Everything's pointing to the end in sight

There is an end in sight! This weekend will be the culmination of a romance set up by me. Yes, a marriage ceremony is taking place this Saturday between two people whom I set up last summer. Best of all, this marriage is between my cousin and Goddaughter, Krea, and her boyfriend, Nick. And the kicker?? I am the matron of honor. What that means is that I have been preparing for this wedding for an intense seven weeks or so. You see, the couple moved their wedding date up because of Nick's sick mother. Unfortunately, she did not make it to the wedding date, so the even will be bittersweet. It also means that I must give a toast at the wedding reception. I have just worked on it for about twenty minutes now. It was harder than I thought it would be. There is so much I want to say, but I don't want to be longwinded or too sentimental. I must admit, I did have a little mushy part there in the middle. I can't cut it out, though. Just can't. I only pray that I can speak well, harboring my intense emotions. I want the audience to feel my love for the couple, but hopefully not see me break into a tearful mess. I want to be able to keep it together long enough to make the toast. I'm hoping I make it through the ceremony rather unscathed, but I highly doubt it. I'm an emotional wreck already. I've been tearing up every time I really sit and think about the wedding. Krea is my baby. She's more like my firstborn than a cousin or goddaughter. I hope I make her proud.

the Biggest Loser

At work we are having a healthy lifestyle challenge. Staff can enter one of two categories, or both. They are percentage of weight loss and exercise minutes logged. I am entering the exercise minutes lost, since I know I won't be able to lose much more weight. I'm at a size now where I really can't lose any more. I'm peaked. Last week I weighed 140! I'd love to dip down in those 130's, but I'm not really looking for that to happen. So, instead, I'm going to count my exercise minutes and hope to win the prize! I'm thinking this week and next might hurt me a little because of the things going on like getting ready for the wedding. This weekend I have to help Krea finish things up since she'll be gone most of the weekend to Michigan for her mother in law's funeral. Then next week and next weekend are spoken for all around. Rehearsal Friday night and the wedding Saturday. Whew! I'm busy, busy, busy. When will I find time to log some exercise minutes?? Gotta do it, though. Got to.

Sad

Some things are so sad. My cousin is getting married in a week and a half. The groom's mother just passed away last night. Some people are asking me if they will postpone the wedding. (The couple moved the wedding up from next summer to this Sept. in hopes that the mother of the groom would make it to the wedding. You see, just about six weeks ago doctors told her she had three to six months to live.) She didn't make it. I don't think they should postpone the wedding now. That's just my opinion. Should they? It's just all so very sad. Makes me think about my own mortality. Odd thoughts running through my mind right now. Very odd.
Just pray for her, the groom, the upcoming wedding. Please.

Zumba

So there's this latest craze around here in the fitness world - it's called Zumba dancing. Now I'm sure there are those of you out there saying, "Wow. Where's she been? This is old news!" Okay, maybe you're right, however, I'm new to the circuit. Cammi and I went to a Zumba class here at our local Anytime Fitness. It was rather hot in the room we danced in. I was sweating enough to need a towel to dab my face off. So, it was a great workout. We had fun trying to keep up with the steps and laughed several times at ourselves. We were entertained. And we worked out pretty hard. So, it was a success. Try Zumba in your area soon - you'll enjoy it.

Intervention

I watched an episode of A&E's Intervention today out of the blue. I must admit I got teary-eyed when the family did their speeches for the man's intervention. It really hit home for me. I can remember all of those emotions just a little over a year ago with my mom's own recovery process. It's a long road to travel, but well worth every moment. My mom's sobriety means the world to me. I'm thankful to have her back.

Back to school, back to school...

It's that time. Again. Time to break out the sharpened pencils, fold back the pages of the textbooks you've been given, and scribble on that pad of paper with the wire on the spine. Unfortunately, I have been laxed. I have not worked in my room one minute yet. And school starts next Tuesday for me. I won't have two full days to work in my room, either, though we technically have two teacher work days before students arrive. I will have mere hours. Precious hours. A few hours to get a mound of decorating, organizing, and planning completed. I'm feeling the crunch. Despite that feeling, I'm dragging my feet. The procrastinator in me is fighting hard. She's bearing down and pushing until I feel sick to my stomach. I need to just do it and get it over with. But when? My planning organizer looks like a lead bomb went off inside it, writing all over every square inch of it. Something is going on each day. No down time to just take a few hours and go do what I need to do.
Today I registered my two high schoolers. Yes, now we have two. Cam is a freshman, and Mak is a junior. Hard to believe she has just two years left and then will leave the nest. Wow! It's now hitting her, too. She commented on that the other day. Of course she says she wants to go to college far, far away. We'll see. Doubt it.
Fees just keep increasing as the years go by. Book rental alone for the three girls is well over $300. Wow! That's not including lunch accounts to build up, P.E. uniforms, or school supplies. Book rental only! I'm gonna be overdrawn!
Well, I'm cooking a pork loin on the grill, so duty calls. . .

Myrtle Beach, SC

Beach Baby

I'm in Westport packing up my mom and dad's truck to be beach bound at 3am! We are excited and looking forward to some sun and surf. Pictures will be forthcoming...Say a little prayer for our safe travel.

Busy Week

I have a jam-packed week ahead. My dad is coming from Florida. Syd has dance camp. I have to work Monday. I must organize and pack, keeping the laundry caught up all week so that there are clothes to pack. I have to wait on a Comcast guy to come to the house one day. I am supposed to get Syd a pedicure one day (Friday). I must take things to mom and dad's house to put in the truck. I might be taking my friend to the airport on Tues. I need to purchase snacks and take alongs for the trip at Wal-Mart sometime this week and organize all those. Pack a cooler. Pack the car. AGGGHHHH!

outage

Our internet has been out for almost two weeks. YIKES! I'm at a friend's house using her internet as we speak. You never know how much you use the internet until it's gone. Amazing!
Less than two weeks and we're off on our excursion! I can't wait!!

Running

Today I ran my two miles. This thing called running is so inconsistent for me. Some days I can run two miles; some days I can't. Today was a good day and I ran the entire two miles.
One reason I simply can't run the distances I want to is because I have exercise-induced asthma. I've had it since elementary school. When I first began playing organized, school basketball I began wheezing whenever I'd run up and down the court. My dad used to say, "Oh, you're just not in shape!" No, it was more than that. You see, this wheezing and tightness of the throat and chest continued on and on through the seasons, through the years. When I was in high school and had to "run" the mile for P.E., I could not do it. I'd walk most of the time and then collapse at the end with my face beet red, eyes bulging, and heaving to breath. I was put on medication in sixth grade, I believe, and it helped minimally. I continued to play sports and cheer up through my eleventh grade year of school. Now, as an adult, I have only been truly exercising on a regular basis for a year. I have increased from walking one mile to running two. I, personally, don't feel that is the progress I should have at this point. But, I'm going with it the best I can. I get very frustrated, often cry toward the end of my running, and get upset with my lack of ability and/or progress. But, I am sticking with it. I run three times a week. Like I said, some days are fine, but others are a very difficult struggle reducing me to walking and running in intervals. What I want to be able to do is run (not walk any) a 5k. Wow, some of you say. Wow, how minute is that! For this asthmatic, I see it as an accomplishable goal. Sure, I'd love to "go big" and run a half-marathon. If only! But I will try to take baby steps and go for the 5k. I just wish I'd make faster progress than what I am. I guess I have to listen to my body first and foremost. Remember, at one point in my life (and when I was much younger, nonetheless)I could only walk a mile. Now I can run two. Slow progress, but it's progress, I guess.

Side note: proud of my ex mother-in-law for taking the first step! It's no small feat!

Sometimes people disappoint me.

Longest Day of the Year

Today is the longest day of the year. No, I don't mean there are more than twenty-four hours in this particular day, I just mean that there is the most amount of sunlight in the day on June 21. Today, fifteen years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl. She was my second daughter, born when my first daughter was only eighteen months old. I can remember my oldest daughter coming in and leaning over my hospital bed anxiously awaiting the arrival of her sibling. She was excited, but didn't understand why her momma had to be in that hospital, not at home with her. It's funny how at the time, the pain can be excruciating, but soon after all those pains are forgotten when you can hold your sweet newborn baby in your arms. It is as though time stand still if only for a moment. Now, that black, curly-haired baby is growing up, only a few years away from being an adult. I can only hope I'm raising her right, teaching her things that I'm supposed to, guiding her in the right directions. I wish my laid-back, caring, honest, compassionate Cammi a happy fifteenth birthday today. May the years ahead of her treat her well.

A Father

There are certain biological functions that can make a person a father. That is true. But what makes a true father is something more complicated. A father is one who nurtures, one who molds and shapes, one who is there along the way of tough life issues for a person. That, and so much more, is what makes a father a true father. To fathers all around the world today, Happy Father's Day. Pat yourselves on the back for a job well done.

Catching up

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. I cleaned out our closet (one of them); that was an experience. I had three forty gallon trashbags full of clothes that I donated to people. Thank goodness, those people could wear them ALL! They were grateful, too, which was nice.
Every Monday I have been running Cam to her basketball games in the Southport and Indy area. She plays two games per night, usually back to back. Two out of the three times we've gone, we didn't get home until almost midnight! Then, the next morning, she and I have to get up to get her to an 8am practice. Wow! Yes, no wonder I slept most of the day yesterday. I was playing catch up on my sleep. You see, her basketball practices are every Tues, Wed, Thurs, from 8-10am. EVERY WEEK! Then, on top of that, Sydney has dance practice two times a week for three or four hours at a time. My schedule is full.
I still have to clean out my scrapbooking closet (that'll be boatloads of fun). It will be a day-long project. I'm sure, though, I'll find things I didn't even remember having. Maybe it'll be like Christmas all over again. Maybe.
There is much more on the agenda for the summer. It is already going by so fast. I'm almost in mourning that it is slipping away from me.
Makes me think of my neighbor's mom telling me at my book study at church Monday morning about her small home for sale in Florida. She wanted to know if I was interested. Interested?! Me?! Of course I'm "interested". But one would have to have money to purchase that home, wouldn't he? That sort of takes me out of the running, now doesn't it? Man. Do you know how tempting just the words are "Florida home for sale"? It is 8min. from one beach and 13 from another. It is also only an hour away from the gorgeous waters of Clearwater Beach. Been there. Like it. Want to be near it. Alas, it won't happen. Nice to dream about, though. And yes, I do dream about being in a warm climate with sand and surf. Often.

They are growing up so fast!
These photos were taken on Memorial Day a couple of weeks ago. I just love them!

Please Pray

My good friend Hope's son, Ethan, was taken to Riley Intensive Care Unit yesterday with his sugar in the 500's. He is struggling, according to her, and will have a lifelong battle ahead of him. Please pray for him and his family. He's one sick boy! Diabetes is a scary thing for an adult, not to mention a kid. Love you, Hope and Ethan!

Quite painless

Going "shopping" and trying items of clothing on is quite painless in comparison to how it used to be. Used to, I'd cry like a baby by the time I had gone in and out of the dressing room a couple of times with nothing fitting like it should. Now, things fit and it is a game to see how low the size can be to please me. Sure, there is sooo much more room for improvement, but I've come a long way to be the weight I am today. It hasn't been easy. In fact, just Saturday I was whining and complaining to one of my close friends that I get to the point of exhaustion over the whole watching what I eat, exercising bit. It is just as tough mentally as it is physically. The mind is a tricky thing. So, over the holiday weekend, I was not on track. I had an asthma attack while running on Saturday, to which I responded with being angry and crying over. I ate horrible foods and consumed some beverages, which I had not done in quite some time. Then, the moment I let my mind wrap around what I had done, I felt insanely guilty. Horrible that I allowed myself three days of nonstop nasty eating. Why would I have wanted to do that to myself when I had just triumphed over the weight thing in getting a swimsuit that fit, in a nice size, not jumbo??? Why??? So today I must get back up on the eating wagon. I must get back on track. I don't want to blow this deal, you know? Oh, and we're having a pitch in at lunch at school. What'll I do there? Hopefully they'll have some veggies or something. Lord knows I can't even eat the dessert I'm taking. UGH! See what I mean? It's a vicious cycle of wanting, but can't have it. Not fun. But it beats the alternative of being fat. I have to keep telling myself that.

Book

I'm reading a book called The Wednesday Letters. I have had this book for a while, but put it on the back burner. I've been reading it this week. The book is a good one, making me think and reflect on many things. The premise of the book is this: a husband, beginning with his wedding night, writes his wife a letter every Wednesday. This letter may be as long as a novella, but as short as a couple of sentences. This goes on for almost forty years. When the two wedded people die, their children find all of these letters and begin to read them. Secrets come out, things are learned, and emotions run wild while the letters are read. What strikes me is how intimate of an act of love the letter writing is. To be committed to writing a weekly letter to your husband or wife is of great magnitude. How wonderful would it be to receive a letter each week, even when times are rough? It would be such a gift. And some kind of legacy to pass on to your children. For others to see inside your soul that way would be enlightening.
I have been so slack in writing lately. I am not keeping a journal. I have not seriously written since last summer. I need to get back into it. Perhaps this book was meant to open my eyes to the power of writing again. Where's my pen and paper?

Princess

My "daughter" at IU has graduated! Cam, Syd, and I went to Princess's graduation party today in Milllhousen. Princess's hair looked great and she seemed really excited about starting her life in Phoenix with D. I'm so happy for her. She'll be working with homeless children there. I think it will be good for her. She'll do great. I'm gonna miss her, knowing that she isn't just a few miles away. It's not like we were together all the time, but I knew if she needed me desperately, I could get to her in an hour. Not now! She's going to be on the other side of the country.

I'm wrestling with some demons today. Praying that they pass quickly. I don't like being in this place, feeling this way. I shouldn't, I feel. These demons rear their ugly heads every once and a while, and I don't like it. Guess it just makes me human. That's how I'll have to look at it.

Saw my brother, mom, and dad today. Came home after the grad party and hung out with friends down the street. Then, on a whim, decided to go to LasChalupas here in town. Big Family Night Out with everyone. I love doing that. It's so much fun. And, I learned that my best friend Michelle will be attempting to quit smoking starting tomorrow! Hooray! I will be rooting her on. I want her to kick that habit so badly. Between her mother and me, I hope we can help her through it. I hate to see anyone be a smoker.

I can't wait for my Thirty-One products to come in so I can show them off and hopefully get Hope some business. Excited!! I love a good monogrammed anything. So personal, you know? haha

Seven more days left of school. I am so ready for it to be over. I'm ready for sun and poolside relaxation. Looking forward to it. I'm a bit anxious about the hectic basketball and dance team schedules I'm facing with the girls, but sun and waves WILL be on the agenda. We'll get it accomplished somehow.
Goodnight all.