Seventeen and Counting

Seventeen years ago today I was giving birth to my middle daughter, Cam. There are so many memories that come flooding back when I think about that day. It was the "longest day of the year" -- it contained the most daylight hours in the year. I sure did feel like it was the longest day of the year, so to speak. I had a tough labor and delivery. She was worth every rip, push, and grunt. She is a wonderful young woman. At seventeen, she has grown into a compassionate, loving, understanding woman who takes pride in everything she does. She is the peacekeeper. She is the studious one. She is ambitious. And I love her. Happy Birthday, Cam. I hope this year is a great one!

It's like starting over.
Sending my daughter off to college is a little like starting your life over again. Since children don't really have the unlimited resources to purchase all of the household goods they need, the parent must pick up most of that tab. Sure, the child might have received some graduation money, but I feel that should be used for textbooks/tuition, etc. I mean, really, an eighteen year old with a part time, minimum wage job can't do it all.
Given all of that, lately I have been picking up things for Mak like measuring cups, spatulas, hamburger flippers, slotted spoons, a dust pan, and more. Believe me, that stuff adds up quickly. And as I purchase it, I begin thinking, "Oh, she's gonna need that. And, oh, yeah that, too. But what about that?" and so on. It's like starting my own adult life over again. Cleaners, shower curtain, wastebaskets, laundry baskets, detergent, fabric softener, dishes, pots, pans, dish soap, bar soap, towels, bed ensemble, curtains, and more. Pshew. A lot of stuff, no? And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Boy, I'm reminded now of why I had my kids when I was so young! I don't think I could handle this if I was much older. :)

Green Thumb

I planted my potted flowers the other day. Gardening is therapy for me. I get lost in what I'm doing and actually relax a little. It just kind of creeps up on me - the relaxation. Too bad I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on landscaping. I would do it! I'll settle for my potted and hanging planters I guess. Only about a week until Mak's grad party. I'm a bit nervous. Hope all goes well. I've already learned that trying to keep a black car clean is a chore. I learned that rather quickly. I see myself spending quite a bit of cash at the car wash in years to come. Good news, though -- there is a new car wash being put in near us. It is a Mike's Carwash. I'm super excited. It's the best car cleaning wash in the world. I need a "season ticket". I'm also super excited to see my real dad. He is coming for Mak's party. Can't wait to see him. I miss him. Off to get my hair done today. Long trip, but it has to be done. Beauty isn't easy nor cheap, as they say. haha

Graduation

Well, we've survived graduation. I was so nervous, not because my little girl was graduating, but because of the logistics of it all. Would it be 100 degrees in there, how long would it last, would we have to park at the elementary school and walk? You know, stupid things. But, it all went well. After the ceremony my parents took us all out to eat. We had fun. We hadn't all been together out to eat in a while, so it was good. And most importantly, I got to drive my new car!! I know, I know, everyone says that black is so hard to keep clean. That's been true so far. But when it shines, it's worth all the hard work. In addition to my new car, Cammi got a car. It was a deal we just couldn't pass up. And Sunday, we took it out for a long drive with the top off. It was a blast! I can't wait to do it again. We drove to Westport, cruised around there for a while, and then drove out toward MUTC. The weather was perfect. So, enjoyable weekend here. Next we have three weekends of fun-filled activities: weddings, graduation parties, etc. Cheers!

Sometimes

Sometimes, things get so emotional.

Oh, no - not again!

This, to me, is just unbelievable. After my youngest daughter, who is sickness-prone, had shingles this past year, I never thought I'd have to deal with it again. Wrong! My oldest daughter, who is about to partake in graduation ceremonies, has shingles! What am I doing to deserve this???

Thank you, Lord. This is the last day of the year.

Thank you, Lord, for this being the last day of this school year. Sure, I have to go to tomorrow for paperwork, packing up my room, and putting everything away until next August. But I'm okay with that. We teachers sent away our students today to the next chapter of their lives -- high school. This included my daughter. No more running to Mommy's room to get tampons, money, or cry on her shoulder. Mommy will have her room to herself now. No more piles of clothes, CDs, tennis shoes, flip-flops, scarves, or headbands behind my desk from my youngest one. Nope, I'm taking my space back. It's all mine again. Yippee! I only wish it could've ended on a better note. Today was a rough day. Tons of teenage drama, to put it mildly. I'm glad I at least get a break from it for several weeks. Hello, summer!

Mother

Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. I cried during church this morning thinking about all the mistakes I've made in mothering my children. I'm thankful of the things I do and can do, but it's difficult not to reflect on the mistakes and failures, trying to learn from my mistakes. There are so many things I have done wrong. I only hope that my children can focus on what I have done right. They surprised me with dinner last night, breakfast and coffee this morning, and gifts on the table after church. I loved it all! I'm thankful for the daughters I am a mother to.

The Last Time

This is the last time I will ever have a child go to an 8th grade semi-formal dance. The last time. Did you hear me? My youngest daughter, who is in the 8th grade, is going to her 8th grade dance tonight. I have to take pictures for yearbook, but I will also be there as a parent. I'm not teary-eyed or anything, don't get me wrong. It's just a simple fact that my kids are all grown up. Syd will be moving on to the high school as of the end of May, and then my kids will be officially done with middle school for the rest of their lives and mine. It sort of seems weird.

"I'll Have Another"

I am here to tell you I survived another Kentucky Derby race. We were out there all day in the sweltering heat and barely made it. I thought a couple of times I might pass out from heat exhaustion, but I made it. Getting in and getting out are the hardest parts. People are moving in droves and it's awful. But the day of horse racing is fun! I didn't win all day until the actual derby race itself. I placed a two dollar bet on I'll Have Another and won $55. Not bad! I thought for sure Gemologist would place, so I bet on it, too. But no luck. Makaili got her a "Derby Virgin" pin and wore it with pride. We both came home with slight sunburns, but it was worth it. Next two years? Proms for Cammi, I'm sure. So I might not get to go back to the Derby for two more years. We'll see.

Midlife Crisis

"Some might call it a midlife crisis, but she wasn't sure that was exactly it. It wasn't as though she felt the need to buy a sports car or visit a plastic surgeon or run off to some island in the Carribean. Nor was it about being bored; Lord knows, the kids and the hospital kept her busy enough. Instead, it had more to do with the sense that somehow she'd lost sight of the person she'd once meant to be, and she wasn't sure she'd ever have the opportunity to find that person again." -Nicholas Sparks, The Best of Me Exactly.

Oh my head

Oh boy, is my head swimming. I've been going non-stop for the past two days now. I'm up to my eyeballs in graduation stuff. Today, for about three hours, my daughter and I made a photo book on Shutterfly. After a while, she discovered that she was putting quotations from songs in the nineties for most of her pages. So, she went with that theme; she made all of the pages either song titles or lyrics. It is kinda cute. Toward the end, we were both anxiety ridden, though. It was tedious to move pics, pick out the ones you want to put where, pick fonts for the copy, etc. It was much like what I do on a daily basis for my yearbook class. Believe me, I have enough of that to last me a while. I enjoyed hearing Mak laugh and look up 90's song lyrics, though. She would sing them most of the time, smiling and laughing all the while. It was funny. My baby is all grown up. Sigh.

Not so sure

As a lot of you know, my oldest daughter graduated mid-term from high school back in December. She then attended a local, small college for this past semester getting a jump start on her college credits before going off "away" to college in the fall of 2012. I'm sort of re-thinking our decision a bit. It has been more difficult to now put her in a "transfer student" category in respect to attending a larger, farther away college. It has sucked, quite frankly, to try and get all of this ironed out. Admissions, transfer credits, fees, and more have haunted me in my sleep. I'm over it. I want it to be easier. It's no wonder many people forego college these days; they make it unbearable at times. Grrrrrr.

In the words of

a famous boy band, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." I love that song. The lyrics just popped into my head this morning after I got up. I think I need to listen to some Pandora and find my groove.

Invitations

The invitations are ordered. Mak and I designed her graduation invitations today on Shutterfly.com and ordered them. I'm excited to see them! Now, it will be hell trying to address them all, but I'm sure we'll get it done. One thing checked off the graduation list - yeah! Five thousand more to go...

It's So Hard To

-keep my mouth shut when everything in me screams to let it out
-sleep without being overwhelmed with my "to do" list
-get up in the mornings when my body says, "Stay in bed until at least 8am!"
-find the time to fix dinner when I don't get home until 8pm
-laugh in the face of my grocery bill
-not countdown the days until school is out
-not countdown the days until I leave for Myrtle Beach
-hold back and not go to L.A.
-rely on others
-keep my work clothes on past 3:45pm
-raise three teenage daughters
-keep towels laundered at my house
-try and fit three or more loads of laundry in per day
-eat healthy
-leave a fresh strawberry pie in the frig without eating a piece
-hold a little baby girl and keep from wondering what it was like to have one that tiny
-be still and know that He is God
-smile when expected to
-keep my minutes down on my cell phone when my best friend can't get reception in the boondocks so I have to call her on her home phone
-not gossip
-stay sane

Mark It

Mark it off, ladies and gentlemen! I have crossed off an item on my bucket list! I shot a handgun/pistol this weekend. Woohoo! And, to top it all off, I hit the target I was aiming at. It was quite powerful, and it was loud. I loved it. I want to do it again. This time, I want to go to a shooting range. Over the weekend I just shot outdoors out in the woods. I must say, I enjoyed it. What I forgot was to have someone take my picture doing it. Darn it.
Makaili and I got our Kentucky Derby hats and dresses yesterday, too. She's pretty excited. I just hope it doesn't rain like it has the past two years. I want sunshine so we can wear our attire. It should be fun to start a new tradition with her as an adult. That sounds funny, doesn't it? Me, having an adult daughter. Whew.

Attitude

I need to look at things with a whole new perspective. I need a whole new attitude. Gonna try my hardest to do so.

That numbness

I have that nervous numbness to my legs. They feel like jelly. Noodle legs, some call it. I don't like that feeling. I can't seem to make it go away. To top it all off, I feel like I could puke. Too much going on, I guess.
Cam got ninth out of about 16 girls in the Jeffersonville Invitational today. I was a bundle of nerves the entire meet. I get more nervous than she does. She's favoring her knee and just doesn't seem comfortable on it yet. I hope that goes away. The brace sort of restricts her, I think. I don't know. I just want it all to go away and for her to get back to normal. She has so much potential. I want it so badly for her. It is hard to watch your kids go through some things. This is one of them. Where's my magic wand when I need one? The coaches are throwing around the idea of sitting her out next Thursday, which is a home meet. I don't really want that. They spoke of compromising and letting her not do the glide, just doing a power throw for shotput. I really don't know how I feel about that. I guess it's better than not throwing at all. What to do, what to do... I think we will talk to the physical therapist Wednesday and see what she says. I don't want to backslide any further.
She needs some small victories to build her confidence again. She feels she's slipped since this injury. I don't like her feeling that way. She's better than that stinkin' thinkin'.

Grads

I have soooo much to do before graduation comes. I feel overwhelmed. This to plan, that to buy, those to print. Ugh. Is there anyone to help? I feel like there should be a "graduation planner" out there for me.