Our Town

Last evening my girls and I went to see a play that my daughter's boyfriend was in. It was Our Town. My daughter's boyfriend was the town drunken choir director. His part was pretty funny. The play, overall, was rather deep. It really made you look at your own life a bit and your own happiness. I must admit, there was one point where tears were in my eyes. Sure, a bit cliche, but nonetheless true. Once dead, it is too late to go back and re-live anthing over - happy, sad, hurt, joyous, etc. One must be wary of not enjoying the moments in which we live. They pass by quickly, and since society tends to rush along, perhaps one should take time out to breath deeply and just be. Be in the moment. Take it all in.
...enough preaching...

Both teenage daughters made the basketball teams here. It is pretty exciting. Moreover, my middle daughter has been recruited to play fast-pitch travel softball. I love to watch softball, so this should be a real treat. I can't wait. Oldest daughter is playing freshman basketball, while middle daughter is playing on both seventh grade teams - White and Blue. What this means is that she'll play roughly 36 games!! And lots of travel to other schools for mom... But that's okay.
I'm finishing up going through boxes of things that I had to pick up from where I used to reside. It is a long process. One thing that I noticed today was that I really do tend to keep clothes that I can't fit in. Sizes I used to be, but never will be again. It is sickening, really. I keep them, or so I think, as a beacon of hope, or hopelessness when you really look at it. I hate being fat. But I don't do anything about it. That one's on me.
It began to snow weird little flakes last night while we were driving home. It was a cross between rain and snow, but it was sticking to windshields of parked cars. Snow? Snow! I'm so not ready for it. (I didn't even wear a coat yesterday in thirty degree weather.) Snowing on Christmas Day is allowed, otherwise, buzz off.

For Pete's Sake

Someone told me today I should write a book about what has been going on in my life. True, it is quite unbelievable, however, I think I could speak about it much easier than I could put it down on paper. It just seems like it takes way too long to write each letter, each word, each sentence. I am a writer, but this is one thing I don't think I can get out on paper efficiently.
If my friend out there is reading, it is so great to hear from you. I have missed you so much - words can't express how deeply regretful I am to have lost so much time with you - all those life events of yours I have missed out on. It pains me to think of all the things I could have partaken in - Belize? Man...
Something ironic - yesterday I was going through a box of high school things when I came across a card and piece of paper with messages from people on it. It was from when I had my tonsils taken out at age 16. One of the messages stated, "Please hurry up and come back to school. Class isn't the same without you giving Miss Bruns a hard time!!" Miss Bruns, one of my high school teachers, was killed on her bicycle that she rode every single day thirty miles by a drunk driver on Halloween around 4pm. I attended her candlelight memorial service a week ago. It was difficult for me to get through. I also returned to my high school and taught with her for a year. How ironic is it that I found that note yesterday, a week after this happened. Funny how life deals you odd things. (The "hard time" I gave her was nothing more than making her life fun at school when I was her student. It wasn't like I was the student who was giving her a hard time by misbehaving.) She was always trying to get me to join the high school softball team. I never did.

I just can't...

I just can't let it go without saying that I could be legally divorced by now if it weren't for continuances.
Don't ya love the legal system? I wish I was in a job where I could just decide on a whim to not be "in town", not caring who it affects or puts out. Dentist, lawyer, what else -- what other profession would allow me to do that? I gotta find out.

Full moon, or just testing at its best?

Today was a morning of testing (students testing). We are doing a pilot program for the state - a "test" every nine weeks to see if the students are "mastering" the state standards that are set forth for each subject. We tested math, science, and language arts (I teach L.A.). After testing today, the students were absolutely wild. I mean, over-the-top, lips blabbing, feet shuffling, arms waving, wild. Their ears were plugged with testing goo, and they could not listen to a thing I said. I was ready to pull my hair out. Now, since I have been home, I have been grumpy towards others. I'm not meaning to be grumpy; I just am.
In addition to my students being crazy and making me grumpy, it didn't help that I did not sleep well last night. I had dreams of living in the hood with drug deals gone bad, shootings, kidnappings, etc. And yes, they were happening to me. I was trying to protect my daughters in these dreams, fighting like crazy to have them unharmed. I didn't have food to feed them, they were dirty, and I was scared. It was horrible. I woke up in a panic, sweating. It was one of those dreams that seems so real you have to acclimate yourself to the room upon opening your eyes and blinking several times. It felt as though I was really there. Experiencing the loud noises, hearbeat in chest, and hunger. It was wild. I do NOT want to have those dreams again. Of course, I have been fighting a migraine, so that doesn't help. It makes me weird. I can't speak right, type right, write right, or think clearly. It throws off my entire equilibrium.
On a brighter note, Friday I will be wearing a huge, curly, red/white/blue wig to school in honor of Panther Pride day and Halloween. The students will think it is a hoot.
P.S. Today a fellow teacher told me I should be an impressionist after I impersonated both John McCain and Sara Palin. I do Palin much better with my voice, however my body language of McCain's must be priceless, or so she tells me. Maybe next summer I can take that up as a side job. . .

Wondering

So I'm told there is a blog out there that "mentions" me. Too bad I didn't save the url address of it. I'd like to see what's being said about me.

Low and Behold

The truth comes out! Slammed in my face again is the fact that all financial troubles of this world are due to me and my children. Man, I didn't know four people could do such damage to others. How can I hold my head up? I mean, really. What a mooch I have been. What a sucker punch I have delivered others in the recent past.
Can I go on with my life? Can I really stand myself and my three girls?
Those who try and shame me - shame on you. Shame on you for trying to transfer blame to those who don't deserve it.

Twice a Year

I get this intense sickness twice a year, where it takes me weeks to get over it, thinking all the while that I am dying in some respect. I'm in the middle of the fall episode as we speak. Going on two weeks now. I'm exhausted over it. Yes, all you mothers out there, I've been to the doctor -- sinus infection, bronchitis, and ear infection. Take that! Ouch!
I have a couple of pics of Maddie and of the girls. I also have some over at my flickr acct. Check 'em out.
Summer is officially over today, on Labor Day, and it makes me sad. I hate winter.
Okay, blogger is being an idiot. No uploading pictures.
Save it for another day.
Go to flickr.com --- ngraue photos.

First week, done.

My first week with eighth graders is finished. It was a short week. Only three days. All went well, thank goodness. I have great classes, great co-workers, and all around nice surroundings. I think my Yearbook class will be difficult, just because I don't know what I am doing. I have to keep telling myself that I must just relax and let things come to me in due time. Go with the flow, I tell myself.
I have tried, over the last couple of weeks, to relax and not get all bent out of shape over things that life delivers. (In all aspects of my life) I am tring to focus on what I can control instead of what I can't. It is a change for me to do so, but I am trying to deal with it the best I can.
I am focused on my daughters and my job. I'm doing the best I can.

Wow, update.

I am at my new job. Loving it. I have eighth graders -hormonal, unsure, defiant, compliant, etc. They keep a person on her toes. We have done some cool things over the past few days. Getting to know 150 names is difficult.
The girls have started a new school. They are doing well. It is hard to believe my oldest is in high school now, with a 7th grader and a 5th grader. I'm old!!!

Tonight, I had to help my freshman daughter with a timeline for World History of her life and significant events. It was difficult to recall some memories of things that have happened over her lifetime. One in particular was the fact that she was born when I was 20 years old. Man, was that ever young! At least I was married then, not bearing a child out of wedlock. Anyway...
I am exhausted. 'Nuff said.

Where is the summer?

The summer has flown by this year. It is already close to the beginning of school. Every year my dad tells the story of how, when he went to school, he didn't begin until the day after Labor Day. School started in September! Then, it was always out in the middle of May. Well, not anymore, my friend. School is only 180 days, but it seems so spread out, making it feel like way more than 180 days. Sure, we get little breaks here and there, but more times than not, those breaks seem way too short. For instance, long ago I can remember when it seemed like three weeks were given for Christmas vacation. Now, most schools get out one or two days before Christmas Eve. No time to plan, shop, or relax before the holiday. Then, students and teachers must return right after the first of the year. Amazing!
As I get older, time seems to fly. It gets faster and faster each year I am older. I'm not really liking it too well.

(continued)...

I forgot to post something...
I read the book, Eat, Love, Pray on vacation. I recommend it to people who enjoy learning about other cultures, who may be searching for inspiration, and who love a genuine good story. It is nonfiction and is categorized under "memoir" or "spirituality". It could be categorized under so many more things, though. I loved the book and marked several pages to remember specific passages. It is a book that I can re-read in two years and it will speak to me differently each time. Go buy it or get it from your library. You'll be glad you did.

Worry

I am worrying. It is getting closer to the start of the new school year and I will be at a new teaching job. Trying to get organized and remembering everything that needs to be done is weighing on my mind. It's like I want to be perfect, even though I know no one is "perfect", but... I just want everything to go well. And starting in a new place is difficult. I don't know the ins and outs of the place, I don't know the students, the staff, the building, etc. I am unsure of the way the place runs, the nuances, and more. Frightened? Yes. Excited? Yes. Eager? Yes. Worried? Yes. But it is a good worry, I think. I have much to do and not much time to do it in.

July 4th in another part of the U.S.

Happy Independence Day to all from Birmingham, Alabama. Tomorrow we will arrive at our destination. The drive today wasn't bad at all. I slept quite a bit, so it broke up the monotonity of the drive. We at a BBQ place called Dreamland tonight. It is pretty much on campus of University of Alabama Birmingham. That campus is an urban campus with pretty buildings. Some college folks across the street from the restaurant were having a small party. I so badly wanted to run up their long steps to the porch and ask for a cold drink. I refrained. I'm too old for that kind of thing, after all.
I can't wait to be at the beach. It is calling...

Outta Here

In around twenty-four hours I will be setting sail with my family to greener pastures. No, not moving, just vacation. We are going to Gulf Shores, Alabama. This trip was a last minute planning device set off by The Husband. I had resisted the trip since its mention, but finally agreed to its existence. I had a couple of conditions to which He must agree before I moved forward into accepting the invitation.
1- no griping about money in the near future when things came up that were needed
2- I was adamant about not liking the long car drive. - I will take Tylenol PM and sleep - no driving for me nor keeping my eyes open much along the way.
3- I must purchase a new novel to take and read on the beach.

Since 1, 2, and 3 were agreed upon, I let down the protest and am going on the trip. Don't get me wrong - I love the beach with every fiber of my being. It is the place I long to be. It is even on my bucket list to own waterfront property (or rent) someday. It is just there is a lot going on with me getting ready for this new job and not having an income for the summer. I also do not think I can deal with arguing kids in a vehicle for 11 hours. Just don't think I can do it. So, they better behave or I'll lose it. (If I can hear them through the drug induced coma I'll be in.)
Bon Voyage!!

Pretty Face

Profile
Originally uploaded by pinkdaisypea

My main man, Griffey Jr., at a Reds game. I have many pics, including those of some Red Sox players. Game was awesome, view of him was grand! Head over to flickr and check more out! (look for "ngraue" photos if you can't get there through the link on this page)

OH, boy.

I am up right now at 3a.m. with my youngest daughter. She has a severe earache. She gets this about once a summer. I try my hardest to maintain that she not get water in her ears to settle. I put alchohol in them if she feels like she has water in them after swimming. To no avail. She gets this at least once. She is awake, in pain, for the second night in a row. No Advil helps, no numbing drops help. She is frantic. She says it feels like her ear is bleeding and that she has had surgery on her jaw (where it connects to her ear). So, I suppose that tomorrow, on the day when we were supposed to go do something fun since I am not babysitting anyone, we will go to the doctor. Not fun at all. The older two are gonna throw a fit. Just part of motherhood. Maybe I'll get to sleep in on Saturday?!

2 out of 3

As of 5:09a.m. this morning, two out of my three daughters are teenagers. My middle daughter, Cammi, is now 13. I only have one left to turn into a raging, hormonal teen.
Remembering back thirteen years ago, I was in bad shape at this hour on June 21, 1995--I had a patchwork quilt sewn into my female area. I asked how many stitches the doc had to use and his reply was, "You mean, how many packages of stitches?!" Yes, what you are thinking is exactly right. OUCH! Cam was a big baby. She weighed almost nine pounds. I was in labor for a long while and pushed for a very long while. It was to the point that if she wasn't stuck half in half out of my body, we would have been wheeling to the operating room for an emergency C-section. But, it was too far gone to do so. The doctor tried forceps, the vacuum thing where a suction is put on the baby's head, and good old fashioned pulling. It was rough. She finally came out, though. I was so out of it from pushing so hard that I could not see straight - literally. My vision was blurred for hours. I think I might have even been cross-eyed.
Through all of that, I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. She is now a teenager. It is hard to believe.

Dad's Day

It is Father's Day. I checked out the secrets over at PostSecret and they are mostly about fathers. One email they printed, in particular, was about how cards never really "fit" some fathers. How true that is. Sure, I could go pick one out for my fathers, but none really explain the exact sentiment I want to convey.
Given that, I sit and ponder what a father means to me, both in the sense of my OWN fathers, and the fathers of others I know.
For those of you who don't know me well, I didn't meet my biological father until I was sixteen. When I did finally meet him, it was as though I was looking into a mirror. I finally got to see where I got my legs, facial features, and smile from. It was the most inexplainable event in my life. Since he and I are very far apart -- he lives in Florida -- it is difficult to have a very close relationship that I long for with him. Sure, I love the man I call "Dad". He was my father, raising me all those years, and still is today. But, to no understanding of the greater of society, I will always have a connection and love for my biological father. It makes me intensely sad and introspective to think of it. I will call him today and wish him a happy dad's day. I will tell him I love him and mean it. I will tell him I miss him, too. That won't do my feelings justice, but it's all I have.
As for my "Dad", I will drive up the street, see him, give him a card, and tell him I love him, too. As for The Husband, I have a card for him as well. It suggests a long nap. Hahahaha. Unfortunately, he is outside cleaning out the gutters on the house, will then mow, and will vacuum out the pool that we can't get clear. Not much of a Father's Day for him! We did go to the Cincinnati Reds game yesterday versus the Boston Red Sox. It was a dandy! I was ten feet away from Ken Griffey, Jr. Hott! ANd, AND, I got some sweet pictures I will post later to flickr. Happy Father's Day to all!!!

Older

My oldest daughter decided she wanted to get her hair cut. Now, to most, this wouldn't be any big news. But, with her, it was monumental. She NEVER wants to get it cut. I don't mean trimmed; I mean cut. So, I made the appt. for today and we went.
She picked out a haircut from a magazine based on the singer, Rhianna. For those of you who don't know her, she is a hip, young, black girl who happens to be quite a good singer. So, the haircut ensued.
When Sara (hairstylist) bent Mak's head toward the ground and sliced off about four inches at the nape of her neck, I thought I might choke. There was no going back. Upon completion, the haircut looked really cute. One major note: the haircut aged her about four years. Translation: SCARY AS HELL FOR MOM!!!

Proud to be a Panther

I will be an employee of a school --- did you all hear me correctly??? ANd, AND...I will get to be the Yearbook advisor ---- AS A CLASS! I am so pumped. Finally, finally, finally.
I, for once in my life, am speechless at the moment.