John 12:25

"He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

five and ten

I am being nickel and dimed to death. I seriously cannot keep any money in my checking account. Moreover, I don't even have a savings account. I am flat broke as some would say. And it is taking its toll on me mentally, physically, and spiritually. I am saying my prayers, but it is difficult to get past this right now. The enemy wants us to feel isolated, which is easy for him to do right now in my case. I do feel isolated. I am trying to trust that God has the ultimate plan for me, and I must stick to being faithful and obedient. That's hard to do, though. Sounds great when it is said, but when it is being done, it is a different story.
In brighter news, my friend is pregnant with her third child. She and her husband have been trying to have another child since 2008 with a couple of miscarriages in that time period. I am so happy for her. She is being very cautious about telling others because of the miscarriages, so I was one of the first ones to know. I'm excited for her and I hope everything will turn out alright. She deserves it. Holding a baby in your arms is one of the most precious things!
This rain is killing me. I must go out in it several times to pick up my daughers from this or that, and it is miserable. I wonder if it will all freeze tonight? A two hour delay would be wonderful!!!

Go Big Blue

Colts win!!! At first, I was very anxious watching the game. It was three to three and we were not looking that great defensively. We had a few three and outs which bothered me; it made me a little shaky. Could we really pull this off? Were we cold and rusty like the analysts said we were? Then, as usual, Manning got it in gear and pulled the offense out of the rut. We started making plays and moving the ball downfield. We scored while the Ravens did not - makes it pretty profitable. So, the Colts win their first playoff game of the season. Onto next week we go, thank goodness!
I want the Cowboys to beat the Vikings today. That would put the icing on the cake.

Snow Day

Today is our first day out of school because of snow! I have a migraine and have been battling it since yesterday. The only way to describe it is to compare it to someone hitting you in the head with a baseball bat. It kind of knocks you silly, you can't concentrate, and your head is pounding. No stopping for mom, though. I still have to clean up after everyone. Not happy about that, let me tell ya.

Thanks

I'm so thankful for my mom's sobriety.

Not Ready for This

I'm not ready to go back to school. If I could just work part time during the week, that'd be alright. I don't want to get up early. I know there have been studies stating that middle and high schoolers learn better when they sleep in. Let's run with that! Let's start at 10am! I would work later in the evening to compensate. PLEASE!!! Then, to top it off, to think that we really don't get another break until Spring Break. Wow. That's a long stretch of time. I'm dreading it.

Christmas

Christmas is over and it seems as though we can't even walk around the house because of all of the gifts that were received. And we all thought this year's Christmas would be "slimmer" in the gift area. NOT. The girls made out like bandits in the gifts department.
The girls have had a blast playing with their new Wii games. The living room TV has been taken over. They have played Mario Kart, Wii Fit Plus, Fan Favorites, and more. We had a fun time watching Cammi try and do graceful yoga on there last night around 11pm. She definitely needs balance help.
We've also watched a few movies over the past few days. My Sister's Keeper was a tear-jerker! I read the book, of course, so I knew what to expect, but it still got me. Four Christmases was pretty funny.
I am thankful I got to go to church with all of my girls and my mom, too. Krea and Nick were there as well. We took up an entire row. The music was amazing! Such a lovely service. I'm glad we were all there to experience it together.
Christmas this year was great. Now, I'm gearing up for New Year's Eve and 2010.

All I want for Christmas is her two front teeth...

and a couple pieces more. Cammi, my middle daughter, chipped several of her teeth last night during a basketball game. A girl elbowed her straight in the teeth and they must have bounced off one another because she has pieces chipped off from about four teeth. Three in front and one on the side. Now, they aren't broken off like halfway up or anything, but the damage is enough. Took her to the dentist today and the estimate is over 300 dollars. Merry Christmas to us, no? I'm thankful it isn't worse. It could have been. It was kind of gross, though. She was spitting and picking out shards of her teeth and you could see them both on her fingertip and on her shorts where she'd wipe her hand. She got right back out there and kept on playing, though. She's a machine! The dentist said he couldn't work on them while they are so sensitive and sore; he has to wait a week or so to do anything. So, she must have "shark teeth" as she puts it - rough on the edges.

Sweet 16

Today, at 2:11p.m. my oldest daughter will turn 16. She was delivered by C-section two weeks before my due date of Christmas Day. I was twenty years old when I delivered her. And I thought I knew quite a bit. I was quickly proven wrong.
Makaili was put in an oxygen "tent" made of hard plastic after her birth. This device was circular and had an opening for her neck to go under so that her entire head was under this oxygen producing dome. She swallowed much amniotic fluid in the delivery, so she had to have this oxygen to try and clear out her lungs, avoiding pneumonia. So instead of me getting to recover a bit in my own bed and having the pleasure of holding her while comfortable, I had to get up and into a wheelchair directly after surgery so that I could be wheeled down to the nursery to see her. Painful!! She was beautiful, though, like something right out of a movie. She had a full head of black hair that was shiny enough to show my reflection. She was pink and gorgeous, not a cone head or one bruise from a hard delivery since she was born via C-section. I was devastated that I could not pick her up right away. She had to stay in her tent.
Sixteen years later she is driving a car, having periods, liking boys, and struggling in Algebra II. I can't shield her from the world like I did when she was little. She must learn things on her own now. Sometimes the world can be a cruel place and it is difficult to learn that. I can only teach her to persevere and hit it head-on with gusto. My baby is only two years away from "adulthood". That is scary.
Happy Birthday, Sis. I love you.

South

I want to fly South for the winter. I want to be like birds and be able to take off whenever I feel the cold air moving in. It pains me to be in the cold weather, literally! It dampens my mood and makes me want to remain indoors in the warm air. I do NOT like warming up the car to go anywhere, and I do NOT like to wear a coat! Sure, they make some very cute coats nowadays, but I don't like the bulkiness of that extra layer. I do find now that I have lost weight I get colder easier. (I know, it only makes sense, duh...)
Since December has arrived and we have had frost, I'm ready to pack up and be a snowbird heading to Florida or even better, Mexico! I could learn Spanish rather quickly, I'm sure! Hey, I could even teach English there, couldn't I? Great plan.

Power

I finally got my prayers answered Sunday. I was able to see how I was wrong in my thinking that I posted about previous to this one. God spoke to me and showed me how I should be thinking rather than how I was thinking. All makes more sense now.

Wonder When?

I wonder when it all becomes "me, me, me" for ME? To others' advantage, though, I don't make it all about ME. Given that, others get to walk all over me. I'm quite tired of it, frankly.
Perhaps I will start being a shitty mother. Will that get me some help? Will that make others WANT to help me? Seems as though if you are a deadbeat dad or mom, someone with some sense steps in and makes the grand effort that gets your kids out of the slums. Perhaps that is what I need to strive for?
I'm praying, Lord, I'm praying. But the thoughts still invade my head. I can't get past it. Trying, but can't. I need help. I don't want to be like some other moms and dads and just let my kids be another statistic. But, that's the hard way, isn't it? The easy way is to just sit back and let someone else take over.

Demonstrative Adjectives

Not that anyone who dislikes grammar would remember from the good old school days, there are things called demonstrative pronouns that I find rather easy to grasp. One feature of the demostratives is that they can act as adjectives OR as pronouns, depending on how they are used in a sentence. I was teaching this lesson today to my middle schoolers. One caution that I tried to convey was the use of the not-uncommon "this here" and "them there". (We do live in a rural area...) Most of my students snickered. I thought they would, naturally. They snickered because they here it or say it all the time. I simply tried to reiterate that we don't need to approach our grammar lessons like we speak. Many people, I told them again, do not speak in standard English. We often hear things that may sound right, but aren't grammatically correct.
Though I don't think they got it for the long haul, we'll see on our graded homework if they at least got it for the forty-two minutes I have them. I'm crossing my fingers!

Weigh In

So, I have been trying to weigh myself at the same time daily. What I come up with is this: I am weighing in around 145-147 lbs. now. I am so thrilled! I have been working very hard at it.
I'm quite concerned about the holidays coming up, though. I don't want to cheat myself, but I don't want to compile Thanksgiving AND Christmas and put on some pounds that I've worked so hard to get off. Portion control, I know, but I'm so easily tempted. I love food!
I'll just continue to work out and add more time onto my workout if needed. That's how I'll have to look at it, I guess.
Wish me luck!

3 things

Three things I'm grateful for:
1. My independence.
2. My freedom from scrutiny.
3. God's grace.

What the heck, let's list a few more:
4. My daughters.
5. My mom's sobriety.
6. Food on the table.
7. A roof over our heads.
8. My job.
9. The beautiful fall scenery.

Pumpkin Muffins

I have this recipe for pumpkin muffins that I made a couple of months ago. My oldest daughter normally doesn't really like baked pumpkin items, except for pumpkin pie, so I didn't think she'd like these muffins. Boy, was I wrong! She has begged me to make them several times. Today I did. I just took one batch out of the oven and put the last one in. The house smells of delicious baking aromas. I love that smell.
It reminds me of my grandma.

Fall

Fall break has officially begun! Hair colored, Cam's sports physical, some cleaning, laundry, and perhaps baking something. I'm sure to accomplish something, no?

In Honor of the 36 years...

36 things I've learned:
1. Sometimes it's okay to have a piece of cake.
2. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Don't skip it.
3. As Mrs. Lane says, "They're ALL God's children."
4. Never let good friends go.
5. Recipes from The Food Network usually turn out delicious. Try one!
6. It feels good to lose weight if you need to.
7. Writing is cathartic.
8. With God, all things are possible.
9. Patience often feels difficult to come by.
10. When in doubt, pray.
11. Don't ever look back.
12. Mistakes are made so that we can learn from them, not for punishment.
13. There is happiness in the simplicities of life.
14. A hug is worth millions!
15. Live for today - not for yesterday and not for tomorrow.
16. Don't sweat the small stuff.
17. Reading is a journey.
18. Students' immaturity goes a long way.
19. It's too bad parenting doesn't come with a manual.
20. I love Target!
21. I do not like Wal-Mart.
22. Reese Cups are slices of heaven.
23. Walking and jogging are great stress relievers and are a necessary part of life.
24. Nikes are the best running shoes for me.
25. It's good to sweat sometimes.
26. Friends are a necessity for sanity.
27. The word "courage" is a loaded word.
28. Networking with other writers is awesome, and the relationships formed can last a lifetime.
29. I still want to publish a book.
30. Music is a big part of my life. It can move me.
31. I love my mom being clean and sober!
32. Never give up!
33. Our children will always be our children, even as adults.
34. The beach is calling me!
35. Smiling takes less muscle than frowning.
36. Life is good.

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, I didn't really believe I'd see thirty, but now I am a whoppping 36 years old today. I think later I'll post 36 things I've learned in my lifetime or some quirky thing like that. . .

The Hunger Games

I am currently reading a young adult novel titled The Hunger Games. This is a novel packed full of suspense and anticipation. It reads more like an adult novel than a young adult one. There is already another novel in the series in hardback which I will be ordering from my language arts class's book club. We are trying, as a whole, to read 100 books so that Peyton Manning will donate a million books to needy children. This is a competition through Scholastic Book Clubs that faces Eli and Peyton Manning off in a healthy, worthwhile competition where classes across the nation pick one side or another having needy kids be the ultimate winners. What more could you ask for? Books are an invaluable part of my life, and it is my hope that more young adults pick up the reading habit. It's a good habit to have!
Tonight I go to my Survivor Book Club meeting at the middle school where I am off to discuss a recent book I have read along with middle schoolers who have also read the book. Then, I will make a booktalk presentation to the group in hopes that some will choose to read what I have read again so we can discuss the themes, characters, and more next month. Won't you join in and catch the reading bug, too?
What good books have YOU read lately? I'm always looking to add to my list...