart.
These are only a few instances out of many I could speak of. So, what gives? The weather is trying to become better, things are blooming (finally), and the days are filled with more hours of sunlight than winter. Is is the way the economy, country, and society members are? Are we in serious emotional trouble as a whole?
I have been told I have been in a mood over the past few weeks by observers. I really haven't felt that way on the inside, but I am apparently acting foul on the outside. Am I included in this turn of personalities? Sure, financially I am feeling overwhelmed, but that is nothing new. I am ready for school to be over, but I am also worried what the next school year might bring or not bring. Are these concerns coming out in my personality towards those at home? If so, how do I cure that? How does anyone?
As I sit at my computer today, off work for my pool opening (I have to wait on the workers to make sure they do what they are supposed to and to pay them...), I am burdened with thoughts. Deep thoughts. Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

Per request...

Once upon a time, not long ago, I met this little girl who was trying to find her way. She was in high school, though not yet mature. I was an adult already (in the most bare sense of the word). I was trying so hard to teach her and her classmates things like "Beware the Ides of March" and "Direct objects take the action of the verb" and "Paragraphs are made up of AT LEAST five sentences - I don't care what your previous teachers told you - 3 to 5 don't cut it" and so forth. This little girl wasn't having any of it. Instead, she wanted to sit by Big Boy in the classroom where she could peer into his eyes and watch his mouth speak. She wanted to sleep if she could not do otherwise.

The little girl was quaint and quirky. After some observation on my part, I felt the need to give her a nickname of sorts. It just sort of happened; I didn't really set out to give her one on the spur of the moment. So, after noticing that she rolled her eyes when I told her to do something, or when she used body language to tell me to eat shit and die, I happened to let a nickname slip off the end of my tongue. It came out, "Princess". You know the kind I speak of: a girl who seems to have been given what she wants when she wants it??? Yes, that kind of Princess. The kind that can do no wrong in the eyes of her family. The nickname fit. And it stuck.

Further into the school year, the little girl matured in her own way. She moved on from sitting by Big Boy and sat with her friend, Kelsey most days. The two of them began a tradition of having to go to the bathroom during their English period. They just "HAD TO!" and they had to go together. As if one of them might not be able to find their way back without the other. So, I also began calling the pair of them The Poop Sisters, or The Poop Twins, or something similar. Princess is still in my life today, after five years. She is a big girl now in college. I even talked her into going to MY school, Indiana University. I talk with her often, most of the time more than twice a week. She is my go-to gal on my parenting questions (from a "teen"/young adult perspective); my listener; my ease-your-way-into-having-a-daughter-grow-up consultant; and a person who I love and adore. She doesn't call me her "other mother" for nothing! I have learned so much from her about life and the pursuit of happiness. It is wonderful to have her perspective to ponder. I think it will only make me a better mother to my own daughters. Or so I hope.

Ahhhh, Princess. The story of your birth, so to speak. Perhaps you can rest more easily now? haha

Everyone's talking about it

Yes, we felt the Illinois earthquake here in Indiana. And in Kentucky (melody), and in Ohio. My daughter Mak was preparing to go to her 8th grade trip to Chicago yesterday morning at 5am. (departure time was 5:10am, so I had to be up against my will) She had been dropped off at school, I had rushed home to return to bed, and I was in the midst of trying to return to sleep. I was in that drunken stage where sleep is not too far off, and the mind is in a fog. I thought I heard a tree limb hit the roof above my head. Then, the bed started vibrating and the bench at the foot of our bed began to hit the bedframe, resulting in a knocking noise. I looked over at the Husband, thinking he was twitching and causing the noise. Nope. The dogs raised their heads and looked at me like, "What are you two doing? IT???!!" Nope. By the time I was about to get out of bed to investigate, my sleep drunkenness came back to me and I dozed off. After waking up Cam around 6:30, she asked me if I felt an earthquake in the middle of the night. I laughed. "An earthquake? Cam, I think it was a squirrel on the roof or something." See, I didn't have a concept of how long the shaking/noise went on. Remember? I was in that sleep fog I spoke of. "Yes, an EARTHQUAKE," she said. I laughed it off. Then Patty got up and turned on the news a little bit later and confirmed it was an earthquake. I was flabbergasted. I never thought that living in Indiana I would experience an earthquake. It was wild!
I called Mak on the bus to Chicago and she said they weren't able to feel it on the bus, but that multiple parents had called their children to ask them about it. I'm sorry she was awake but didn't get to experience it.

April

We are almost halfway into April and I haven't posted yet. Such a slacker. There for a couple of weeks the weather was decent here, then it all went downhil as of Thursday and Friday this week. It is now back to turning on the furnace. I absolutely hate it!
Cammi, middle daughter, stole the show in the musical Alice in Wonderland, Jr. at her school on Thurs. and Friday. She played the Queen of Hearts, which is a nasty queen who bosses and screams at others. It was great! She didn't even have a microphone on her. She still could be heard by all. I am so proud of her. She could definitely go somewhere with her talent - I mean, this is only her sixth grade year and she projects, sings on key, and enunciates! What a dream.
I took the kids to the movies last night along with multiple friends/girlfriends and such. We saw Prom Night. DUMB!!! The kids had a good time, though.
I have been struck with a sinus headache from hell today. Feel like I am having an out of body experience. Doesn't help that I am anxious about applying for some posted teaching positions and now the website I need to get to in order to do so is "experiencing technical difficulties". Modern technology - ain't it grand?!
It was Little 5 weekend at IU this weekend. A good family friend who attends there called me last evening and said how much fun she and the other Hoosiers were having. I didn't receive further calls from jail, so it must have ended up okay. hahahah
BRING SPRING BACK!!!!!!!! ----- nina

March Madness

While walking into school yesterday with a couple students nearby, I quickly turned to them and noticed they both had their hoods up, coats zipped, and hands in their pockets as if freezing to death might occur at any given moment. I then spoke, "I'm ready to move to Florida or someplace warm. Aren't you?!" They both agreed and decided that if I'm going, so are they. I talked with my co-workers and two of them are gearing up for the big move as well. You see, it was around 60 degrees here a few days ago. It was in the 30's yesterday. I'm totally over it. Apparently, so are most others.
In better news, our pool opening is scheduled for May 2. I'm stoked.

Hodge Podge

My oldest daughter is sick. We have gone through the following:
Strep Throat test
Mono test
CBC, Liver and kidney function, anemia, and thyroid blood tests
All came back negative for any abnormalities, however she continues to grow worse with fatigue, blisters on her throat, and headache. (loss of appetite, too) So now, what is there to do? The doctor did call in a broad antibiotic to cover his a**. She is going to school because she knows she will have way too much homework if she doesn't. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I've been giving her Tylenol and Advil like candy.

A student of mine received word that he is in a "pickle". His brother texted him to say that their mom found "various smoking supplies" in his room while cleaning, that she is thoroughly ticked, and that she plans on taking him to the doctor for a drug test. (This was yesterday.) So, the sad part is that he got the m.j. from his own father's room. Yes, his father has a "problem" with m.j. and alcohol. Sad, huh? So, when his mom asked him to take her outside and show her where he got it, he simply had to turn to his dad and say, "Dad, I didn't get it from outside." His dad replied that he understood his son got if from him. Sad.

Insomnia

I have watched TV on the couch, taken Advil, been to my bed with no success of sleep, talked with two of my daughters who are still awake, and simply cannot go to sleep. It isn't because I slept in too long or took naps either. I got up before 9am. (We are on Spring Break from school.) My gut is turning over and over and I feel nauseous. Sounds fun, right?

Water, Getcha Water!

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Weekend Update from Indiana

Hi, y'all. Most people won't care what it is like in Indiana because people who have some smarts about them don't live here; however, I'm inclined to tell all about it nonetheless.
Indiana weather has sucked the past month or so. We have had several snow days (i.e. burrowed down in the house with four kids and nothing to do), some two-hour delays, and much cold. As I have stated before, I do not like the cold. I don't like not being able to just "pick up and go" to whatever destination I want to go. Around here, (this will be a jaw-dropper for city folk), when the temperature is predicted to be around freezing, humans come out of the woodwork and raid stores within a 30 mile radius to buy bread, eggs, milk, and toilet paper. As if the entire world WILL come to an end if ice and/or snow is present. It is an amazing sight to see. I have been in stores in the winter around here when there is not ONE loaf of bread on the shelf. I'm not even kidding.
So, kids, the moral of all of this is that if you live in a warm place, take comfort. I am jealous, envious, and downright pissed that I have to endure this weather and you don't. Childish? Yes. Do I care? No.
P.S. As a post script to a previous post about troubles, my husband and I have been reamed by the Unites States Government and found we owe several, several thousands of dollars to the IRS due to snafus in our taxes. Just how can a family of six pick up several thousand dollars to wisk off in an envelope to Washington, D.C. anyway? HUH? What was that you said? Yes, I believe someone out there probably said something like, "Oh shit!" or close to it. My sentiments exactly, flowered with many tears.
And who said God doesn't give you more than you can handle?

Feb.

It is already February. The Superbowl has come and gone - Go Giants! - and I am so excited that the Pats got their asses kicked. (Not by the score, but by the sly moves in the fourth quarter.) It was the next best thing to the Colts winning.
It seems everyone at work (co-workers) is in somewhat of a mood. We are mostly sick, as true with the students as well, and we are all broke. It is like we are scraping around for lunch money. Doesn't debt and bills make you crazy, too? Does it seem to you that a dollar doesn't go very far? It makes most people stressed and anxious. No wonder we are a Prozac Nation.
Some of the things happening to the people at work, perhaps including myself in a couple of instances:
*daughter has been sick for well over two months; taking her to a pulmonary specialist at Riley Hospital tomorrow.
*new sink and plumbing that was outrageous and unexpected (guess who)
*flu
*funerals
*leased car going over its mileage
*straight line winds damaging SUV door worth $800
*gained a foreign exchange student from Malasia (not really a negative, but stressful nonetheless)
*kids coughing and snotting
*field trip costs adding up for multiple children
*teenagers "eating parents out of house and home"
*borrowing money
--------and the list could go on--------------
So, anyone care to share their sorrows?
Let it all hang out, so to speak.

Hoosier Hoops

We are amidst the basketball extravaganza, folks! I have three basketball seasons going simultaneously and drama (play) practice to cart children to. You should see my calendar. It looks like a pencil threw up on it.

We do have a new sink, disposal, faucet, and pipes in the kitchen. Over a thousand dollars later, it is working like a charm. Now when I turn the garbage disposal on, it doesn't sound like shrapnel hitting the blades of an airplane engine. It is actually quiet - like so quiet I could run it while others in the house sleep. Different!

It was below zero here today. Hate it. Makes me wonder just how anyone could play football playoff games in subzero weather. I mean, getting hit by a two hundred pound bully is one thing, but getting hit by one with frozen bones makes me cringe even more.

You're not going to believe this.

Just when I thought I would have an "ok" night, I begin to clean out the frig (leftovers). I put some rice down the sink where the garbage disposal is located and turned the thing on. Fine. Another bowl of rice and bits of veggies - ate it up, too. Then, when I thought it was time to turn the disposal off, I reached for the switch and heard bubbling - yep, from the other side of the sink. Dirty, stinky, chunky water was coming up from the side of the sink opposite of the one I was using. I turned the disposal off, and water began rising in both sides then. I left it, not wanting to create further damage, until Husband got home. I put the bowls I had recently emptied into the dishwasher when I heard gurgling from its bowels, too.
Husband got home, tried to work on it, ended up getting the wet/dry vac out, and cussing me a storm. Nope, still plugged and smells like hell.
What in the sam hell did I do to deserve this nonsense? Honestly! So, now as we continue to dirty up dishes, we must rinse them in the laundry room mud sink. I seriously need a break here! We have no plumbers that we "know", nor do we have the money to blow on one we don't know. Ah, the joys of living in an historic (code for "old") home. Ain't life grand?!

There's more than Corn in Indiana?

I'm not sure if it is Seasonal Affective Disorder or what, but I am having a really hard time with where I am right now. I look outside and it is totally BLAH. I live in Indiana, where it seems there is nothing but empty fields of brown. We have had weird weather: rain, flooding, storms, dark days, minimal snow. Now, I do not like snow, don't get me wrong, but what I dislike even more is the atmosphere that appears outside right now. It is so drab. Even snow would be better at this point. (Those of you who really know me are holding your heart right now, not believing you just heard me say what I said. Wanting snow? I've lost it, I know.)
Indiana's weather is just yuck. Unpredictable. Makes me want to move.
It seems I am not alone in my rough times right now. At work, some of us in the Special Ed. department had a heart to heart chat two days ago. From my observations, it seems to be an epidemic - the yucky thoughts and down-in-the-dumps feelings. At least I am not an island here - some feel the same way I do. That is comforting.
By the way, boy within our department suspended for saying, "Well, I guess I'll just blow up the school then!" True, he is not all there mentally, but had to make a point with him that you just don't go around saying those things. Even if you are mentally challenged. You know?

Holidays and Hippos

The holidays are over and it is back to school business tomorrow. The two weeks we've been off have flown by. We have increased the grocery bills, cranked up the heat, and relished in all our new gifts. Now, back to school.

My great Christmas gift was a new Nikon D40 camera from The Husband. I had expressed great want (and need) for the camera but then told him to not buy it because it was just way too expensive. Nope, he did it anyway. I love it. I can't wait to experiment with it when the colors outside are beautiful. I did get to use it for a good cause when the old man next door to us had yet another accident involving his car. (see posts in April/May) The "Crazy Guy" as we call him ran right on through his detached garage with his car for the second time in three weeks. Yep. You heard me correctly. This time he did not take the ENTIRE wall of his garage out like he did a few weeks back. This is because it had just been re-built with more support. Bet the guys who worked on that for a week were pissed!

Here are a few photos, but you can go to my flickr page and check more out. Remember to buckle up!!!