Why is it...

Why is it when you go in Wal-Mart for a list of six things, you come out $98 poorer? Man, that burns me up.

Scary

Sometimes it's scary when God reveals himself to you. God revealed himself to me in a way the other night that was very scary. It made me think very seriously about how things might be in the future when I am older. What I came to realize is this: I need God in all areas of my life to lean on and trust. I need to go to Him with all of my cares and worries. He needs to be my rock; not anyone else or anything else. And He revealed that to me quite obviously. I'm glad I could learn the lesson before it became a "have to" situation - a crisis. So, thank you, Lord, for showing me that.

The Fence

Watching so many tributes to 9/11 brought back a flood of memories of the last ten years. One memory in particular is so engrained in my brain: walking up to that chain link fence around the pit where the twin towers stood in the near past gave me goosebumps. New York City is always bustling with noise and activity; however, on that day as I walked up to the fence and put my fingers through it just like you do on the baseball diamond fences, I felt a deep, gut-wrenching quiet fill the air. Everything went silent as if the volume of the world was muted. I looked down into the gaping hole that remained of the ruins. Out of the corner of my eye, though, I could not get one thing out of my focus. The two stell beams that just so happened to stand tall in the shape of a cross melted my heart. I will never forget that sight, nor the absence of sound. The only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest. New York City and the United States of America would never be the same. Nor would I.

Hello!

...Big Brother is ALWAYS watching...

Immaturity

I simply cannot express with words how badly I loathe immaturity. Immaturity makes my blood pressure rise like a NYC skyscraper. It just burns within my soul when I have to endure someone's immaturity. It is like a cancer that spreads throughout my body, making me have an instant migraine. That's really no lie. I have dealt with immaturity going on 24 hours, and it's really getting me down. It's about to send me over the edge, actually. Come close enough, and I'll bite your head off. Try me.

Goodbyes

Today my dad called me and told me that my Poppy unexpectedly died yesterday. I am shocked, saddened, and frustrated. Only those of you who are in a similar situation as mine would probably understand. It sucks so bad to be in the position I am in. I am a granddaughter, but not close enough to really do anything. I don't live near the family. I'm the biological daughter; the one who wasn't close to her Poppy growing up, but got to know him the best I could over the last 12 years. There was so much distance between us in miles that it was hard to have a close relationship with him. Nonetheless, it doesn't hurt any less for your own grandpa to die. I'm so mad that I have to be in this position. I can't even make sense on here.

Admitting It

It is very difficult for me to admit and accept the fact that I'm not getting any younger. In fact, I'm getting older and my body can't put up with what it used to. For example, I started back up with Zumba on Monday night. My back muscles are soooo sore that I am wincing every time I turn the slightest bit. That's not the kicker, though. What is the kicker is that my ELBOWS are sore. My elbows?? Seriously? You mean to tell me that because I began exercising in a different way my elbows hurt? That, my friends, is a sure sign you are getting old. Arthritic pains in joints means you just can't hack it anymore. Though I am terribly sore, I am still going at it full force. I am pushing through the pain and doing it anyway. It'll kill me before I give up. The obstacle I face to this Zumba trek is soccer. Cammi's soccer practices begin right when Zumba is supposed to end. So I am left with the dilemma of how do I get her there? Carpooling doesn't seem to exist in this town. There is only one person she can carpool with, and that person doesn't always have a "yes" to taking her. I even make sure I am the one to pick Cam and her friend up. At 9pm, nonetheless. So I am the one who has to stay up and make sure I get them that late in the evening, but I'm willing to do that if it means I can exercise when I need to. Oh, the whoas of motherhood sometimes. Who knew I'd have to sacrifice my weight, too, with other things? I never would have thought it. It's hard trying to look good, isn't it? Sucks. Especially when you're old. Just ask me.

Best Friends

Beach Reads

I finally got my shipment from Barnes and Noble. It was intransit for over a week. I could hardly stand it! I ordered two novels to take with me to Myrtle Beach. I got Backseat Saints by Joshilyn Jackson, and Long Drive Home by Will Allison. I am currently finishing up The Art of Racing in the Rain. It is a novel told from a dog's perspective, which is quite funny. It is very touching at the same time.
I can't wait to be on the beach. I absolutely love it. There is nothing like sitting in the sand, soaking up the sun, sipping on a drink, and reading a great book. Relaxing. The sound of the waves and the spray of the saltwater is refreshing. I can't wait to be there. If only I could be teleported there and avoid the long drive. . .

The Sun'll Come Out, Tomorrow

Tomorrow marks a milestone: my oldest daughter will be getting her senior pictures taken. Wow! I can remember her in kindergarten. Her teacher said she had the best fashion sense in shoes she had ever seen in a little girl. Now, she has feet so big we can barely find her a pair of shoes, not to mention a fashionable pair. Now, she is nowhere near a girly-girl type of female; she is more into jeans and a t-shirt or her Taco Bell uniform. My, my, my how times have changed. She is taking three dresses and a couple of skirts. These were all purchased in the last year. Maybe she's coming back around! I am saying my prayers that the heat isn't as bad tomorrow as it was today. And that the rain/thunderstorms hold off until we are finished. Can't wait to post previews of her pics. I know they'll be fabulous. We are both excited that she gets to be Little Blue Owl Photography's senior rep. Keisha Keen will do a great job, I'm sure. Until tomorrow...

Don't Want to Hear It

Most people don't want to hear whiners. It's just that simple. But we all do it. Or want to, anyway. People have problems. There is no one without problems. Sometimes, you just have to let it out. The only downfall is that there are times when problems add up to a mountain. Little problem upon little problem can end up making one feel overwhelmed. One way to counter this issue is to talk with someone about it. It doesn't really solve anything, but it can help. Allow me to make a short list of nuances...
*Why do some people insist on never maturing? I know forty year old men who play video games as if it were their JOBS!! Really? Really? Can't they find anything more productive to pass the time? Or how about interacting with REAL people who aren't logged on to some network as names that are made for teenagers and not middle-aged men? Makes me insane.
*Do some people think it is a mom's job to cook, clean, and be accommodating to everyone? I think not.
*Kids are smart a**es to their parents. It's society's way of thanking parents. I'd rather not have the "thanks".
*Money doesn't grow on trees. Tell all of your friends.
*Every once and a while, a mom needs a pedicure. That's just the way it is.
*There are people in this world (see Nina) that strongly dislike going to Wal-Mart. I can't get out of that place for under fifty bucks. EVER!! Even if I just need "a couple of things".
*Bitter? Who, me?

Closet Wars

Today my middle daughter and I tackled the computer room closet today. This was a closet full of anything and everything of the girls' and also my scrapbook things. You talk about a mess! It was that and more.
After over three hours, we got it finished. I purchased, about three weeks ago, three totes that I labeled for each of the girls. Today I categorized and sorted by name. We had fun looking through old photos, journals, and much artwork. I have some talented girls! Makaili is the artist, Cam is the athlete, and Syd is my writer. I enjoyed reading back through things they did as little girls. We laughed quite a bit. Some photos I did not expect to find, but I quickly just put them away.
Next, cleaning the computer room OUTSIDE of the closet. That'll be a job, too.

Happy 4th

Happy Fourth of July out there to all of you! I know I enjoy my freedoms and thank the men and women who fight to protect them every day. Have fun and be safe!

Why?

Why do some people have blogs that they never post to? C'mon. Post, already...

Catch the Fever - Running

I ran today for the first time in a long time. It felt great and sucked, all at the same time. It sucked because I have lost all of my stamina. It felt great to be able to do it again. I'm going again tomorrow. Cam has some training schedule for soccer, so I'll take her to the track and run, too. Then, I plan on having her throw shotput for a while. After that, we will head to the soccer field for her to work on goalie stuff. That ought to take up most of the day, actually. So, once again, I have the fever to run. Even after having this heel spur, or whatever it may be. It is definitely protruding more today after running. I don't care, though. I plan on running anyway. It's almost a sickness. Those of you who run will understand.

Sixteen

I didn't have time to post yesterday, my middle daughter's sixteenth birthday. So, today is her first full day as a sixteen year old. And she's not home. She's at Purdue. This is the first time she's ever really been away from home like that. She's stayed all night at a friend's house here in town, but not far from home. She sounded a bit homesick last night on the phone. But that's to be expected. She gets to come home tomorrow. I think she'll be ready to. She has learned how to do the shotput spin instead of doing the glide like she does now. The Purdue coach said it is too hard on her knees; she's too tall to be trying to get that low to the ground when she does the glide. So, she's learned the spin now. She and I are both excited about it. I hope it gives her more momentum to throw farther. I'm going to practice with her when she returns home. So, once again this week, I'll make the long haul to Purdue to pick up my sixteen year old. That sounds weird.

Anxious

I'm a bit anxious. My middle daughter is having a very big week next week, after having a whopper of weeks the last two weeks of her existence. Next week I will make a long haul to West Lafayette to drop her off at Purdue University. She will spend three nights and four days there at a throwing camp. (shotput camp) This is the first time she will have ever been away from home like that. I'm a bit nervous on many levels. First, I don't have a clue as to where I'm going. I have only been on Purdue's campus once, and that was with a group of middle school basketball girls to watch a tournament. I didn't drive; we took a bus. In addition, I don't want Cam to be scared or nervous. She'll have a roommate she doesn't know, and she will be far from home. She will also be spending her sixteenth birthday alone there. That kind of bothers me, but we are going to celebrate her birthday on Sunday of next week after she gets home. So, it won't go unnoticed. I wonder what she'll do with her nightly free time? Will she need money for anything? Will she be able to reapply sunscreen if they are outdoors? Will she get along with her roommate? Many questions run through my mind when I think about the whole thing. I know, deep down, that she'll be okay. She is my adaptive daughter. She will adhere to any situation thrown at her, so I think she'll be okay. I just want her to have a good experience. After all, the camp isn't cheap. I want her to walk away with real skills she can use to further her throwing technique and be even better at her craft. And, I hope I don't get lost. Garmin, don't fail me.

Skype

Last night I got to use Skype for the first time. I know, what an old fogey that I've never used skype. But, alas, now I have. I used it to talk for over an hour to Princess, my kids' old babysitter who now lives in L.A. It was great! It's like really being with someone, not just instant messaging back and forth, or communicating by email. It's like you are sitting right there in the living room with the person.
I got to meet her girlfriend, Erica. She's a cutie. And we got to catch up on all that's been going on. I can't wait to do it again, soon. I missed my Princess! And it was great to see her and have her see the kids (and Maddie).

The Pencil Dive

I was reminded of something very funny the other day:
my youngest daughter used to do this hysterical jump off the diving board when she was younger; she'd hold her arms up in the air, pointed in a V to the sky and would make herself do the "pencil dive". She thought she resembled a pencil, I guess with her arms at a point and her feet together. She would jump straight in, feet first, not arms first, which is how a "dive" should be. I laughed thinking about it. She does an actual dive now.

Grads

Yesterday we attended one of our best friend's daughter's graduation party. This is the second one I've gone to so far. Yesterday it really hit me that this time next year, my eldest will be walking across that long stage receiving her diploma. Even moreso, she'll really be "graduating" in December and will just participate in the actual graduation ceremony then in June. She'll have already had one semester of college under her belt by the time she gets her actual paper diploma. That, to me, is just amazing. I was a bit choked up yesterday just thinking about it. And I was the mom who swore she'd never cry at her kids' graduations. Yeah, that was me. But now, my tune has changed. I am more sentimental about it all. It makes me wonder if I've done right raising her; how my mistakes have impacted her; how my guidance has helped her, if any. It feels weird. It feels unreal. And I have a whole year to dwell on it. Great.